A Distant Promise – Drabble #7
He hated this place.
The dislike hadn't come all at once. At first, he had been willing to compromise, to seek the good in this era. After all, this was the world that invented instant Ramen, so it couldn't be all bad. But over time, the loud noises and the smells and the tall buildings that blocked out the sun and the lack of stars and the ever-crowded parks … it all began to wear on him. He missed verdant forests, when he could never find a clear patch of grass to rest on. He longed for silence and fresh air, even though he didn't have his hanyou ears or his expert sense of smell anymore.
It was strange, how the absence of his demonic-senses gradually made the situation worse, not better. Before, he had blocked out the clamor of the city, because he had been forced to. His dog-like ears had been too sensitive to do anything else. But now, he couldn't seem to do that anymore. For years, while he tried to learn and fit in, Inuyasha would constantly and immediately focus on everything around him, forcing himself to see what he was missing. Every so often he thought – no, he remembered – just how bad this world could be if he was only… himself …again.
Feeling the lack of his hanyou heritage even more acutely, now that it was gone, he knew that nothing would ever be the same again. Had it been the wrong decision, to become human? Kagome had not asked it of him. Instead, she had always said she liked him better as he was.
Still, even Kagome had said there were 'no demons' in the future, so he had always known, if he wanted to stay with her, then he had to give up his demon-blood. He didn't want to make her lose everything, and stay with him in the past. He was the one with no roots, after all.
So, Inuyasha had chosen this future of his own free will, because Kikyou had promised that wishing upon the Shikon no Tama, wishing to becomehuman, would dissolve the Jewel and erase its evil presence from this world. And at the time, he had rationalized that living in this place meant being with Kagome, so it wouldn't be too bad.
But somehow, she was always away from home – going to school, eating out with friends, running errands for her mother. Yes, the ex-hanyou knew it was selfish to try and keep her from attending college, but even Kagome had admitted it was optional. The only reason that she needed to go was to receive a 'degree' and a high-paying job.
Did the Higurashi family understand how insulting it felt, when they implied he could never take care of Kagome on his own? He fully intended to get a job in this place. He knew he had to complete his education to obtain a good one. It was completely unnecessary, therefore, for Kagome to enter a university. Her reasons for doing so seemed superficial and derogatory, as if she was insinuating that he would never find an adequate job. Worse, as if she had never expected him to do so, at all! It felt like Kagome had simply presumed that she would be the one supporting him, instead of the other way around. Of course, he felt insulted!
Mostly, he simply felt lost as a human. In this city, he was behind the times, a little too slow, too traditional. Gradually, this place sucked him dry, making him feel as mindless as when he was a full demon, and as helpless as he always had on the night of the new moon, when his powers were stripped from him. Perhaps he was simply destined to be a wanderer, never fully knowing himself, always lost and alone.
Finished sweeping the shrine steps, Inuyasha sighed and returned the straw broom to its closet. In the living room, he saw Souta was playing a video game on the Television, and it made his skin crawl, because he recalled executing those moves in real life. And as usual, whenever he started thinking about the past, he would miss Kagome all over again, reminiscing about the way she used to look up to him like the sun, and the way he would always protect her, just as surely as that fiery orb rose each day.
Hearing the door close, Souta called out without turning around, "Hey, Inuyasha! Wanna play?"
"Keh," Inuyasha replied brusquely, pushing dark hair out of his face, "No thanks, squirt. I'd beat ya, anyway."
Unimpressed, the boy muttered under his breath that his friend had been cooler when he was a dog-demon. Unconsciously, Inuyasha corrected him – "Half-demon."
