Deidara started throwing her clay birds. Flipping his swords onto his back, Naruto's tri-bladed kunai formed in his hands. He threw them each, hitting the birds. Something jumped through the smoke much larger than the birds, the size of a human. It was Sasori. Naruto felt he was different but had no time to wonder on why. He jumped back, grabbing his swords in his hands. He then jumped forward, Samehada in a overhead ax swing, Kage Keiri in a stab. Sasori, not being nearly as fast as Naruto, raised his arm to intercept the stab and his tail for the swing.
Both blades hit, and found more resistance than there should be. Looking at the arm, Naruto saw there was no blood and Kage Keiri only cut halfway through it. "Wood. We had heard of ninja replacing their bodies with puppet parts to never be without weapons."
"You are right, boy."
"Which means you need chakra to keep this body moving." The tail fell limp, releasing Samehada. Naruto brought the blade down on his back, throwing up sparks. His whole body fell limp on the branch. Naruto swung again with both swords, further breaking the body. 'Living flesh is needed for chakra. We have to find it and destroy it.'
Sasori came back to life and wrapped himself around Naruto. "You aren't moving, boy."
"And what do you plan now?"
Sasori laughed as above them, Naruto was able to see a dragon made of clay. On it stood Deidara...and a red haired youth, his hands held out, fingers spread. The dragon opened its mouth, consuming some of its tail, the dropped a bomb. Sasori, through the eyes of his puppet, saw Naruto remain calm as it descended on them. Naruto let go of his Kage Keiri and started doing one handed handsigns.
A howl split the air as wolves rose from the ice. They growled before the dozen began moving. Three started jumping from branch to branch to reach the highest point they could. They then intercepted the bomb. While at the same time, the other nine began to attack the puppet. The first knocked them into the air, the rest began lunging at it while there. They landed on the ground, the puppet on top. Then the bomb went off.
Sasori felt his string disconnect from his body, meaning it was destroyed. "...He wasn't so tough, yeah."
"Let us hope enough is still there to take back alive." Something that sounded like a rip cord pulled taunt before from the smoke, Naruto swung out to land atop another ice spire. "...Damn."
Naruto wasn't the happiest hunter there was right then. He was mid to short range fighter. At first, he had thought Sasori was as well and that would keep Deidara from blowing him up. But he was wrong. He looked at his knew Kage Keiri and the edge changed. Teeth formed in it and began to move from the tip to the hilt, where it started over again. He flicked his wrist, cutting the tip of the ice off with ease.
"Just what is he," Deidara asked the air. But Naruto heard him.
"Your deaths." Naruto had the teeth move faster, making them tear the very air apart. Flipping his swords on his back again, he cut his gloved hand on Samehada. "Summoning no jutsu! ...Hello Shrike."
"Naruto," the raven said with a nod.
"We need to get close to them. Think you can bring them down or take us up?"
"Get on." Naruto jumped onto the ravens back and the two started flying for the at them. "Incoming!"
"We got them!" His arms bristled before he threw them to the side, launching over three dozen kunai at them. A wall of explosions separated them from the two Akatsuki. Naruto sent another wave, destroying the bombs hidden by the smoke. "Shrike, that thing is a giant bomb! Get us close to it and we can take care of the rest!"
"You got it!" They flew through the smoke and saw that the two were not so willing to let Naruto near them. Two groups of puppet arms were flying at them from Sasori. Each of the hundreds of hands holding a bomb. "...Well, thats not good."
"DIVE!" While Shrike dropped, Naruto jumped off him. As he flipped through the air, he shot both groupings with a web and pulled. The bombs were slammed together, destroying them. Naruto swung up onto one of the arms and started running along it. 'Closure...need to be closure!' His hands started flashing in handsigns.
"Sasori, stop him!" Sasori dismissed the arms, making Naruto fall. But Shrike caught him.
"No choice," Sasori said, throwing his cloak off. Bladed wings spread out from his back while he grabbed a kunai and chain in his midsection. He threw it at Shrike.
"Incoming," Naruto yelled. "...Duck!" Shrike dropped a few feet so It would have hit Naruto had it also not twisted. Naruto caught it with a web and pulled it to him. Bracing his feet on Shrike, he pulled Sasori off the dragon and started him spinning and Naruto and shrike.
"Oh shit," Deidara said when he saw Sasori summon his puppets, dropping them to the ground along with a tube. "Abandon dragon!" He ran to the end of his creation and dived off, creating a bird to fly on as he did. Naruto let go of Sasori, throwing him into the clay monstrosity. The explosion was huge, throwing Shrike and Naruto from the air.
Naruto released Shrike because he knew this was going to hurt. Using his webs to help break his fall, he slammed through the ice and ground.
"I bet that hurt, yeah. I also bet he survived, yeah."
Naruto did his best not to yell in pain as his back was reset. He pulled what he landed on out from under him and saw it was the tail he broke off earlier. "Damn...talk about karma." Standing up, he reached back and threw it out the new skylight where it bit into one of the branches. Naruto climbed up and stood on the ground, breathing hard. Seeing the hand that held the ring, Naruto pulled it close to him and put it his left thumb.
"I am going to want that back," Naruto heard Sasori say behind him.
Naruto looked at him, grabbed his swords and said, "Take them." Naruto looked up as the hundred puppets descended on him, now knowing what Kiba felt when he called him a bad dog. "...It would be great if that song, 'Let the Bodies hit the Floor' was playing." Naruto created a hundred clones, to help even the battle.
—oo000oo—
Zetsu watched, eating some popcorn as he did. "This is so cool," his white side said.
"Damn straight! If he wasn't one of the nine, we would have to invite him into the group!" He ate another handful of popcorn.
"Wonder what Deidara is planning this time?"
His black side laughed. "Worst comes to worst, he will turn himself into 'art'."
He looked around and frowned before going to the kitchen in the base, grabbed a soda, and went back out. "Hope I didn't miss much." Their jaw dropped when he saw the two sides slam into each other. Smoke and parts filled the air.
His black side grinned and raised his hand with the index and little finger pointed up while his ring and middle finger were held down by his thumb. "...Didn't we once hear of a jutsu that resurrects a person? It would be a shame to just eat him."
—oo000oo—
Naruto brought Samehada down on another puppet, shredding it while Kage Keiri gave a shrill sound, drilling through another. Despite them being him, his clones were losing. With Deidara dropping bombs, this larger puppet sticking close to Sasori crushing them with what looked frightening like Gaara's sand, and them only good for one hit, they were quickly falling.
All that remained were him and two clones, all of them back to back. Wood dust filled the air and the smell of sulfur was heavy. "Okay, we think we like it better when we get the drop on them, not the other way around," a clone said, making the others agree. "...Why have they stopped," the original asked.
—oo000oo—
If Sasori could still breath, he would be panting. The Nine... No, even that beast wasn't this savaged. Naruto fought like a man possessed never stopping, never tiring, always attacking. And though he hadn't used any jutsu since the Kage Bunshin, he had plenty of chakra. But Sasori didn't. He had perfect control and the chakra of a jonin. But he had been fighting for a half hour now. And just to move took chakra. He was running, jumping, and dodging, controlling the puppets.
"Surrender the rings, Naruto," Sasori said to them. "We don't want to kill you."
"You can have these rings," one said.
"When you..." another continued.
"Take them from our cold dead fingers."
"...Deidara, a number four."
"WHAT!? I know we need to strike to kill for this guy to survive but..."
"We have no choice. With out the rings, we cannot seal the bijuu. It would be better to kill one than lose all."
Deidara hesitated before he took out his clay and swallowed it in his real mouth. After a few moments, he brought it back up and dropped it to the ground. "Yo, kiddo, this just means how much we respect your strength without having to draw on the Kyuubi's, yeah. You deserve this." His bird flew up into the air high above them. Sasori kept close watch over Naruto while the clay mound turned into Deidara. It then grew bigger and bigger. Until it just seemed to pop. A very fine cloud, that set Naruto's spider sense screaming, started to fall on them.
One clone stepped forward, trying to find out how it was dangerous. Then he started to scream as his arm began twitching painfully. He grabbed his head and stumbled to the ground, still in pain. "He's still alive," Sasori stated in disbelief. He walked over to him and pulled off his mask and recoiled in disgust. Naruto's face was peeling off while also knitting back together. Finally, Deidara's bomb overcame the healing and destroyed the clone.
He turned around, and saw the other two brought a crystal of ice around them. Sasori held up his hand and some of the dust began to gather on it. He rubbed some between his fingers before wiping his hand clean of it. "It is but a matter of time."
—oo000oo—
Naruto almost puked from the memories he received from that poor bastard. The pain was unimaginable. Both him and the clone watched, swords at the ready for when the two made their move. But they didn't. And the reason was because his ice was starting to break up.
When the first crack appeared, the last clone covered it with his body. "Boss, good luck."
Eventually, the bombs wound a way into the clone like the first. While he started to scream, he used his Venom to cover the inside of the dome to by more time. "Think, Naruto, think! What is the secret!?" The sound of more cracking came from outside. He ran his hands over his face to think of it. "God damn it! If this wasn't like using the Enmu... It is like the Enmu," Naruto realized. It was a cloud of chakra charged particals. And Samehada ate chakra.
He discarded the Kage Keiri and started swinging the Samehada around him. "Faster...FASTER!" By the time the clone died and the ice collapsed, there was a gray blue spinning sphere where Naruto was.
"What is he doing," Deidara asked. "...That is Samehada!" A tornado began to to form, bringing the cloud together around him. It swirled around Naruto and soon, all that was left of the number four was a collection of dust around him. Naruto stopped spinning, stabbed Samehada into the ground and flashed through the handsigns he had been doing earlier.
"Kokuryuu Boufuusetsu!" Naruto thrust his hand forward and this dragon made of black ice shot from it. It hit Sasori, throwing him into the air. Naruto jumped after him and over took him. "Do you believe in karma," Naruto asked him as he stabbed down into Sasori with the tail. As the body fell to the ground, the other puppets fell as well.
Deidara looked at it shocked. That just isn't how it is supposed to be. He was so strong but he died so quietly... As if, in the end of his existence, he didn't matter. "I won't go out like that!" He didn't notice he had gotten closure to the ground because of the tornado. He grabbed the rest of his clay and his hand began to eat it. Naruto looked at him, waited a moment, and attacked. The bomb was about to come out when webbing covered his hand. "WHAT!? NO!" Deidara tried to get it off but he only managed to get his other hand caught. The bomb, having no where else to go, began to expand in his arm. "Kami, HELP ME!"
"Kami is busy, watching over people that deserve it," Naruto said, landing on the bird. "He sent us in his place." The clone took the ring and headband off and tossed them to the original before making a fist and rearing it back. "We Told Kisame and Itachi they wouldn't go out with a bang. We guess you are." He brought his fist down on the limb.
—oo000oo—
The shock wave hit the ice forest and broke it up, while at the same time, knocking Naruto from his feet. Getting back up and shaking his head, he saw the puppets and something else. Sasori's Suna Headband. Tying them both to his arm, and placing Deidara's ring on his right index finger, he began to gather the remaining puppet parts and seal them away in a scroll. He would send them to Gaara.
When he was done, he stretched and popped his back several times. "We're ready for a nap." He began the long walk back to Konoha, glad he had no one to slow him down this time.
—oo000oo—
Zetsu finished off his food and drink and tossed them aside. "Well, Pain is going to want to know about this."
"No shit, Sherlock. How did you ever come to that deduction?"
"Possible that he told us to report anything big, if you would remember. Idiot."
"Bastard."
"Hideous blot on an otherwise perfect sheet of paper."
"Albino." They argued all the way to the Hidden Rain Village. "Bastard son of a winter wolf."
"Shit stain."
"Dickless." The white half wanted to strangle his black half because of that one. Mostly because he was right, their crotch was fully black.
"Stop arguing," Pain said to them. "What news do you bring?"
"Itachi, Kisame, Deidara and Sasori are dead," they both said.
That grabbed the attention of everyone there. "Who killed them," Konan asked.
"Uzumaki Naruto, the jinchuuriki of the Nine Tailed Fox, Kyuubi no Yoko."
"Their rings," Pain demanded.
"Now they adorn his hands."
Kohan looked to Pain. "Without them..."
"I know, we can't seal the Bijuu."
"He also has the ring of Orochimaru," Zetsu told them. "And he is the one to kill him as well."
"Five," Kakuzu asked. "He has killed five of us!?"
"...He would be a most worthy sacrifice to Jashin," Hidan stated.
"Well, before you go into that, I have a thought." Pain looked at the black half and nodded. "We have heard of a ninjutsu that, when used, brings a person back to life. He killed them without the Kyuubi's power. If we could somehow turn him to our cause, we would not only get the rings, the Kyuubi, we would also get a new member to replace the ones lost if we use that on him."
Pain looked at the statue, seeing how close it was from going back to stasis. "We have no time to capture him and bring him back. What do you have in mind?"
"Like I said, turn him to our side. Offer him something he wants so much, he can't resist it."
"No, let us go after him," Hidan said. "We will..."
"Deidara and Sasori were trying to kill him," Zetsu told him. "They even used the Four on him and it proved to be useless. He wields the Samehada as well as his own bloodline. Trying to hit him is like trying to break a mountain with a fist. Damn near impossible. We watched him kill them. And he summoned a giant raven."
Kakuzu began to growl. "You lie."
"I'm not. A raven as large as a horse by the name of Shrike." Kakuzu clenched his fist so hard, his knuckles turned white.
"We will not go after him," Pain said. "Not yet at least. Zetsu, how bad did he kill them? Was it a walk in the pain or was he injured as well?"
"Injured, yes, stay that way, no. He fought them all out and they almost won," the white side informed them. "It was when he surprised them that he killed them."
Pain sat down and stroked his chin. "Tell us about how he fought, every detail you saw."
—oo000oo—
Naruto nodded to the gate guard when he walked back in that evening. He was once again in his chunin uniform. "Uzumaki-sama," the man said. "Your guest arrive, held their meeting with the Hokage, and is at your home now. It took a half hour for all the ninja to all enter."
"How many?"
"Thirty two trained ninja, another fifty three civilians."
Naruto stifled a yawn. "Going to need a lot of houses."
"They brought their possessions and camping equipment was among them, sir."
"Good," Naruto said, rubbing his left shoulder. "...What do you do after a tough fight? A hot bath or a massage?"
The chunin was surprised by the question but he grinned at him. "I go for both. Here, this card is to my favorite places."
Naruto took it and read. "...Happy Ending? You sick bastard, we're married!" Naruto still laughed at the joke it was meant to be though.
The chunin laughed as well. "Sorry, I just like pulling that one," he said, taking it back. "It isn't even here in Konoha. This is the real one. Sunset Spa."
"Thanks," Naruto said to him. Naruto walked over to the shop, paid for a half hour, went in and did as instructed. He entered the room and removed his 'clothes'. Venom just shrunk down to his headband. While wearing a towel, he waited.
"Hello, I am Urd, your masseuse." She was a hot, twenty something bronze tanned woman with white hair.
Naruto took one look at her then at the roof. "You like messing with us, don't you?"
"Excuse me?"
"Just letting Kami know we were only C students on test."
"Okay... Anyway, take off your towel and get on the table."
"Okay, Kami, thats enough!" Reluctantly, Naruto agreed. "Just don't look, its embarrassing enough, this part."
"Don't worry, I've seen all shapes and...sizes. Very respectable. Now lay down, on your stomach."
—oo000oo—
Naruto left that massage more stressed than he went in but at least his muscles no longer burned. "Come back anytime," the hostess said to him.
"Sure, sure... Not while she is working there," Naruto muttered that last part.
She laughed at him. "You're a growing boy, you should have just let it happen and relaxed."
"You can't relax like that," Naruto told her. "Thank god for the bath though." He walked back home, with no one trying to ambush him to marry them, thankfully. He saw the camps around his home and groaned when they saw him. Several people came up with request, plans for the estate, and other things.
"Yes, it will be perfectly fine to build a wall around the grounds. No, these are not correct, we own the whole forested area here. Yes, you may begin construction of a home once the paperwork is finished. Please, we are really tired." When he couldn't get anywhere, he made a kage bunshin for each to explain their request to and he slipped inside.
"Naruto-sama," Kimimaro said when he turned around from the table. "The Fuuma clan is settling right on in."
"We've noticed. Good news? Bad news? Preferably no news?"
"Bad news," Kimimaro said regretfully. "Lady Haku was...less than happy that you didn't tell her in person that you were made a clan head and council member. She is even less thrilled at being told you have something important to tell her but she would have to wait until you returned. Poor choice of words there."
"Is she still awake?"
"No. She grew tired and went to bed but..."
"That's good. Then we shall tell her in the morning."
"If you wish to go to bed, sir, by all means but you should really..."
"Kimimaro, we just had a run in with two missing ninja, ran back here from Orochimaru's base, and got a massage that was no help. We are tired and need some sleep."
"Yes sir. Would you like anything before you rest?"
"No, we are good. Good night, Kimimaro." Naruto dragged himself to his room, set Samehada against the wall, and fell on his bed. He was asleep moments later.
—oo000oo—
WHACK!
"Mother fucker!" Naruto grabbed his head, his first thought being he was under attack. He wasn't far off.
"You left to go to a meeting and we find out you were fighting missing ninja!"
Naruto looked at Haku, confused for a moment. A glance at his clock said he hadn't even been asleep for two minutes. "We can explain..." He was hit on the head again.
"Shut up! Now let us make something clear, mister councilman, you may lead this village, but from now on, we lead this house! Do you understand us!?"
"Yes ma'am!"
"Good! Now why didn't you tell us while you were here!?"
"You were crying," Naruto said, defensively. "We thought you wanted to be alone!"
"We also wanted to boy we love to come in there and comfort us!"
"How were we supposed to know that!?" Once again, her fist met his head.
"By using those rocks you call a brain!" She took a deep breath and said, "We feel better. Now, what happened and what is it you wanted to tell us?"
"We noticed something important about the Akatsuki bodies and went to collect something from Orochimaru's base. And we weren't the only ones. Two more Akatsuki arrived and we killed them."
"Of course you did, you are still here." She sat down on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Tell us more."
"Well, first, we have a very important question to ask you."
"And that is?"
"How do you feel about sharing us with Hinata?"
"We love Hinata like a sister. Why?"
"Because if you say yes to our next question, you will be sharing with her for a long time. Will you marry us, Haku-chan? To forever be with us and Hinata-chan?"
She smiled and kissed him on the lips. "About time you realized you should just ask us both. What made you?"
"Tsunade-kaasan is making us get married to at least two women. And the marriage has to be within the next two weeks."
Haku thought about it for a moment. "Well, that could be troublesome. So, any dreams of starting a harem?"
"No thanks," Naruto said, shaking his head. "We are content."
"Good," Haku said in a stern voice. "And don't you ever think you can without Hinata and us approving of her."
"Yes, ma'am. Anything else?"
"No, you can go back to sleep."
"Thank you... Aren't you going back to bed?"
"No, we're comfortable right here." Naruto just sighed and leaned back. He wished he understood women. But then, why should he be any different from any other guy on earth?
—oo000oo—
Author's notes. If you don't understand the 'Happy Ending' joke, you are too young to find out. As for why the massage was more stressful than relieving, you try having a woman straddle you, rubbing you body, and see what happens.
We hope the fight scene is up to par. We are always nervous about that.
See ya, space cowboy.
