Chapter 6: Mindless
A/N: Yay! A subscriber! There really is someone out there! Thank you, thank you, ChiyukiLuvs2Glomp!!!
Now, I know there's not a lot of you reading this…it's been up for a few months, and hits are still less than 200…but, for those of you who are there…review! Please, please review! Even if you hate it, let me know what I can do to make it better!
Okay. Enough begging. I'm only going to make an idiot out of myself for so long here…
Oh, and this chapter features a song, as well! "Music of the Night" from "Phantom of the Opera"!
Enjoy!
Reviews=smiles for Raye Lynne ^_^
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I was frozen. Trapped. Helpless. My thoughts were rushing through my head in an indecipherable blur. Grasping, I pulled snatches of words from the melee.
No.
Not right…
Stop…
Sakura!
The thought of her name sent a surge of energy rushing through my limbs. I reached up, and, none too gently, pushed Kaze off me. She fell ungracefully to the floor, sending her glasses skittering away, and I immediately stood up.
I realized I was shaking, but I met her baleful glare. To my shock, her eyes glazed over with tears, and she turned her head away, slowly getting to her feet.
Despite the circumstances, I felt terrible for upsetting her. "Kaze, I'm—"
"Don't," she said, her voice slightly choked. "I'm the one who should be sorry." Slowly, almost robotically, she pulled her jeans back on. "I just thought—it's supposed to be right, isn't it? We're supposed to be able to kiss, and touch, and have sex, aren't we? I mean, it's practically expected of us! We're supposed to be able to – love each other" Though she clenched her eyes shut, a tear slipped out and trailed down her cheek. "But we can't. We never could. Ever since the day we met, we haven't connected on any level. I've always thought – hoped – that someday everything would – I don't know, just click. But ever since we first fought Shadowless—you've been slipping away from me, Jinsei. I don't know what she did to you…but you're not even the same person anymore, and I can feel us growing further apart; I've been able to for this whole time…"
I realized two things: this was what had been bothering Kaze. Sakura herself had never been the problem; it was me becoming close to her that was the issue.
And I also realized she was right. I'd been thinking that Shadowless had awoken something in Kaze that had made her different. But, in truth, she was the same as always – but I was truly seeing her for the first time.
Kaze – she wasn't different. She hadn't changed.
I had.
I scrambled for the right words.
'It's not your fault," I finally managed. "It's something that's not – right, between us. Something that never truly was – and I don't think – that's going to change."
"'Limitless,'" Kaze said bitterly. "We're supposed to be Limitless. But we've been conquered by ourselves as a pair."
I couldn't say anything to that. It was the truth, and nothing less. "I'm sorry, Kaze."
She smiled at me sadly. "So am I."
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I ached for an escape, but the brilliant silver moonlight filtered through the curtains, illuminating the living room nearly to the degree of daytime and making sleep impossible.
After a while, I gave up, and walked out onto the balcony. I stared out at the city lights, red, green, and gold below me.
"Look up," a voice beside me said.
I turned to see Shadowless, who was standing on the outside edge of the balcony, only half her feet grounded onto the cement, with one hand grasping the wrought iron.
How did she get up here?
She held up her one free hand; she'd wrapped a bandage around her palm. "Truce," she said, unnecessarily, for, strangely, I wasn't panicked by her presence.
She had nothing to do with my and Kaze's fraying bond. She hasn't done anything other than defend herself. She had the power to hurt us, to stop us permanently. But she hasn't used it.
She'd changed out of her torn and dirty clothes, instead, she wore all black: tank top, flared pants, high-heeled boots, and a knee-length duster jacket the tied at the waist. She also wore a serene smile, like I hadn't seen since the end of our first meeting.
"Look up," she repeated, gesturing to the night sky around us.
And I did. The heavens were brushed with a cost of liquid indigo velvet, and dusted with hundreds of stars; their sparkling would put any gemstone to shame. And the moon hung, huge and rounded and perfect, surveying the scene with the air of a mother watching over her children, casting a benign silver glow.
It was incredible. I was speechless. Never before had I seen such a nocturnal display as this.
Shadowless laughed, and it had the same lilting, musical quality as her voice. "Breathtaking, isn't it? And you only needed a little help to see. You're learning," she said. "Soon, you'll be able to see more than what's within your sightline, all on your own."
"There's—always something more," I whispered this epiphany, half to myself.
"Always," Shadowless agreed.
All was silent for a moment, and the delicate chill of the night air brushed my skin.
Then Shadowless began to sing. Not with her chorded songspell-attack voice, just a normal singing voice, yet the sound poured out of her, clear and rich and powerful, as she turned her huge blue eyes up to stare at the moon.
"Nighttime
sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness stirs and wakes
imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defenses."
Colours began to dance in my mind's eye: blues and purples of a myriad of shades, with a rich underlayer of dark red.
"Slowly,
gently, night unfurls its splendour
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous
and tender
Turn your face away from the garish light of day
Turn
your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light
And listen to the
music of the night."
But I was, already. Her voice was the very embodiment of the soul of the night. She was singing the night.
Close
you eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams
purge your thoughts
of the life you knew before
Close your eyes, let your spirit start
to soar—"
Her voice did soar; it rose to an amazing note that shimmered above our heads.
"--And
you'll live as you've never lived before."
Even without her gaze on me, I couldn't take my eyes off her. But then she turned to face me and leaned over the bars a little, and I was helpless.
"Softly, deftly,
music shall caress you
Hear it, feel it, secretly possess you
Open
up your mind,
Let your fantasies unwind
In this darkness which
you know you cannot fight
The darkness of the music of the night."
I found myself taking small, slow steps toward her. I was captivated, hypnotized—and I didn't mind.
"Let
your mind start a journey through a strange, new world
Leave all
thoughts of the life you knew before
Let your soul take you where
you long to be—"
That note again, trilling and scintillating –
And
then her voice dropped, and she sang so softly that I would have had
to strain to hear her had there been any other noise.
--Only then can you belong to me"
I felt as though I already did, that I always had --
"Floating,
falling, sweet intoxication—"
The moonlight that dappled her face in molten silver, and I wondered how I'd never noticed before how beautiful she was.
"--Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation—"
Did her gaze become imploring? Could she want to have sex with me?
Could I want to have sex with her?
Her song rose to a crescendo.
"--Let
the dream begin, let your darker side give in
To the power of the
music that I write
The power of the music of the night."
I stood right before her, and I couldn't say what exactly happened next, nor with whom it began.
But, a second later, we were kissing, and it was the most incredible sensation I'd ever experienced. The intoxicated passion I felt under her song intensified a hundredfold, and tingling sparks shot through me to my very soul.
There was a word for this.
Perfection.
When we finally came apart, Shadowless' eyes met mine, and their fathomless blue seemed to be dancing. She opened her mouth again and sang very softly.
"You alone
can make my song take flight
Help me make the music of the night."
She smiled. "Good-bye, Jinsei."
Then she leapt. I looked over the edge, but I neither saw nor heard her land. All I knew is that she was gone again, and the sudden emptiness and longing nearly overpowered me.
But it didn't last for long before I was filled to bursting with confusion.
My first thought was a wry observation: I've kissed three girls in one day…
Shadowless…Kaze…
…Sakura.
What had happened with Kaze meant nothing. She'd admitted it. It was just a desperate attempt to rekindle a flame that had never even started to burn.
But Shadowless…what I'd just shared with her…that wasn't something I could just explain away. I couldn't explain it at all.
Could she have—bewitched me, somehow? Altered my mind?
It couldn't be that simple. What I'd felt – those emotions were impossible to fake, in their intensity, in their being so – alive.
…Sakura…
I'd thought I'd had everything with her—how quickly we'd connected, our shared passion of music. If I'd never known any other girl in a romantic way, that would have made no difference to me; I'd have been perfectly happy.
But what had just happened was so much more – so much more, in every respect. It was as though we were made for each other.
No! Shadowless is the enemy! And she's not Sakura.
I stared up at the moon, and it stared back at me, its apparent wisdom and omniscient aura seeming to mock me.
I went back inside, and spent a sleepless night drowning in my thoughts.
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Kaze and I were walking to school the next morning.
"Jinsei," she said, "about last night—"
"Forget about it."
"Really, I'm—"
"Kaze, really. It doesn't matter."
"Okay." She fell silent for a moment. "But we're still partners, right?"
Partners to capture Shadowless? I don't know what I want more – to corner her and demand answers, or to never see her again.
Or…to kiss her again, and this time –
"Jinsei? We're still 'Limitless', right?" She sounded so un-Kaze-like, so nervous and scared.
"Of course," I said. "We'll always be 'Limitless'."
These surely were the words that were our ultimate undoing.
As we crossed through the school's parking lot, someone was waiting for us on the other side.
She was about our age, and taller than Kaze, but not as tall as Sakura. Her black hair angled downward, raking the edges of her jawline, and the layers underneath were striped with blues and greens. Her eyes were a very pale, almost translucent green. She wore jeans, black sneakers, and a black peacoat. She had her ears, plus a short plume of a tail.
The stranger regarded me for a fleeting instant before turning her attention to Kaze. "It's really you," she said, her voice slightly hoarse with contained excitement. "Ritsu-sensei said you would be here, but I hardly dared to believe—you are Miyamoto Kaze, right?"
Kaze frowned suspiciously. "Yes, and this is Hirokoshi Jinsei. Who are you?" she demanded, not without some hostility.
"Forgive me," said the girl. "I am called Kanagawa Mizu. But, really—" she held up her right hand, palm facing out, and rolled up the sleeve of her coat to reveal the inside of her wrist. When we saw what was written there, Kaze gasped, and my heart nearly stopped.
Mizu continued speaking, though no words were necessary at this point.
"Really," she said, "my true name is – 'Limitless'."
