I apologize for the late chapter. AGAIN. I suppose you guys are fed up with me by now, and I'm really sorry. I'll tell you why though, but it's not much of an excuse. I'm moving, and I didn't get to my computer for the last days, and when I finally got to it. ALL my work was gone. GONE, POOF. Not only my fanfiction but my school work. And you know, school always comes first, so I had to finish those on time. Then I practically had to start back to base one for this chapter. SORRY!

Last Chapter (Ch10)

"It is not your fault my Wanderer." He said quietly, "I shall…get our food ready."

I watched him slowly leave, my heart swelling, he looked at me quickly, and I saw something in his eyes, something that I had not seen before. Something incredibly new.

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Chapter 11.

Blaze's POV.

"It is not your fault my Wanderer," I told her quietly, tears creeping into my eyes, my throat tight, "I shall get our food ready."

Sadness washed over me, this was something I was familiar with, and sadness has been with me for all the minutes since I was put into Ian's body, I am not surprised. But there was something I am not familiar with…something I did not like.

Anger.

I felt my anger bubble up from inside and devour over my body, my eyes, shining with fury. I saw Wanderer take it in, both surprising me and her.

My hands were in fists at my side, my jaw set, and breathing heavy. Wanderer opened her mouth to speak, with a small growl I stepped outside, my gaze intense. She reached out to me but I took off, needing to be away from her.

Sometimes when you try so hard to be what others want, try to be the gentle loving person they picture you as, the imperfections just bubble up inside of you, until you explode. I try so hard to keep myself calm, to make Wanderer happy, but right now, I have finally lost it.

I jogged towards a clearing, a cliff, the cliff where Wanderer had fallen. I sat on a rock and let my head fall into my hands, sighing loudly. I slumped over, letting my weakness get the better of me. For once I allowed myself to let go, to cry. I did not fear weakness. I was ashamed of it.

My hands were in fists, my expression deadly, I tried to calm myself. But the pain had brought on something entirely new. I was mad. Mad because of the cruel fate I was in. How I'm stepping aside and letting someone else take the one I love. And I'm just going to sit and watch. And yet, after I agree to her terms, she has the need to torture me further.

The smell of her hair…the feeling of her skin against mine, a sword through my heart would do far more damage than her lightest touch. When we touched it was like an electric current, try sleeping with that. Of course I did not get much sleep when I woke in the night to find Wanderer curled up against me, to feel her breath against my skin…to hear her heart beat beating so steadily in my ear. All those things felt wonderful. Like I won a million dollars, the rush, like you're swept of your feet, truly magical. Then, as that feeling hit, it simply reminds me of all I can't have.

It's like I'm in a cage, forced to watch as I am helpless. All I can do is simply watch; I can't do anything about this. Why? Because she does not love me. No one does.

Am I a coward? Is that it? Am I just too afraid? Am I so weak that I am just going to let this happen? Drop my gun, and let myself be shot in the head? Move out of the way so that the one person I love can love another.

How I'm just stepping aside, and watching her, watching them be happy. Everyone will be happy, so wonderful to have their precious Ian back. No one cares about poor innocent Blaze right? I am nothing but another obstacle that they overcame; I would be remembered as nothing more than a painful memory. A time where I had separated them, nothing more than another wall in their love, another wall they managed to climb.

After Ian is back, after I leave everyone will forget me, I am nothing to them. I mean nothing, no one cares about me. So who will notice my absence?

Wanderer will not care…after she has her Ian. Nothing matters to her as long as she has him, he makes her happy, he makes her forget what else she cares about, because the love she has for him overpowers all the rest. I know if I am to ask of death, if I am to put myself in the same position Wanderer put herself in a long time ago, I know I shall be refused. Because her heart is only made of kindness. She would never allow me to do that…I know that.

But I also know that the only reason that Wanderer is alive today is because someone cared about her. Doc cared about her life, Jamie loved Wanderer full heartedly, Melanie as her sister, and Ian as his life. What about me?

No one is there to love me; no one is there to cry when I am gone. Sure, Wanderer would shed a tear or two, but the happiness with Ian will overtake that, and I will just be forgotten.

I am fine with that, I am fine without arms I can run to, without a shoulder to cry on. I am fine without love…who needs it anyways.

Love. What is it really? All I know is that it gives you this…feeling, which is different for everyone. But really, what is love? Some powerful force that comes down upon your heart and crushes it? Is it instinct? That our very lives and purposes are to find the one we love. Or is it our foolishness? Getting the better of us, maybe love is like stupidity, it blinds us from the truth, from reality. But sometimes, people don't care if their stupid, they just care for the one they love, God, what idiots.

I will just take myself out of the picture, no one will notice. I will easily pull myself away, where I will let death take me. So for once I will be causing no one anymore pain. But mostly… this pain, I feel will finally leave me. I will no longer have to suffer; no longer will I see my beautiful Wanderer love another, fore I will never see again.

I will only pray that she lives her life to her fullest…for me. So I know that I left her in safe loving hands, hands which are not my own. If I cannot be the one to hold her, the one who she loves, then I shall not be period. When I leave, I can only leave my hope with her, nothing else.

"Blaze…"Ian whispered softly, his words hesitant yet gentle. "You cannot leave, you cannot do this."

"And why not?" I smirked, ignorance and anger filling my gut.

"Because, you will be missed." He stated, "By both Wanderer and I."

"You will not miss me," I accused, my eyes narrowing, "You and your Wanderer will have nothing to miss, you will have each other."

"I'll tell her." Ian threatened, his voice slightly frantic.

"I will be dead by then." I told him, smugly.

"Please, Blaze. Don't do this. You are family. If there if anything I can do-"

"Anything you can do?" I yelled, "Anything? You could LET YOUR PRECIOUS WANDERER LIVE!"

He silenced by then, his pain starting slowly now.

"You are holding her back from a life she needs. You. Not even I, you are the one separating her. Separating her from a life. She could have a normal soul life, you know. She could be happy with another soul, yet instead, what is she doing? SHE IS HIDING IN CAVES. Her own kind is hunting her, she is an outcast, all because of you. YOU are holding her back from happiness." I yelled at him, my anger bringing a side to me that I did not like.

"I…" He whispered, I felt his pain radiating through me now, but it was nothing compared to my anger.

I stared down at the cliff before, and I suddenly understand what people feel like, when they hunger for death. Am I suicidal? Why yes, yes I am. After all, there is no one to live for, everything is perfectly fine with or without me, why am I to make a difference? Why am I to stay at I place where I am clearly rejected. Why am I to love someone who does not love me...

Why is to so hard…to love me? I think everyone deserves to have someone to loves them, someone to help them hold themselves together when you can't. I have no one to hold me together, so as I speak, I am crumbling.

Suddenly a loud shrilling scream erupted from behind me, Wanderer's scream. My heart instantly picking up, and I could tell Ian was as alert as I was. I stood up quickly and ran over to her tent.

What could have possibly happened? Spider, maybe.

"Stop!" She screamed, I heard her struggling and I ran faster. No, please no. Not my Wanderer, they cannot take her. My feet treading on the desert ground, dust flying around me.

Suddenly a sharp pain was in the side of my head, then next thing I knew I was on the ground, darkness taking over me…

Wanda's POV.

He is angry. Well of course he is, he has every right, and I do not hold it against him. I am such a vile person. I mean really, what is wrong with me? I have this insane desire to torment people?

I pondered over my thoughts in silence, when I heard the zipper come down slowly. I straightened myself up, opening my mouth to apologize to Blaze. I turned my head to find myself starring into the eyes of Melanie.

I screamed in surprise and fell backwards into the mattress. She gasped and fell forward next to me.

My eyes widened as did hers, "WANDA!" She gasped and pulled me to her for a hug. I let her warmth run through me, enjoying her presences. "What happened to you! I mean first you wanderer of then you don't come back. Do you understood how worried we are!"

"Stop!" I yelled a little too loudly. "You're ranting."

She closed her mouth, and folded her hands in her lap.

"I kind of…well, it's hard to explain, but I believe I can show you." I told her, grabbing her hand and pulling her outside. The sun was hot against my skin but I did not care. "Where's Sunny?"

"Well, she was behind me last time I checked." She grumbled looking around, "I swear that girl scares me sometimes, who knew she could through such a tantrum?" I laughed and looking around and my eyes landed on a very angry Sunny, and a very unconscious Blaze.

"What did you do?" I screamed running towards them and fell to my knees where Blaze lay. His eyes closed his mouth slack. "Oh my Lord. YOU KILLED HIM!" I pointed my finger at Sunny who stared at me with a bored expression.

"I didn't kill him. Just knocked him unconscious!" She told me, rolling her eyes before adding, "Oh by the way, you're welcome."

"Welcome for what!" I screeched, pulling him onto my lap.

"Saving your life!" She yelled, Melanie was watching us with an amused smile.

"What did you do, throw his head against the rock!"

"Something like that." She grumbled and crouched down next to me. She seemed to freeze, her eye wide and her mouth almost hit the floor. "HE LOOKS LIKE IAN!"

"That's because he is Ian!" I yelled at her.

"But he's a soul." She whispered, her voice shaking. I felt tears spring into my eyes but I forced them back.

"I'll explain later, please just help me carry him back to camp." I whispered, and they nodded. Slowly we lifted him and carried him to the tent, he was a lot heavier than I expected.

We all groaned as we placed him carefully on the mattress, and we all sat down in the other bed, out eyes never leaving Blaze.

"Explain." Melanie's voice commanded.

"Well, I…I kind of f-fell off a cliff and-"

"YOU CAN'T JUST FALL OFF A CLIFF!" Sunny protested, then turned towards Melanie her eyes like daggers, "I told you she was suicidal! I just told you! But no!" She yelled and threw her hands dramatically in the air. "'She won't do that, Sunny. She's strong, she can handle herself.'" She mocked, doing a perfect imitation of Melanie. Melanie just stared at her as if she was crazy, as did I.

"I think it's the sun. It's finally getting to her." Melanie said, watching Sunny hyperventilate, and I nodded my head in agreement.

"May I continue?" I asked, and they both nodded, "As I said, I fell and well, Blaze rescued me he-"

"Wait!" Sunny interrupted holding her hands up as if she was stopping traffic, "Who's Blaze?"

Melanie smacked her in the back of her head, "Shut up and let her explain."

I pointed my chin at Blaze who was still unconscious, "Can you let me talk?" She nodded and covered her mouth with her hand. "Anyways, that's Blaze…he's in Ian's body. It's like me though…" I whispered, "Ian is still there, he talks to Blaze, like Melanie did to me."

I saw Melanie's eye widened and look at Blaze with an expression that I did not understand. Hate? Love? Understanding? It was a mix of everything.

"I…he…" How am I to explain this? "He feels the same way I felt for Jared. B-But he agreed to let me move him into a d-different body, so I can't have Ian back." My voice shook, and it took all my strength not to cry.

"We have to get him to our campsite, when he wakes up." Melanie whispered her eyes dropping to the ground. "And…in order to complete that…" She seemed to be at loss of words; she took a deep breath then tried again "So we can get Ian back we're going to have to go on raid."

"Yes, I'll need a lot of things…" I whispered, Ian was father than I thought.

"We'll need to find a host." Sunny whispered her voice almost impossible to hear.

"Yes, we will have to do that too." I whispered, my heart seemed so soar and evaporate at the same time. I was happy to have my friends back, and soon to have my Ian back. Yet I think of those who I will never find again. Jared, Jamie, Lily, Jeb, Doc, Kyle, Heidi, Brandt…so many others. How can one be truly happy knowing that?

I know it's irrational, to worry about that. It's like going on vacation but instead of enjoying the palm trees and sun you're worried about the plain crashing on your way back. Yet it is my family, the people I love. I cannot help by worry. I feel so torn. Incomplete.

"Wanda." Melanie whispered, her voice gave me the shivers. Something was off, way off. "We should tell you something."

She looked over at Sunny, something passed between them, something they were hiding from me. It scared me. Sunny gave her a small nod, and my insides twisted.

"We…uhm…we f-found…" She stammered, her eyes instantly filling with tears, she looked at Sunny, pleadingly.

"We found the others." Sunny whispered, and my heart stopped, tears springing into my eyes.

"Who?" I gasped, the tears falling freely. My heart lurched, goose bumps along my skin.

"Doc, J-Jeb, L-Lily, Heidi," I counted them off mentally in my head, "Aaron, J-Jamie," I breathed a sigh of relief, "And Travis."

"Oh, dear Lord." I whispered, my family! "What happened to the rest?" I asked, but I already knew the answer.

"Dead, gone, hiding. I don't know." Sunny whispered, all of our eyes filled with tears. Mine were tears of joy, but something about Melanie and Sunny made me feel odd. Something was not right.

"Something's wrong." I stated, staring them in the eye.

They looked at each other and Melanie cleared her throat.

"Your right." She told me, grasping my hand, "Something is wrong. Terribly wrong."

My whole body seemed to shake, everything seeming to turn into a blur. I tried desperately to hold on to reality, to keep myself together.

"T-Tell me please." I whispered, though I was too afraid to actually know.

"Their dying." They whispered.

Then my world came crashing down.

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I know that was short, sorry. But it's important, critical things happened! I know you're probably thinking "I waited all that time for this!" I know, I know, I'm sorry, truly I am. I'm trying my hardest and I hope you guys can stick with me.

Also I am looking for a Host expert who I can be in constant communication with. Someone who knows the Host by heart, and can answer hopefully a few of my questions, I'd like to have someone to run over my story with me, sort of like a sidekick you know? Help is wanted! I need someone to look over my plot, point out parts that don't make sense because of the way the person is partnered or maybe they died in the book! Thanks!