A/N: To my reviewers: FrozenVoices, and Lady Miki (also my fav-er and subscriber) arigatō!!! I am now very proud to present the second-to-last chapter of part one!!! I won't keep you here any longer…you're going to want to see what happens…
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Chapter Eight – Helpless
"If I'm not Limitless – who am I?"
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Ritsu-sensei's voice was hard. 'It's been clear for a while that the two of you were failures," he said. "If I knew who your Fighter Unit was, Hirokoshi-kun, I would have matched you up a long time ago."
"Then I'm asking you – what is my true Name?"
He steepled his fingers and sighed. "It's – impossible to know."
I gritted my teeth, trying to fight back the rising wave of despair. "What?"
"Imbuing you with a Name that is not your own appears to have cancelled out the appearance of your true Name. I'd thought this may happen…"
'So…now what?"
"Your name should appear on you when you are brought into direct corporal contact with your Fighter Unit."
"But how ill I know who that is when I don't even know the Name? How do I know your experiment hasn't screwed me up so badly that I won't even be able to recognize our bond if we ever meet?"
Ritsu-sensei paused.
"I don't," he said. "But that's exactly why it' an experiment, Hirokoshi-kun. One can never know what the outcome will be beforehand."
I was stiff and silent with rage.
We're just being used…manipulated…experimented on…
"Now, Miyamoto-kun and Kanagawa-kun…you will need to start training together as soon as possible. You, Hirokoshi-kun…as you are now deprived of a partner, you will have to start your training over from the beginning."
They don't care about us…they're just using us, like tools…
The realization hit me like a blow to the head.
Shadowless was right!
And I knew what I had to do.
'Ritsu-sensei," I said. "I ask permission to continue my mission and capture Shadowless."
He raised an eyebrow. "You believe you're capable on your own? After you and Miyamoto-kun failed together?" I was going to say no, I was sure. I thought quickly.
'How will you know what I'm capable of as a single, without being held by a false bond? Perhaps, during my time with Kaze, my powers were restricted. How can you know unless you try this?"
"Jinsei," said Kaze quietly. "you…you could be killed."
I shrugged. Only I knew that, whatever may happen between me and Shadowless would not involve death… "So what if I am? I'm a lone Sacrifice, and it's entirely possible that I'll never even know my Name. If I die…what would you have really lost? But think what could be gained if I survive…and I win? You can think of it as a gamble…or…" I locked eyes with Ritsu-sensei. "…an experiment."
He seemed amused. "Very well, Hirokoshi-kun. You have a week; if you have not yet returned, you shall be found and brought back." He paused. "Good luck, Hirokoshi-kun. You are dismissed."
I looked at Kaze and Mizu, the new Limitless. Mizu responded with a glare, but Kaze met my eyes, sad and wistful, but resigned.
We were Limitless…but we were conquered by ourselves.
I looked away first. There was no use in attempting to cling to or regain a past that had been nothing but a lie.
I bowed. "Thank you, Ritsu-sensei." Then I walked out the door, out of the Academy, confusion replaced by purpose.
Thank you…for nothing, you sick bastard.
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Shadowless had known.
She'd been trying to warn me and Kaze. It was no wonder why she'd been trying to avoid capture.
But I had to find her. The way she always spoke, as though in code, implied that she knew a lot about what was going on, and I wanted the answers that she had.
Had she known that mine and Kaze's bond wasn't real?
Most likely, she'd probably seen from the start.
"Things are coming to light…Things between you and your Fighter Unit, is that not--?"
That had been all she could say before Kaze lashed out at her…
…but, plainly, she had known…
I began to wonder…Shadowless travelled alone, it seemed, but was she bonded? Did she have a Sacrifice, another half of Shadowless, or did her abilities of songspell make her too unique to have a match? Or, was she like me; did she once have a Sacrifice, and then they were torn apart? What was her past? Had she gone to Seven Voices and then run away? Or had she been running from them all along? What atrocities had they committed against her to ignite her decision to run? What could their plans be for Kaze, now that they had Mizu as well? Would it be necessary to save her?
"I was in danger. If I didn't bother saving myself, how can I save you?"
Could I save her?
All these questions spun through my head, but this time, I was not overwhelmed. I had one single goal now: find Shadowless. After that, the answers would reveal themselves.
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The tiny apartment seemed huge without Kaze. I slept on the living room couch again, out of habit.
I accepted that she'd found her true match. There were no insane schemes going through my head as to how to get her back. I was happy for her; I truly was, now that I'd come to myself. Besides, one could not fight against a true bond – the old Limitless was living proof of that.
The one thing that bothered me was that I could hardly even sense Kaze now. When I reached out with my mind, it used to be like she was a glimmer of light in the darkness. Now – I could detect her as no more than a ripple in the inky black, to the same magnitude I could detect Mizu. There was no light in the darkness for me anymore. Nor was there Shadowless, no matter how I strained my senses to find her. My world stayed black – not a ripple, not a glimmer, just choking, endless black that spelled out just how alone I was.
No – I wasn't entirely alone. I had Sakura.
Sakura…
She'd acted so strangely today… like she'd known what was going on, like she'd gotten some kind of sense of the truth about Seven Voices.
"Don't go! You can't! Once they have you back; they'll never let you leave!"
I was struck by what Ritsu-sensei had said. "You have a week; if you have not yet returned, you shall be found and brought back."
So what, then? Is it like I'm a prisoner? If so, then what? Do I run? Do I go back and see what I can learn? Or do I pretend nothing's wrong, and that I never met Shadowless?
And how did I start thinking about Sakura and end by thinking about Shadowless?
What had happened between me and Shadowless did not change how I felt about Sakura.
But Sakura does not change how I may feel about Shadowless.
And how did I really feel about either of them, really? Sakura…I liked her. A lot. But I didn't honestly know if I loved her – I'd never known what love was not even with Kaze.
Is it possible…that I don't know how to love?
And Shadowless…what had it been? An acknowledgement that we may not be enemies…a momentary connection…a shared musical moment under the moonlight…and then she was gone again, leaving me with this confusion.
Another reason I have to find her…
But what about Sakura, then?
Having come nearly full circle, the familiar confusion awaited me this time around, accompanied by guilt – for what, I wasn't entirely certain.
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I was surprised by a knock on my door the next morning.
It was Sakura. "Hi, Jinsei," she said quietly.
"Hey," I replied. She wore a graffiti-print white denim skirt, a highlighter-yellow top, fingerless gloves, and legging, a hoodie, and high tops in shocking neon pink, but her mood seemed more 'blue' than anything. She was smiling, but the expression in her eyes was weary and troubled.
"The school keeps records of addresses; I just asked them where you live," she explained. She proffered a short stack of papers. "I brought you your homework."
"Oh…" I took it. "Thanks."
"No problem." She smiled, but there was little conviction in it. "That's not the only thing I came for…I needed to talk to you."
"Do you want to come in?"
"No, thanks, that's okay. I just wanted to say – I'm sorry, about yesterday. I – I don't know what came over me. But I know I was acting strangely, and…I'm sorry."
"…It's okay. I was just kind of…confused, I think." When did talking to her become this awkward?
"Yeah, I don't blame you for that. I was just –" she shook her head. "Never mind. You –you are coming back to school tomorrow, right?"
"Yes…" For a week, at least. Then…what?
"Good. I miss our music sessions." This time, her smile shone as brilliantly as I remembered it, and it seemed to pull my own lips into an upward curve.
"Music is my everything," she continued. "It helps me to channel all my feelings into one source, and make something beautiful." She seemed to be talking more to herself now than to me. "So does art, I suppose, but music – is all that, and it lets me forget – some things…" she seemed to be staring through me, and her face had fallen. I was seized by a desire to hold her close and kiss her until she smiled again, but, somehow, there was a gap that had opened up between us that prevented me; a gap formed from what, I wasn't sure.
"Sakura…are you okay?"
"Oh!" she came back to herself. "I'm fine. But, Jinsei…you don't look so good…"
And I realized what the gap was. It was made up of unanswered questions. Sakura, I realized, never really talked about herself. There'd been that day when I'd given her my (fake) life story, but I still knew nothing about her background. And the way she'd blatantly deflected my question, combined with her behaviour yesterday, was definitely suspicious.
"Sakura," I said on an impulse. "Where are your parents?"
Her glare was so immediate and intense that I was afraid for an instant; her eyes were all but spitting sparks. "They're dead," she declared ferociously. Then she blinking, as though she'd just remembered I was there. "Not dead like your parents. They're probably out there, somewhere. But, for all they've – I mean – I should go," she said suddenly. "But, Jinsei, I –" she stopped.
"Yes…?"
'I – never mind," she said. "See you tomorrow, Jinsei." With another weak smile, she turned and left.
I stood in the open doorway for several minutes afterward, trying to figure out what had just happened.
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It was strange, going to school without Kaze. But it was also strange, being around Sakura. It was strange that this was strange, and I couldn't decide which was stranger, which was the strangest thing of all.
As we entered the music room after art, I felt, simultaneously, senses of relief and foreboding. A prickling sensation seemed to be dancing between my skin and my black sweater, and the protruding white cuffs and collar seemed too tight.
I looked over at Sakura. There was something odd about her appearance; I took inventory. Her tetracoloured hair hung loosely, just brushing past her shoulders, its length almost matched by the black-onyx-studded dangling earrings she wore. A black velvet ribbon was tied around her neck, and a blood-red pendent was nestled in the hollow between her collarbones. Over a white tank top she wore a grey-wash denim vest and matching capri pants. Spiraling over these was a magnificent dragon, hand-painted (by her, no doubt), in brilliant scarlet. The head started on the ribcage of the vest on the right side; the body spread across the back; it was broken by a thin strip of the white top, then it started again, its tail winding around her left leg and ending just below the knee. Her forearms were encased in black gauntlets, which laced up from the elbows to the backs of the hands with black silk ribbon. Then my eyes reached her black-toenailed feet, and I realized what it was: she was wearing strappy black sandals with four-inch heels. I was used to her being about six inches shorter than me, now her eyes were almost at a level with my own, and it was somehow disconcerting.
I'm being ridiculous…there's nothing wrong with high heels.
Coming to my senses, I realized Sakura was looking at me, too. Her whole being seemed to radiate several different emotions: reluctance, fear, joy, pain, regret, and excitement. My senses were thrown into a whirl; it was so uncharacteristic of her, and the prickling feeling intensified.
'Jinsei," she said; her voice was quiet, yet hard and steady and bore a weight of importance. "I have something to tell you."
My heart rate didn't so much speed up as it seemed to leap into my throat. I thought she knew more than she was letting on! Is she going to tell me now? I tried to prepare myself for revelation and brace myself for disappointment at the same time, and only succeeded in making myself feel somewhat nauseous. I left my features neutral and gently prompted, "Yes?", fearing to dare to hope for some answers to this ever-growing puzzle…
But Sakura said nothing, and instead sat down at the piano.
"Sakura…?"
"Shhh…" she said softly, and began to play.
I recognized the melody; it was the one we'd been playing together when I came up with my very first lyrics, when they'd just leapt into my mind.
And then she started to sing.
"Do you sing?" I'd asked her that one time.
"Not really."
"Can you sing?"
"Not really."
But she was singing now, singing my song, my words –
--but –
A new world that I don't know
Nowhere to turn, nowhere to go
Until, ahead, like an unseen glow—
And I was singing along, even though I didn't know the next words; it was like she was pulling them out of my mouth with her own song; our songs were pulled together; they fed off each other; winding and spiraling like the painted dragon, weaving a perfect harmony –
--Melodies forming a diamond road
By the music of the min is showed.
--but I wasn't listening to myself, only to her –
-- because I knew that voice!
But I could only stand there, helpless, my tongue bound until the music petered out and she turned to trap me with her riveting blue gaze.
I found my voice – barely. It was more of a rasp.
"You," I gasped. "You're Shadowless."
She smiled, brilliantly like Sakura, and yet enigmatically, like Shadowless.
"Yes," she said softly. "Yes, I am."
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A/N: So? What'd you think! Surprised? O.O Review please! ^_~*
NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST ONE, DON'T MISS IT!
~Raye Lynne
