Explanation at the end of chapter.
Last Chapter (Ch15)
Sunny POV
In the moment, as we held each other, and she continued to tell me stories of her and Jared, I felt safe for the first time in a very long time.
Because, pathetically, it is the brokenness that has brought us comfort.
And…
Wanda POV
Then in the middle of my rant, a single voice pierced through the room. Just one voice.
"Wanderer?"
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Ian's POV. (Your long awaited answer to those dreaded questions)
One time I asked Doc what happens when we're dying. He said that our greatest fears take captive of our hearts, and there is a battle between Heaven and Hell over our body.
I never believe him, until now.
Everything I thought impossible revitalized without warning. Nothing could prepare me for this type of torture. My body was burning; scorched with invisible blue flames that licked at my body, burning from my toes, to my head. I wanted to scream, I wanted to do anything other than lay there immobilized. But an invisible force pushed against my body, a heavy weight set upon me so that I may twitch and wither in pain with no resistance.
I suppose the saying is true then. That you may never judge until placed into the situation yourself. I could watch for countless times, a transfusion of soul, but I would still remain just as unprepared and helpless as I am. I wondered if this was how Lacey felt, perhaps even Candy. Or maybe, just iniquitously, it is I. Perhaps I brought this upon myself, or maybe it's just my twisted fate once more.
Maybe there's something wrong with me. Whether I'm paying for a dept I haven't fulfilled or just another unfortunate life in the midst of chaos, it doesn't lessen the pain.
I've watched humans take back their bodies, raising from the restraints, and blinking back to reality. Silver would banish from their eyes, yet mine remain closed. I tried to open them, but every attempt brought forth the fiery inferno. It nipped at my skin, burning me from the inside out.
I knew I was alone though. Blaze was gone, removed, ridded. Yet I am unable to regain control over what was mine in the beginning.
All I heard was static. A swarm of bees flying closely to my ears. Occasionally, I'd hear a word or two, but it was too muffled to make out anything.
I was falling into the fire. I was sinking, slowly and surely, into a bright horizon of luminosity. I was drowning in flames, choked with heat; I was in the death grip of death. I felt as if I was sitting on the edge of living, the place they call the middle. In front of me, was the line that separated life and death – I was on the center.
I screamed loudly, but no sound escape from my lips. I fought against the darkness, pushing pass these imperceptible chains.
Darkness surrounded me, playing tricks with my mind. Never touching me, but coming close enough for me to feel the coolness of their breath, and the stench of rotting corpses. It toyed with me, grinning wickedly as I squirmed.
I cried out for salvation. An end to this torture. The fire and darkness became one, igniting in a revulsion larger than fear itself.
I felt my throat constrict, tears blinding me. I gasped and sputter, my chest aching with immense displeasure. My entire body vibrated with ache as flames enveloped me to the core.
My insides burned, my stomach locked, and my throat tightened. Breathing became hard, and tears sprang into my closed eyes. I wanted to cry, I wanted to fall to my knees and offer my cuffed hands to Satin's keeper. I wanted an escape. I wanted the heavy weights lifted off my shoulder, and this piercing burden banished from my heart.
But I knew I couldn't. For one reason, and one reason only. That faint voice in the background. The one I couldn't make out, but none the less there. The twinkle of bells that radiated through the air. For the locks of hair spun from gold. For silver eyes. If I died, I'd kill her.
My love for her is worth every moment of torture. Her voice kept my fading sanity.
I grunted in pain, my eyes straining to open. I could see her face. In the midst of the fire, I saw every tear that leaked from her eyes. Her gray eyes were clouded and disgruntled, rivers flowing beneath the dark circles. Her lips trembled, soft whimpers escaping every so often. Her hair stuck to her face, her hands clasped around herself. She stared into me, pleading me, taunting me.
She never looked more fragile. Like a china doll, made of glass. Her eyes grew wide, and her lips parted, as a wind blew across her. Shattering her to piecing, sending shards into the air. I cried out in agony fighting against the strong hold it had on me, reaching out to the broken figure.
But by bit, a piece would break off, and flutter off, lost in the dance of spirits. She shook, and cried softly, her eyes losing light. My breath caught in my throat as her eyes met mine once more; they were filled with betrayal and heartbreak.
"Please," She whispered, as she blew into the wind.
I roared in exasperation, the chains tightening around my wrists. She took a step towards me; she was slowly evaporating in front of my eyes. Her eyes never left mine, the gloomy clouds meeting sky.
Fire erupted around us, scorching both her and I. We cried out simultaneously, my cry for her pain and my own. I begged her, I pleaded for her to run, to turn around and escape from hell. But she never once listened, shaking her head with determination, walking on the hot coals with her bare feet.
I watched helplessly as every step she took towards me, broke off another piece of her. Fate acting upon this forbidden love of ours. I fell to my knees and cried loudly, tears dripping off my chin and sizzling to the burning ground.
I felt her hand on my cheek and I met her eyes once more. I whimpered as I saw the pain dancing in them. Her hands trailed down to my bloody wrists cuffed and distorted in bounds. She traced the edges, before taking both firmly in her tiny hands. She grasped them both tightly, causing me to gasp in pain. Without hesitation she ripped them off as if they were paper.
They clattered to the ground before vanishing. Blood flowed back into my hand quickly, and I sighed in relief. I stared at her in shock, rubbing my sore wrists. She strained a smile and kissed my lips softly. I missed that feeling the most. Her soft lips brushing against my own. Even in the midst of my hell, she brought a momentary peace.
"The fire is getting stronger, Ian." She whispered against me.
My hands wound into her hair, pushing her lips harder against mine. I ran my tongue along her bottom lip, tasting blood and tears, but mostly her sweetness. She gasped and turned her head away from me as I began to trail kisses along her tatter neck.
She was barely there, I scarcely felt her in my arms. I looked down at her as she continued to disappear, bit by bit. I held her more tightly, desperate for her touch.
"Ian," She gasped. "It's time for you to go."
But it wasn't. She was wrong, so wrong. I clutched on to her tighter, knowing she wouldn't be able to squirm out of my grip. If this was hell, I'd take it as long as she remains with me. No hell is hell if Wanderer is there.
She pushed away from me, breaking my hold easily. She stood and yanked me up with her. I towered over her but she held me tightly. She pushed me backwards, and I stumbled, shocked by the sudden strength. Behind me, were the blazing flames, blue, red, and orange. Burning with rage and majesty. She pressed her small body against mine until I felt the heat on the back of my neck.
"What are you doing?" I asked, and began to struggle against her. But she held me, pushing me back, pushing me towards pain.
"You have to go." She whispered, not at all unfazed.
I twisted my head around and stared wide eyed at the fire behind me, then stared at her. She pushed me harder, but I didn't struggle, I didn't dare fight against her.
"Why?" I asked my voice breaking.
"Because," She answered, and narrowed her eyes.
She smiled at me, but it was a farewell, a parting smile. She kissed me once more, and with her crumbling hand, shoved me into the blazes just as the earth detonated beneath her. I plunged into the icy hot fire, my eyes widening as she scattered into the air. Her smile disintegrating to nothing, her eyes flickering into oblivion.
The fire chocked around me, enveloping me in a tight grip, but I could felt no pain. The flames that nicked at my skin, brought no alarm, no fear to me sense. All I felt, saw, and heard, was Wanderer. I heard her small voice whispering inside my mind from a depth I wasn't even I aware of. I saw her blooming face, shining with a natural glow. I felt her tiny hands on my arm, her arms wrapping around my large form, and her head pressed up against my chest. I should've smelled burning skin, but instead I smelled her intoxicating scent. Sunshine and undeniably Wanda.
My hell melted into something much greater.
Darkness swirled around me, twisting into a bright crimson red. But I felt nothing. Pain is powerless you want it. Hurt is debilitated into numbness when you accept it. Pain, honestly, is nothing unless your fear fuels it.
Bruises in the shape of her hands branded my chest. Labelling me as her damaged property, placing a warrant on my forehead. I felt the invisible residue of her tears, burning my cheeks. I tasted her lingering breath, sweet and innocent.
Colors whirled around me, blinding me with vibrancy. The crimson grew brighter, devouring every edge of my vision. A ripple ran through it, an ocean of red flowing in the skies above me. I blinked furiously, my eyes burning as if someone had poured alcohol in them. Realization washed over me as the buzzing the humming in my ear cleared and soft sounds of movement filled my hearing. I stared at no crimson sky, but the roof to a tent; flowing as wind threatened its strength.
I stared at first, unbelieving. My heart began to race and my heart shot inside my throat. I clenched and unclenched my fist, the numbness subsiding into a tingle within me. My breath caught in my throat, and I attempted to lift my head. Almost immediately immense pain shot up my spine, on impulse a soft cry fell from my chapped lips. I gripped the side of the table tightly, grasping on to it as if my life depended on it – perhaps it did.
Explosions of pain momentarily erupted as I sat up before fading into tenderness. Stars instantaneously scatter before me, taunting me with the reminders of the flames that I endured. I lifted my head, searching for the burns, expecting the tarnished and blackened skin. But instead I found my pale hand, five fingers and all.
Everything rushed into my at once, my breath, the smell, the sounds, causing me to gasp. Tears cascading down my cheeks, a cry of gratitude falling from my lips. I moved my hand again, and smiled widely. For months of being pushed aside, belittled, and overtaken, this small gesture brought forth a rush of emotion. The feeling on domination and success expanding over my now labouring chest.
I looked around the room, my eyes searching for Wanderer. I froze when my eyes fell upon a figure in the corner. Every nerve within me turned icy cold, my heart hammering in my chest painfully. Pain shot through me once more, but this time it was different. It hurt far worse than any other; it hit the places that the others failed to even reach.
She clutched onto him, latched together like one being. Tears coursed down their cheeks, limbs mangled with the other. He had brown hair that fell into his hazel eyes, very discreetly a silver stream swam somewhere within the pupil, lost somewhere in the puddle of mud. She sobbed into his chest, as he buried his face in her golden locks. Anger burned within me, souring every fibre of my being.
If I had been a stranger, I would have thought them lovers. People who have been separated from each other presence then reunited once more. Hate coursed within me, knowing that I should be in the place, and not him.
I expected her to run into my arms, joyous and celebrating. I expected her to smile, to cry, to laugh then scold me for taking so long. What I wasn't expecting, though, was this. To be the intruding to the person who belonged to me. To interrupt their time when it should be ours.
Anger bubbled to rage, then to fury. I gritted my teeth and clenched my fingers, my knuckles turning white with force. Was he always to replace me? Even when I am my own being?
I cleared my throat loudly, narrowing my eyes. Wanda turned her head from his chest, and looked dazedly to where I seethed. Her eyes clouded over slightly, her eyebrows knitting together. She pulled away from him slightly, her body twisting to mine. The tears increased and smile broke on her face, but I couldn't find the place to return it. My eyes remained on the man who sat holding her protectively, returning my frown.
A moment passed between us. None of us moving, blinking, or even breathing. Wanda sat on his lap, frozen like a deer in headlights, her eyes wide and shocked. Blazed was daring me, tempting the monster out from inside me.
The moment, as quickly as it instigated, closed. Time began again; life inevitably caught up with us again, and proceeded.
She gasped and quickly shoved his arm away, tearing his eyes away from mine. Both he and I watched as she sauntered across the room and jumped into my laps, crying loudly as she wrapped her tiny hands around me – him in agony, I in triumph.
I couldn't move; I couldn't even bring myself to look down at her. I stared at him, accusingly, daring him to speak first. His eyes watched her, eyeing her like some hungry animal, as if he should feel betrayed of my love running to my arms when she never had a place in his.
This man, this monster of a being, I had spent months of labouring with. Months of being dominated to his will, abiding his word as if it were law. Did he wish to stealth his way into the only thing I have left? Take the last remains of my family away from me?
"Ian?" Wanderer's voice whispered, and reluctantly I tore my eyes from his and stared into her misty gray orbs.
"Hi," I whispered in return, smiling softly.
She cried loudly; she clung to me until I could feel her heart beat against my own, beating in rhythm. Her scent overwhelmed me, just as it did before, and I finally embraced her, easily wrapping my large arms around her tiny frame. I buried my face in her hair and breathed in deeply, ignoring that he had done it before I.
"You were gone for so long," she chastised. "I didn't know what to do."
I hushed her gently, stroking her gold hair. "You did everything perfectly."
She laughed in a strangled sob, and kissed my neck gently.
"I missed you so much." She whispered, tightly closing her eyes. "Don't leave me again."
My eyes caught Blaze's once more, and we stared at each other, mutual emotions in our eyes. His jaw was on edge, and his eyes looked unsettled. I was speaking to Wanderer, but the words were for him.
"I'll be here as long as you want me." I vowed, adding more venom than attended.
His nostrils flared slightly, but he kept himself intact. I smirked slightly, and tightened my arms around Wanda.
As if to add to the tension, Sunny entered the tent abruptly.
She stopped in her tracks, and went rigid where she stood. She glanced at the both of us, comprehending our angered expressions, immediately sensing the anxiety in the atmosphere. Her eyes fell down towards Wanda who was still shaking my arms, and then back to my face. She tilted her head and raised her eyebrows, as if suggesting something. She studied Blaze's face, the obvious jealousy that emitted from him.
"Well," she rebuked. "This should surely be interesting."
Wanderer's head snapped towards her; forcing a smile and wiping the residual tears from her eyes.
"Where's Melanie?" She inquired quietly.
Sunny's eyes fluttered to hers, before straightening herself. "She's outside…" she cleared her throat. "I'll just go get her." She exited back through the door as quickly as she entered, stumbling on her feet.
Wanda smiled at me, oblivious to the quarrel between Blaze and I. Blaze scoffed and pushed himself upright and onto the ground. I placed Wanda softly next to me, before standing myself.
He towered over me slightly, taller than me by two inches. He opened his mouth to say something, probably something odious or foul but was interrupted by Wanda's bliss.
"Melanie will be so happy to see you." She said and grabbed my hand, steering me towards the exit. She tugged on my hand, but I didn't move until she shot me a look. It was hard to compare her in reality, to the one in my head. How she pushed me over, sending me away to the fire. I followed after her vigilantly, knowing that he was only a step behind us.
I was momentarily blinded by the sudden attack of the sun's rays. I covered my eyes and blinked furiously. I shut my eyes but I still felt the heat against my eye lids.
Wanderer's arms were replaced by someone else's. Unmistakably Melanie's; she was stronger by far, and taller. She held me tightly before releasing me quickly. I opened my eyes to find her staring intently into my eyes, as if accustoming my blue eyes. She smiled widely and hugged me again.
"It's good to have you back." She greeted. "Just don't take as long next time."
I smiled at her, and she returned it naturally. She kissed my cheek gently before walking to where Blaze stood off to the side.
She stuck her arm out, offering her hand to him. He eyed it before taking it into his, shaking her hand firmly. "And it's nice to formally meet you." He gave her a bashful smile, a soft blush flooding his cheeks. "You blush just like Wanda does."
On cue Wander's cheeks turned red and she looked away timidly. Melanie smiled and freed his hand to grip him on the shoulder. "You'll be so much help." Melanie wistfully said.
Jealousy tried to surmount me once more, but I fought it off quickly. Sunny bounded toward us, addressing neither Blaze nor I.
"Do you remember your Healer life?" She hastily inquired Blaze.
"Sunny," Wanda chastised.
"We need to know," she lamented.
"I do," Blaze retorted. "Rider of the Stars was a Healer for over a year."
I cringed slightly at his voice, hearing him speak for the first time. It was smooth, but without a doubt a man's. It was deep, but never much so. Like a smooth talker with multiple woes restraining him.
"Is the…" Sunny broke off. "Is the human still in there?"
Melanie and I grimaced, but remained silent, teeth clamped over our tongues.
"No."
Relief washed over everyone, releasing that breath that we unconsciously held.
So life continued on.
We talked until the sun vanished from view, nestled in the gray clouds. We bid ours goodnights, and thankfully, Melanie announced that Blaze could have his own tent, relieving me from his presence. I watched as he grudgingly made his way into his tent, as Wanda and I slid into ours.
We talked through the night, Wanderer and I. Random things, things that mattered, things that put tears into my eyes, and things that made me laugh. In the end, we fell asleep mid conversation, with her curled to my chest, our hands entwined on her lower abdomen.
You could call us hopelessly in love, but the thing is that there is hope. Love is not blind; someone simply tied a blindfold around its eyes and demanded it to walk. But in that moment, as we drifted to sleep, words slurred and hearts continuing that lullaby, we were vulnerable and so lost within each other.
We ripped off that blindfold, but sometimes, you see horrifying things. Demons and fears. But if our love is real, which I'm sure it is, we'll have each other's strength to lean on.
Like in my vision, Wanderer is the only one who can unbind my hands from the chains, and just like in my vision, only the a Blaze can truly burn me.
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Inferno = Blaze. Get the connection? Okay, if your interested, at all, for my explanation, please read the below. But if, of course, you're angry with me, and disappointed with the chapter, just continue on with your life.
So here's the thing. I know I've left you guys hanging for far too long. But a very close person to me was diagnosed with bipolar. It's a hard time, for him and I, and I do admit I had many opportunities to finish up the chapter, but I simply could not find the strength emotionally to create a different world, when my own is currently out of order. Inspiration may come easy to some people, but mine has been momentarily taken.
This chapter isn't the best, and I'm sorry if there's a mourning tone to it. I promise, though, to try harder, but what I ask in return, is for your prayers. It's a hard time for me, and I could use a bit of your strength.
EverlyYours
