(Don't own characters or anime.)
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Chapter 5
Weeks passed. Near and I never mentioned our brief encounter to anybody. I'd honestly thought that things would seem…awkward after all that happened, but they didn't. Near and I were able to continue our lives as if nothing had happened at all. The pale child still got on my nerves and I still glared and yelled and lost control of my anger when he did, but that was probably for the best. It was probably a good thing that Matt didn't suspect anything, and as long as neither of us wavered, then he never would.
I had no regrets of kissing Near, and that's a fact. I was actually pretty happy that I had. Sure, it was a secret that had to be kept, even from Matt, but that didn't matter. None of it mattered. I just needed to keep the promise that I'd sealed with a kiss. I had to stay by the helpless child's side, no matter what. Of course, I had no idea how difficult that would be in the days to come…
On a Sunday afternoon, Matt and I were laying lazily in the game room, Matt playing the unfair zombie game, intent on beating it, while I watched and cheered him on. He was getting far, and we could both see victory over the game in sight. Except Matt just had to ruin it; he died…again. The redhead cussed, but decided to continue his zombie pursuit.
It was quiet, apart from the sounds coming off the game, and we were having a nice time.
"So, you seem to be over your fight with Near," Matt observed.
I flinched slightly, trying not to recall the memories of the previous night that were already flooding my mind…
Matt and I entered our dorm after dinner, which was Near-less again, only to find our room empty of all inhabitants. This puzzled the both of us, for Near was always in the room apart from classes and the occasional outing, but he was always there after dinner.
"Near?" Matt called to the ghost town of a room. There was no one there to reply. He shrugged. "I guess he went out."
I didn't think much of it either and changed into my pajamas, climbing into my bed and nibbling on some chocolate. I glanced at the clock as I grabbed a book; it was about seven o'clock. I flipped open the novel and began reading, enveloping my mind around the ever-changing story-line. As minutes passed, however, I became antsy. It was now eight, and my roommate still was not back. I attempted, unsuccessfully, to shrug off my concern for the boy, but I found myself checking the clock every few minutes, desperately hoping Near would burst through the door. My hopes were in vain as nine o'clock turned to nine-thirty, and nine-thirty turned to ten.
I slammed my book shut and began to pace furiously around the room. I glared intently at the ground, eating my chocolate with dangerous distemper, as I impatiently waited for the albino to reenter our dorm.
"Ugh! Where is he?!" I exclaimed to no one in particular.
"Dude, chill. He's just having a life for once. Why are you totally spazzing so much?" Matt answered my angered exclamation.
I stopped my pacing, facing my best friend, and looked at him like he was insane, before continuing my violent storming about the room. Impatience was consuming me whole, and I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to wait for that idiot of a child to return.
It was a long while later, much to my animosity, that the bedroom door creaked open, emerging from behind it, Near. He sauntered into the room, quietly shutting the door behind him, and crossed the room to his bed, without paying any attention to my furious pacing. He lay down, oblivious that my anger was directed toward him.
"Where the fucking hell were you?!" I exploded at the child.
He snapped up to a sitting position, a look of bewilderment etched into his face.
"Well?" I inquired again, this time with even more ice in my voice.
"I-I w-w-was at someone's dorm," Near answered, not knowing why he was stuttering.
"Whose dorm?!"
"Mello. Calm the fuck down, man," Matt cut in, not understanding why I cared so much about where Near was.
"Matt, stay out of it," I said as calmly as I could, not wanting to take my anger out on my best friend. I then continued angry as ever, "Whose dorm, Near?!"
The other boy's eyes widened in what looked like fear, and he stammered, "L-L-Linda's. Sh-She needed help with h-homework."
It seemed like a likely story, and I believed him one hundred percent, but I was still pissed at him. I mean, how was I supposed to protect him if he just ran off without telling me? I know this whole thing probably sounds pretty irrational, but I was really genuinely worried the whole time.
So, instead of letting it drop as was, I screamed, "Never do that again! Tell me before you leave the dorm on your own like that! How the fuck am I supposed to protect you if you run off like that?!"
Near nodded, clearly frightened, and went to sleep.
"Earth to Mello," Matt snapped me out of my recollection.
"Huh? What?"
"I said, you seem to be over your fight with Near."
"Oh, yeah. Whatever."
"Well, if you're over it, then I guess you won't mind explaining why you freaked out so much," the redhead said with a curious, but slightly cocky, grin.
I gave him a look and asked, "Well, what do you wanna know?"
His conceited grin grew wider.
"Well, let's start by telling me why you said you were protecting him."
"Matt, that's…complicated," I replied, "I don't think I can explain it properly."
"Well, try," Matt said, totally unphased by my answer.
"I…I gave him a…"I almost said 'I have him a kiss', but I caught myself, "I gave him a promise that'd I'd protect him. That's all."
"Oh. Well, that doesn't explain why you freaked out so much that he was gone. Like seriously dude, you should have seen yourself last night. It wasn't pretty."
I felt my hands start to shake, followed closely by the rest of my body. I hoped Matt wouldn't notice, and of course he was blissfully oblivious as he played his game. I deliberated for a few minutes, but decided that I should be able to tell Matt what was going on, and what had happened a few weeks ago.
"Matt. I can't explain it, trust me I've tried figuring it out myself. But I care about Near…a lot."
"Oh, how much?" my friend inquired curiously.
"I don't know the answer to that either, but I can tell you one thing. And that's that a few weeks ago, Near and I kissed," I finished and shut my eyes, waiting for Matt to…actually I don't know how I expected him to react. But I thought he'd explode or something. All, however, was quiet.
I opened my eyes and peeked at my redheaded friend who had paused his game and through his goggles I could see that his face was twisted in some sort of agony. I felt my own features shape themselves in a mask of horror.
"Matt? What's wrong?"
"…You…kissed him?" Matt's voice shook with what sounded like a strange mixture of anger and sadness.
I gulped quietly and nodded.
"But…" Matt began, took a deep breath, looked me in the eyes, then continued, "what about us?"
I gave my friend a confused and slightly disgusted look, raising a questioning eyebrow.
"Oh, come on. Don't be like that. You know exactly what I'm talking about."
"Obviously I don't, Matty, or I wouldn't ask," I snapped in response.
"Well, you yourself said that you wanted me to come with you when you succeed L, or when you do whatever it is you do. And I'm always here for you, no matter what. I listen to you, hug you, let you cuddle up on my lap. We've been friends for a long time now, we're pretty much inseparable. I just thought there was sort of something there," Matt shrugged before finishing, "don't you?"
I didn't answer, not right away. Instead I thought about what Matt had said. All of it was true. Wow, I never realized how much I depended on him. I never really took all those things into account and thought of them that way. But now he mentioned it…there was sort of something there, but I wasn't sure I wanted to admit it. I wasn't sure that I could admit it.
When I didn't respond, my goggled friend sat up on his bean bag, facing my idle body which was resting on some blankets on the floor. He took my face in his immense hand and tilted it toward him, forcing me to face him. I didn't react at all; I just lay flat on my back in my nest of blankets, my leather shimmering in the light of the room.
Matt knelt over me, bending down and kissing me gently. My bright blue eyes widened, but returned to normal soon, for this felt right, just as it had with Near. I allowed Matt to kiss me, I even kissed him back.
The redhead gently tangled his hands in my blonde hair and he straddled on top of me. I stopped, looking up at him with uncertainty. He whispered in my ear, "It's okay, just trust me."
I couldn't not trust him, so I resumed my kissing, letting his tongue pry my mouth open and explore its depths. After a moment's hesitation, I did the same, pushing my own tongue into every crevice it could get to, while still having Matt's do the same to me. I lightly bit Matt's bottom lip, a gesture which he returned playfully.
This went on, the two of us making out on the game room floor, and playfully biting each other. After a while, though, Matt pulled away and looked at me, forcing a blush to emerge on my face. I looked away sideways, and the boy on top of me chuckled in amusement.
"Embarrassed?" he asked, still laughing.
I looked back at him, shaking my head in objection. "No, not embarrassed. I never knew…" I let my voice fade into nothing.
Matt looked at me questioningly. "Never knew what?"
"That I…I think I…." I didn't know if I'd be able to finish my statement, but I forced myself, "I love you."
I then saw something that I'd never seen before. A single tear rolled down Matt's cheek from beneath his goggles. He smiled the widest smile that I'd ever seen. I just felt so remarkably happy that I could cause such joy for him.
I propped myself up and embraced the redhead in a massive hug.
"But what about Near?" Matt's soft question was almost impossible to hear, but I heard it.
I pulled away from our hug and lightly pushed Matt off of me. I bit my lip in concentration as I thought of what to do about Near. After a couple silent minutes, I was able to devise a plan.
"Matt, I can't just break my promise to Near, that's a fact," I began, and when he objected I put a finger up to quiet him, and continued, "I can't do that, but I don't have to be in love with the kid to keep my promise. I can love you and still look out for him. I still care for him, but I think I care about you more. So that's just how it'll have to be."
Matt made no objection to my plan, something that greatly surprised me. He nodded, agreeing that it was the best way. With one last kiss, my new (can you believe it?) boyfriend pulled me to my feet, and we set off back to our room to get ready for bed.
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Here's chapter 5. Please enjoy and review!
-Bloodmuffins
