Yeah... I suck don't I? I'm sorry for not updating. I had to help with my sister's grad party, hang out with my dad, hang out with friends, then I got into a small "fight" with one of my best friends, and her sister, my other best friend is sick with a crohns disease flare up ON her birthday yesterday :(

I also got accepted into this accelerated english class that I'm not too thrilled to be in... I have to read four books this summer and do reports on them......... summer homework sucks!

HEY! but guess what!!!.... this chapter is pretty long for what I usually write! it was 1,501 words without my AN :)


Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you

A week passed, and I realized how much I was avoiding actual conversation. Sure, I didn't ignore her or anything; I just dodged the deeper issues, things I knew that if they got touched, I'd spill. I hadn't known how hard it was to keep something from someone you love so much, until now… If only I had crashed into a tree that night and taken my own life instead.

"Troy?" I snapped from my previous state of mind, just pondering up ways that I could break the news to her, trying to avoid her dumping my ass as soon as she knows.

"Yeah?" I shifted in my seat; feeling the leather of the expensive black couch I was residing on, stick to the back of my legs.

"Are you ok?" Gabriella knelt onto the couch and extended a hand to gently caress the left side of my face.

Staring at her frail body and into her warm brown eyes, I knew I couldn't keep a lie. Maybe, it would be better if I just left. If I did, she would remember me for what we did together and not that I caused her so much grief. However, no sooner could I try and think of how I would benefit from leaving her side, did I slip up just like that, "Gabriella we need to talk."

"What?"

"We need to talk."

"Are you breaking up with me?" salty liquid welled to the top of her lower eye lids and threatened to break from her eye lashes which were the only things keeping them there, "you are, aren't you?"

"Breaking up with you? Oh god no," placing both of my hands on the sides of her cheeks, I searched through her eyes for a sign of how much she really loved me. As much as I didn't want to break her heart, I knew that it would be better to tell her then, over later. How much can love take? I killed her only mother-like figure she had, just because I was a stupid kid, with stupid problems, drinking stupid alcohol.

"Then what is it?"

"I've been lying to you all this week." This was becoming even more difficult than I initially had thought it would be and I knew it was going to take a lot of effort on my part to say it and even more effort on her part to listen to what I have to say.

"What do you mean?" she sat down near me and watched my every move. Amazing I could feel her eyes on my bottom lip that was curving between my teeth and then just as quickly as I'd noticed, she was searching my eyes for an answer; an answer that she would most definitely not want to hear.

"The other day when I told you I met up with an old friend, I actually went out to meet Taylor," I paused again, contemplating whether or not to just get to the point or push on slowly.

"Did you cheat on me? With my best friend?" she exclaimed, completely shocked and outraged, however, I vigorously shook my head.

"No, I would never do that to you."

"Then why did you lie?"

"Taylor gave me some very heartbreaking news about," I stopped and closed my eyes and then looked up at the picture on the wall. For some reason it always gave me peace, even though it was a simple painting of a rose that was lying on the ground, "about why I was in prison for four years."

She was extremely silent for a minute; of course she had a right, just finding out that her boyfriend didn't tell her about his felony, "you've been to prison?"

"Unfortunately," wiping a little bit of sweat from the contours of my stressed facial expression, I continued, "I was a reckless teenager. My parents neglected me and everyone at school treated me like a god, while I got away with everything… I was such an idiot."

"What did you do?"

"What?"

"Why did you go to prison?"

"Because," I kissed her quickly, hoping it wouldn't be the last, but knowing that it probably would be, "I'm the reason your aunt isn't here anymore."

I'm not the expert on the meaning of life, but I think I've finally come to the conclusion that life doesn't have a real reason for existing. We're given one to do with as we please and half of the world screws that up, while the other half regrets not doing the crazy things that screwed everyone else over. Some people succeed and other people don't. Some have luck that makes them a superstar, wins them the lottery, or gives them a brain to use. Some end up on the streets, are born to parents that abuse them, mess up to a point that no one will forgive them, are picked on and prodded, beaten and whipped without a single reason, and some are put into jail for a damn good reason, even if they are sorry. I think that in life, you have to make sure to tell yourself that it's ok to screw up, life will give you another chance and people will forgive. Also, you must know that believing you screwed up is completely different from believing you're a screw up.

Currently, it is day eleven since I'd last seen Gabriella Montez. It's exactly what I was expecting to happen. She vanished from my life. However, I hadn't imagined it would be this hard. She was becoming such a huge part of my life that I found it difficult to not see her or talk to her every day of the week, to not smell her sweet scent that often reminded me of a strawberry patch, to try to forget her. There are so many things that I didn't get to tell her. One important thing would be that somewhere between her dropping wine bottles in the shop and meeting with Chad and Taylor, I fell for her. Yes. I don't just love her; I'm in love with her to the extent that I would cut off my own limbs if it meant she'd forgive me.

"Troy."

"I know Taylor."

"Then why did you call again?"

I didn't know why I called again. I knew Gabriella was there. Chad told me that she was staying with them for a month because everything back at the store made her think about either her aunt or I. Sighing, I took a deep breath, "I won't call anymore… just please tell her that I want to talk to her. Tell her that I will do anything to just get a chance to see her one more time."

"Troy, you need to stop calling."

"Please just tell her that. Please."

It took her a while to respond, but after pondering over the thought for a while, she agreed, "Ok."

"Thank you so much Taylor," I hugged the phone to my ear in relief, there was a chance.

"I need to go."

"Of course. I'll see you around?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, bye."

"Good bye Troy."

I hung up the phone in silence and sat down on my kitchen chair… There was a spoon left out, almost mocking me.

There was a shiny silver spoon sitting on the table, which held all of the consciousness that I could keep. The curves bent just the right way to reflect the person I most hated in my life, me. I hated the fact that I was still alive.

It was oddly different from looking into a mirror. In a mirror I looked to see my appearance, but it was the chance glance of looking into the silvery reflection of a simple table spoon that made me look at myself differently. By the knicks in the silverware, lines and scratches showed on my face, hidden problems that only myself understood, if myself even did understand. Turning the spoon ever so slightly, I watched as the small damages disappeared when a small glint of light showed on it, and once again, because of a spoon, I realized something. I grasped that with the right light, I could heal my own knicks and scratches. The first things I needed to do were to get a high school diploma, go to college, get my own place, and after all of that, hopefully I would be worthy of Gabriella's forgiveness. Whether or not she'd ever take me back.


Alan Klien, Latanya and her husband, Mandy, Harry, Jessica, Beth Anne Hoyme, David, Alex, Emily B, Ahmer, and Danielle Roa