ARGH! I'm sorry that the first chapter contains what is possibly one of the biggest clichés when it comes to Akatsuki being Disney characters. It's just, he fits the dress so well, and I hate putting Deidara in a dress. Also, I'm sure from the title you will all guess who I make Tobi.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, the Akatsuki, Alice in wonderland, or anything else Disney related


Deidara blinked his eyes open. He immediately wished that he'd kept them closed. Ugh, had Sasori been testing new poisons on him again? The bright colours of this world were giving him a headache, although he had to admit, there was something artistic about the appearance of the twisted purple tree before him.

Something white flashed in the air above a branch and the young bomber had to blink. Was that a grin? He rubbed at his eyes and stared at the branch, suddenly a purple and pink striped cat pinged into view.

"Sweet! I never thought I'd find a girl here!" grinned the cat. Deidara scowled.

"I'm a guy, un" he replied testily. The cat looked at him and cocked his head. There was something familiar about it. Like it should be wearing an orange jumpsuit.

"Well, you're sure dressed like a girl, believe it!" cried the cat, it's teeth flashing. Oh hell no. It was bad enough the place he was in resembled a bad acid trip, without the nine tails there to mock him. He reached into his pockets, grabbed a small lumpy object and threw it at the cat.

"Katsu!" yelled Deidara but nothing happened. The cat, luckily had disappeared anyway. The blonde was seriously getting irritated now, why hadn't his bomb worked?

Looking down at himself, he found the cat was right. He was currently dressed in some powder blue dress, which billowed out at his hips. Instead of pockets filled with clay the dress had two pockets, one full of mushrooms, the other held a bottle. The contents of the bottle glowed blue, and sloshed about as he held it up to examine. Tentatively, Deidara reached his hand up to his hair. It had a bow in it.

He threw the bow to the ground in disgust, now if he could only find some pants, maybe a few explosives, he'd be set. He stomped off into the strange woods ahead of him, deciding this wasn't some drug fuelled dream. Somehow Deidara knew this was all Tobi's fault. Whatever was going on he did not like it one bit, he was going to find Tobi and throttle him.

Of course, he needed to find out where he was first, and hopefully, he'd meet one or two of his teammates along the way. The bombers foul mood didn't let up once as he made his journey through the weird and wonderful land. Once or twice he was accosted by other strange creatures, who attempted to stop him and sing. Eventually tiring of the technicolor nightmare he punched one of the things, a white rabbit, square in the face. They left him alone after that.

After walking half the afternoon, the bomber grew hungry, he sat down in a rose garden. Remembering the mushrooms and bottle of liquid from before he took them from his pockets. He gulped, praying the mushrooms weren't poisonous and took a small bite from one. It wasn't long before he realised he'd began to grow. "Ha, yes! Take that Itachi, you can't make fun of me for being short anymore!" He thought, punching the air triumphantly. He realised he was still growing. Oh dear, the height he was at was enough thank you!

When he stopped he could see all across the gardens to a castle in the distance. He was huge now, over five times his original height. In his other hand, he still held the bottle of blue liquid. Although it was now miniscule in his hand, he could just make out the writing on its label.

"drink to shrink"

Huh, why hadn't he noticed that before? He uncorked it and let a few drops from the tiny container drop onto a tongue in his palm. Within seconds he was back down to his original size. So much for the mushrooms.

Deidara stroked his chin thoughtfully. He turned to the rosebush beside him and dug at its roots momentarily. Bingo! There was a nice chunk of natural clay some ways beneath the dirt. He took off the ridiculous frilly apron he was wearing, and dumped the clay into it. He tied up the apron, and stood up. He had an idea of how to get out of here now. Picking up his new find, and pocketing the bottle of shrinking liquid he set off in the direction of the castle he'd seen earlier. Hopefully there he would get some answers.

He arrived at a green in front of the castle to be confronted by an ugly hag screeching about heads. She was gesticulating wildly at him, a neon pink flamingo in her hand. It reminded him of someone.

"Hidan?"

"Off with his head!" the woman shrieked.

"Sorry, I thought you were a friend, un" Deidara shrugged, trying to hold off the guards. Who did this crazy bitch think she was, the queen? He'd prepared some clay with his chakra on his short walk from the roses and was fully prepared to fight them, he'd just rather have some answers first. Namely, where the hell was he? The blonde tried to ask them this again, when he found a flamingo shoved into his own hands. This one was blue.

Looking around he noticed all the flamingos were oddly coloured. How artistic, of course he was good at making his own art with birds. The queen was yelling again. Apparently she didn't like the young man's daydreaming. How this warranted his execution, Deidara did not know. He crumbled a chunk of mushroom into his clay as the guards advanced on him again.

Sighing, Deidara flung the mushroom infused clay at each flamingo around him he'd lost his patience now and was growing angry. As stated before, he was good at making birds into art. Immediately the birds began to swell, squawking like their mistress.

"Katsu," he commanded with a grin. He almost sounded bored. That was until the air erupted with a rainbow of feathers, fluttering in flames around those present. As the audience watched his art, stunned, he made his exit, strolling inside the castle.

As if the place couldn't get any weirder the inside of the building appeared to be one room. It was entirely of white marble, smooth from ceiling to floor. Placed in the exact centre of the room was an old bed. The frame looked to be made from old iron. It was adorned with dull brass bedknobs. The blonde bomber made his way over to it and sat down. The white bedding was amazingly soft and comfortable. However something irked him about the bed. Looking at its corners he noticed that the bottom left side was missing its bedknob. It completely ruined the symmetry of the room. How un-artistic!

Deidara was many things, a bomber, slightly effeminate, mildly unhinged psychologically...the list goes on. He was also, however, a perfectionist and damn proud of the fact. He made it his duty as an artist to correct this atrocity and began to fashion a bedknob from his clay. When the ball was perfectly spherical, he screwed it into place. In a moment of accidental genius he let his thoughts slip out aloud,

"I wish I was with Sasori no Danna now, he'd know what to do," he muttered. He gave the bedknob one final screw into place as he said this.

The bed vanished.