Chris shifted from foot to foot while compulsively picking at the arm of his shirt. He felt like he was absolutely insane for thinking this was a good idea. There was no way Matt was going to go for this. Matt was way too logical, and this idea of his was anything but that. But he had to give it a shot. "Listen, Matt, I know we haven't really been together that long and you might still kind of resent me for what happened with Jeff and stuff. But that's all in the past now and we're the future honey. And while you've spent the past couple of days plotting Adam's "accidental" death, I've been thinking about our future. And I'm not saying we have to do this any time soon, but I was wondering…would you marry me?"
"Oh my God! He's hallucinating and he thinks that chair is Matt!"
"Don't be ridiculous Shannon. He's obviously cheating on Matt with a chair that is also named Matt. That sick bastard."
There was the sound of someone getting smacked on the head. "Don't be ridiculous Addy. Chris's brain has obviously been sucked out by evil brain sucking aliens and we're all next on the menu."
Chris sighed and turned around. Honestly was it too much to ask for some privacy around here? He couldn't practice making a jackass out of himself in front of Matt when he had an audience. "Do you ass clowns mind?" he asked Shannon, Adam and Jeff.
Shannon shook his head. "No, of course we don't. Please continue talking to that chair like it's human. Your insanity entertains me."
Adam looked like he was enjoying Chris's embarrassment. "So is sex with Matt so lame that you need to resort to cheating on him with a chair? Oh that so reeks of awesomeness."
Jeff glared at Adam. "Would you stop implying Matt is bad in bed? You don't know that." He looked over at Chris. "Is he--"
"Matt is great in bed!" Chris said defensively. "That's not---I just---" He stopped and sighed. He needed to get a hold of himself. "I was just trying to practice what I was going to say to him when I ask him to marry me."
"And he would marry you because?" Adam asked with great interest.
Chris stopped to think about that. He honestly didn't know how to answer that.
"Adam knock it off!" Jeff said. He sounded like he was starting to get irritated with his fiancé. "That's not helping."
Shannon patted Chris on the shoulder. "Come on man, don't take what we say too seriously. We're just fucking with you."
Chris sighed. "Yeah, well please stop. I'm nervous enough as it is."
"Why would you be nervous?"
Chris almost jumped out of his skin as he and the others turned around. Matt and Gil had come into the room without being heard, and they were both looking at him with great interest. "Come on Chris, what are you nervous about?" Matt asked.
Chris gulped. "Well you see I was--"
"He has to tell you that he has AIDS and he gave it to you too and now you're both going to die!" Adam exclaimed in one breath.
Now Jeff looked really pissed off. "Adam! What the hell?"
"What? I was joking!" Adam said innocently.
Jeff didn't see the humor and he smacked Adam on the arm before storming out. Adam groaned and immediately chased after him. "Baby come on! Don't do this! I didn't even mean for that to come out! It just did!"
Matt grinned. "Ha ha, Adam's in the dog house."
Shannon sighed dramatically. "Yeah, he was only joking about the AIDS part. But Chris has been diagnosed with gonorrhea Matt, I'm sorry. I told him not to fuck the chair but he couldn't help himself. He had wood for it and it had wood for him."
Now Matt just looked confused. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Chris gave Shannon a kick in the ass. "Would you shut up? I do not have a disease and I did not fuck a chair!"
Gil took Shannon by the arm and led him out of the room. "Come on boy, let's go somewhere else. You've obviously been causing too many problems."
"Oh come on! What gives you that idea?" Shannon demanded to know.
Chris sighed and put his arms around Matt. "We are surrounded by idiots. I hope you realize this."
"Yeah but I love Jeff and Shannon," Matt said. He kissed Chris gently. "So what are you nervous about? You look freaked."
Chris gulped. Damn it, he really was not ready to ask this. But he knew Matt wouldn't let it go, so he really didn't have a lot of choice in the matter. "I think you might want to sit down," he said. "Or at least I do. I might faint right now."
Matt looked worried. "Chris--"
"It's not as bad as it sounds," Chris said quickly. He sat down in the chair he had practicing the proposing to. "Or it could be. It all depends on what you feel about this." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the small box that contained the ring. He had snuck away in all the insanity of Jeff planning his wedding to go buy this ring.
Matt saw it and his jaw dropped. "Is that what I think it is?"
Chris nodded as he opened it. "Yeah, it's uh…it's an engagement ring. I um…you know, I had a speech practiced out, but now I've just completely forgotten all of it."
Matt still looked shocked. "You want us to get married?"
"Well we don't have to get married any time soon," Chris said quickly. "We can wait for as long as you want. I just….I don't know anymore." He set the ring down on the table. He saw the look on Matt's face and knew that he was either going to get a no or something that was pretty much one. "Look, just forget I said anything," he said, more to save face on the outside than anything else. On the inside, he was verbally kicking his own ass. He was so stupid for even thinking that was a good idea. Obviously Matt wasn't ready for this. How could he be?"
"Chris wait!" Matt said as Chris got to his feet.
"I'm just going to get some air," Chris said as he bailed towards the back door.
"Chris!"
Chris didn't wait. He was too distracted to. Right now, he just wanted to be alone.
