Here is the longest chapter I've written so far. I'm very happy to have finished it, even if it has some really god awful jokes in this one. It's time for Kakuzu, and I won't lie I've been looking forward to his introduction since I started posting this story. The sexiest accountant in the land (if you know who I stole that from I officially love you) will now become the sexiest pirate on the seas.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, the Akatsuki, Pirates of the Caribbean or anything else Disney related
Kakuzu was rather enjoying himself. He'd awoken in a well lit cave, surrounded by treasure. He loved treasure. Money was what Kakuzu lived for. It didn't bother him that he was currently dressed in more leather and buckles than many fetish shops would allow. It didn't faze him that what wasn't made of leather on his outfit was fashioned from many silk scarves and a frilly white shirt. He ignored that he now had a gun, and a nice shiny sword. Kakuzu had money.
He was currently engaged in counting it into neat little stacks. The gold of the curiously marked coins gleamed in the moonlight. Kakuzu rather liked the little skull design on each one. It was unlike any coinage he'd seen before, but he shrugged it off. Like he had tried to explain to Hidan many times before, money was money, in any form. They world ran on money.
Kakuzu began to count out each little pile again. He hoped he'd never have to leave this place.
Hidan had exhausted himself trying to prove the muses were real. Deidara didn't care much and was now engaged in destroying the many fine artworks of the garden. Sasori had long since tried to stop him, but was instead reminding Deidara of his own adventure.
"His muses are no different to your cat, brat," he snipped as the blonde was, once again, mocking Hidan.
"The nine tails was a cat Danna," protested Deidara, balling his hands into fists, "he spoke to me and then vanished, un."
As he finished his sentence he could have sworn he'd seen the familiar grin fading away in the branches of a nearby olive tree.
"Look, it's there," he squeaked, pointing toward it. Sasori and Hidan looked to where the blonde's finger extended . seeing nothing they turned back to him. Hidan raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"You know Dei-chan, it must be some strong shit you mix in with that clay of yours, if it makes you that fucking delusional. At least my fucking statues are right there." He folded his arms cockily, smirk still plastered on his face.
"He's right you know brat, it's not normal to just see cats all the time," Sasori added thoughtfully. Deidara's temper began to flare.
"I'm telling you Danna, it was there!" he cried, stomping his foot. In his girly outfit he looked like a spoilt girl at her birthday party. Sasori turned away from him, he was not willing to put up with one of the bombers temper tantrums now. He took off the green cap, mopping the sweat from his brow. For the first time he noticed the jaunty little red feather on the hat. It sickened him.
"So fuckers, what the hell are we gonna do now?" Hidan barked impatiently.
"We're going to do what I suggested earlier and find the others Hidan," Sasori replied, putting his hat back on.
"But how are we going to find anyone else Sasori no Danna?" Deidara asked him, blue eye shining, "I only found you because of that freaky bed, and we only found Hidan by chance, un"
"Well brat we won't find anyone if we don't look," Sasori snapped back. "now that you and I are off that ridiculous island, I suggest we stick to this land for a while, now get a move on." With that the redhead turned on his heel and stomped away, heading for the nearby coastal path.
"Danna, wait for me, un!" Deidara called out, flouncing after Sasori, skirts billowing. Hidan combed back his hair with one hand. He'd be damned if he was staying here all by him-fucking-self again. He'd better follow the bitch and his pansy.
"Yo, wait for me you heathen assholes!" he yelled angrily after them. His leather sandals slapped against the floor as he ran to keep up.
Kakuzu was no longer impressed. The stitched up Akatsuki was wallowing in self pity. How had he allowed such pathetic humans to capture him? Worse yet he was now stuck in the festering, damp hell hole that was a pirate ship's brig. Then there was that weird young woman who kept on coming on to him insisted on calling him Jack. Though he had to admit, women had called him weirder things. The only way this could get worse was if Hidan were there preaching about Jashin. At least he still had some of his money. The thought of the beautiful gold coins in his pocket ensured the old man remained calm and happy.
He replayed his earlier fight in his mind. He'd been happily admiring his new wealth, when the bimbo and her boyfriend had appeared, along with a bunch of other pirates. He'd lost his temper, but when he went to fight, found his hearts and masks were missing. He'd had to rely on the sword and gun he had. Luckily he had some skill with a blade, you don't get to be a ninety year old ninja and not know how to use some sort of sword. He was still immortal though. One of the pirates had shot at him, and he hadn't died. When he passed through a beam of moonlight his torso became skeletal.
"Hmm, interesting," he'd mumbled to himself. He could live with the modification for now. Apparently everyone in this world was out for his blood. No different from his old life in the Akatsuki then.
Inside his cell he bowed his head and waited. The beads that now adorned his dark hair hung into his face. He huffed, trying to blow them out of his way. There appeared to be a commotion upstairs. Perhaps he could use as a distraction while he escaped?
Hidan and Deidara trudged on behind Sasori. He was smaller and nimbler than the pair, and despite not yet being used to a fully human body, his stamina appeared to be far greater than their own. The coastal pathway was pretty much deserted, with a clear view of the ocean on one side, and a wide landscape of fields and mountains on the other. The older man had insisted they stick to the coast as they could encounter their teammates from any terrain this way.
The younger two were arguing. Seemingly, it was about clothing.
"Fucking tranny,"
"I was a girl a minute ago, now I'm a tranny. Make up your mind, un,"
"You're both you fucking freak."
"At least I'm not the tranny in a leather mini skirt,"
"It's fucking armour you dick. Besides, I look a damn sight better than your sorry ass,"
"Only because you're wearing a shirt for once, un"
"Will you two shut up?" Sasori turned on them. Had he a weapon he'd have been brandishing it threateningly. He settled for pointing his finger at them. Deidara stared at his master, blinking, and unfazed. Hidan merely laughed in Sasori's face. It earned him a smack around the head.
While the Jashinist bitched about the injustice of the slap, Sasori noticed the gathering clouds out at sea. Brooding and ominous, they spread across the sky. He could make out a fleet of ships framed by the storm.
"Do you think we should check that out?" Deidara suggested, seeing what his partner stared at.
"I don't know. Seriously, pirates and ninjas aren't supposed to fucking mix," Hidan answered him. The three Akatsuki members stared out at the sea before Sasori spoke again.
"One of us could be out there though. We can at least fly over just to check quickly." He decided solemnly. The blonde nodded, beginning to form a bird with his clay. When it was ready, he signalled for Hidan to climb on. Sasori jumped into the air, gliding through it, and the other two followed on the back of the clay creation.
It wasn't long before they reached the battle on the seas, and Hidan spotted a familiar face in the affray. He shouted obnoxiously as Deidara landed his bird.
"Oh look at me, I'm Kakuzu and I'm on a boat, take a good hard look at the mother fucking boat!" he stormed over to where his partner was currently fighting off some pirates and punched them out of his way. "you decrepit old bastard, why do you get to have a boat, and I get stuck with the ice queen and the tranny?" Hidan continued to assault Kakuzu, poking him in the chest and chattering on.
Ignoring Hidan's rage Sasori and Deidara were soon embroiled in a fight of their own. Deidara looked on as a woman began to grow to massive heights, cackling loudly as she did so. The blonde frowned unimpressed.
"I can do that too un," he stated to nobody in particular. He fished around in his pocket and found one of his mushrooms. Biting into it he gestured triumphantly, "see?"
The other Akatsuki were treated to the view as their blonde compnanion's size began to increase quickly. Soon he was as tall as their enemy, and a smirk spread across his now gigantic face.
"Oh shit, my eyes!" cried Hidan, "that is one skirt I do not want to see up, " he cowered away as Deidara began to fight the giant woman. It didn't matter to him that she was goddess of the sea they were all on. Sasori and Kakuzu shrugged as they watched Deidara.
"It's not so bad," Sasori smirked while Kakuzu nodded in agreement.
"Fuck, you sick old perverts," Hidan continued to insult the older two, while all around them the pirates fought on. Kakuzu shook his head at his idiot of a partner and sewed his mouth shut.
Hours later, the sun was setting and the four were the only ones left on the boat. Sasori had made a puppet from what appeared to be a giant octopus, and was making it dance across the sea for his own amusement. At the front of the ship, Deidara was throwing small bombs into the sea, hoping to stun some fish into their nets for dinner. Kakuzu, relieved that nobody was trying to kill him anymore, was relaxing against a railing. He'd taken out his small stash of treasure and was counting it lovingly again.
Soon however he felt eyes on him and turned to face Hidan. His partner was now splattered with blood, the pirates having become sacrifices to his god. The immortals lips were now unsealed and he spoke.
"So you're a fucking pirate in this place?" he questioned.
"Apparently so, Hidan." Kakuzu retorted. He looked away from the Jashinist and went back to his counting.
"So, you're a pirate and a ninja?"
"Yes Hidan,"
"Are you like, some sort of shitty ultimate warrior then?"
The other three looked at Hidan. If it weren't for his immortality, and the fact they didn't much care, they'd worry about him.
