82 Can You Hear Me? | Irulain & Auren | T language, angst and such | First person
Author's Note: I'm rather partial to Irulain... she may break lore a bit but I really do feel for her, close to her even. Her words and what she expresses are often an aspect of myself in need of getting out. Jadira may smash things and have fun... Aliha may be wise and mother and be kind... but Irulain... bleeds and tries to understand a world not kind and welcoming to her and tries to learn her place in things. Just felt I had to share that.
The winds swirl and twist around the balconies of the Ebon Hold, carrying on the wind the stench of death and old smoke. It is rare for our kind to gain respite, not that we need it truthfully but at times there is simply no need for another blade.
Sitting here, with my free will, I wonder what others felt when this place was still a bastion of the Scourge, still the forward front for the Lich King. My helm, curved and horned that was gifted to me with HIS very hands… placed atop my head to hide my near living features, the face of a servant of Elune to become HIS blade sits in my lap, fingers twisting along its runes. I remember HIS words…
Go forth and leave none alive. Be my wrath and my will. I gave you life to do these things and it pleases me so, my Winter's Kiss. Give the Argent Dawn the kiss of Death for me.
I sometimes wonder at my own thoughts, were they mine or simply HIS will.
Below us, spread out like a scroll documenting all our sins is the former Scarlet lands. I can see the fort we burnt to the ground, the fortifications we smashed to rubble. The inn below still smells of copper and entrails. The Chapel…
I still can't walk over there. I still cannot face the place where I killed my nursemaid. She remembered me… she KNEW me. She remembered caring for me while my Mother was at Temple. She remembered the troubled my Father caused.
I look into the smoky sky and wonder what they would think to see me now… if I spoke to them?
I don't know why but… I cannot keep silent.
"Mother... Father… can you hear me? Are you still there?" I whisper to the wind as it plays in my green-gray hair, whipping it about my face. "Can you accept the echo I can't be rid of now? What would you think of me now that I'm a monster… that I am a murderer and a weapon? Will you accept I need it to survive… the fight, the thrill of combat and the kill? Would you be afraid of me when I am up to my elbows in the blood of my foes, whoever they may be?
Did you plan this for me… when I was born? Did you want your child to become a freak… a monster? I didn't ask for the ability to feel the hearts of others… I didn't ask to be able to steel men's courage and bravery with a touch… I never wanted to kill with a kiss.
Why did you let me die… why did you bring me here to get sick and leave me to be found? Was it because mother was half feral and mad… because father was a wanted criminal… did you have to leave me to die? Why couldn't you take me with you… why couldn't you save me?!" I'm on my feet now, fairly shouting in some mongrel blend of Elvin tongues.
I am a half breed; the pure bloods among the Knights even look on me with distain from both sides of the political boundaries. I am a woman and many of the male knights still see us as weaker, even though most women I know have caused greater pain than the men. I am cursed with this power to feel what others do… so much so I do not know my own heart… I am alone…even when surrounded by my own kind… only the screams and nightmares keep me company along with the ever present scent of blood…
I didn't ask to be a mongrel
A freak
A monster
A murderer
A woman….
Alone
"And what would you do, little kittling… if they could hear you?" a soft voice, smooth like ice over a still pond speaks behind me. I spin on my heels, fists clenched, rage barely contained. How DARE someone… someone…
He is shorter than me, hair once gold like the sun pail and thin but still the same wild long spikes… like hawks feathers behind his ears. His features are gaunt but still handsome and prominent, even with his slight pallor. Ice gathers on his armor, on the sword across his back, the floor at his feet. He is a Frost Knight… the most emotionless of them all, those who Winter never leaves… who are as hard to defeat as the march of glaciers and can take any blow dealt them with stoic poise. His posture screams soldier, warrior, and killer. A man who knows what it is to be a man… he is Sin'dorei… he is…
Bright green glades play in my mind, sunlight mere spotlights through the high canopies of massive trees. I can hear his laughter, warm like the Sun, like his touch and his love as he chases me around. He is huge to me, but gentle as he lifts me in the air and swings me around, making noises like Dragonhawks I've never seen. His kisses are like warm rain and I know no bigger heart than his. I know from the shadows SHE rests against uncle's striped fur, worn out from a full night minding me… it is Day, and Days are meant for…
My helm clatters to the ground as I fall to my knees and he walks towards me… I'm barely aware of the crowd I feel gathering as he hugs me close, face pressing against his chilling cold saronite armor. In the heart of his winter… I feel the Sun.
"I hear you, daughter… I hear you just fine."
