God Bless The Broken Road

(Chapter Six: Love, Life & Heartache)

It had been three weeks since she had left and Elliot was lost with out her. He had gotten so used to the fact that she would always be there beside him and now there when he turned around there was no one. Olivia had called him Sunday afternoon to let him know she had made it Colorado okay. But he had only heard from her a couple of times since. She was busy with her new life.

There wasn't a day that passed that she was not on his mind. Remembering all of the good and bad times they had over the years. Cragen had promised to find him a new partner soon, but the truth was Elliot would rather work alone forever than to try to find someone to replace her. No one ever would. She was more than a partner to him, she was his best friend and at one point in time the center of his entire world. Before he screwed things up, that is.

Elliot sat at his desk staring at the phone, wanting so badly to call her and just hear her voice. But she was busy, out working with her new partner in her new life and he was not a part of that life. He could not help but wonder if Olivia missed him as much as he was missing her.

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Olivia stood in her kitchen cutting up peppers for a stir fry. She still hadn't quite adjusted to her new life here alone and sometimes wondered if she had made the right decision. Her new partner, Ethan Rhodes, was a rookie who spent most of his time trying to get into her pants, rather than focusing on their cases. He was cocky and annoying and Olivia could barely stand him. He was however a very good Detective when he was able to focus his attention where it belonged. Rhodes was in his early thirties, single and remotely attractive, but not in any way her type. Besides she had learned her lesson about sleeping with people you work with when she got involved with Elliot. And she had a wonderful and extremely attractive boyfriend who would be arriving any minute.

Jack knew that she had been having a little trouble adjusting to her new life and could tell when he spoke to her on the phone how lonely she was. So he pulled a few strings and cashed in a few days vacation time to come see her for the weekend. Olivia was excited.

A few minutes later she heard a the door bell ring. A smile immediately crossed her face as she opened the door to see Jack standing there in his work uniform holding a dozen roses.

"I am so glad to see you," she said as she threw her arms around his neck and kissed his lips.

"I missed you so much baby," he mumbled between her kisses as he back them inside the apartment. "It smells wonderful in here," Jack said sitting down a small suitcase of his clothes.

"Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes. Come on, I will show you the apartment."

Olivia held him by the hand and guided him through her new place as they talked about everything that had happened over the past few days.

"Oh, I almost forgot." Jack said as he laid his bag on her bed and unzipped it. "Here." He handed her a small gift box that contained a small dragon fly pendant on a silver chain.

"Jack, it is so pretty. Thank you."

She held her hair up as he fastened the necklace for her.

"Happy Anniversary," he said smiling at her with his perfect smile and his green eyes sparkling.

"I didn't think you would remember," she said softly opening the night stand drawer and handing him a gift box as well.

"How could I forget?" He smiled at her again as he opened the box. Inside was a gold watch with diamond accents and matching cuff links.

"Do you like it? I had no idea what to get you."

"I love it." He kissed her and smiled again as he caressed her cheek with his thumb. "One month, it seems like it has been a lot longer than that."

"Hey," she said smiling at him.

"I mean I feel like I have known you my entire life."

"So do I."

"I think that is a good thing."

"Yeah?"

"Yes." He kissed her lips gently. "And," he opened a paper bag he had carried in with him and pulled out a bottle of wine.

Olivia laughed.

"It is the kind you had at the restaurant on our first date. I thought we should celebrate."

"Aww." She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him as his arms fell around her and pulled her tight to him. "I am really glad you are here," she said softly as he kissed her lips.

"Me, too."

"Let's eat."

After dinner they cuddled up on the couch together. Jack pulled her into his arms and held her tight as they actually watched an entire movie together. Olivia closed her eyes and laid her cheek against his shoulder as she took a deep breath drawing in the scent of his aftershave. She tipped her head back and gently kissed his neck as she loosened his tie. A few minutes later they were making out on the couch once more.

Olivia stood up and pulled him by the hand as she lead him down the hallway toward the bedroom.

"Yeah?" He asked staring in to her eyes.

"Yeah," she said softly. "I can't think of a better time and there is nothing else I would rather do," she whispered softly as he kissed her passionately.

"Olivia, I don't have anything. I wasn't planning on this."

"I'm on the pill," she said softly as she pushed him back against the bed and unbuttoned his shirt.

She moved her hands over his chest and continued to kiss him as he moved his hands to unbutton her jeans.

"I have something for you," she said softly looking into his eyes as he laid back on the bed.

"Oh, you do huh?"

"Yes, I do."

She climbed from the bed and pulled something from the dresser and walked into the bathroom. A few minutes later she returned wearing a knee length satin own. Jack stared into her eyes and smiled as she approached him.

"You planned this?"

"Well, it is our anniversary."

He smiled up at her as he guided his fingers over the silky material feeling every curve of her body. The gown was black with little pink dots and a slit in one side that showed just a glimpse of the matching bikini underwear she wore underneath.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered as she pushed him back on the bed and leaned in over him.

Olivia kissed him passionately and before she knew it his uniform and her gown were crumpled up together in her bedroom floor. And they were engaged in amazing sex rolling around between her Egyptian cotton sheets. Jack was so sweet and slow with her. Kissing her passionately and caressing every inch of her body with his strong hands. He took his time and did everything right.

When they had finished he held her tight against him and kissed her gently.

"That was definitely worth the wait," he whispered softly staring into her eyes.

"Yes it was," she replied softly.

Olivia spent that night sleeping in his arms. And in the morning when they woke, they made love again. Infact they spent the biggest part of that first day in bed together. Making love then passing out in each others arms and waking up only to do it again.

That night Jack took her to dinner in their restaurant. The one they had shared that first perfect night in together one month earlier. They shared a romantic meal and danced together as he held her in his arms. Olivia closed her eyes and tried to memorize every moment with him, knowing in just a few short hours she would be without him once again.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly.

"I have never been better," she said smiling at him. And in that moment, she realized that she had fallen in love with him.

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Elliot sat in the waiting room with Kathy as half a dozen pregnant women sat around reading parenting magazines. Today was the day they would find out the sex of their baby. Elliot should have been excited. And he was, but not nearly as much as he was worried. But not about Kathy or the baby or even the pregnancy. He was worried about Olivia and how she was getting along in Colorado.

He looked down at his watch, they had been waiting now for over an hour and Kathy had to pee again. Elliot held her purse as she made her way to the rest room. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked to see if it was working. No missed calls. He exhaled loudly and punched in Olivia's number. He placed his finger on the send button as he stared at the Olivia's name on the screen.

"Elliot?" He heard Kathy's voice from across the room just as he was about to hit send. "Elliot, they are ready for us."

Elliot closed his phone and slipped it into his pocket. Then stood up and walked back with Kathy. An hour later they left the office with the latest sonogram pictures of the baby, which clearly revealed they were expecting a little boy.

"Elliot, are you okay?" Kathy asked from across the car.

"I'm fine Kath, why?"

"No reason. You have just been acting a little strange lately, that's all."

"Strange?" He turned to look at her.

"Yeah, distant. It is like we are in the same room but you are not really here most of the time. What is on your mind?"

"Nothing."

"Elliot, if we are going to make this work you have to talk to me. Open communication, remember? That was one of the things on our list."

By their list she meant the page full of things they both felt that they needed to improve to create a successful marriage. But how could he talk to her about this? How could he tell her that it was Olivia that he had dated while they were separated. And Olivia that he had made love to so many nights and held tight in his arms. And Olivia he could not get off his mind. Lately he saw her everywhere. Everything reminded him of her. Strangers on the street or women in the elevator wearing her perfume. And last night when he made love to Kathy it was Olivia's face he saw. In his mind it was her lips he was kissing and her soft warm body he was holding. And at one point it was almost her name he called out as he reached his climax.

Kathy woke up that morning and greeted him with a kiss. She smiled and talked about how that was the best it had ever been between them. How could he break it to her that is was not her he was making love to, but Olivia.

"Hey," she said from across the car.

"Yeah?"

"What is it?"

Elliot just shook his head. "Work I guess."

"El, it's Olivia….isn't it?"

Elliot's eyes widened and his heart pounded at the sound of Kathy's voice saying her name.

"What about her?" He asked afraid of where this conversation may lead.

"You are worried about her."

"Yes, I am. I have not heard from her in almost two weeks."

"Elliot, she is a grown woman. She can take care of her self. She doesn't need big brother looking after her all of the time. Liv is a strong woman, she will be okay on her own."

Kathy patted his shoulder.

Yes, Liv would be okay on her own. Elliot was sure of that. But could he survive here with out her?

"I'm sure you are right."

"If you are so worried about her, call her."

"You don't think that would just make her angry?"

"No. Elliot she is your best friend. She will be glad to hear from you. And she would probably make her feel good to know that you worry about her."

Elliot stared at Kathy knowing that her suggestion would be completely different if she had fully known the entire situation between he and Olivia.

"I'll try after we get back to the house."

Kathy smoothed her hand over his shoulder and laid her head against it. But it didn't quite have the same effect that it did when Olivia used to lay her head there. God he missed her.

Back at the house Elliot went into the bedroom and locked the door for privacy as he dialed Olivia's cell phone number. He sat down on the edge of the bed as a recording echoed through his ear.

"The number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service."

Elliot felt his heart sink into his stomach as he closed the phone in his hand. He sat alone in the bedroom staring at the wall ahead of him feeling almost sick for letting her go the way he did. And now it was too late to tell her how he felt about her.

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Another month had passed and Jack and Olivia were getting along great. He managed to make it to Denver about once a week now to see her. Sometimes it would be only for a few hours until he had to leave out again and sometimes she would have him all to herself for a few days before he had to leave again. Every moment between them filled with passion and romance, holding tight to one another until they were forced to part once more.

She sat at her desk at work waiting for him to call her and tell her what time his flight would be in that night. Olivia had not seen him in six days and this time he would be home for the three day weekend. Jack was going to spend tonight at her apartment with her and in the morning he was flying her to Maine to spend the weekend at his place and show her around the little town.

Olivia was excited. She could not wait to spend three entire days with him, falling asleep in his arms each night and waking up in them each morning. She was working on her paperwork when the phone on her desk rang. Olivia looked at it for a second then picked it up.

"Benson," she said holding the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she typed.

"Olivia," the voice on the other line said. "The call on line one is for you," Mary from the front desk said sweetly.

"Thanks Mary."

Olivia pushed the flashing button to pick the line.

"Benson."

She waited for a moment, but heard nothing.

"Hello? This is Detective Olivia Benson, is anyone there?"

She held the phone against her shoulder as her new partner approached her asking some questions about a file. He cracked a stupid joke making her laugh. Olivia pressed the phone against her shoulder to cover the mouth piece and spoke to him for just a moment before returning her attention to the call.

"Hello? Well, okay then. Call me back when you are ready to talk," she said as she hung up the phone and returned to work.

"That was strange," she said looking up at Ethan.

"What is that?"

"Mary said I had a call. I picked it up but there was no one there."

"Maybe it was Jack."

"Maybe. But I would think Jack would have called my cell phone."

She got up from her desk and walked to the lobby area out front.

"Hey Mary, did you happen to get a name from that caller?"

"No, honey. I'm sorry, I didn't."

"Hmm. Was is a man or a woman?"

"A man."

Olivia smiled. "I'm sure it was Jack. Thanks, Mary."

Olivia walked back to her desk and picked up her cell phone and dialed Jack's number.

"Hello," he said in a sexy voice.

"Hi there," she said sweetly.

"Hey baby. We are looking at about five thirty."

"Okay, I will be there. I miss you."

"I miss you too sweetheart."

The next morning she and Jack boarded a plane headed for Maine. This was the first time she had ever flown with him as the pilot. Before take off Jack brought her on board and showed her the cockpit of the plane.

"I'm sorry you can't sit up here with me."

"It's okay. I will be fine in the back. I know I'm safe if you are flying the plane. Besides, you got me a first class ticket."

"Only the best for my baby," he said as he kissed her lips.

"They will start boarding in a few minutes."

"I should probably sake my seat."

"I'll walk you back. I have a few friends I would like to introduce you to."

Olivia smiled at the thought of him introducing her to his friends.

They arrived at his apartment around three o'clock. The place was small but nice and very much a bachelor pad. Jack gave her the tour of the apartment then lead her out onto the balcony. From there you could see the shore of the coast a few miles away.

"I have an idea," he said with a smile.

"Why don't we go down and pick up some lobsters and I will cook for you?"

"That sounds great."

Jack laced his fingers in hers and kissed her lips tenderly. "I missed you so much. I think about you every second I am not by your side."

"You are so good to me."

"I love you, Olivia." He watched her waiting for a reaction, not quite sure if it was too soon for this.

She stared ahead at the water for a few moments then looked into his eyes.

"I love you, too." She smiled at him and he kissed her again.

"You had me worried there for a minute. I thought for sure I had scared you off, just blurting it out like that. I wasn't sure if it was too soon. But I have felt it for a while now and I didn't want the first time I said it to be over the phone from some other country." He laced his fingers in hers again. "I wanted to be standing here beside you so I could kiss you."

"I'm glad you said it. I have been thinking it too. I just wasn't sure how to say it without seeming like some crazy woman."

"I mean it, you know? I do love you."

She smiled at him and her eyes sparkled. "And I love you."

Jack wrapped his arms tight around her. "Let's go get the stuff for dinner."

Jack cooked the most amazing lobster dinner and they had a romantic candle light dinner with wine. Olivia hadn't eaten anything all day and by the start of her second glass of wine she was feeling a little queasy. Jack put on some soft music and opened the patio door. He held her hand in his and lead her out to the balcony where he held her tight as they slow danced under the blue light of the full moon.

They held tight to each other and swayed gently back and forth to the music as Olivia closed her eyes and placed her head against his shoulder. She held tight to his waist as she felt the gentle rocking motion of him leading her in the dance.

That was it, she couldn't fight it anymore. Olivia broke free of his arms and dashed down the hall to the bathroom where she emptied the entire contents of her stomach. She sat in the floor in front of the toilet and gasped for air. She was pretty sure that everything that had gone in had already been forced out, but she leaned over it and threw up again. She groaned and held her hand over her stomach as it churned wondering if she was finished. She sat in the floor for a second then reached up and flushed the toilet. She stood up and turned the water on rinsing her mouth and washing her face as she stared into the mirror. She looked like hell. She reached for her bag off the back of the sink and pulled out her tooth brush.

A few minutes later Jack tapped on the door.

"Olivia, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she mumbled through a mouth full of tooth paste. "I'll be out in just a minute." She rinsed her mouth and patted her face dry with a hand towel. She took a deep breath and walked slowly back out to the living room.

Jack walked up and handed her a glass of water.

"Are you okay?"

"This is humiliating. Jack, I am so sorry."

"Baby, you're sick. That is not anything to be sorry for."

"No, I'm not sick. I am fine now. I didn't eat anything today. Then I ate lobster, which was delicious by the way. But that mixed with wine on an empty stomach. Was not such a great idea."

Jack kissed her forehead. "Baby, you still look a little pale. Why don't we go on to bed. We can lay in there and watch a movie or something."

"I don't want to mess up the evening, it is still early. And you planned this perfect weekend."

"Olivia, I am here with you. That makes it perfect. Let me take care of you."

He kissed her forehead and looked into her eyes.

"Let's go to bed," he whispered softly.

"Okay," she said pressing her forehead to his and staring into his eyes.

Jack watched television for a few hours, but Olivia fell asleep in his arms within a few minutes. He held her and watched her sleep. He pulled the blankets up around her and kissed her forehead. "I love you," he whispered softly. Then he turned out the light and went to sleep as well.

When Jack woke up the next morning Olivia was already up and out of bed. He walked down the hall to find her brushing her teeth in front of the bathroom mirror.

"Everything okay?" He asked.

"Yeah," she said with a mouth full to tooth paste. She rinsed her mouth and turned to kiss him.

"Are you sure?"

"Jack, I am fine." She looked up at him and smiled again as she laughed and pushed him back down the hall toward the bedroom to take advantage of him.

That afternoon Jack took her to a place just outside of town.

"Are you going to tell me where we are going?" She asked with a smile.

"I want to show you something."

He pulled onto an old farm and drove across the property toward the barn.

"What is this place?"

"A buddy of mine owns it. Isn't it beautiful?"

"Gorgeous."

He kissed her lips then ran ahead of her toward the barn. "Come on!"

Olivia laughed and followed him.

He slid open a large metal door to reveal a small plane. Olivia watched him as his eyes lit up. "Isn't she beautiful?"

"Yes," she smiled trying to show an interest in whatever it was he liked.

"This is a 1953 Cessna 180. Rebuilt of course. This is the exact same kind of plane Jerry Mock set a world record in."

"Oh," she said trying to pretend she had some clue what he was talking about.

Jack laughed and kissed her. "You have no clue what I am even talking about, do you?"

Olivia laughed. "No, I'm sorry."

"Jerry or Geraldine Mock set a world record as the first woman to ever fly solo around the world. I got this plane from a salvage yard and my buddy and I spent two years rebuilding her. We even painted it as an exact replica of the plane Mock flew in her famous trip. I named her Jerry, after Geraldine Mock."

"That is really cool."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You want to take her up?"

"What?"

"Yeah, we have a few hours before dark. I'll show you how it works."

"Okay." Olivia's eyes lit up. The thought of learning something new was always exciting to her.

Jack helped her into the plane and explained all of the gages and levers and switches to her. He turned on the engines and pulled the plane slowly out of the barn and into an open field ahead of them. A few minutes later they were thousands of feet above the ground and all of the world was far below them.

Jack reached over and took Olivia's hand in his.

"What do you think?"

"It's amazing. Everything is so beautiful."

"You want to fly it?"

Olivia looked confused and shook her head. "I'm good, thanks."

Jack laughed. "Come here," he said scooting her closer to him. "It is not that hard. I will teach you."

Olivia looked worried.

Jack wrapped his arm around her and pulled her onto his lap in the tiny cockpit of the plane. Olivia's heart was pounding as she looked at Jack with doubt in her eyes.

"It's alright, you can do it. I won't let you fall," he said as he placed his hands over hers to steer the plane. "See."

"What, this is me? I'm doing this?" She asked nervously.

Jack let go and let her take over.

"It's all you baby."

Olivia laughed. "I'm flying a plane. Oh my God."

"You are going just fine. You can play with it a bit, if you want. You do this we go this way and this takes us that way."

Olivia looked into his eyes and mouthed I love you, then leaned in and kissed him.

Back on the ground Jack pulled the plane back into the barn and turned off the engine.

"What did you think?"

"I had the most amazing time, thank you for this."

"No problem. I love you."

"I love you, too."

She leaned in and kissed him. As he felt her heart pounding from the excitement of the day.

"Leaves you full of adrenaline, huh? You don't know what to do with it."

She smiled, "I have an idea." She climbed over him on the seat and began kissing him.

He attempted to move them to the other seat but he fell into the floor between them. As she crawled over him and they had sex right there in the plane.

Afterward Olivia sat up trying to put her clothes back on. While fumbling around she hit her head on the wall of the plane.

"Careful," Jack said kissing the top of her head as they both laughed. "Apparently it is much easier to take your clothes off in a small plane than it is to put them back on."

That night in bed while he was holding her after making love again Jack picked up her hand and brought it to his lips.

"I was thinking…."

Olivia raised her head to look at him.

"We should work on getting you your pilot's license."

"Why?"

"So you can take me flying."

Olivia smiled against his chest.

"Yeah," she laughed.

"I am serious. I mean if it is something you would be interested in. I could teach you."

She sat up in the bed and wrapped the sheet around her. "They just hand those out to anyone?"

"Well, anyone who can learn it and passes the examine. Liv, it is not that hard. I'm not trying to push you. I just thought if you were interested that would be something great we could do together. You did great today."

"You were right there."

"I was, but you did it on your own. I showed you what to do and I let you take over. You did really well."

She looked across the room for a minute.

"You really think I could learn it?"

"Yes, I mean if you want to. I am not trying to push you in to it Olivia. If you are not interested that is okay too, just tell me baby and I will drop it."

"No, I am interested. How long will it take?"

"It usually takes about four to six months, sometimes more. But we could get it done in six. Of course you would have to come here to get in your flight hours."

Olivia smiled. "I don't know realistically if we will have time for it. I mean with both of our schedules the way they are. But I would love to try."

"Okay."

The next day the got up and packed their things and headed for the airport to go back to Denver. Jack was flying back with her today and tomorrow morning they both had to go back to work. He went ahead to check on their tickets. This time he was sitting with her instead of flying the plane.

Olivia wondered around the airport gift shop looking, wasting time until he returned. She stared down into the glass case next to the counter.

"Can I help you miss?"

"I will take this, this and one of those." She said pointing into the case as the woman bagged her items and rang up her purchases.

"Liv, we are boarding," Jack announced to her as she tucked the paper bag into her purse and followed him to the plane.

Olivia held his hand until after take off. Twenty minutes into the flight she excused herself and headed to the tiny airplane bathroom. She stepped inside and turned the lock to occupied as she sat her purse on the counter and pulled out the white paper bag. She pulled out her purchases from the gift shop. A pack of gum, Dramamine and a pregnancy test. Olivia took a deep breath and opened the box.