God Bless The Broken Road

(Chapter Seven: Safe With Me)

Back in Denver Olivia sat on the sofa holding the remote in her hand as Jack cooked them dinner. Her mind was a thousand miles away and he was starting to pick up on it.

"Liv?"

"Yeah," she said shifting her attention from the television to him.

"I asked if you liked mushrooms on pizza?"

"Oh, yeah."

He was making his special homemade pizza for her.

"You want a glass of wine?"

"Not tonight," she said softly as she sat down on the barstool.

Jack poured her a glass of iced tea and walked over to stand beside her. He pulled her waist toward him and wrapped her legs around him then kissed her as he stared into her eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Olivia smiled. "Talk about what?"

"Whatever it is that is keeping you so far away from me right now. Where are you?"

"I'm here," she said taking his hand in hers. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Olivia, we had a carefree weekend and now you have a lot on your mind?"

She lifted her eyes to look into his.

"I don't know. I guess it just really hit me that you are leaving tomorrow. And I am going to be alone here again."

"I'll be back on Thursday and I wont have to leave again until Saturday morning."

"I know. I just miss you so much when you are gone," She wrapped her arms tight around his waist and hugged him.

Jack kissed her tenderly. "I love you, Olivia Benson."

She smiled, "I love you too, Jackson Crawford."

"I'd better get this pizza in the oven."

"Yes, I am starving."

After dinner that sat curled up together on the couch watching television. After a little while Olivia's cell phone rang and she went into the bedroom to talk to Ethan about something with their case. A few minutes later she returned.

"Jack, can we talk?"

"Sure sweetheart," he turned off the television and looked up at her noticing the tears in her eyes. He sat up and patted the couch beside him motioning for her to join him. "What's up, Liv?"

She approached him slowly and opened her hand revealing the pregnancy test strip in her hand and the little pink plus sign in the window.

Jack sat quiet for a minute then looked up at her as tears fell from her eyes.

"Hey, come here."

Olivia sat on the couch beside him.

"I didn't mean for this to happen, I swear."

"Honey, calm down. So we are pregnant?"

Olivia nodded her head.

Jack reached up and wiped a tear from her cheek. "I'm going to be a daddy?" He laughed and smiled at her. "I am going to be a daddy?"

"Jack wait," she took a deep breath and felt like she couldn't breathe. "I'm not sure…. I mean, I don't know how far I am."

"It isn't mine?"

"I don't know, for sure. I have not had a period since right before I broke up with Elliot. But with the break up and the move, the stress. Sometimes I am just late. This time I was really late. I didn't think….I was on the pill. I got the test in the airport gift shop and took it on the plane. I wanted to tell you before you left again. I am sorry."

"I'm not."

"No, I don't mean I am sorry about the baby. I am sorry that I can't tell you for sure if it is yours. I'll make an appointment this week. Once I find out my due date I will know."

"How?"

"Because, Elliot and I were together the night before we broke up. Three days later I met you in Denver. But you and I were not together until a month later. So I would have gotten pregnant within the last month. If it is Elliot's baby, then I would be about ten…" she closed her eyes to think, "eleven weeks or more." She took a deep breath.

"Are you going to tell him?"

Olivia looked at Jack. "If it were yours wouldn't you want to know?"

"Yes."

"I have to Jack. He deserves to know. I don't want to say anything until I know for sure."

"So what happens to us?"

"What?"

"If it is his baby? Olivia I love you. I want to be with you."

"If it is his baby, nothing changes. If you don't want it to. I will call Elliot and tell him because he deserves to know. But I still want to be with you."

"I don't want to know."

"Jack?"

"No, Liv. I love you and I want you and this baby. I don't want to find out that it isn't mine. I just….I just want a life with you. You , me and this baby. And if it is his, do you think he will leave New York? Do you think he will leave his wife and other kids and come here?"

"I don't know what he will do. But he needs to make that choice, not me."

"I don't want to lose you."

"Jack, you are not going to lose me. Even if Elliot did come here for the baby, I am with you now. I love you."

"Olivia, I just don't want to know. In my mind and in my heart this is my baby. I understand that you need to know and why you need him to know. But I really want to be a part of this baby's life either way."

"You do?"

"Of course. I can't just wake up one day and not love him or her anymore because he isn't mine. Love doesn't work like that. You either love someone or you don't. I love you and I love this baby. No matter how this turns out."

Olivia smiled. "I guess there is no reason anything has to change. This kid would just have two amazing father figures in his or her life instead of just one. It really would not be any different than if I had gotten pregnant and had the baby before and then we broke up and I got with you. You would still be the other guy in this kids life. And I think it is sweet that you want to be a part of this either way."

"Yes, but what is Elliot going to think?"

"I think he will meet you and think about it and realize that I am truly happy for the first time in a long time. I think he will realize that you are good for me and this baby and accept you."

"You do?"

"Well, it will probably take a little while. Elliot has always had this thing where he does not think any man I have ever dated was good enough for me. And he would always try to find some way to scare them off or get me to dump them. Of course, he was usually right. I don't have the best dating record. Until you and Elliot, pretty much everyone I dated was a real loser."

"He cares a lot about you Olivia."

"Yeah. I miss that."

"You miss him?"

"I miss my friend."

"So why don't you call him?"

"Well, we talked for a little after I came here. Then we just sort of fell out of touch. I wouldn't even know what to say to him if I did call."

"He is your best friend Olivia. And I am sure he is worried sick about you."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because the man watched over you for eleven years. It was his job as your partner and friend to worry about you. Then you just drop out of his life. I would go crazy if I was him."

"I'm not that hard to find, Jack. He knows I am in Colorado. And my former Captain knows exactly where I am. Elliot has not even tried to contact me. I am sure he is busy with work and Kathy and the new baby."

"You changed your number after you moved here, did you give it to him?"

"No, but there are ways of finding someone and when you work in the business we do you learn all of the tricks. If Elliot wanted to talk to me he would have found a way by now. Besides, things got really messed up after we broke up. It was almost like being close was alien to us, nothing felt natural anymore. It was almost as if we avoided each other because we didn't know how to be around each other anymore and not think of the way things were."

"Maybe he is sitting there waiting for you to call. What if he thinks you cut him out of your life because of the break up? What if he is not sure how to tell you he misses you and he is worried about you? Guys are not always that good with emotion."

"I don't know. But if I call him now….Elliot knows me. He will be able to tell that I am hiding something. And there is no need to tell him any of this if it is your baby. I need to just wait and see what happens."

"Do you think it is his?"

"I honestly don't know. We were only together one time after my last period. I was with you several times. But until I see a doctor, I honestly cannot say either way."

"You know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think it is silly for you to worry about any of it now. The way you talk about Elliot he is a pretty understanding guy and I am sure no matter what happens, it will all work out. Either way Olivia, you are having a baby. You guys are best friends. Wouldn't you rather it be him than one of your other ex-boyfriends? At least you know he is a good man and a good father. You know he would love this baby and take responsibility for it. And I am here. You know you are not doing any of this on your own."

"Yeah," she smiled.

Jack kissed her softly.

"It's late and we both have to get up early. We should get some sleep."

"Okay."

The next morning Olivia took Jack to the airport on her way to work. They kissed and held tight to each other until it was time for her to go. She kissed him goodbye once more and headed off to work.

Olivia sat at her desk reviewing a file when Captain Brooks called her to the front lobby.

"Olivia, can you come up here please?"

She sat wondering what was going on. His voice almost sounded like he was upset with her. She couldn't think of anything that she had done to possibly get into trouble for.

Olivia stood up from her desk and walked to the front. He was standing behind the counter.

"You wanted to see me?" She stood nervously in front of him still unsure of what was going on.

"You have a visitor," he pointed behind her and she turned around to see Jack standing in the lobby with a single white rose in his hand.

"Oh, my God." She wrapped her arms tight around him and gently kissed his lips. She looked into his eyes as they sparkled back at hers so full of love. "I though you were long gone by now."

"I was supposed to be, but I started thinking and I don't want to leave you here alone like this." He locked his fingers in hers and kissed her again. "So, I handed off my flight to a friend and took a few more days of my vacation time. I think this is where I need to be right now," he said brushing he cheek gently with his thumb.

"I am so glad you are here. Oh, I want to introduce you to everyone." She lead him by the hand around the room introducing him to Mary and her Captain and Ethan. Then she took an early lunch so that they could talk.

They picked up lunch and went to the park to eat at a table under a shade tree.

"I tried to get on that plane, Olivia. But I just couldn't do it. I know these next few days are going to be hard for you and I felt like this was where I needed to be, here beside you." He reached across the table and held her hand in his. "We are in this together, right?"

"If you want to be, yes."

"I have never wanted anything more," Jack raised her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

"I made a few calls this morning, but I don't have my own doctor here so the earliest I can get an appointment is Wednesday morning." She looked into his eyes. "They will be able to tell me then how far along I am and I will have to figure out where to go from there."

"I can go with you, if you'd like."

"I would like that." She exhaled softly and looked down at the ground. "How long can you stay?"

"Well, until the end of the week if I need to. But I only have three weeks vacation for the year and I probably need to save some of that for when the baby is born."

"Jack, I am so thankful to have you in my life and in my baby's life. I love you so much." She laid the side of her face in the palm of his hand.

"I love you too, darlin'." He smiled at her and she leaned in to kiss his lips.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Five months later. The waiting room was littered with Stabler children as they all anxiously awaited the arrival of their little brother. None more so than Dickie, who until today had been plagued with three sisters and was the only male child of the family.

Elliot stood next to Kathy holding her hand tight as she pushed through another contraction. They had to be getting close, he thought as the next one came harder and faster than the last, she been pushing for nearly an hour. With that another big push and the silence was broke with his sons first cries.

Elliot cut the cord and the doctor wrapped the baby in a blue blanket and handed him off to Kathy. Elliot was proud. Another son. Seven pound ten ounce, Elliot Stabler II or Eli to be exact. Elliot leaned over and kissed his wife's lips softly as she handed him the baby.

The doctor took Kathy to get her cleaned up and Elliot carried the baby to her hospital room as the nurse showed in the crowd of older siblings to meet him. Elliot sat on the edge of the hospital bed holding his newborn son, watching as his other children gathered around him full of excitement.

But as he watched them his mind wondered. For a moment and only a moment, he wondered where she was right now. And what she was doing at this exact moment. He could not help but wish that his best friend was here to share in this moment with him. Elliot longed to touch her and kiss her and hold her again. But more than that, he just missed their friendship.

He took a deep breath as the nurse wheeled Kathy into the room in a wheel chair and he handed her the baby. She held him close to her and looked at him.

"He is definitely a Stabler," she said softly looking into the baby's blue eyes. She looked back up at Elliot as he smiled at her and kissed her forehead.

"I'm gonna go call work and tell everyone the good news."

"Elliot, stay a few minutes first." She looked at him with pleading eyes.

"I will be back in just a few minutes," he said placing a kiss on top her head.

He took a deep breath and walked to the elevator. He had to step outside and get some air. It had been weeks since he had allowed Olivia to seep from the dark corners of his memory and actually flood his thoughts, but she was in them now. It was like a dam broke inside him and she was all he could think about now.

Elliot opened his cell phone and sent a text to Fin with a picture he had taken of his new son. He scrolled down through the numbers in his phone book until he reached Olivia's name and just stared at it for a minute. He knew this was not her number anymore, but he could not bring himself to delete it.

He took a deep breath and closed the phone as he dropped it back into his pocket. He walked down to the cafeteria and got himself a cup of coffee. He had to learn to accept the fact that she was gone and get on with his life. He wanted this life with Kathy, with the kids and his new son. He chose this. So why wasn't he happy?

Elliot thought back to a day several months earlier when he had taken some not so legal means and stumbled upon some information. He took his wallet from his pocket and pulled a business card. He flipped it over and read the writing on the back side.

Olivia Benson

422 Westridge Lane

Apartment 9B

Denver, CO. 80201

Elliot smoothed his thumb over the handwriting on the card. He looked at it for another moment then put it back into his wallet.

He thought about a phone call he had made to the Denver Police Department a few months back. He thought about how she had sounded when she answered the phone. He could hear the smile in her voice. And the way she had laughed. She was happy now and she was were she wanted to be. He didn't….couldn't talk to her that day. He had so many thoughts racing through his mind that he wanted to share with her. But the moment he heard her voice, it was as if his entire world had stopped spinning. He couldn't speak. So he just listened. For the first time in a long time he really listened to her. And he heard more than her simple words. He heard her smile and her laughter and her happiness. And he continued to listen until she hung up the phone.

Elliot climbed back onto the elevator and headed back up to Kathy's hospital room to rejoin his family. He held his son in his arms and looked into his eyes. Eli wrapped his little hand around his father's fingertip and yawned as he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. Elliot looked around the room at the other children as they began to slow down from sheer exhaustion. He gave Maureen the car keys and had her take the other kids home for the evening. He held the baby and walked around the hospital room in the dark as Kathy slept. He opened the blinds and he and little Eli watched out the window as the emergency helicopters landed on the roof across from them. Elliot kissed the baby's head and placed him gently into the little plastic bed as he dozed off in a chair. It had been a long and exciting night.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Olivia laid in bed with her hand on her belly feeling the baby move inside her. Her belly was raised and getting bigger by the week and her pregnancy had been obvious for quite some time now. She rolled onto her side, but still could not get comfortable so she gave up and sat up in bed turning the television on for comfort. News of a plane crash flashed across the screen and Olivia felt her breath catch in her chest until they said the name of the airline.

She placed her hand under where the baby laid inside her as she felt her stomach churn and ran for the bathroom to vomit. She knew it was not Jack's plane. He was no where near where the crash had taken place, but it still scared her.

She got herself a glass of water and climbed back into the bed. But it was no use, she was not going to be able to rest until she heard his voice. She picked up her cell phone and dialed his number.

"Hello," a tired voice said on the other end of the line.

"Hi," she sobbed into the phone.

"Liv, baby what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I was just worried and needed to hear your voice. I couldn't sleep so I turned on the TV and there was a plane crash. I just get scared."

"I'm okay, sweetheart. I'm in Tulsa. In my hotel room, in bed. Thinking of you. You are having the dreams again, aren't you?"

"Not in a couple of days."

The dreams, were not really dreams at all. They were nightmares and she would wake covered in sweat barely able to breathe with her heart racing and would be so freaked out by them it made her sick nearly every time. Her doctor had said it was the hormones and that some women experienced this during pregnancy. But they were all so real and some of them had actual memories mixed into them and a few had even been about Elliot.

She took a deep breath and exhaled as she laid back into the bed.

"I miss you and I love you so much."

"I miss you too honey. I will be home tomorrow night."

"I can't wait to see you."

"How's our little girl?"

"Umm," Olivia mumbled into the phone as she placed her hand against her belly feeling the gently thump of the baby's heartbeat against her palm. "I think she is sleeping now. She has been kicking wildly all night. Up under my ribs."

"Tell her I love her and I will be home tomorrow."

"I will."

"Olivia?"

"Yes?"

"I love you, too."

"Goodnight," she said softly.

"Goodnight, baby."

She closed the phone and settled back into the nest like pile of pillows she had created on the bed and within moments was fast asleep.

Jack came home the next evening, his first time in her new house. Olivia had decided about a month earlier that the apartment just was not going to be big enough once her daughter had arrived and started looking for a house. Around that same time, her Captain and his wife had decided to sell their farm land and house just outside of town. Olivia was not so sure about the idea of a farm, so for now she was leasing the property with the option to buy.

The house was a large, one level and had four bedrooms, two bathrooms and a basement. It sat on twelve acres of cleared land with more land around it. In a pasture out in front of the house and across from the barn were four horses. Being from the city Olivia knew very little about horses. And what she did know she had learned at summer camp as a kid. But she loved them and they seemed to like her. She liked to take carrots and chunks of apple out to feed them over the fence and talk to them every evening around sunset. They were beautiful and very loving animals.

Her other friends around the farm included Duke and Maggie, two barn dogs that were born on the property years before. Captain Brooks had left them behind to keep Olivia company and keep wild animals from coming up around the house and getting after his horses. Duke was about a four year old Border Collie with one blue eye. And Maggie a Golden Retriever who was about six or seven years old. Olivia liked having the dogs around because she could always tell if someone was on the property. This would be helpful later when she was alone out here with the baby.

Olivia Picked Jack up at the airport and drove him out to the house. She took his hand and showed him around. A deck wrapped around one entire side of the house and each room on that side had sliding glass patio doors that opened to the large front yard. It had a large living room, a large kitchen with an island and an eat in dining room.

The master bedroom was off the kitchen and had a full bath and his and hers walk in closets. The other three bedrooms and guest bathroom were down the hall off the dining room. One of these rooms would soon serve as a nursery for her baby girl. Another an office and the third a guest room, just in case they should ever need one. In the basement was the laundry room and a den area with a pool table.

"What do you think?" She asked him with a smile.

"I like it. Are you going to buy it?"

"I don't know, maybe."

Jack smiled at her and put his hands on her belly. It was almost twice the size it was when he left a week earlier. He could feel the baby kicking inside and smiled.

"I cannot wait to meet this kid."

"Well, you are going to have to wait. At least a few more months," she laughed and put her hand under her belly again.

Jack kissed her.

"Are you hungry?"

"Baby, that is the wrong question to ask a pregnant woman. I am always hungry."

"You come in here and sit. Catch me up on things and I will cook you dinner."

"Sounds good to me," she said with a grin.

That night Olivia slept peacefully all through the night with her head against Jack's chest and his hand on her belly. She slept better than she ever had, because she knew that he was safe here with her.