God Bless The Broken Road

(Chapter Eight: Brown Eyed Girl)

A few months later…..

Olivia was laying in bed next to Jack with a very not pleased look on her face.

"Don't worry about it Liv," he said trying to make her feel a little better about their failed sex attempt.

"I just don't understand how I can want it so much and it feel so bad."

"Baby, you are pregnant. It happens."

"It has never happened before."

"Well you weren't…."

Olivia glared at him daring him to finish the sentence.

"I wasn't what? I wasn't this fat then?"

"No, you weren't this far along then."

"Whatever," she snapped rolling over to face the wall. "I guess it doesn't matter that I can't do it because you don't want to anyway. Not that I blame you. I look and feel like a whale!"

She was crying again. She did a lot of this lately and Jack was never really sure when it would hit.

"Liv, you don't look like a whale. You look incredible." He rubbed her back softly. "And I would love to make love to you. But I don't want to do it if it is hurting you. Look at me. Hey," he waited a few seconds and finally she turned around.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

He placed his hand on her belly, then kissed it.

"Jack, I just feel like it has been forever since we even touched. We hardly get to see each other and then when you do come home we can't even…."

"I know. But it will be okay. We don't have to have sex every time I come home. We can just lay together like we used to do. I can still hold you."

"Maybe there is another way. A position we have not tried or something."

"Olivia, I am pretty sure we tried them all. And I'll have to admit many of them were not comfortable for me either. It says in some of your books that this is normal."

"Yeah, I guess so. I just hate this. I feel like we are so far apart."

He laid with his arm across her belly and his hand over the place where the little girl kicked inside. "Liv, I think we are closer now than we have ever been."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Look at the life we have made together. I mean it is your house, but I am here any moment I am not gone with work. We have an amazing relationship. I am head over heels for you. We finished the nursery together today and in just a few weeks we are going to have a baby."

"I guess you are right," she said with a smile.

"Now try to get some rest." He leaned up and kissed her lips as he turned out the bedside lamp.

"I will, but first I have to pee." She climbed from the bed and went into the bathroom.

Jack waited a few minutes for her to return, then went to check on her. He tapped on the outside of the door and opened it slowly when she didn't answer him. She had one hand on the bathroom counter and the other under her belly and was breathing in long smooth breaths.

"Olivia, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I just stood up too fast. I got a cramp and now she is kicking really hard."

"You want me to help you back to bed?" He asked reaching for her hand.

"Baby, I'm okay." She stood up slowly and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," she said with a pained smile.

He walked ahead of her to the edge of the bed. But when he turned around she wasn't okay.

"Jack!" She called to him as she breathed heavily.

He turned to look at her hearing the gently tap, tap, tap of what sounded like water running. Olivia stood on the tiled bathroom floor with one hand under her belly and the other on the door frame looking down at the puddle between her feet and her gown was soaked.

"My water just broke!"

He stood up and moved quickly to her side helping her to the bad as the contractions set in.

"Do you want me to call an ambulance?"

"No, there is no time. It will take them forever to find the place. You drive my keys are on the kitchen counter."

Jack ran into the hallway.

"Jack!"

"Yeah!" He answered as he stepped back in to the bedroom.

"Can you help me change?"

"Yes."

He grabbed a maternity top and pants from her closet and brought her shoes to her. She slipped them on and he helped her to the car. Olivia was terrified. Not only was she in extreme pain, but she was in premature labor. She was barely thirty six weeks pregnant.

Before long they had arrived at the hospital and the nurse entered the room to check to see if the was dilated.

"You are already at a six," the nurse said removing her gloves and writing on a chart.

"What does that mean?" Olivia asked.

The nurse pointed to the dilation chart on the wall. "You have get to a ten to deliver, you are already at a six. That means you do not leave until this baby comes out."

"But it is too early for that."

"I will let the doctor explain this a little better. Here he is now."

"Good evening Olivia."

"What is going on here? Is my baby okay?"

The doctor moved the wand of the sonogram machine over her belly to look at the baby.

"She looks fine. Her heart and lungs look good. She is a little smaller than I would like to see, but I think we are good."

"Good for what?"

"Good for delivery." He slid his chair around and lifted the sheet to check her again as Olivia groaned through another hard contraction. "You are about a seven. Do you want an epidural for delivery?"

Olivia looked at him thinking a bullet in the forehead to put her out of her misery would be nice. She whimpered and groaned as another contraction began.

"I think so, yes. Ooooohhhhh."

"Alright, I be beck in a few minutes to administer that."

Jack walked over to her and held her hand. He kissed it gently and looked into her eyes. "Liv, I'm right here."

She took a deep breath as a tear rolled off her cheek. "This is it," she gasped.

"This is it. We are about to finally meet this little girl." Jack leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her lips.

The doctor came in a few minutes later and gave Olivia her epidural. It helped with the pain, but did not take it completely away. He checked her again.

"Olivia, we are progressing really well. You are now at a nine. A little while longer and we can start pushing."

She nodded and reached for Jack's hand.

"You doing okay?" He asked unsure of what to say to her.

"I'm really nervous, talk to me."

"Okay. It won't be long. And we will be able to hold her." He smoothed his hand over her hair and kissed her hand. I love you so much."

Olivia bit her lip and he could tell she was having another contraction.

Twenty minutes later the doctor came in and checked her again. Now it was time to push.

She groaned and breathed and gasped and cried through forty five more minutes of labor, then her miracle arrived. On January tenth, at three seventeen in the morning, five hours and twenty two minutes after her water broke in the bathroom floor, Olivia's daughter was born.

"Would you like to cut the cord?" The doctor asked looking up at Jack, who almost looked as if he would faint.

Jack looked at Olivia and she nodded her head. He stepped over to the crying baby and looked up at the doctor.

"Just clip right here between these clamps," the doctor said pointing.

After jack cut her cord the nurses turned around and weighed her and measured her. She kicked and cried the entire time. Jack walked back to stand next to Olivia and held her hand as they watched the commotion in the room.

They wrapped the little girl in a blanket and handed her to Olivia.

Jack watched Olivia as she held her daughter for the first time and tears began to stream down her face. The tiny baby looked up at her mother with the same dark eyes. Olivia twisted the wavy locks of her dark hair between her fingers and kissed her forehead.

"Five pounds ten ounces and she is eighteen and a half inches long. She appears to be perfectly healthy. Just in a hurry to meet her mommy. I'd like to keep her for a few days and make sure everything is okay. I want to make sure she eats good. Then you should be able to take her home." The doctor looked at Olivia and smiled. "Does this little girl have a name?"

"Hannah Grace," Olivia said softly as she kissed the top of her daughter's head once more.

"Welcome to the world Hannah Grace," the doctor said with a smile. "Congratulations, Olivia." He turned and looked at Jack. "Congratulations, she is beautiful," he said shaking Jack's hand.

"Thank you."

A few minutes later they took Olivia and the baby to get cleaned up. Jack walked down to the gift shop and bought pink roses and "It's A Girl" balloons and half a dozen stuffed animals for the baby girl, including a giant stuffed panda bear. It was now nearing six o'clock and he called the police department to let Olivia's co-workers know she had the baby.

He went back up to the maternity ward going back to Olivia's room. They had not brought her back yet, so Jack stopped by the nursery to peek in the window at little Hannah. She was wrapped tight in a receiving blanket with a little pink hat on her head and a sign on the end of her little bed that said "Baby Girl Benson."

She was a carbon copy of Olivia and the most beautiful thing Jack had ever seen.

"Hannah Grace," he said softly as he tapped his finger gently against the glass and she appeared to be looking at him. "You are perfect."

He continued down the hall to see Olivia. She was exhausted and excited and he had never loved anyone more in his life.

"I called my work and your work. You will probably get some visitors later," he smiled and looked into her tired eyes. "So much for a good night's sleep, huh?"

Olivia smiled. "I'm just glad that part is over."

"You did so good, baby." He leaned in and kissed her lips. "She is so perfect. Prettiest baby in the nursery."

Olivia smiled again.

Jack laced his fingers in hers. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She blinked her heavy eyes and he could tell she was wore out.

Jack sat down in a chair beside her bed and held her hand as she drifted off to sleep.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Elliot climbed out of bed, the baby was crying again for about the tenth time tonight and he figured he would give it a shot this time and let Kathy sleep. Eli was starting to cut teeth and seemed to need constant comforting. Elliot rocked and bounced him gently as he walked around the living room floor in circles in the dark. Then he walked over to the window and opened the blinds.

It was dark and cold out and the frost had settled against the window leaving what appeared to be little snowflake shaped ice flakes all around the edges. The street light shined bright outside and cast a soft glow off the new fallen snow. Eli cooed and stared and drooled as he chewed on his teething ring. Elliot held him up to peer outside at the snow as it began to fall once more.

Elliot moved the baby swing in front of the window and placed Eli inside as he wound it up. It rocked gently back and forth and the baby soon closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Elliot sat in the chair in the dark staring out the window and this thoughts wandered once more to Olivia. He wondered what she was doing tonight. He hoped she was safe and happy. He hoped that somehow she knew that he still loved her and missed her like crazy. He wondered if things had worked out with her and Jack. He actually hoped they had. He had never seen her smile that much when talking about any of her other boyfriends. Elliot thought about Denver for a moment. He had seen on the weather report they were supposed to be hit by a group of snow storms. It must be freezing there.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he did her smile popped into his head. Her pretty smile and wonderful laugh. The smell of her hair and the taste of her kisses. The way she felt in his arms. God he had messed this up. And now it may never be right again.

He looked over at his sleeping son in the baby swing. Was it really fair to Kathy and the kids for him to keep living this lie? He cared for her, but he didn't love her anymore. Not the way he used to. His heart was somewhere in Denver. Olivia had taken it with her all of those months ago and didn't even realize she had it.

The next morning Elliot woke up in the chair as the children buzzed around getting ready for school. He got up and held Eli as Kathy fixed each of them breakfast and sent them out the door into the world to start their day. Elliot fed the baby his bottle and changed him them sat him in the playpen full of toys as he went to talk to Kathy.

"What's up El?"

"I have been thinking a lot lately, Kathy. About us and our situation. And I am glad that I came back here and was here through the pregnancy and there when Eli was born. I love all of the kids dearly, they are my world. But it is time I told you the entire truth."

She sat down her hair brush on the edge of the sink and turned to look at him.

"I am in love with someone else. I came back here to try to make this work for the kids and for Eli. But Kathy it is not fair to them and it is not fair to you or me for us to keep this up. Neither of us are really in it anymore. I care about you, Kathy. You are the mother of my children, I will always care for you. But I am not in love with you anymore."

"You want the divorce?"

"I'm not sure what I want exactly. But I don't want to continue like this."

"Elliot, while we were separated I dated someone else also. It never got serious. I didn't let it because I found out I was pregnant and I knew the baby was yours. But it could have been something. The guy is a friend. I had….have feelings for him. I wanted to give this another shot. When I found out I was pregnant I thought maybe it was some sort of sign that this wasn't over. But you are right. Neither of us are here anymore."

"What do you want to do?"

Kathy looked down at the floor for a little while feeling guilty for her feelings.

"I think I want the divorce Elliot. I want to work it out for the kids. You are a good father and I want them to be able to see you as much as they can. But I don't think I can do this anymore."

Elliot stood up and hugged her. She wrapped her arms around his chest and hugged him back.

"Well, we cannot say we didn't try."

Kathy smiled and looked up at him.

"I have the key to Liv's old place. It hasn't been rented out yet. I can crash there until I can get an apartment of my own."

"Okay."

"I think you need to keep the house. I want this to disrupt the kids as little as possible."

"Yeah. If you want to go with the same terms I can contact my lawyer and have them add Eli into the visitation agreement. I don't want to fight Elliot. About anything. You have been the man in my life for almost twenty one years. We know each other well enough to be civil about this and work it out without fighting. Besides we share five children together. And eventually grandchildren. I want us to be able to stay friends, for the kids."

"Kathy, I don't have any problem with you. None at all. We both gave it all we had and it just didn't work out. There was no cheating or lying. It is just time for this to come to an end."

Kathy looked up at him and smiled. "It is still a little sad though."

"Yes, but this is for the best. Kathy I don't make you happy anymore. And you deserve to be happy. I want that for you."

"Thanks, El."

He hugged her and kissed the top of her head.

"I have to go, I'm going to be late. Talk to your lawyer and let me know what he says."

"Okay."

And just like that his marriage was over.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

Six months later…..

Olivia stood on the porch holding Hannah as they waved bye to Jack and his car pulled away. She bounced her baby girl in her arms and carried her back into the house. The last six months had gone by so fast and it seemed like every day Hannah was doing something knew and equally as exciting as the last first thing that she had done.

Olivia combed her fingers through her thick brown hair and stared into her pretty brown eyes as she placed the pacifier into the baby's mouth and kissed her forehead. She went into the kitchen and started dinner. Jack would be back in a few hours and tonight she wanted to put Hannah to bed and have a romantic dinner and a glass of wine before he had to head out tomorrow.

She got out the stuff for her lasagna and tossed it all together, then slid it into the oven. She peeked around the corner to check on Hannah who was smiling happily and playing with a rattle as she one of her Baby Einstein DVD's. She was such a good baby and hardly ever cried. She was the best thing that had ever happened to Olivia.

Olivia smiled and returned to the kitchen to cut up the vegetables for the salad. She rinsed her hands under the cool tap water and smiled again as she looked down at the diamond engagement ring on her hand.

She thought back to the week they had brought Hannah home from the hospital and she and Jack sat here at this island in the kitchen and he asked her to spend the rest of her life with him. He had told her that he wanted to make them a real family, he and her and Hannah. After Olivia agreed. Jack went into the other room and pulled the diamond ring from his bag and dropped to one knee and gave her an official proposal. Little Hannah sat on the counter in her seat watching as Olivia cried and once more agreed to be his wife.

Jack had pretty much already moved in with her. He still had his apartment in Maine, but only because he hadn't had the chance to get back there and clean it out. For now a friend of his was renting it from Jack.

Olivia pulled the lasagna from the oven just as Jack pulled into the drive. She kissed him and welcomed him home then picked Hannah up from the floor and took her for her bath. She rubbed her down with baby lotion and put a sleeper on her. She picked her up and carried her to the living room handing her off to Jack while she went in to make a bottle.

"Let me feed her and get her down for the night and we can eat," Olivia said leaning in to kiss him.

"Okay," he said tugging on Hannah's little feet and making her giggle.

Olivia got the bottle ready then moved back to the living room to pick up the baby from Jack.

"Good night princess," Jack said kissing the little curls on the top of her head as she yawned.

Olivia carried her to the nursery and turned on the shadow lamp that cast hundreds of little stars all over the walls and ceiling of her room. She sat in the rocking chair and nursed the baby for a little while then held her and gave her a bottle and rocked her slowly until she fell asleep. She stood up slowly and carried Hannah to her crib and kissed her gently as she laid her inside and turned on the monitor.

Olivia went in to the bathroom to clean up a little bit then headed back out to set the table for dinner with Jack.

"It is still warm," she said sitting the lasagna on the table.

Jack poured them each a glass of wine and lit the candles on the center of the table. He held her hand and kissed it gently. "I love you," she said softly.

"I love you, too." She smiled at him and leaned in as he kissed her.

"Have you thought about a date yet?"

"Jack, we have talked about this. I just want to be where we are here for a little while before another big change. I love you and I want to marry you. I just need a little time to get used to this first."

"Baby, we have been engaged for almost six months now. I just want to make it official. I want you to be my wife."

"And I want to be your wife, Jack."

"Liv, we can have any kind of wedding you want. I am even up for Vegas or a trip to the courthouse if you want. I just want us to be a family. And I want Hannah to have my name."

Olivia sat her wine glass down and looked up at him. "You said you weren't going to do this."

"Olivia, her name is Benson, because your name is Benson. But if we get married and your name changes there is no point in her name staying Benson."

"I don't want to talk about this now." She stood up and cleared her plate from the table.

"Why?"

"You know why. Look, you didn't want to know. So I didn't tell you. But you easily could have figured it out if you wanted to, Jack. I just want her to stay Benson, that's all."

"You didn't even eat."

"I'm not hungry."

She poured out her wine and headed for the bedroom.

When Jack came in a little while later she was reading a book in bed.

"I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know that," she said softly. "I just need you to understand why I can't do this."

Jack stared at her for a few moments, then took a deep breath.

"She isn't mine?"

Olivia looked into his eyes as tears welled up in hers.

"Does it matter? Does it really matter? You are the only father she has ever known."

He sat down beside her on the bed.

"And you never told him?"

"I couldn't Jack. At first I just didn't know how. Then she was born early. And I watched you in the delivery room. The look on your face when that doctor handed her to you. She was your daughter, from that moment on, she was yours. I couldn't take that away from you."

Jack leaned in and looked into her eyes. "Then give her to me, Olivia. Let me have her. Let me make it real, make her mine. And no one would ever have to know otherwise."

"I would know. And if Elliot ever saw her…"

"How could he know, so looks just like you."

"She does look like me. But she is him, too. I see more of him in her every day. The looks she gives me and her smile. I'm sorry Jack, but I cannot deny that she is Elliot's daughter."

Things got quiet for a little while as he climbed into bed.

"I love her Olivia. I love her ever bit as much as you do. Could you imagine if I came to you tomorrow and told you that she wasn't yours? That I was sorry, but I could never let you fully be her mother."

Another tear fell from her cheek as she looked at him. "No. I don't think I could live my life without her in it. She is my world. And I know she is yours too. But I cannot keep her from Elliot, Jack. Sooner or Later, I am going to have to tell him he has a daughter. And he is going to want to see her. I know that is going to be hard on you, but he needs the chance to be in her life."

"I know. And I don't blame him. She is an amazing little girl." Jack held Olivia's hand and kissed it. "What happened to our romantic evening?"

Olivia smiled and leaned in to kiss him as he turned off the lights. They made love and fell asleep together.

A few hours later Hannah woke up crying. Olivia sat up to go get her.

"I got her babe," Jack said as he sat up and pulled on his boxers and tee shirt.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I don't get the night shift that often. You get some rest, we'll be fine."

She smiled and kissed him then laid back down and closed her eyes. Jack went into the nursery and picked Hannah up in his arms. He kissed her forehead and bounced her a little trying to calm her then laid her on the changing table and changed her diaper. He picked her up in his arms as she began to fuss again. He carried her into the kitchen lit only by the clock on the microwave and made her another bottle.

He carried her back down the hall way to the nursery. He sat in the rocking chair and rocked her giving her the bottle. Olivia smiled listening over the monitor as he sang her "Brown Eyed Girl." It was the sweetest thing she had ever heard.