Bobby leaned forward, head in his hands. Alex seldom read him the 'riot act', but when she did, he knew he'd pushed too far or too hard. He was feeling the all too familiar frustration at his inability to make people see, to let anyone see how much he needed. He stood, and walked from the room, past his desk, through the office, past the elevator to the stairway, slamming the door open. Escaping the building by leaving by the stairway, hadn't he done the same thing with Hope, just the other day?

Shaking his head, he wondered how often he was going to see reminders of doing 'the same thing with Hope, just the other day'. Was he going to be remembering a connection to similar random connections a month from now? A year from now? He prayed that he wouldn't.

Rubbing his hands roughly across his face, his gaze landed on one line of the note he'd written to Hope;

I can feel you pulling away from your life, shrinking away from me.

Reading the words now, he wondered if he'd really intended those words for Hope or for himself. Bobby rubbed at his temples, hoping to purge all thought, all memory from him. Standing abruptly, he realized he knew just the place to help him with that.


Spurred on by her anger, Hope stalked several blocks before realizing what she was doing. She had never felt such blind rage, as she sat in that interview room, watching Nigel and Bobby rip down the walls of the world and life she'd known. Now she wasn't sure if it was her world or the illusion she'd built up around it that was falling at her feet. Unsure of who to direct her anger toward, started to lash out at both Nigel and Bobby. She felt she was out of control and her rage felt so unfocused that she quickly turned and fled.

Her steps slowed, as she began to survey her situation. She was in the middle of Manhattan, without a cell phone, without money, no ID, not even the keys to her apartment. She didn't even feel she had anyone that she could turn to now. Until now, she had always felt a measure of reassurance that if things ever got overwhelming, she could call David's father. So much for that. But other than him - she really was alone - more alone than she'd assumed Bobby to be. He had his partner; she had witnessed their closeness, their ability to know what the other was going to do. He had Lewis and Gina. And how many others? She assumed that because he was having a rough time of it, that he was alone. That really wasn't the case at all. He wasn't alone, she was. She hadn't been trying to save him; she'd been trying to save herself.

Feeling more defeated than ever before, she pushed herself off the wall and began her slow walk cross-town to her apartment. What she was going to do when she got there, she had no idea. Maybe close and lock the door and become a recluse.


Bobby stared at the image staring back at him in the mirror. Tipping back the bit of scotch, he didn't see who walked up beside him to drop an arm around his shoulders. As he started to pull back, he heard a familiar voice.

"You finding the answers in there," Lewis asked as he pointed to the now empty glass.

Bobby tilted his head and gave his friend a sidelong glance. He knew he shouldn't have answered his phone, and told Lewis where he was. Why did he, he asked himself automatically, mechanically. He wasn't feeling up to figuring out his motives just now, but he knew he was going to pay a price for it now.

"Naw, man. I'm not looking for answers. Hell, I'm fresh outta questions. Tryin' to forget a few things though," nodding to the bartender and pointing at his empty glass, he added, "and I'm well on my way."

Bobby was speaking very deliberately. Lewis knew this was a bad sign, and taking in his appearance he guessed that Bobby had probably been in this bar for most of the afternoon.

"Where's Hope?"

Bobby turned to his left to see Gina sitting on the stool next to him. "Gina! I didn't see you there. Let me buy you a drink…"

Gina shook her head, "I don't think so, Bobby. Just answer my question. Where's Hope?"

"Where's hope?" He leaned closer and whispered conspiratorially, "haven't you heard, there's no such thing as hope, my friend."

Gina looked over Bobby's head in time to see Lewis' face fall. They had both guessed this was going to be bad, but they'd undersetimated didn't know how bad.

Gina reached out and held on to his forearm. Softly, she asked, "What happened?"

Bobby started to tell them what happened today, but Lewis interrupted. "Wait, hang on. There's a table over there." Pulling Bobby to his feet, he added, "There's more privacy over there."

Gina and Lewis listened in shock as Bobby told them how circumstances had changed again. From the twisting and turning of facts and loyalties, Bobby pushing at Whitledge and Whitledge flailing, trying to convince Hope he was the one telling her the truth. Until Hope couldn't take it anymore and had run from the building just as Whitledge was handed over to British Intelligence. And … England's Prime Minister, no less.

"Well, what happened with Hope? Where is she?" Gina asked.

Bobby stared at her uncomprehendingly. Slowly and deliberately, he repeated, "She ran from the building. She ran from me."

Now it was Gina's turn to stare uncomprehendingly at him. "You didn't go after her? You haven't tried to find her, to see if she's okay?"

Her only answer was his continued blank stare. "I know I had to give you a nudge yesterday, but I'd have thought you would be able to remember what to do today, on your own."

Shaking her head in disgust, she continued, "Never let it be said that Bobby Goren runs from a challenging relationship. You're too busy holding the door open for the other person."

"Gina…" Lewis laid a hand on her arm.

She turned and flashed Lewis a warning look, tersely she said, "No, not this time."

Reaching out she laid a hand on Bobby's forearm. "Bobby," she said so softly, he had to lean closer to hear her, "you know I love you, but… I think your MO is obvious to everyone but you. As long as I've known you, you over-think every relationship – from your family, to your friends and especially, and most especially – girlfriends. Sometimes – at least with most of us – people have to feel the way through, not think the way through life. If you don't start having a little faith in your feelings and stop running …"

Bobby started to stand, he wasn't going to sit here and take this, not after the last few days. "Hope's the one pushing me away. I've risked my life, your lives, my career and possibly an international incident to protect her. I'm not the one pushing…"

Gina looked up to the sky, imploring to the heavens with her hands as she asked, "Why did you make it so difficult for men to understand?"

Taking a deep breath and leaning forward she continued to push at him, "Bobby… yes, you did all this to protect her, to help her. Why did you do all this? Did you do it because that's who you are? Because that's the kind of man that you are? Or because you care about her?"

She saw his eyes clear and she knew he finally understood. "Have you told her it was because you love her? Because, I that's what it's going to take. It seems to me, that she needs someone to step up. Whether that someone is you or someone else, is up to you."

"Look Bobby, what Gina's trying to say…"

"I know what she's saying." Bobby said as he stood up and slid the chair back into place, "I just don't think I can do it." He turned and walked out of the bar, leaving his friends to watch him walk away… again.


As her ragged emotions and anger burned their way through her, her steps began to slow and her gaze turned outward. Rushing from the confrontation - going on within the building and within herself – without money or ID, she stalked the streets with a seething rage that slowly gave way to an uneasy quietness.

As she looked around at the people crowding the busy streets, many of them on cell phones, rushing to the next meeting – it began to dawn on her that even with everything she had discovered in the last couple of days – nothing had changed in the world. She glanced at the people around her, the man on the corner shouting into his cell phone, the woman who rushed past her to reach a vacant cab before anyone else. Had anything earth shattering or personally challenging happened to either of them yesterday? People did still rush around, heading to meetings and dealing with people they most likely wouldn't if they had a choice.

What really had changed about her? She concluded that not much had really changed; she'd discovered some truths about how she had wound up here. Filling in the facts hadn't changed where she was or what she did or she was. As these thoughts spun around in her head, so did a question.

What's next? As she continued walking, no answer presented itself, just the question continuing to swirl around. Finally, an answer did come to her, one single word – home. Figuratively giving up the battle she turned in the direction of her apartment.

As the sun began to dip below the artificial horizon of the Manhattan skyline, the air began to chill and she wrapped her arms tight against her. Hope reached her apartment building as the street lamps slowly began to light. Not having her apartment key, she had to get the door man to get a copy from the management office.

As he handed her the key, he hesitantly asked, "Is everything okay, Ms Thornton? Is there anything I can do for you?"

She peered into the polished silver frame around the elevator door and was shocked to see the image reflected back at her. She looked disheveled and raised a hand to her hair. "I… I guess I look pretty bad, it's been a hell of a long day, I left my purse at... I'm fine though, really. Thank, thank you for asking though."

Punching the call button for the elevator, she turned back to smile at the man. "Do you know Detective Goren; he lives in the other tower?" As the man nodded, the elevator doors opened and she stepped in and turned back to face him again. "Do you know if he's … home? Have you seen him come in?"

"No, I haven't. I just came on duty about fifteen minutes ago. If you want, I could…"

Hope shook her head and said, "No, that's … no." She let the doors slide close, but not before she saw the confused look cross the door man's face. She spoke softly to the closed door, "I think it is better that I don't know." She imagined the next few days and weeks were going to be difficult for her, for them both.

Unlocking the door, she followed it in as she pushed it inward. Stepping in far enough to allow the door to close, she pushed it back and fell against it. She stood there, back up against the door and let her grow accustomed to the dim light. What next? What did she want? She still didn't know.

Think about the basics. Food? Drink? Shower? Sleep? She decided on something to drink and then sleep. Everything else could wait. Eyesight now adjusted to the light, she jumped as she saw the dark shape across the room. Her hand slowly slid up the wall to find the light switch. Flipping it up, she found herself staring at a disheveled Robert Goren.

Each stared silently at the other. Hope broke the silence, asking, "How did you get in?"

Bobby answered flatly, "Your keys, you left your things downtown. I thought you would need them."

She nodded, but unsure of how to respond, she nervously blurted out, "I'm thirsty. I'm going to get something to drink." She walked out into the kitchen leaving a perplexed Goren staring at her back. "Can… do you want anything?" she hollered as she pulled a clean glass from the cupboard.

What do I want? He asked himself.

Not hearing an answer, she poured herself a glass of cold water and took several deeps gulps, before refilling the glass and returning to the living room.

She sat on the sofa, across from Bobby. This time though, neither looked at the other. After several sips from her glass, she asked, "So what happened after I left?"

Watching her and trying to gauge her state of mind, he said, "The Brits came and took Whitledge. I imagine he's somewhere over the Atlantic on his way back to England. It's over."

Watching him and trying to gauge his emotions, she nodded, "Yeah, I guess it is, over that is."

"So… what's next?" He asked.

She chuckled, "What's next? Short term, long term, I don't have a clue." Setting her glass down, she ran the fingers of both hands through her hair. "What's next now, in the next ten minutes? I think, I think I want to lie down. I think I want to stop thinking about 'what's next'. That's what I want."

Standing up, she looked down at him, "So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to lie down. And you, well I guess that means that you can do whatever you want to do, too."

"You can do whatever you want to do." He sat there watching her walk away. "You can do whatever you want to do."

"What was it that he wanted?"

She turned and walked in the bedroom, leaving the door open and crawling onto the bed. Grabbing the blanket from the end of the bed up around her, she pulled it up around her and turned onto her side.

Bobby stood and walked towards the door.

'have a little faith in your feelings' … 'stop running' … 'you can do whatever you want to do'…

That's what I want to do. I want to stop running. I want to have faith in my feelings.


As soon as Hope felt the mattress sag under Bobby's weight, her heart froze and her breathing stopped. She heard first one shoe drop, then the other. She felt the mattress shift as Bobby stretched out on it and she felt the warmth of his body as he slid towards her and his arm came over her.

Bobby's hand searched out hers and he whispered, "This is what I want. You are what I want."

Hope pulled his hand to her chest and held onto it tightly. As she leaned back into him, she nodded her head and whispered, "Me too."

As she drifted off to sleep, she wasn't sure how it happened, but she realized she really had made it home.

As he drifted off to sleep, he wasn't sure how it happened, but he realized he had finally found a home.


The End… for now.