Eric Draven- there was no justice at all with his death TT, thanks! Yeah, I wonder if Italian does the spit thing.. lol kidding!

SatanicParkOfMadness- lol, you don't wanna know where I got Benedict from (grin). Waaa that was too much coming from you, that means a lot! but thanks so much for that review! I will do better! (power up!)

Brukaoru- yeah it would be nice if they do it like, cg ff advent children like. But yet again, I do worry bout the story line too

Currychicken- don't worry friend! There are lots of scenes with them sleeping in one room lol XDD I'll dedicate the first room encounter to you XDD

WhatDoYouMeanI'mDrunk- lol, I'm sorry but you're right, this fic is one, big fluff! You have an accent? That's so cool! I can make weird accents just for a good laugh (it's not pretty to hear XD).btw, I'm from the Philippines and my friend is half Chinese so it's really uncommon for someone in their family to get married at that age, parental wishes of course. And yeah, not too many Dante x Trish... (sad) there should be more!

Food was served. The pair sat together while Evie and Ben sat on the opposite side. Auntie sat on the head chair while the woman in pale green who was introduced by Evie as Elena, a close family friend sat on the other end. Elena also happened to be one of Eva's closest friends.

"How old are you?" Elena asked Trish with a sweet smile, Elena was a woman in her mid forties. Her dirty blond hair was tied up in a bun just like Auntie's, and a string of pearls proudly displayed itself around her neck.

"She's 23" Evie answered, very proud of her discovery, like she was some agent who found her latest talent.

Dante started coughing violently, Trish has to gently massage his back and make him drink water, it was no big deal, She's had worst with Dante, like trying to revive him with mouth to mouth and then... well, you know what happens when Dante gets a mouth to mouth, you will get one too.. "Evie's fault" She whispered to him "She told me to let her do all the talking..".

Auntie smiled upon seeing Trish taking care of herhusband, "Guardili, sono così nell'amore" (Look at them, they're so in love) Auntie said to Ben softly. Ben nodded in agreement, It was a good thing Trish couldn't understand Italian, but Dante does and he heard that all right.

"So young" Elena's eyes widened, "Nice catch!" she told Dante.

Dante who was holding up the napkin to cover his mouth, to keep himself from coughing, just nodded.

"He's got taste" said Ben with his warm, fatherly tone, "Just like his father"

"Young and beautiful" Auntie approved, looking admirably at Trish, "As my granddaughter-in-law should be" Trish swallowed, her cheeks are starting to hurt from all that smiling, if she cannot inflict pain on Evie, she will inflict it on Dante.

"So what do you do?" Elena asked Trish, very intrigued.

"Freelance model" and once again Evie answered for Trish. Of course, that was their discussion inside the Benz earlier. "Let the master do all the talking, just smile and wave" Trish recalled.

Dante rolled his eyes, first Trish is only 23, which made him a cradle snatcher. And then suddenly Trish is a model, He already knows he's lucky enough to have someone like her around, it doesn't have to be that obvious. Trish liked the model part very much, she thought it was quite, flattering. She tried so hard not to laugh and focused on spearing every macaroni on her plate.

The conversation that was shared during lunch soon deepened to an adult, discreet conversation. Things Dante and Trish would never participate in, things they never really get. Specially when the adults started talking about the dreaded R word...relationships.

"You know" Elena began, timidly drinking from her crystal glass, "I've read an article about how women marry their fathers, is there any truth to this?" her accent was very sexy, like a divalicious model who married a big time business tycoon and runs her own company. Well, Elena really is a retired divalicious model who married a big time business tycoon, who now runs her own company.

"Actually, yes" Evie answered, "Happens all the time, but it's the subconscious mind of a woman who picks a husband not even realizing the fact that, the man is like her father, smells like her father too."

Trish bit her lip, refraining herself from laughing, she felt Dante's nudge on her knees. She didn't look at him, she just focused on not laughing.. Mundus..

"No wonder I'm divorced" Elena laughed, everyone did except Dante and he knows where this conversation was going, he needed out—fast.

"But with men.." Evie begun looking at Dante through the corner of her eyes.

He groaned, he saw this coming "May I be excused?" Dante asked. He has seen this a lot of times, Evie is Evil

"No" Trish, Ben, Evie, and Elena chorused

This is a set up he thought. How much he wanted to bury his face on his plate of pizza. Home made, the best pizza in the world.

"They tend to consciously pick women who remind them of their mother" It's official, Evie was teasing. This is going to be very fun, She thought.

"Oh really?" Elena was sarcastic, a very bad actress. "I didn't know that". It was something middle aged women do, make fun of the young ones.

"My mother always told my sister, if you wanted to know how a man would treat you after you're married, you watch how he treats the mother, the sister and the grandmother" Ben explained.

A conspiracy, Dante thought. They were talking like Trish and him weren't even there, he wondered how was Trish was doing.

"May I be excused?" Trish asked, She was not doing so well either.. This was too much, maybe she could stay at the bathroom for the meantime and pretend she got lost.

"No" Dante, Ben, Evie and Elena chorused.

Auntie laughed, "Stop teasing them" she said heartily, " But, I do have noticed" Everyone became silent, the national artist is going to give out a statement. "Because our Trish looks like dear Eva, you can't help but see the resemblance between her and Dante as well" and her eyes were so full of sincerity and truth

Dante and Trish froze, both edging to their seats. This was unfair, so very unfair... four on two, no chance of winning… handicap match.

"Mama! and you be the one to tell us to stop teasing?" Evie laughed.

"Why, I am only stating the obvious" Auntie protested, with her light, musical laugh. "The law of relationship states that people tend to marry off with someone who is equal to them, one who is like them" and even though she gave out the statement in a very scientific matter, the tone of her voice and even the slightest pronunciation of the words are from the heart of a loving woman.

"Oh! that's why married couples tend to look like each other" Elena recalled, And the two immediately looked up, lost their appetite. Was that an insult?

"Whoa, you guys are all red!" Evie pointed, "You got your faces dipped on the pasta or something?"

Trish's face fell again, this was so embarrassing. First, they're sabotaged by a group ofvery nice old people, and now she looks like Dante.

And Dante will get Evie for this. "Stop it Aunt Evelyn!" he retorted after drinking some water.

"What the!" Evie scorned, "What did I tell you about the aunt thing"

"You started it" Dante answered back

Auntie laughed harder, small and soprano as she clapped her hands, they really needed a child in the family, Dante and Evie are much too old now. But Auntie didn't think so. They are still young and spirited... yes, they needed a child in the house.

"They never grow up" Trish heard Ben mumble.

And so Trish wondered, what if.. she really gets to stay in here, like this.. Where everyday they get to be teased around by people who they can never win against.

"So" Elena with her regal demeanor, broke the fight before they'd end up throwing food at each other, something which already happened several years ago. "When is the wedding?"

Dante and Evie stopped, "The What?"

"The wedding" Elena repeated, "You are going to get married while you're here right?"

"We already got married" Trish said, a little confused and nervous, she thought Evie already fixed all this.

"Yes, but you got married in your hometown right? so it's only right that you marry again here, in his hometown.. it's tradition" Elena explained

"Of course! a wedding!" Auntie exclaimed, "We never got to see our Dante and Trish get married in America"

Trish bit her lip and shot Dante an alarming look, she was mortified.

And Dante could feel her nails clawing his knees, "Umm" Dante cleared his throat, "We don't plan to get married here just yet, it's too soon" he explained.

Trish swallowed as she nodded in agreement, she knew it. Something was going to get screwed.

"Haia!" Auntie exclaimed, "The sooner the better! Who knows? I might not live up to see your wedding! I am getting old everyday and all I want is some peace I knowing that my grandchildren are..." and Auntie went on and on. She just wants Trish to be part of family so bad. What more joy could bring to an old woman's heart but to see her grandson getting married to the perfect woman.

But the thing is, the perfect woman is not exactly human, would that be a problem?

"Is your mom like that too?" Trish whispered, leaning over Dante. It was obvious from whom Evie got her persuading powers from.

"You have no idea" Dante answered, shaking his head.

"It's not good" she whispered to him, "this is not good"

Everybody... Well, Not everyone in that room knows, that when Auntie started using age and health as an excuse. It, under any circumstances, must be done.

Dante and Trish glared at Evie...

"the five foot wonder set us up"

Now if you happened to be a very small woman, standing approximately a flat 5. It would be very scary to find two very tall people looking down at you with very angry eyes. But if you're Evie, not even the prince of hell himself could stand a chance. And so there they stood, by the kitchen sink. Evie with a very apologetic grin while the couple waited for an explanation.

"I'll take care of it I promise!" Evie held her hand in oath, her head now engulfed with tens of thousands of ideas on how she'll plan the wedding.

"How?" Trish asked, she was doing The Pose. and Dante knew whenever Trish does The Pose, She means business. Well, if you're wondering how to do the pose, it's really quite simple. It is when she folds her arm over her chest, and she'd shift all of her weight on her right leg and her left would be in a slant position, out for display. It was one of the many odd idiosyncrasies she has, sometimes Dante finds it amusing how he'd discover something new everyday. That is, until she left.

"I'll hire a wedding planner?" Evie guessed, but in fact she was thinking of getting that book, CompleteWedding Planner, she was already trying to remember where she saw it.

Dante rolled his eyes, apparently he has his own problems with Evie, something Evie failed to tell him about, "Trish" he said, pretending that he too, meant business. "I'll take care of this"

Trish feared he'll do or say something rash to Evie, and so she hesitated. But lucky for Dante, Ben came along and told Trish she was being called for by Auntie. So with a worried face, she left the two to discuss the matter without her concern.

"23 years old!" Dante hissed, this.. is what was bothering him.

"What?" Evie laughed, well it was her idea, Trish did look kind of young.

"Do you have any idea how old.. how young I am?" Dante said sarcastically, fervently pronouncing each word. It was one sad fact, it wouldn't be long before he, though he hates to admit it, would be in his thirties soon, just a couple of years from now.

"Hey don't blame me, I was even going for 21, I just tried to narrow down your age gap" Evie replied, nudging her head like she was someone Dante owes a lot to.

"Narrow down our age gap? "He repeated. "If you wanna narrow down out age gap, you could have made her 26, that's reasonable!" and so he threw his hands in the air, probably in denial that he was indeed 28, "But Noo... she has to be 23, what does that make me a dirty old man?"

Evie rolled her eyes, it was superficial yes, but if there is someone who basically have age issues.. it was herself. "Age are just numbers, so quit you're whining it's just five years" she said to Dante with much sympathy.

He sighed, there is basically no winning when your opponent is Evie, little as she is.. That's why they call her the five foot wonder. Nothing is impossible with her. "What else did you tell Auntie?"

"Minor background info..that Trish grew up not knowing her parents" She thought that all by herself, She saw it on T.V, she forgot the title.

"Oh c'mon" Dante breathed out, "I can't believe you threw in some drama"

Evie opened her mouth in dismay, it was practically the closes thing to the truth, "What would you like me to tell her, you killed Trish's dad? Besides Auntie likes the drama!"

Dante paused, that was quite surprising, "So you knew" he accused

"Course! I know everything" Evie said, taking a shot of margarita, perhaps it runs in the family, the alcohol consumption. "Ben was secret service"

"Ben is on this too?" He frowned, prancing across the room, things were getting way out of hand. There they were, trying to pretend that they're married, just as planned.

But then this came along. They have to be married in Italy, in his homeland and the thing is, he is so sure that Evie and Elena connived about it.. oh! the horror of those ninety pound, label whoring bag of pure girly evil. It's not that he didn't want to get married, just that..they haven't talked about it yet. He did thought about settling down, but.. they have the all the time in the world and right now.. it's just not the right time. Not to mention Trish doesn't seemed to be too enthusiastic about it.. for some reason he's not quite sure whether he likes to know.

Evie shrugged her shoulders

"And it doesn't bother you at all?" Dante asked, though he was relieved. Trish never really was just a demon to him, specially now.. she was just.. she was just Trish.

"Tch" Evie scoffed, "the whole demon thing?" she said it, like it was something normal, well for their family it really is nothing new, "Big Deal, it's not like she's any different, it's Sparda-Eva all over again" It was a very honest statement. The moment she saw Trish she didn't care whether she was human or vampire or even an alien for Pete's sake, what were the odds of having someone who looks that close to her late sister. But she has to be part of this family. And Dante thought for once, Evie made a good point. "Then again, you sure need a whole lot of help, much like your father, what's wrong with you people!" she complained.

It caught Dante's attention, amidst the headache he's having, trying to find the right words or another game plan. Sooner or later he'll have to explain it to Trish. "What do you mean?"

Evie smiled, something she never told the twins, "How d'you think Eva and Sparda met?" she said, her lips pulled up in a very sly, smile. Her big, bambi eyes were sparkling with mischievousness.

And Dante chuckled, he couldn't believe this, "You hook them up" it was a question and a statement at the same time. Of course, he never really thought about how his parents met but how could he have failed to realize, that only a bad influence, Guns n Roses reformed groupie like Evie, who desperately has this big problem with matchmaking, would be the sole reason behind Eva and Sparda

"Would you like me to tell you the story of how they met?" Evie eyes sparkled, she may have forgotten she's talking to Dante.

"Hell no, Evie I'm a guy remember?" anything but that, he's a man, he's not into those kinda things, that's supposed to be written in some rule book. He even tried to hide the fact that it made him shiver. Before he could think of his parents making out on the bed of roses, he immediately shook his head. Amazing how a healthy, driven man like Dante can have such idiotic yet wild imaginations. "The plan" business time, "What about the plan?"

Evie pursed her lips, not a good sign, "You will get married" she concluded, "It didn't came from me, it came from Auntie" and she walked towards him with her 'First Lady President' like presence, pushing Dante to walk backwards, "I don't care if it's the end of the world, or if a meteor lands on her head or if the Dead started walking the earth, you will get married" and Dante could have imagined a marching band playing as she made her speech.

"Chill!" he said with a submissive gesture. Evie's bitch mode is definitely on, He knows he better get out of this before it gets worst and she'd start talking about people he doesn't know. "I'm gonna go tell Trish right now!" and he scampered away, it give him the chills.. Women, if they're not sexy, they're nasty.

"You play with fire by playing with affairs of the heart" Ben said, entering the kitchen to find Evie with another shot of margarita.

"Well, them kids need all the help they can get" she reasoned out, wiping her mouth timidly with a tissue. "You saw them, they're crazy about each other.. they just need some pushing" and her bitch mode faded as she though about Trish.

"Haven't you learned your lesson?" Ben asked with a smirk on his olive toned face. "playing with hearts as always"

"Ha" Evie retorted, it was a game she likes to play. But this time, she was serious. "You'll see Ben, the moment they realize how much they're into each other, they'll thank me for all of this" and those were the same words she told him thirty years ago. Only there won't be any demons to kill the heroine that will conclude the story.. No Sireee Evie thought.. The heroine this time is far stronger..

Maybe it's not the demons the heroine should look out for..

xoxoxoxoxsxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Like any other home in Verona, the house they were into has at least four balconies with orchids and wild flowers hanging on the sides. A beautiful sight specially from the outside. What Trish found to be very amusing is how the houses were all lined up right next to each other.

"What now?" Trish asked, concern was very evident in her voice. She spent the whole afternoon with Auntie talking about herself and what she wanted to do. Auntie seemed like the mother she never had and it breaks her heart to let the old woman know that this was all just an act. Auntie showed her photographs of the old family. Of Eva, Sparda and the twins how much she loved them. Guilt is slowly eating her up.

"We get married" Dante concluded, leaning his elbows on the peach, marble balcony.. They were at the living room, it was already quite late and the only source of light was from the old fashioned street lamps outside and the lights from Pontie Pierra at the distant. "Then we get divorced" it was just a suggestion, and he felt stupid for bringing it up, and he could only hope Trish wouldn't agree to it.

"Divorce?" her eyes widened, it was a bit too much... it was a little offensive too. Or maybe it's just her.

Bingo Dante thought, "Well, do you want to be stuck with me forever?" say yes

Yes, "No" she answered childishly, a common response from someone who's practically bad liar.

And Dante felt disappointed, "Then that's the plan, we pretend like we're crazy about each other, get married, split the money, then get divorced secretly, so... you up for it?"say no

"Is there no other way?" she replied, which is the closest thing to a no. It was very unlikely for the two of them to be talking about something so serious. They never really had a serious conversation before. And often times, Every conversation would end up with shameful flirtations and ill funny, sarcastic remarks.

"Do you have any suggestions?" it was almost breathtaking, how he looked at her from his shoulders as he leaned over the balcony. The perfect angles of his face and the ruddy tousle of his hair. If she wasn't a woman strong enough, she'd play damsel in distress all day and wait for him to rescue her and carry her off.

But she is… too bad for him.

She shook her head and sat on the balcony beside him, she hesitated but it did quite bothered her, if she told him how she really feels, maybe he'd respect that. "Don't you think I'm a bit too young to get married.. again" she asked him

And of course his response was undeniably rude, letting out a grunt. He was, indeed still quite bitter about the age thing, "Don't tell me you bought the 23 years old thing Trish, Evie was just pissing me off" he turned to her.

"No.. no" Trish was really having hard time saying this. She'd seen it on T.V. Husband and wife, love and marriage (and possibly even sex), and all the whirlwind of emotions and feelings she never really was good at. Well let's just say, it was only several years since she was exposed to the human world and quite frankly.. "What I'm trying to say is.. don't you think I'm a little inexperienced when it comes to marriage and..things.. " and she already said it out loud, tilting her head to the side as she bit her lip. Hoping that by some miracle, he could take something seriously and with sincere understanding.

And it came to him, upon realization that Trish was not wholly human. And she did not start off as a baby. In fact she started off as fully grown woman with not much experience on being human. He forced himself not to laugh, he found his source of amusement for the night. "Trish" his lips trembling, fighting off his laughter, "How old are you?"

"23" she answered, trying to gather up all the dignity she has left, knowing that she will eventually loose them tonight. And the heavens never really answered her prayers.

He laughed, "No you're not!" he mused "I don't even think you're, you're.. a teenager yet!"

"I most certainly am not a teenager" she cried (younger even), crossing her arms over her chest, "How dare you say that!" and she, of all creatures Dante has known, was yet to be the worst liar in the world, very easy to read. Of course she's not a teenager, she's not even a decade's old, speaking of human years of course.

"You most certainly are too!" he grinned at her with such ruddiness that it made him look like a boy.

She was blushing, another Trish myth was busted. She came into this world, fully clothed in the sexiest black outfit, a very good seductress, a very poised and mature woman complete with all the cool moves and yet the downside..

Inexperienced when it comes to the real thing. "I have no time for this" she mumbled as she was about to turn and leave, Dante took hold of her "What are you doing?" she demanded.

Dante, who was clearly, yet again up to no good, gently but firmly held her by her arms. Savoring the smoothness of it, he allowed his hands to glide down a little further as he purposely, deliciously gazed at her, licking his lips and then biting it in the process, "The innocence is turning me on.. Imagine all the things I could do to you" and it did turned him on, all the things he could teach her… this was too good. What more could a husband want than an extremely hot, virginwife.

"AWW" he wailed after taking a flesh breaking pinch from Trish, but it was worth it. He could have paid a million dollars to capture Trish's face earlier on camera. And so she walked away, regretting that honest sentiment, blaming herself for thinking he might understand.

"I could teach you all the moves Trish!" he teased, rubbing that stinging portion on his arm. He watched her flip him off, not even looking back. He smiled to himself, she was such a delight, walking in a straight line. Much, much better than those Victoria Secret models he drooled over. In fact what would it be like if Trish was in a Victoria's Secret? and maybe some huge, black wings. And how could he refrain himself from fantasizing about Trish, specially now that he has her for his wife, it will be official too, Trish and a million dollars... And so here he goes again healthy, driven male with a wild imagination..

AN

Wow, thanks for the response, I didn't expect you guys would actually like this. This was all like, I dunno.. But thanks really! Truly appreciate the reviews.

Hey have you guys read that Dante and Trish made it on Kotaku's list of love teams, I think? Dante and Trish are like, becoming one of the most controversial rpg pairs ever... it's either you love them or you hate them.

I might change the title though... There is already a cool fic that has divine comedy on it, it was here first and it's really cute too, I wanna step down.

I sort of like defended Trish x Dante pairing in this chap lol my bad...but everything stated there was true!

I hope you like it, sorry if I wrote something you didn't like. I will make the edits afterwards (I always make mistakes, I'm sorry already)

ninety pound, label whoring bag of pure girly evil- from the show, gossip girl