Chapter 20: A New Beginning

~I know that I've got issues, But you're pretty messed up too…Either way I found out, I'm NOTHING without you. 'Cause we belong together now…Forever united here somehow. You got a piece of me…~

When he came back, I was going to remind him that I was his Natalia and he was my Jasper. Nothing or no one would ever tear us apart.

For seven consecutive days after Alice's vision, I asked her. I asked her if she had seen anything else. Her only response was no. Wherever he was, it was somewhere Alice didn't recognize. Whether Jasper was going that on purpose was beyond me.

After that first week, I stopped asking. I stopped because I knew it made her sad knowing that she couldn't give me any more information. She assured me that when she saw something useful, she would tell me immediately.

When we least expect it however, our prayers are silently answered…kind of.

While we were at school one day, Alice had a vision. The one we had sort of been waiting for.

She had it while she was in her art class and I was in government with Bella. Since our classes were in the same building, Bella had gotten drift of Alice's thoughts and she just smiled quickly but didn't tell me why.

After English, when I walked to where she and Edward were waiting, they were speaking quickly, too low for me to hear. Alice looked at me and just started rambling.

"The first night that snow doesn't fall outside your window…that'll be the night he'll come." That's all Alice would tell me. That meant it could be tomorrow…or another month from now!

When I got home that afternoon, I checked the calendar. It was the 15th of December. In a perfect world, he would've come back on Christmas.

I tried to focus myself on school and finals. But, when those were done with, I was an anxious wreck. Everyone seemed to notice it too. Carlisle even asked me if I had stopped taking my pills. I assured him I was still taking them, though I wasn't that sad at the moment…but, there was no room for taking chances.

Sadly, perfection didn't happen, because Christmas came and went and he still didn't show up. Snow was still falling every night outside my window.

Today was December 30th. In two more days, it was going to be a new year. Two days meant it was going to be two months. It was torture…literally. Especially now that I was on break from school. Everyone in my family was trying to distract me. Even Edward tried to teach me to play the piano…which, I failed miserably at.

"You just need to keep practicing Natalia, it'll come to you eventually."

"I don't think so Edward…I would need decades of practice before I was even remotely good." I laughed.

We spent the rest of the evening messing around with the piano. I knew he was just trying to help so I let him do it. It was nice to actually spend some time with him…just my brother. Since Bella came into his life, they were constantly together now. Not that it was a bad thing, Bella made him extremely happy and I knew she loved him deeply. But, still, there was a part of me that longed for the one I loved to be back with me. And them, along with Rosalie and Emmett…was sometimes a little hard on me. I wondered how Alice did it…but she assured me that when the time was right, she was going to get a vision of her soul mate and she was going to go out and find him. And they would be happy together.

The following day was new years Eve. Carlisle and Esme were going to some party along with Rosalie and Emmett. Bella and Edward were going to take advantage of her empty house. It left me and Alice alone at our home.

"I think we should dress up Natalia." She laughed as we sat around in my room.

"Um, how about not? We don't have anywhere to go Alice."

"Fine." She mumbled but then we spent the next few hours re-organizing my closet, talking about practically everything you could imagine.

At around ten or so, she got up and told me she was going to go walk around outside in the snow.

"Alice why? That sounds so depressing!" I frowned.

"I loved the snow…I love the way it feels. I'll be back later…don't worry, I'll be fine." She hugged me quickly and left the house. I watched her outside my window until she disappeared. I smiled. She found such happiness in the simple things, like hanging out in the snow.

I just decided to sit in the living room with a blanket and watch tv. I didn't really care that I would ring in the new year all alone. Being sad wouldn't make anything better. And, wouldn't you know it, I fell asleep and slept right thru midnight. What woke me up though was a sound coming from upstairs.

I frowned and got up. I wondered if it was Alice up there. No, that didn't make sense. She would've come to tell me she was back. I slowly walked up the stairs and down the hall and towards my room. My heart I'm sure was racing a mile a minute. What was I thinking? There could be an intruder in my home and here I was, walking right into their path. I was about to make a run for it back down the stairs when I heard a moving sound coming from my bedroom.

"Oh great…" I whispered to myself. I grabbed the doorknob and everything that told me to run away, I ignored. I opened it slowly and walked inside. It was dark on the inside, but I could feel the cold breeze coming from my open window. I went to reach for the light switch when something grabbed my hand and I screamed. I quickly reached over and turned on the light. If this person was going to hurt me, I at least wanted to see their face.

But, when I turned around…I gasped again. But, for a completely different reason.

Because, when I turned around…there he was.

"Jasper…" his name came out my mouth slowly. I blinked my eyes a couple times, thinking this was just another hallucination of mine. But, when I opened my eyes again, he was still there, his hand still holding mine and still staring at me.

I wanted to reach out and touch him…to make sure it was really him there. But, something stopped me. Something about his appearance was off. He looked nervous...he looked…I couldn't explain it. His hair was all over the place, more than it usually is. His clothes were ripped in some places…as if he had been…I don't even know. But, what threw me off was when I went to grab his other hand in mine and I looked down at them…

"Is this was Alice saw??" I asked myself in a quiet whisper, looking down at the pair of hands in front of me. Though the blood was dry, it was still there…and I found my stomach going in knots, feeling the next question stalling in my throat. "What happened?" I finally choked out.

"Natalia I…" his beautiful voice said my name but I frowned because it was laced with such guilt "I…attacked someone." He finally said and I froze. After sometime, he attempted to move out of my grasp but I wouldn't let go.

"No…please." I begged him. I wasn't about to let him walk away from me.

"Tell me everything jasper." I whispered, taking his hand and leading him into the bathroom. "sit." I let his hands go, pointing to the edge of the bathtub. I grabbed the towel off the rack, wet it quickly and returned back to him. I stood before him and took one of his hands. He was so much taller than me that we were almost perfectly matched with him sitting.

"She couldn't have been more than sixteen." He whispered as I began cleaning his hands.

"Who Jasper?"

"She reminded me so much of you Natalia." He looked down, watching everything I was doing. "same hair color, height…pretty much everything. But, when she turned around…it wasn't you. I can't even explain what came over me. I didn't even realize what I was doing until I could hear her crying. I had taken her by the wrist so roughly and brought her close to me…I was going to bite her…" he stopped speaking for a moment when I stopped cleaning his hands.

"Was? You mean you didn't?" I asked him and he nodded, but still didn't look at me.

"I was so close…but, at the last moment, I realized what I was doing and I let her go and she fell…fell back so hard that I think she broke her leg…and then, she started bleeding." He shook his head. "I held my breath and I picked her up…I couldn't just leave her there. I held her close to me, it was very cold outside and I took her to the local hospital and once I knew she was going to be fine, I ran…I ran far away from there. That was a few days ago…and I didn't stop running until I ended up here."

It was such a relief to hear him say that he didn't hurt her…well, he didn't bite her. That's all that matters. But, it was killing me to see the look of guilt in his eyes and hear it in his voice.

"I need to get this off of you…there's…there's blood on it." I patted his shirt lightly after I was down wiping away the blood on his hands. Taking a deep breath, I reached for the first button on the shirt but his hands stopped me and held them in place on him.

"I realized I was going insane without you Natalia…that I had made a stupid decision to ever leave you…that's why I almost bit that girl. Because I had a sudden moment of guilt when I saw her…and things just started getting too out of control." His eyes finally looked up and locked with mine. They were flickering back and forth. I wished dearly I could calm him down somehow.

My heart broke with the amount of sadness he held in them. I wondered if that's what I had looked like when he first left.

"But you didn't…" I went back to the buttons on the shirt "and that's all that matters…and that you're back." I said, my voice shaking. But, I couldn't cry right now. Jasper needed me right now…I needed to take care of him. As much as it upset me to see him in so much pain, there was a small part of me that thought that this vulnerable Jasper sitting in front of me….was breathtaking. He was always the strong one. The one who took care of me all the time. It was a side of him I had never seen before.

I silently finished undoing the buttons. He remained silent when I pushed the stained shirt off his shoulders and onto the ground. It would probably be best if I threw it away…he wouldn't miss it anyways. I remembered that I had some of his clothes in my dresser. Some of them shirts he had given me, others he had kept here for when he spent the night sometimes.

"I'll get you a clean one." I whispered, pushing his hair back gently, trying to get it to stay in place somewhat. I had no luck. I went to move but his arm wrapped around my waist suddenly and pulled me closer to him. He still didn't say anything…he just gently pressed the side of his face against my chest, over the area where my heartbeat was. I heard him breathe a sigh of relief it seemed. As if the sound of my heart was calming him down. We stayed like that for some time, neither of us saying anything. There was really no need for words for this moment.

"Please don't leave me Natalia….I need you." He said, his voice breaking at the end.

I couldn't hold it in anymore. I started sobbing then, thinking about how ironic what he just said sounded to me. All this time, I thought I was the one who needed him so much…and now here we were, the tables being turned somewhat.

"I will never leave you." I cried as he stood up, his arm still around me and finally…after two long months, he pressed lips against mine again. It was filled with such…such desperation and need. He gently held my face with both of his hands, almost like he wanted me to stay in place. I wasn't complaining though. Although, after some time, I needed to breathe and he pulled away.

"Come on…" I placed my hand in his and led him back into the bedroom. I grabbed the first shirt I could find and handed it to him and I quickly changed as well. As the two of us sat on the bed, I noticed for the first time that…that Jasper looked broken. The dark circles under his eyes were more prominent than ever. The only emotion on his face was sadness...

Guilt instantly took over all my other emotions. Because, I know that I was the one that made him like that. I had broken him.

"Can you ever forgive me?" I whispered gently to him. At first he didn't say anything, he just motioned for the two of us to lie down. As I did, he scooted a little further down the bed until his head was resting against where my heart was again. He reached over and took one of my hands in his and laced them together.

"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for Natalia…" he answered me.

"But I…" I started but he cut me off.

"We'll have plenty time to talk in the morning…right now, I just want this." He placed our hands near my heartbeat. "It's so calming to me…to finally be able to hear it again." He said.

"Okay." I said and we just lay there for hours.

When I woke up the next morning, I knew it just wouldn't be a new year for us. It would be a new beginning for the two of us. We had hurt one another, suffered so much…and yet, here we were…back together.

"I love you Jasper…" I whispered before I fell asleep, our hands still locked together.

"I love you too angel…" he replied. "my precious angel…"

I knew now that the next step in all this was to make him feel better. I needed to fix what I had broken.

But, for tonight…all that mattered was that Jasper..my Jasper was back in my arms and I would do anything to put that beautiful smile back on his face…I actually was longing now for that look he always he had in his eyes.

I promised that I would never leave him…and I was going to keep that promise.

I worked so hard on this chapter and I hope that you all enjoyed it.

Reviews would be so loved for this one! And they'll also get you a preview!

~Chel