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Chapter 21: Restoration

~I wanna be there for you and be someone you can come to. The love runs deeper than my bones. I wanna be there for you~

I promised that I would never leave him…and I was going to keep that promise.

Hours passed. I don't know exactly how many before I woke back up. Outside my window it had started snowing again and it wasn't very sunny. When I looked down though…there was no Jasper. My heart instantly sank. Had I just imagined him coming back to me? Was this all some crazy dream I had?

I was about to call myself crazy when I heard my bedroom door open. And low and behold, there he was! I instantly jumped up off the bed and into his arms.

"Why did you leave??" I pulled him tighter against me. Wow, that sounded really pathetic. I didn't care at the moment.

"I had to tell your family and mine that I was back." He whispered in my hair.

"And what did they say? I bet they were really happy to see you." I smiled as we sat back down on the bed. He was wearing a completely different outfit and his hair looked sort of normal. But, the sadness was still in his eyes.

"I don't know. I didn't really give them a chance to tell me anything. I just told them and left." He shrugged.

"You just left? That wasn't very nice…they've all been worried about you Jasper."

"That may very well be. I'm just not ready to talk with any of them yet. Especially my sisters. It was the hardest to simply walk away from them after being gone all this time. I'm pretty sure if Rosalie could cry, she would've broken down."

"Oh." I didn't want to press him any further. I had just gotten him back. I didn't want to scare him off with my million questions. He was obviously in a fragile state…with time, he would tell me what happened in those weeks he was away. At least, I hope he would.

"Natalia?" he called my name and I jumped slightly. I had almost forgotten it sounded when he said it. I looked over at him.

"Would it be okay if I just stayed here with you?"

"Of course." I smiled "why would you even ask that? You are always welcome to be here with me." I laughed but he didn't in return.

"I just…I just don't want to be with or around anyone else at the moment…"

"Okay…well, what do you exactly want to do today?" Not like it mattered to me. As long as he was with me, I couldn't care less.

"I don't care…" he said, and it sounded like he was a bit annoyed with me asking me so much.

"Well, let me take a shower okay? Then we can just stay here if you want..." he didn't answer, he just nodded slowly. I quickly grabbed some clothes and made my way into the shower…taking it as quick as possible. I didn't just want him sitting out there waiting. After I got out, I quickly ran the brush thru my hair, brushed my teeth and walked back out into the bedroom. He was still there, much to my relief.

But, much to my dismay, he had an odd look on his face. Like he was angry? He was sitting on my bed against my headboard, his eyes looking someplace else and it looked like he was holding something in his left hand.

I walked up to him to see what he was doing, but he kept his death grip on whatever it was.

"What are you holding?" I leaned over him and unclenched his fist and frowned when I saw what he had in his hand…I should've put those away.

Sighing, I took the bottle of pills out of his hand and placed them back on my nightstand. He wasn't moving an inch so I crawled over him and sat on the other side.

"What's in the bottle?" he asked.

"They're just anti-depressant pills." I try to say as calmly a possible "Carlisle gave them to me…you know, after you left." I winced when I saw his eyes flicker over to me in pain.

"I think you should tell me everything that happened while I was gone."

"I don't think I should Jasper…" I sighed "I think it'll only make you more upset." Suddenly, he was much closer to me, his face only a few inches from mine.

"I think…" he said harshly and then stopped for a minute when he felt my fear "I think you should tell me. I want to know…please." He begged, grabbing my hand and bringing me back to where he was previously sitting. What choice did I have now? I couldn't tell him no, even if I wanted to.

"When you left Jasper…I went a little off the deep end to say the least. When I went to school the day after and you weren't there, I was crushed. Everyone was looking at me..all wondering just what had happened. And then, you didn't come the rest of the week. So, almost after a week that you had been gone, I was home by myself and I dropped a plate that I grabbed and it broke into a bunch of pieces. And me, not really thinking, started picking up the pieces when one of them cut my skin and well I…I ended up with this." I paused, showing him the inside of my hand where there now was a line across my palm. A reminder of my moment of weakness. He silently ran his finger over the line, mumbling something incoherent before pulling away, wanting for me to continue .

"That's the night Carlisle gave me the pills and I took them. I needed all the help I could get…I was like a walking zombie Jasper. Nothing mattered to me and I needed to get my head back on straight. And then, that night is when Emmett showed up and he said that you had left and that you had left something for me. I was awake when he came…but they didn't give me your letter until the following morning. When I read it Jasper…so many emotions went thru my mind. I hated myself because you had left. Because you thought I wanted something else…someone else." He flinched slightly

"I got really upset again. I took the letter and begged Alice to tell me that you were coming back. And then she told me she didn't know…and all my hope vanished that night. I acted out in a not so mature manner…throwing, breaking, hitting and yelling at everyone. Carlisle even had to give me a shot to calm me down." I stopped talking again when I looked into his eyes. He wasn't saying anything though. He just remained very still. I knew it was killing him to hear all this.

"Go on…" he mumbled.

"I didn't go to school the next week…I stayed here in my room, someone almost always with me. Keeping a watchful eye on me…to make sure I didn't do anything else that would hurt me. Edward spent most of the nights here with me…but I didn't talk to anyone for almost a week. And then one night Jasper…" I grabbed his hand "my hope came back…because Edward reminded me about just how powerful our love was…and that is why we were in so much pain as well. He also reminded me that even though we weren't together physically, our love was still there, it was always going to be there."

"So, for the past month and a half…I've been thinking about you. It's what has made me get through all of this. Remembering things we did, said…anything that would keep my hope alive. But then I realized something…something I didn't think about until Jacob…" his name slipped and he hissed lowly. In instinctively backed away from him until he stopped.

"Just hear me out.." I grabbed his hand tighter "he told me that you would come back to me because imprinters can hardly stay away from the one they imprinted on for such long periods of time. So, you must've been having a really difficult time being away from me…it made me believe so much more that you'd come back."

I finished telling the story…rambling on about how Alice had seen him coming the night it didn't snow. About how I was a nervous wreck waiting for the day to come when he would come back.

"And that…that's pretty much what happened when you were gone." I smiled weakly. It wasn't easy to talk about it…but, he asked and wanted to know…I wasn't about to sugar coat it.

For the longest time, he didn't say anything. Finally, he had some sort of reaction and pulled me against him again until he was holding me against him like you would a small child. He looked like he was about to break down…and I know I looked exactly the same.

"I broke you…" He whispered, anger laced in his voice. I shook my head and answered him.

"I broke you…" my own voice laced with guilt. We didn't answer one another for a while after that. Because, deep down, we knew we had both broken each other.

We didn't say anything else for awhile. What was there we could say? Thankfully, it wasn't an awkward silence. I kept seeing him glance over at my nightstand looking at my medication. As if that bottle held every ounce of pain I endured.

I was a little annoyed that he kept staring at them. I was sitting close enough to it so I stretched my leg out and kicked them off the table and they fell the floor, probably rolling underneath the bed. He just frowned at me.

"Just because I can't see them…it doesn't change anything."

"Well, you're the one who kept staring at them…" I smirked. He didn't respond. Usually he would laugh or some say witty comment back to me. But, this time there was nothing.

We passed the time like that together in that same position. Occasionally he would say something to which when I responded back to him, he remained silent. I wasn't angry that he didn't answer me though. I was more concerned for him.

Because, let's face it, there's no medicine that you could give vampires to help them out.

I had tried to move when someone came up the stairs but he wouldn't let me move, his arms too strong against mine. Luckily, it was Alice was walked in.

"Natalia, I brought you something to eat." She smiled and handed me a plate of food. I thanked her and she nodded and walked out of the room without saying another word. I wonder if she knew how long this silence was going to last with Jasper.

"Can I move? Or would you like for me to eat in your arms?" he thought for a moment before he reluctantly loosened his grip so I could sit in front in of him. I ate in silence, glad that I was able to get some food in my system. I had been up here all day with Jasper…not that I wanted to be somewhere else it was just that I was human and I needed to eat at some point.

When I was done, he took the plate out of my hands and sat it on the nightstand. He wasn't about to let me go anywhere apparently. I looked over at the clock…it was already six at night. But, I was extremely tired.

"Come." He motioned with his hand to come to him. I was about to go…but instead I just lay beside him, motioning him to come to me. He complied eventually and wrapped an arm around my waist and placed his head against me.

"Jasper?" I called him name softly after laying there for awhile. He just nodded.

"Are you going to tell me what happened while you were gone?" I asked hesitantly. But, it seemed only fair. I had told him even when I didn't want to…I was hoping he'd tell me now to.

"I don't want to." He mumbled against me. As silly as it sounded, he sounded like a little boy…a little boy who had gotten into some trouble and didn't want to admit it.

"If not now…will you ever tell me?"

"Maybe…" he trailed off, never looking back up at me for the rest of the night. I had lost this fight tonight. He wasn't going to tell me. All I knew is that he had tried to bite someone…but, there was a big gap between the night he left me and the night he returned.

And so, this is how we spent the three days after Jasper came back. Not really saying much…but always together. Unfortunately, my Christmas break was over and I had to return to school. I didn't want to obviously but everyone, even Jasper said I had to go back to school.

I don't really know what all he did when I was at school. I think Emmett came to see him at the house…maybe he even chatted or helped Esme in the garden. He never really gave specifics. I just know that every day when I came home from school, there he was…in the same spot where I left him. The school had gotten word that Jasper had been in an accident and that he was recuperating. And, they bought right into it!

For two weeks, this little routine continued. And, as much as I loved Jasper being back with me…there was a part of me that felt that he was only back with me physically…emotionally he wasn't all there yet. And I knew it was my fault. I was trying to so desperately to bring him back to me. But, nothing I seemed to work. He was always watching me…but not with his usual look. With the look that if he blinked or something, I would shatter or disappear. He always wanted to keep me close…feel my heart beat every night before I went to bed.

Even Edward noticed and said something to me one day at school.

"Has he said anything about the time he gone?"

"No. Nothing…Alice?" I looked over at her as we sat in the lunch room "you haven't seen anything? Like, when my old Jasper is going to come back?" she just shook her head.

"Give him time Natalia…Jasper is a peculiar person. I would know, I'm his sister." Rosalie tried to assure me. But, I knew she was desperate to have her brother back. But, if she knew Jasper better than anyone so I believed her.

After school today, Edward and Alice went over to hang out with Bella, Emmett and Rosalie. They invited me and Jasper..but, I think we all knew that Jasper wasn't going to go anywhere at the moment. He hadn't even returned to their home since he had come back again.

So, when I got there…it was just Esme downstairs working on something.

"Did he come down today?" I looked up the stairs.

"No." she whispered "but, I did go in there and check on him. He was reading a book…" she sighed.

"Thanks Esme." She kissed my cheek and I went upstairs. He was sitting on my bed as usual, reading some book. Some book that he had probably read a million times already.

"Hey." I smiled as I set my stuff down.

"How was school?" he asked, but didn't look up from his book. Yea, like it was really that interesting!

"Fine…glad that it's the weekend." I shrugged, climbing onto the bed in front of him. He still didn't move the stupid book. This time, I grew frustrated. I grabbed it out of his hand and flung it across the room and it landed with a thud on the floor. He wasn't about to ignore me…it wasn't nice. He eyed me, no emotion on his face but seemingly curious. I moved my way up until I was close enough to him, my legs on either side of his.

"You can't keep doing this Jasper." I sighed.

"Doing what?"

"Sitting up here…reading boring books, ignoring me…" I listed off things.

"I'm not ignoring you…" he started to protest "and it wasn't boring." He said in a serious manner.

But, we knew what this was all about. He was still trying to heal himself…and he wasn't really letting me in to help him. And, while I knew we had silently forgiven each other…we had not forgiven ourselves. I was beginning to feel like there was nothing I could do…but, I couldn't give up.

"I wish there was some way I could even begin to take away your pain Jasper…" I sighed, tracing my hand over his face…the dark circles under his eyes…the shape of his lips…

I pressed my lips quickly to his…but he didn't return the kiss. I knew he felt my disappointment.

"Sing to me…" he whispered and it was my turn to look at him oddly.

"Sing? I think we both know I can't sing Jasper…" I frowned.

"Please…just for me?" he asked. And for a moment, there looked like there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes. How bad could it be just to sing something to him? It was worth a shot…

"Okay…but it probably won't be good."

"I don't care." He leaned back slightly as I racked my mind for something to sing to him. I just started singing the first one that came to my mind.

Sometimes I'm a selfish fake
You're always a true friend
I don't deserve you
'Cause I'm not there for you
Please forgive me again

Swirling shades of blue
Slow dancing in your eyes
The sun kisses the earth
And I hush my urge to cry

I wanna be there for you
And be someone you can come to
The love runs deeper than my bones

I wanna be there for you

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to
Runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
I wanna be there for you

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to
Runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
I wanna be there for you

'Cause I hear the whispered words
In your masterpiece beautiful
You speak the unspeakable through
I love you too

When I finished…I stared back at him. I wanted to scream so that he would have some sort of response.

And then…as if my prayers had been answered…he smiled. Smiled for the first time since he had been back.

"I do hope you aren't smiling because my singing was so terrible?" I pouted. His beautiful eyes then changed…and they were full of something. Something I couldn't put my finger on. But, I knew it definitely wasn't sadness.

"You're amazing…" he smiled again and finally closed the gap between us…returning that kiss I had given him earlier. This time though, it wasn't filled with need and desperation. Well, maybe a little bit of need…but they were like the old kisses. The ones I loved. The ones that took my breath away.

"Oh thank God." I blurted out and I instantly turned all shades of red and buried my face against him. After a few seconds, I could feel him laughing lightly. It was such a relief to hear him laugh. It had been far too long.

"Natalia, look at me darlin'." He raised my face gently and I just started sobbing there in front of him. Never in my life would I think I would start crying over the fact that someone called me "darlin'." But, it wasn't just someone…it was the someone.

"Why are you crying angel? You're emotions aren't expressing any sadness."

"You're back Jasper…" I mumbled, wiping my tears away with my hands.

"I've been back.." he smirked.

"No, but you're back in more just a physical way…" I blushed. That sounded a little weird. "I mean…it was like you were so far away from me, even though you were sitting there in front of me. I've been trying so hard to get you to come back to me…"

"I understand now. I'll admit, it was like there was this big wall in front of my eyes…not letting me break through to get to you. Even though you were right here in front of me…it was like I couldn't reach out and touch you. Even when I lay there all night listening to your heart, it was like it was all fake…like it wasn't real. But now…" he took my hands and wrapped them around his neck "I feel you…and I can't tell you how much I missed this…how warm you feel against me. It makes me feel…" he laughed when he paused to kiss me again "whole."

"I feel exactly the same way…" I beamed.

"Well now that you've broken down my wall with your singing voice.." he joked and I playfully smacked his shoulder when I pulled away from him.

"Really? Me singing…" I was actually curious.

"No..well sort of. But, I've been trying to break the wall down since I got back…it's just been really hard for me. But, every time you laughed or said some witty comment to me, it was breaking down little by little…and when you were singing..so innocently and just for me…it sort of snapped me back into reality I guess you can say. That was a very wise song choice by the way."

"Well, I felt like it was up to me to get you to feel better. To take away your pain…you needed me for once…and I want to be here for you Jasper…always."

"Natalia…I will always need you. You are my life...pretty much my everything." He admitted.

"Mm, I think that may be the imprinting talking Jasper…" I joked.

"Perhaps. But, it doesn't change the fact that I love you desperately…all those weeks when I was gone, you were all I saw…all I thought about."

"Speaking of which…" I took his hands once again in mine "are you going to tell me know what went on when you were gone now?" I bit my lip, waiting his response. I hated to ruin this moment…but, I had to know. I needed him to tell me about it…he couldn't keep it all in forever right?

"Are you sure? It's kind of depressing…" he said.

"Look who you're talking to." I raised my hand showing him my scar, in hopes that he would share with me easier…being as we both endured great suffering in each other's absence.

It worked because he leant forward and kissed it quickly before rearranging us so that I was now the one resting against his chest.

"But I want to see you." I frowned and he laughed again.

"It'll be easier on me I think if I don't have to look into your eyes…even though I can't ever get enough of that. Will you allow me to do it this way?" What choice did I have? If this is how he was going to tell me, then so be it. He could blindfold me and put me in the closest and I wouldn't care.

Because, for the first time in the almost three weeks since he had been back with me, I had just gotten him to agree to talk to me…for him to actually respond to me.

He was back officially.

My Jasper was back…and I wasn't about to let him go anywhere…and I'm pretty sure he felt the same.

I had the feeling this was going to be a long night…and I wasn't about to have it any other way.

"So…" he began "I guess I should start on the night of your birthday…" he laced our hands together before beginning his story.

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Sorry you guys had to sort of re-read what happened to Natalia. But, she had to tell Jasper right??