A/N: Okay, well I am all of a sudden in a really big writing mood, and my hoggy sister is playing some stupid video game with her friend and I have control of the computer.

Plus, I'm going to Kimberly, B.C. for the FIVE DAY WEEKEND (It's Family Day weekend) and won't be able to update again until at least Tuesday, I'll be too busy shredding the mountain (and I won't have my computer). So I decided I'm going to work super duper hard on this one to get a new chapter out to you to sustain you for the next five days, so you only have somewhat of a comedy drought while I am gone (haha, I flatter myself way too much!)

So, enjoy, and try not to fall into depression while I'm gone!

Disclaimer: Nothing in mine.

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Day Three: The Cullen's Home

Linda had slept soundly through the night. There was no one throwing up in the middle of the night. She didn't have to spend the night worrying about whether or not she wasn't helping enough, or that there was something more she could do for the five kids that were hunched over the toilet, making horrible, forced, unnatural sounds. It was nice.

It was five when her alarm started blaring in her ears. She wondered again why in the world she was up at this ungodly hour, oh yeah, she was going to the hospital today. She had never been particularly interested in the inner workings of medicine, but she didn't want to stay home in this huge house all alone.

She literally slid out of her bed and landed on her bottom with a muted thump. For a second she worried she may have woken someone, but the she realized she was too tired to care, and stood up to try and find a shower.

It was while she was half asleep wandering the many halls of the house that she bumped into little Alice Cullen. She hadn't gotten to know Alice very well, although she did know that she was a very enthusiastic child . . . and loved to shop.

"Linda! Good morning!"

"Hello, Alice." Linda replied, squinting. Alice's decibel level was giving her a headache.

"Linda, I was thinking. Maybe we could go shopping today, and we could get you a haircut and I could give you a makeover."

Linda's mind was working very slowly this morning. It took her a while to answer Alice's suggestion.

"Um, Alice? Don't you have to go to school today?" She asked. This kids seemed much to well behaved to skip school.

"No . . . It's a day off. We don't have to go today, there's a . . . teacher's convention." Alice lied smoothly. She really did not want to go to school when there was someone living in her house that needed so much help. Plus, she had been through high school several times and it was really getting old.

"Alright, Alice. Let me take a shower first."

"I'm so excited to give Linda a makeover! I mean, she's such a great person, and I think that she really needs a new wardrobe to bring out who she really is inside. I think she's really going to enjoy our time together." Alice gushed to the camera. "Plus, what the heck is on her head!? If you're going to cut your hair in the ugliest way possible, a mullet, at least make it a well cut one! But don't worry world! I'll save our eyes, we'll get rid of the monstrosity!"

While Linda went to the shower, Alice went to take care of a bit if pre-makeover business. First, was getting Bella to go as well.

"Bella!" She sang as she skipped in the room shared by Edward and Bella. "Get your things, we are taking Linda out on the town!"

"Alice, we have to go to school, and I don't want to go." Bella answered, a little irritated. She hadn't been on one of Alice's shopping adventures in a while, she was starting to hold her own, and she was really hoping that it would be quite a while before she had to go again. It was a painful experience every time.

"No, we don't. There's a 'teacher's convention'," Alice said making air quotes. "Plus, it was just going to be the same boring stuff that always happens."

At that last statement Bella was torn. On the one hand, school was absolutely agonizing thing to do everyday. It was like torture. She had been through the same few years of high school over and over again, learning the same boring curriculum. It wasn't fun the first time, just imagine how horrid it is the tenth or eleventh time. But on the other hand, shopping with Alice. Enough said.

"Alright, fine, Alice." She decided school outweighed shopping.

"You made the right choice." Alice said, very serious, before immediately brightening up. "I'll go get Rose!"

Bella watched Alice flash out of the room, then packed a few items, like her wallet. While she was assembling the few items in her small bag, she heard the quiet conversation between Alice and Rosalie.

"No, Alice. I don't want to come. I don't even like her."

"Rosalie! Don't even say things like that! Come on, it will be fun."

"Okay, I'll come if you leave."

"Deal!"

About an hour later the four women had assembled in the living room. Linda still wasn't completely awake, if Alice were human she would have peed herself from sheer excitement, Bella really didn't want to go and Rosalie was impassive. No one knew what to say, it was silent until Linda's stomach growled quite loudly.

"I need to eat," she sighed, and walked into the kitchen. Where Emmett was currently sitting.

His eyes widened much past normal as he heard her approach. He had eaten so much food for her sake already, and he really couldn't take much more. He got up and tried to sneak out of the room before she caught him.

"Oh, good morning, Emmet." Linda said when she entered the kitchen and saw him standing in the middle of the room.

"Hello, Linda." His tone was very irregular. It was a strange mix of a squeak, where his voice cracked, a sigh and a fake politeness. He hoped she didn't catch it.

"Feeling any better?"

"Uh, yep. Healthy as a horse." He said while smacking his fist against his chest.

She smiled.

"That's good. Glad to hear it. So, what are you up to today?"

Emmett didn't know what to answer with. Should he lie and make something up? or should he just tell her what he was actually planning on doing; making a stone sculpture of Rosalie with a boulder in their backyard?

He decided to lie.

"Me and Edward are going to . . ." he couldn't think of anything, his eyes quickly looked around the room, he needed something to say! "Learn to cook together!"

He mentally slapped himself for that answer. It was almost as bad as 'medicine is taboo', their father is a doctor, for goodness sake. But he was really bad at being put on the spot. If she didn't ask him so many questions, then he wouldn't have to come up with so many dumb answers.

"Hm, sounds like fun. Maybe you guys can cook dinner." She joked, although there was some seriousness in her tone. She did want them to cook.

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It was about nine o'clock when Linda decided it was acceptable for them to leave the house and go to the mall. They were going to Seattle after all. The quadrant exited the house.

The three vampires could hear Emmett yelling for Edward.

"Edward!" He called, "I need you to teach me to cook really good by the time they get back."

"Why?"

"Um, because when Linda asked what I was doing today I told her we were learning to cook . . ."

"Emmett! Why did you tell her that? Couldn't you have just said you were going to catch up on some homework or something?"

"Oh. That would have been a better idea!" Emmett laughed.

"Idiot." Edward mumbled while taking out some pots and pans to begin a sure to be painful lesson.

The women were about halfway through the yard when Alice shouted.

"Let's take my car!"

"Your car?" Linda asked as Rosalie sighed and rolled her eyes. There was a reason the Porsche was hidden.

Alice ran, at human speed, into the trees before returning in her flashy yellow Porsche.

Linda climbed into the front seat and asked, completely astonished.

"How did you get the money to pay for this?"

"I worked six jobs for three years." Alice answered quickly. She had her response all planned out.

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After arriving in Seattle, Alice drove straight to the biggest mall in the city. Because it was a weekday afternoon, it was relatively empty. They got a parking spot nice and close and Alice tugged Linda into a hair salon first. That mullet thing needed to go!

Linda sat down in one of the leather salon chairs trying to make sense of what Alice was saying to the stylist. Something about layers and highlights and how long she wanted what parts. Linda was a bit nervous. She had never gotten her hair cut by anyone other than Tracy, her stylist at home. She had been seeing Tracy for years, and even moved from getting her hair done at Cool Cuts to The Saloon when Tracy got a new job. It felt like betrayal. What would Tracy say?

After a few snips here and a few snips there, a dying session, more cutting and then some styling, Linda was done.

Her hair had gone from the monstrosity of all hair to a much more in fashionable bob. Her bangs were no longer just a bit of fuzz on the top of her head. They were nicely conditioned and cut and were now parted to the right side of her face. The front was longer and then got about an inch shorter by the back. Her hair had been straightened to take away the natural wave it had and had a few modest, lighter blonde highlights throughout it. She looked absolutely gorgeous!

"Oh. My. Gosh. Linda! You look amazing!" Alice cried. Very pleased with how phase one turned out.

Bella and Rose nodded in agreement and gave Linda small compliments.

Alice payed for the cut, much to Linda's dismay, and then whisked the rest of the group to store after store after store. She made Linda try on millions of different outfits and tops and bottoms and dresses and shoes and accessories. Approving of only about half of them. Alice payed for everything, and even added a few things of her own to the pile.

Overall, a very successful trip from Alice's point of view, a very dull trip from Rose's, Bella was just thankful Alice didn't buy anything for her (or so she thought), and Linda was completely exhausted. She was very thankful for the long drive home.

Alice chatted excitedly about how the makeover was only halfway done and there was still so much more she could do to make Linda look fabulous. Truthfully, no one was listening.

There was quite a ruckus going on in the house when they got home. It seemed as though Jasper decided he wanted in on the cooking lesson as well, and it ended up being a very messy, but enjoyable, day, considering how fun flour is to throw at someone else.

The four women, who were carrying about four bags each, walked into the house and stopped dead in their tracks.

It seemed as though every dish in the house was dirty. There were about four plates of burned food on the counter and flour covering every inch of the available surface. At the moment, Edward was lying on his back, covered head to toe in flour and some kind of batter, Emmett was standing over Edward in the middle of shoving a wooden spoon covered in something chocolaty in his face, while Edward tried to push it away. And Jasper was standing on the counter over them both, pouring the remaining bowl of chocolate batter on Emmett's head. They froze when they realized they had been caught.

"Oh. Hello, there. Was your shopping trip fun?" Emmett asked still perfectly poised over Edward.

"You are such an idiot." Rosalie said, shaking her head.

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A/N: Well, there you go. I think this was a fun chapter.

Let me know what you think?

Drop me a line.

Until next time,

tanis ann