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Chapter 22: His Torture
~In the full moon's light I listen to the stream. And in between the silence hear you calling me. But I don't know where I am and I don't trust who I've been. And if I come home how I will I ever leave?~
"So…" he began "I guess I should start on the night of your birthday…" he laced our hands together before beginning his story.
~Jasper~
I laced my hand with Natalia's as I started to think about that night of her birthday. The night this all really started.
"Things were going so well that day…well, minus me throwing you down in the closet." I laughed. That was actually funny. I hadn't meant to scare her so much, but I admit, having her pressed up against me like that was quite nice.
"You almost gave me a heart attack." She smirked "and it was really embarrassing for my brother to see me coming out of the closet half dressed…" she sighed. "Anyways, go on."
"The whole party thing was going perfectly fine…until well, you know who showed up." I didn't want to say his name. Even though it didn't make things any easier on me.
"The moment he walked in…I was a little confused as to why you were sort of happy to see this stranger. I had never heard you talk about him so it was a little irritating if I am being honest with you. Right away, I starting wondering things…" I paused, closing my eyes for a moment, trying to calm down…it didn't work.
"The moment he touched you…the hatred I felt towards him was something I had never experienced in my existence. All I kept thinking about was how you were meant for me…not anyone else." I whispered anger in my voice and I accidently tightened my grip on Natalia's hand. She gasped a little in pain and I immediately let go of her hand.
"Easy there Jasper…you're going to break my hand." She laughed nervously, but placed her hand back in mine after a few seconds "it's okay…" she said gently.
"I can't even tell you what came over me when I attacked him. It was like someone was trying to take you away from me…and I wasn't about to let that happen. But then, when I saw the pain in your face, I knew I had overreacted again. I decided to leave you alone for that night…I figure you didn't want to see my face. I know I wouldn't. I decided I'd come back the next afternoon and beg for your forgiveness…I even bought you flowers…but then, when I came that day…"
"Please Jasper, do we have to relive that part?" she cut me off. I knew it was somewhat traumatizing for her. I had seen it in her eyes…but I pushed it aside that day.
"I think so…I came in through your window, thinking you'd be in your room asleep maybe. You weren't there…and, about the time I was about to come downstairs, he showed up. So, I stayed back and listened to your conversation with him. I heard you defending me…and also learning that you had only met him the day before…and other random things. But, then he asked you if he could try something…and I didn't hear you protest…"
"I didn't have the time…" she explained "before I knew it…" she stopped.
"There were so many emotions. The main one was lust…and I didn't understand. I found it impossible to believe that all that lust was coming from him….even when I heard you telling him to stop, I still stayed up here. I wanted to see what you would do. How far you would let him get before you stopped…if you even wanted him to. I think finally you got him to get away from you…and I could feel your anger. You yelled and he just shrugged it off. After he left, I slipped out the window quickly because I knew you'd be coming up here…and you did." I looked up towards her door, the images of her replaying in my mind from that day.
"You came in and grabbed some clothes…even from where I was on the outside, I could see what he did to you. Everything sort of went into overdrive then. It was like he had marked you, intentionally or not, as his. And what was worse was that I felt like you had allowed him to do it. I see know you were trying to stop him…but that day, all I could feel was anger…towards the both of you. I felt…betrayed."
"That's why you left wasn't it?"
"Even though I could hear you crying in the shower, obviously feeling hurt and violated, none of that mattered to me Natalia. When I heard you mumble that you had cheated, I couldn't have agreed more. I had never felt such a thing in my life…and I've felt lots of emotions over the years. While I waited for you to come out, I looked around and saw that the ring I had given you was on the floor. I picked it up and held it in my hands…and suddenly it all hit me…and I knew what I had to do."
I quickly glanced down and saw that she wasn't wearing the ring. I would have to ask her about that later.
"That afternoon I left you, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do…I thought it would be the best for both of us…I was horribly wrong."
"I could tell…you know, by your breathing? It was erratic and it felt like you were fighting with yourself. Like, you didn't want to leave me but something inside of you was saying it was the right thing." So, she had known that I was fighting myself? Natalia was more observant than I ever gave her credit for.
"After I placed the ring in your hand and left, I just ran. Even though I could hear you sobbing and in pain, I knew I couldn't back. Because something in the back of my mind said I had to get away…I never thought though I would actually leave." I sighed.
"What did you do that first week Jasper?" she whispered.
"I shut myself off from everyone. My sisters and Emmett. At first, they tried to help me. They tried to explain to me that I was overreacting. But then, I snapped at them and they stopped bothering me. Every day, Rosalie would come back home from school with a sad smile on her face as she passed my room. I knew that wasn't a good sign. I knew that you were suffering. You don't know this but, the night I left you, I came back…" I said and when she sat up quickly I stopped talking for a moment.
"You came back??" her brown eyes looked down into mine "Why didn't you knock on my window or something?"
"I never was my intention to let you see me. So, I came while you were sleeping. For six days I came and checked on you in the middle of the night. It was always quick, never being enough time for Edward or even Alice to see me. I knew I couldn't go back to you just yet…but, I also knew I couldn't stay away from you. I had to know that you were okay. But, on the last night I saw you, you were crying in your sleep…my name escaping your lips between sobs. I felt like I was only making you worse. So, I thought if I left completely and you knew it, you could start to feel better…I see now that I was wrong."
"When I got your letter…I lost it. I blamed myself completely for causing you so much pain. I wasn't mad that you left. I was mad at myself for letting you go…" she resumed her former position with her head lying against me. "tell me what happened while you were gone for two months?" she begged. She must really want to know.
"I ran…ran until I was somewhere way North of here. Alaska I think I was in. I cooped myself up in a hotel room for about two weeks, never coming out…not even to hunt."
"That must've been torture…" she sighed.
"Not really. I didn't care about anything…I just stayed in that room, most of the time in the dark…just thinking."
"You thought about coming back didn't you? But then you changed your mind." She stated more so than asking.
"How did you….oh, Alice right?" I got it now. "Yes, after those two weeks, I thought I was ready to go back home. Ready to see you again and make sure you knew how sorry I was. But then, as quickly as I decided to run home, I turned and started running the other way. Because I realized I wasn't ready. Not so much to see you because I wanted nothing more than to see you…but I wasn't ready to face all that had happened."
"So where did you go?"
"I ended up in Canada…and that's where I remained for the following six weeks of so. Just roaming to different areas, trying to stay away from any humans. I didn't hunt on purpose…because I didn't want to feel anything. I wanted to hurt…"
"Sounds like we were going thru the same thing. Not feeling anything…just not doing much of anything."
"I suppose so. But, from what you said, you started to get better…because you let your family in again. You let them help you. I didn't want help…I wanted to be alone. But, I realized that being alone wasn't going to get me anywhere. Twice I began my way back home…but always changed my mind. I don't know how longed I planned to stay away from here. I never expected that a moment of weakness would've led me back here."
"You said when you saw that girl, you felt an insane amount of guilt and you sort of lost control. Why?"
"Because I realized just how big of a hypocrite I was being. Here I was, telling you that I was leaving because I needed to think and I knew it was going to cause you great pain and yet, I didn't really care at the time. I just thought it was the best thing for the two of us. And then, the moment I see someone who looks remotely like you, I get all hopeful and then turns out, it wasn't you at all. I felt so much anger towards that poor girl. I wanted to hurt her Natalia…"
"Oh Jasper…" she whispered against my chest.
"When I went to bit her, I stopped just in time. You can't imagine what it was like when I saw that poor girl's eyes. She was terrified. I felt so guilty…and was in such a state of shock that I dropped her to the ground. Too rough apparently because she broke her leg. When I was taking her to the hospital, I kept thinking about how foolish I had acted. It has been almost fifty years since I attacked someone Natalia…and, in ten seconds, that could've all changed…"
"But you stopped…" she rubbed the back of my hand "you stopped…" she repeated.
"I was going insane. I shut myself off from the real world for almost two months. And, the one day I go out and am around people, I try to kill one of them. And when I dropped her off at the hospital, I realized what it was that I was missing…"
"What?"
"You." I kissed the top of her head "Without you, I was literally going crazy. I wasn't in the right state of mind…and I knew that I needed to get to you as soon as possible. So I ran, ran until I was at your window…"
She remained silent, listening to my story.
"But, when I got here…something seemed a little off. I think I had been gone for far too long that the moment I saw you again, and all those emotions of love and protection I had for you overtook my senses, I didn't know what to do with them…so I think my mind shut its self off for awhile…to get used to the fact that I was really back and that I was back with you…the one who I love more than anything. The one who I had hurt tremendously."
"I was fighting so hard to get you to come back to me….I can't tell you how relieved I am knowing now that you were fighting too…you wanted to come back to me." Her voice choked as she tried to fight back her emotions.
"I wanted to come back to you ten seconds after I left you there on the floor…Natalia?" I sat her up gently so that I could see her now…now that my story was over.
"Hmm?"
"Can you ever forgive me for what I did? Leaving you here all alone for these past two months…leaving you with all this pain. Pain I can never take away from you…"
"Jasper…" she whispered and placed her hand on my face. Oh, how I loved the way she said my name "I never blamed you for anything. I blamed myself…and I see now you blamed yourself too. We both hurt each other. We both suffered. But, what matters now is that your back with me…and I couldn't ask for anything more. If anything, the time apart has made me love you even more…if that's humanly possible." She laughed.
"But I overreacted horribly…"
"You couldn't help yourself…I am your imprint after all. Not to say that you could've handled the situation better. But, what can we do now? I don't want to spend another minute thinking about how crazy you acted the night of my birthday or everything I went thru these past few months. I just want to focus on the now…."
"Sounds like a plan." I smiled and lifted her up easily and placed her against me, so that her legs were on either side of me. I let her hair out of the clip it was in so it could fall around her.
"My willow…" I laughed and she playfully pushed against my shoulder.
"Again with the tree Jasper…" she giggled, staring down at me.
There was a distinct sound I heard when we were both silent for a moment.
"I never realized how beautiful this was…" I placed my hand over her heart and smiled at how I was able to accelerate her pulse with one simple touch. I also had the quiet satisfaction knowing that I was the only one who could make her feel this way…
"You belong to me…" I whispered and she smirked slightly.
"Obviously…but…" she leaned down and kissed my lips quickly "I wouldn't have it any other way. I will always belong to you Jasper Hale…and I do hope that you understand now that I will never see another person in the same light as I see you. Your it for me…" she smiled.
"Well in that case, I think you should put this back on…" I reached into my pocket quickly and pulled out the promise ring I had given her. She put her hand out in front of me and I slipped it back on her finger.
"I hope you aren't mad that I wasn't wearing it. I tried, but it was just too hard…it would just send waves of pain when I looked at it."
"Of course not…I hope now that it'll only send you waves of happiness from now."
"We shall see." She joked "Does this mean you'll be coming back to school on Monday? It's been awfully lonely without you there…"
"I don't know…I sort of like not having to go. It can be such a bore sometimes."
"But…" she pouted and flashed those long eyelashes at me "I'll be there. And who's going to protect me from all those annoying boys?" she ran her fingertips up along my arms in little patterns…I let a semi-quiet growl to escape my lips and she just laughed.
"So I take it you'll be coming back on Monday?"
"Where did you learn to be so seductive?" I eyed her, my eyes I'm sure a little darker now.
"Jasper!" she placed one of her hands against her chest in mock offense "I was doing nothing of the sort…I was just making an innocent observation."
"Natalia Cullen, you are anything but innocent…that was sort of torturous what you just did…" I glared at her and she seemed a little confused as she looked into my eyes "but, after two months of being apart…I welcome that kind of torture." She broke into a smile and wrapped her arms around me.
I held her tightly against me. I never wanted to let her go….never wanted to leave this room. But, my dreams quickly faded when I felt her stomach growl against me.
"So much for that…" I pulled her away from me and helped her get up off the bed "I think we should get you something to eat."
"Okay." She smiled and I wrapped and arm around her as we walked downstairs into the kitchen where we were met with some smiling faces.
I know what those faces were for. It wasn't hard to figure out.
Natalia and myself both had smiles on our faces…and I was looking at her, never wanting her to leave my sight.
We were both officially back.
The months apart had been absolute torture.
But, somehow, the love that the two of us share brought us back…It kept us going just long enough to find our way back to one another.
I had learned my lesson & She had learned hers.
We were both each other's strength and weakness.
Without the other, it was like we were nothing…and we knew now that nothing would ever tear us apart like that again.
Ever.
~So how did you enjoy Jasper's POV??
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Oh! I'm working on a new story. It's called "Fallen Angel" and I'd love for you to go check it out & let me know what you think!
