A/N: I got Eleven reviews last chapter...I was so excited! It was the most ever for a chapter of this story. So thank you guys so much for that. And I apologize for not getting this out sooner. I spent all weekend studying for finals...and there's more studying to be had but I really wanted to get this out to you guys. Okay, enough rambling from me...Enjoy!
Chapter 26: Selfish
~It's like I can't breathe without you inside of me. And I know I let you have all the power. And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time. It's like I can't breathe, It's like I can't see anything…nothing but you. I'm Addicted to you.~
~Jasper~
Things can never be simple can they? Especially when he is around.
The moment I caught sight of him leaning against my car, I just about snapped. I was just lucky that I didn't break Natalia's hand because I was holding onto it so tightly.
The last time we were in the same vicinity, the results were catastrophic. And that wasn't about to happen again. I wasn't going anywhere.
And then, he went and opened his mouth. First off, I hated the fact that he called her 'doll.' It was too affectionate for him to be calling her that. Then, he started rambling about how he had been lying to Natalia all this time…and he kept talking about some treaty.
I expected Natalia to be pretty calm about things. I knew that the two of them were sort of friends. But, she snapped and took it out on him. Especially when he kept implying that her family had been lying to her all this time.
When she told him that she wanted nothing to be with him, a part me silently rejoiced. Good, she shouldn't want anything to do with him. But, I knew she probably would take it back later.
The drive home back to her home was nerve-wracking. She had so many emotions flying everywhere that it was getting quite uncomfortable. I hated that Jacob was making Natalia go through this again.
She undoubtedly was questioning her sanity as she stared out the window, her face blank. It just made me hate him even more so than I already did. Why I originally hated him for simply looking in Natalia's direction, he had now openly admitted to actually wanting to destroy the two us.
I tried to not get too involved when she was talking with her family. This was about them, not me. But, that changed pretty fast didn't it? Whatever Jacob had been thinking, Edward picked up on and suddenly, all focus was on me.
That, this really had nothing to do with the Cullens and whatever treaty they had. It was really about me breaking the treaty. The treaty that said that Natalia's family would never bite a human.
Then it all clicked in my head, and when I looked over at Natalia, I could see her trying to piece all the pieces in her mind. And then, it clicked for her too.
I couldn't lie to Natalia when she asked me if I had thought about changing her. The moment the words left my lips, her brother was in my face again, standing between me and Natalia.
"I don't care if she's on her knees begging for it…you will never do that to her." Were her brother's words to me. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get out of that house and have a word with Jacob. He had just made my life a whole lot more complicated. More than it was already.
To be honest, I felt like breaking someone's leg or any other body part I was that tense and anxious with all these emotions hitting me one after the other.
"I'll be back Natalia…" I kissed her quickly and walked outside, waiting to start this conversation with Jacob.
We couldn't have been more than fifty feet down the road when I started.
"Jacob, there isn't much holding me back from trying to kill you…" I just came out with it, my voice laced with anger. I didn't have to hold back now that it was just the two of us. "And I have no doubts that I would succeed." I said calmly but the ice just dripped off my tongue.
The only reason I was even speaking to him in such a subdued tone in the house was because of Natalia. The only reason this boy still had all of his limbs was because of her.
"But, you just said…" he backed up a little bit.
"I know what I said. And I am a man of my word. I'm not going to kill you. But, can you blame me? First, you come into Natalia's life and play this sick game with her, I can't even look at you without thinking about what you did to her…that mark you left on her. The amount of suffering the two of us endured I cannot even explain. You nearly accomplished your mission but, we found our way back to one another…and today, you just come and shatter the image of her loving family. You exposed them, making them look like a bunch of liars and insensitive group of people…when all it along, it had nothing to do with them. It has to do with me…"
Jacob didn't answer me. He just stood, arms crossed across his chest, a look of indifference on his face.
Sighing, I ran my hand through my hair quickly, not really wanting to admit this next part.
"But, as much as I hate you, I can't kill you. No matter how much I want to. Because, for the first time ever, you allowed me to admit to Natalia something that has been on my mind for quite some time now. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her what I've been thinking…what I've been planning…"
"You're a selfish man Jasper." He finally responded to me once everything in his head clicked.
"I know." I said simply. What else was there for me to say? I was selfish in every way.
"I'm not going to apologize for a single thing I did. I was trying to do the right thing and protect that poor girl. She had no idea what she was sighing up for with you…I know how imprinters can be…add that to your crazy vampire logic, she would never stand a chance…"
"Are you calling her stupid? She knows very well…before I even came into her life, she was living with her family and she accepted them for what they were."
"But they didn't imprint on her did they? You did." His eyes narrowed at me. "Why would you want to take away her life Jasper? Does she really mean that much to you that you'd want to make her one of you."
"She means everything to me. Don't even think about questioning me about the amount of love I have for her." I hissed slightly, clenching my fists at my side "Just because I've been planning it, it doesn't mean it's going to happen."
"That's exactly what it means!" he smirked "And she's stupid for falling for that whole 'I won't do it unless she asks me to'."
"Call her that again…" I walked closer to him. He didn't flinch. He knew I wouldn't do anything to him.
"Look, you can hate me all you want. I'm not very fond of you either leech. I know this is only the second time we've talked face to face but, I'm going to tell you know that the moment something happens, I can't even tell you what the consequences will be."
"Don't throw that stupid treaty into my face again. I never agreed to anything…and I will not be held responsible. Because, Natalia may very well decide that she wants to be with me forever…and if she asks for it, I will give it to her." I said matter-of-factly.
God, if she asked me for it…I wouldn't even blink before I did it. I thought I would be fine with whatever she chose. But, the more I thought about it…the more I was beginning to see my true feelings.
And they went way beyond a simple want.
No, having Natalia with me forever was something I needed.
It was literally something I craved.
"Jesus…" he sighed, turning around to walk away from me. "that's just it!" he threw his hands up in the air.
"What?" I stood in my spot, trying to regain my train of thoughts. Had I missed something while I was rambling to myself in my head?
"That's what this all so damn complicated. Because, see the treaty says that you cannot bite a human whether to kill them or change them, you just can't do it. But then there's you and you are a totally different case. You imprinted on her. Something that my people are extremely familiar with. And, they know just how hard it is to deny anything they ask you for. So, it leaves us in the predicament of what to do when and if you ever do something. How are we to know if she really asked you for it versus you just being a selfish vampire…"
"I see what you're saying." I looked at him, trying to get a read on his emotions.
"It'll be hard. Especially since you pretty much told me that you've been planning on this all along…"
"Well, how about me make a treaty of our own Jacob?" I thought quickly and looked at him and he eyed me with some suspicion before shrugging.
"I'm listening."
"Well, I say we make a new treaty between you and I. Being as you just said that you know how hard it is for someone in my situation to say no to anything when it comes to Natalia, how about this…I will not do anything to her unless she asks me and is one hundred percent sure that it is what she wants."
He grew tense for a few minutes, trying to regain his composure.
"You want me to agree to that?" his voice was thick with anger and confusion.
"It's a pretty legitimate thing for me to ask of you don't think? Considering everything you put Natalia through, you owe it to her Jacob. And, when you think about it, you'd still be protecting her because you won't have to worry about me doing anything unless she gives me permission."
"Permission?" he scoffed "What happens if you slip up Jasper and just decide one night that you're going to do it?"
"I assure you Jacob, I won't. If she's not asking me to do it, I will not do it."
"How can I trust you?"
"For the same reason I trust you. You want Natalia to be safe correct?" he just nodded "And so do it. So, if we agree to this, you know that she'll be safe and that's what really matters in all this right? That she's safe…" I softened my voice a little.
He stared at me for a few minutes, clearly debating his next move. Before I knew it, his facial features softened, making him look like the seventeen year old child he was versus the gigantic creature he had become.
Oh, I had him just where I wanted. He was going to give in, I just knew it!
"You're right, that's really all that matters. I'm sure that I can explain to everyone back home about our new treaty."
See?? He was just a teenager. What did he know?
"Thank you Jacob" I sighed in relief "I know we may never like each other, but at least now we can co-exist without worrying about killing each other."
"True, and look for the record…" he paused and scratched the back of his head nervously "What happened that day between Natalia and I was all me. She never wanted me to kiss her. I think I let my hormones get the best of me that day. It was my original intent to go in for a quick kiss and let go…in hopes that maybe she'd come to her senses. You know, why settle for ice when you can have fire type of a thing?" he rambled on.
"I appreciate your apology but, for the record, can we not discuss what happened that day. I know you were worried but, you definitely crossed the line. Natalia and I have spent months trying to put everything that happened behind us and start over, rebuilding the love and trust we had."
Frankly, at this point I didn't really care about his apology. I had much more important things on my mind.
"Whatever you say, I just needed to get that off my chest once and for all. You know, since we're being all honest with each other."
"Fair enough. Well Jacob.." I stuck my hand out towards him "I say we make it official."
He hesitantly reached over and grabbed my hand and shook it quickly before dropping my hand.
"How she can handle that cold skin in beyond me." He rubbed his hands together and wincing at the fact that he was so close to me.
Well, she's never complained about it before…
"Perhaps you should go roll around in the mud or something if my scent bothers you that much." I said, no hint of amusement in my voice.
"I doubt it'd make the smell go away. I better get going." He turned and started to walk down the path from the house. "Tell Natalia I'll see her around."
"Alright." I mumbled. Like hell he would. I collected my thoughts before turning back to the house.
Jacob was such a fool. He had believed every word that had just come out of my mouth. I was a pretty good liar when the time called for it I guess.
I couldn't let Edward or Bella get drift of what just happened or what I was really thinking. I had to pretend that I was upset about something. I wracked my mind for something to be upset over.
It didn't take much, I just thought about Jacob and that day he kissed Natalia. By the time I walked into the living room, I was actually furious over a memory.
"Natalia." I called her and her gaze met mine "please come." She could tell I was trying to play it calm when I really wasn't. She quickly stood, crossed the room and was at my side in a matter of seconds. I didn't say a word to her or her family and I just had her follow me outside.
"Where are we going?" she asked, her voice filled with a little bit of fear.
"Just for a drive…maybe for a run." We got in car and I took off.
"Are you going to tell me what's going on." I heard her ask me and grabbed one of my hands and held it in hers. The warmth of it so perfect against my skin.
"Yes." I squeezed her hand quickly and let it go. Holding on to it for too long was going to make me start second guessing myself. She just looked out towards the window which I was thankful for.
It would give me exactly fifteen minutes to think about everything that just happened and how I was going to go about telling her what happened. Well more so what I wasn't going to tell her.
I pulled my thoughts and story together that by the time we reached our destination, I was all set.
"Come on." I opened the door for her and helped her out. I reached over to lift her up when she pulled away.
"What is it?"
"You aren't mad at me are you?" she asked gently.
"Of course not." I assured her and she smiled slightly and let me pick her up as I ran the two of us to the lake.
"Jump." I reminded her and she just nodded. She actually left her eyes open this time when he jumped.
"See, I told you it would just be a matter of time." She laughed when I set her down.
"Would you like to just sit out here, it's a pretty nice day…" I pointed out towards the still cloudy sky but the oddly warm weather.
"Ok." She settled down on the edge of the ground and set her feet in the water, relishing the coolness on her skin. It looked like she was enjoying it.
"So are you going to tell me what happened out there between you and Jacob?" she closed her eyes gently and tilted her head back, just enjoying the breeze of the afternoon.
Well, it'd be hard to recite the alphabet with her sitting there looking like that let alone tell her about the talk we just had.
"Jacob and I just needed to get some things straightened out." That was the truth.
"And did you?"
"Well, he didn't lose any body parts…" I laughed and she opened her eyes and glared at me.
"Very funny Jasper. Why were you so serious when you walked outside the house?"
"Because I was mad at Jacob, and your brother too. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a big fan of people telling me what I can and cannot do. Especially when it comes to you…"
"Not true. You listen to me." She smiled slyly. She was right about that.
"Well, you're different. You could tell me clouds were made of cotton candy and I'd probably believe you" I reminded her.
"Anyways , what else did you two talk about?" she laughed at my previous statement.
"He apologized believe it or not."
"For?"
"For what he did…that day." She winced slightly at the smallest mention of that day. "I accepted his apology."
"You did? Wow, that was awfully nice of you Jasper. I thought you hated him?"
"I do." I admitted. "That part hasn't changed. But, at least now, we won't be worrying about wanting to kill the other."
"How so?"
"We made a new treaty." That was also true. So far, so good.
"About?" she seemed a little nervous.
"You of course. Basically, it's to keep you safe."
"That's it?"
"Yes." Now I was lying. I couldn't very well tell her everything.
"That's sort of an odd treaty." She looked at me a little perplexed.
"There's no need to look so much into in Natalia…it's really rather simple."
"It doesn't make sense." she said quietly, looking down at her hands. As if she didn't know how I was going to react to her statement.
"And why not?"
"Because you were so tense when you walked outside. And when you came back you still looked upset. But now, you're pretty calm. And you haven't made mention of what you told me before you left."
Oh, great.
"You know..." she continued "the part about how you've thought of the two of us being together forever."
"That's all it was Natalia, a thought. I already said that I'm not going to force you into this life…" that was partially true. If anything, she would never see it coming…
"You're really too good to me you know that?" she finally broke into a full smile, my words are nothing but the truth in her mind "Even when you're all moody…moodier than me." She laughed.
"I love you, Natalia. Plain and simple." I wrapped my arms around her, closing the small gap that was between us. "And I'm not moody." I smirked before I kissed those full lips of hers. They were so warm against mine. I couldn't help it.
Those lips of hers were like my drug, never being able to stop with just one hit. I would always need more.
My mind was starting to go elsewhere.
Too quickly this was turning into something far more than innocent.
I slid my hands from where they had been in her hair down to her shoulders where I not so gently started to pull the sweater she was wearing off of her. She paused and I waited to see what she was going to do.
If she told me to stop, I would. I wouldn't be happy but I'd stop.
But, she didn't say anything, she just eased back into my embrace. Taking my cue, I quickly finished removing it before throwing it effortlessly behind me.
I wrapped one arm around her waist and scooted her back, her feet coming out of the water as I lay her gently on the ground.
"Jasper, please don't stop…" her sweet voice called out to me between trying to catch her breath. My lips had long since left hers as I trailed down her cheek.
Her encouraging me was like music to my ears.
Her breath hitched in her throat the moment I reached the side of her neck. We had never been this physical with one another. Ever.
The day came back into my mind for a second. The day that I told her that I hadn't really thought about us being so intimate…I was lying. I didn't want to scare her away from me. We hadn't been together for very long, a few weeks maybe. And, I wanted to wait until we were married at least before we tried anything…at least, that's what I had been raised to believe.
None of that seemed to exist the moment I heard a noise coming from Natalia. And, such a sweet noise it was…so much so that I just about lost all control I had right then and there.
By the time my lips reached down to her collarbone, something inside of me changed. The feeling of wanting to be with her like that faded away into the back of my mind when I could feel her pulse beating thickly beneath her skin.
My hand instantly grabbed her hip, holding her down tightly while the other reached up to where my lips where.
It would be so easy…so quick that she wouldn't even know what was happening. Now was the perfect opportunity to make her mine…forever.
Tracing my hand over where my lips where, her heart started beating even faster, making it even more tempting.
"I love you, Natalia..." I looked up at her and her eyes caught glimpse of my now darkened ones.
For a minute, her gaze was locked with mine. And then, it all hit her at once and her mouth opened slightly as if she was going to say something to me.
But, she closed it quickly. Instead, she just raised her hand and touched the side of my face gently, tears, coming from nowhere, falling down her face.
She knew what was coming.
She had figured it out.
Yet, she wasn't doing anything to stop me.
Could it really be this easy?
Part of my mind yelled yes, just do it now! While the other yelled no, you're such a selfish man Jasper!
Suddenly, anger filled all my senses and I pressed harder on her hip with my hand, causing her to yelp out in pain as I tore myself away from her and walked away from her.
"Jasper.." she stood up slowly and walked slowly towards me, she was in obvious pain.
And, that just fueled my anger even more.
"What were you thinking?" I glared at her. She felt a bit of shock but she didn't falter as she inched closer to where I stood.
"Shouldn't that be my question?" she smiled weakly.
"Why didn't you stop me Natalia…I was losing all control just now…I could've…oh god…" I rambled. "You knew what was coming, and yet you just laid there, not saying a word…"
"What would I have said Jasper…nothing would've stopped you."
"Yes!" I raised my voice and she jumped a little bit "You could've said 'Jasper, stop' and I would've moved away in an instant."
"No, no you wouldn't…" she shook her head gently, reaching over to take my shaking hand in her warm one "I saw your eyes. You were way too far gone for even me to reach you…so, I figured why not? Either you were going to do it…or you were going to be able to stop yourself."
"And if I bit you?"
"Then that would be that. It's not like you would be able to take it back…whatever's meant to happen, is going to happen regardless."
Didn't I know it!
"Why are you so calm?!" I just about shrieked at her. I couldn't handle it.
"Silly empath…" she came closer and raised our hands to feel her heartbeat while wrapping the other around my waist "I'm terrified right now…" she rested her head against me "But, I'll survive"
For now, she would.
Oh God, what was happening to me!
"I'm such a selfish person." I said more so to myself than her but she heard me anyways. She looked up at me, with those big brown eyes.
"You are anything but. Things just got a little too carried away. Happens when two people are madly in love." She stood a bit taller and kissed my cheek.
"I don't think trying to bite you falls under the category of being madly in love." I frowned.
"I've already made up my mind. I'm not mad at you…and I refuse to let you be upset with yourself either." She said firmly and I was proud of her. She was standing her ground.
"Should we get you back home? We do have a test in Chemistry tomorrow."
There was nothing left for me to say. She had already forgiven me.
"Yes, don't remind me." She groaned. Last test, she had barely passed while Edward and I got perfect scores. She was irritated with us for about two hours before she got over it.
"You're going to do much better this time around…" I assured her as we started to make our way back after she grabbed her sweater off the ground.
"If you say so." She said. "I need to pass…or else I won't…."
"Or else you won't graduate, I know that's what you always say when you have a test or something." I laughed when she punched my shoulder.
"You think Edward's going to be mad?" she asked me when we approached her driveway. I knew what she walking about.
"I don't know. I wasn't planning on telling him or thinking about it…" I looked over and glanced at her.
"I'll try…I'm not a very good liar." She admitted.
Well, I am.
I had come so close today. I nearly had her…forever.
Every emotion had suddenly been pushed away by my selfishness. And all I saw was her.
And I wanted her to be mine. Nothing else had mattered.
The last thought crossed my mind as I helped Natalia out of the car and I froze.
I felt his intense anger and frustration before we even turned around.
So much for being discreet.
And then, three things happened.
Edward started yelling incoherently at me and Natalia, screaming at her to move away from me.
She didn't say anything to him, she just stayed planted firmly beside me. He flipped.
I think he meant to go and hit me…but, much to my horror, he missed…and I only saw red after that…
This chapter went in a total different direction than I originally planned. I think I got too much into Jasper's mind..lol.
So please let me know what you thought...your reviews inspire me to keep writing!
They equal LOVE and a preview as always!
