A/N: You guys are AMAZING! I got the most reviews ever for this story last chapter! I hope you guys keep enjoying this! This chapter is a bit different. I've incorporated some song lyrics in this chapter. The song is "Irvine" by Kelly Clarkson and I highly recommend you go to my profile, click the link and listen to the song as you read it. I really think you will really like it.
Chapter 33: A Change is Going To Come
They say that perfection often times comes with a price. So, it should've come as no surprise that this ended up happening. I should've expected something horrible to happen. It's pretty much been the story of my life. Why would this be any different? I had just literally been given everything I wanted and in a matter of minutes, I felt it all being ripped away from me. Almost as if someone was saying 'Hang on a minute Natalia, if you want happiness then you're going to have to pay for it.'
Things had been so perfect today. Carlisle had finally changed his mind and told me that if I truly wanted to go off to college and be with Jasper, then he would allow it. Even with his one condition, I was so excited. They would give me all the support they could offer, both emotionally and financially. As long as I was happy…that's all that mattered.
As I drove to go see Jasper, I could hardly contain my emotions. I was teary eyed and smiling like a mad woman. For once in my life, things felt utterly right. I couldn't wait to see him face to face so I couldtell him that our plan was back in action and we'd be attending college together in the fall. Even though I was pretty positive that he wasn't going to like the idea of Alice and most likely Jacob coming along with us, it was the last thing on my mind. All that mattered was that he and I could be together. And I was hoping that he would be able to just focus on that as well.
I was almost to the spot where I was supposed to meet him when I saw it. There wasn't enough time to react. There was nothing that I could do anyways. That car coming at me head on was coming way to fast and it was either let him hit me or dive down a ditch. Maybe going down the ditch would've been a better option. If I would've known what that one split decision would lead to…
Are you there?
Are you watching me?
As I lie here on this floor?
It all happened so fast, I don't even think I screamed. I felt the impact and the car spinning ridiculously out of control. I think my only thoughts were 'not again' as I felt the car slam into a tree. I had been wearing my seatbelt but that didn't seem to matter. I still flew thru that stupid window and into a disgusting ditch. See? I ended up in the ditch anyways, in a far much worse condition.
I heard things snap and crack that shouldn't have. I was in a tremendous amount of pain. It was starting to get dark and as I was lying there, I could feel something warm seeping through my clothes. I pressed my hand against my side and cried out as I pulled a piece of glass out that had gotten stuck when I went through the window. I knew there was more glass but I couldn't find the strength to try and take it out. I knew that my dress was tattered, exposing probably more than was appropriate.
There was so much blood, there was no way I could've stopped it. Even holding my hand against my side for a few seconds resulted in my hand being soaked. I quickly started feeling nauseous and dizzy. Blood and I had never really gotten along. And now here I was, covered in it.
I knew it was a long shot but, I knew that I was close by. And, a long shot was all I had at the moment. Mustering as much strength as possible, I was able to get out one single sentence.
"Please, help me Jasper. Please hear me…" I choked out.
They say you feel what I do
They say you're here every moment
It seemed like the moment I wished and pleaded for Jasper to be there by my side, he was there. At first I thought it was a hallucination from all the blood I was losing. But then he started talking to me, telling me how Alice had called him and he ran here as fast as possible.
I could see him wince in pain. He could no doubt feel the pain I was feeling.
And that pain seemed to increase for the both of us when I felt him reach across me and started pulling shards of glass out of my arms, legs, bits that were in my hair.
"Stop, please." I tried to grab his hand but it kept slipping out of his grasp from all the blood. But he didn't let up. He removed one of the shirts he was wearing, and pressed it into the large gash in my side. I screamed out when he put pressure on it. I knew he was trying to stop the bleeding but it didn't seem to be working.
Looking up, I saw that Jasper's eyes were dark. But, he was still with me. He was not only trying to stop my pain but he was also trying to control himself with all the blood. My blood had never really been an issue for him. The fact that I was his imprint, that bond overpowered his bloodlust for me. But regardless, the amount of blood I was losing was enough to make even Jasper lose control if he wasn't careful.
I could feel things go from dark to blurry. I was trying so hard but, the darkness that was settling upon me was more comfortable than all the pain.
Will you stay?
Stay 'till the darkness leaves
Stay here with me
I could feel myself slipping away. I didn't see the "white light" as it were quite yet. I was grabbing onto Jasper's hand for dear life, praying to God that he wouldn't take me right now. I had only had this complete happiness for a short while. I heard myself mumbling to Jasper, asking him to help me with the pain and for him not to leave me.
But, I was afraid that I was going to leave him before he left me. I could see him struggling. He was trying as hard as he could to send some type of pain relief into my system. I didn't know if it was working or not but, I could start everything starting to go numb.
"I love you Natalia…" he repeated in my ear. "More than you'll ever know."
I was probably crying but I'm not sure…the rain had suddenly decided to descend upon us.
I know you're busy, I know I'm just one
But you might be the only one who sees me
The only one to save me
Even through my tears and the darkness that was clouding my senses, I could see Jasper's face take on a different emotion. He looked like he had some sort of idea, but it didn't look like he really agreed with himself. He was looking down at me helplessly. He kept staring at me…as if….as if he wanted to forever remember me this way, as a human.
Personally, I didn't really think I would want to remember me all bloody and broken. Wait a minute…remember me as a human??
"No, no…Jasper…you can't be thinking…"
"It's the only way…" he said, as if he had read my mind. "The only way to keep you here with me forever…" What he said made sense but, I didn't really want to spend the rest of eternity like this. But, if this was the only way, what other choice did I have?
Why is it so hard?
Why can't you just take me?
I don't have much to go
Before I fade completely
The look on Jasper's face is what helped me make my decision. He looked so heartbroken just by the mere thought of me dying. And, I could never, ever do that to him. Even if this was something I didn't really want, the pain he would endure over losing me seemed so much worse to me. A pain that I was willing to do whatever it took to prevent.
"Do it now Jasper." I sobbed, the pain hitting me harder when he let go of me. I saw that he was the one fighting himself. I didn't want him to change me…I just wanted to live a full life and be happy with him. But, if I died…he would never forgive himself for not doing it. If he did, I'm not sure if he'd even survive to even see me again.
"This is so selfish." His voice was full of anger, uncertainty. "You don't want this…I see it, I feel you. You don't want this." He rambled on, his eyes looking past me. And I'm pretty sure he's mumbling something about the treaty. But at this moment, the treaty should be the last thing on his mind…right?
"JASPER!" I screamed at him, snapping him out of his thoughts. There wasn't time for his rambling, I could feel it coming.
"If you don't do it now, I'll die…" I literally meant that. My breathing was so labored I had to stop between every word to catch my breath.
I remember back to that first day that I met Jasper. When they were talking about legends and the fate of that young girl. And, as Jasper kneeled before me, I wondered if my fate was about to become that of a legend too?
As I started to feel everything suddenly slip away, I could see and feel Jasper quickly come towards me and I felt his lips suddenly against my trembling ones. In a form of twisted irony, I had just gotten my kiss in the rain. The kiss that nearly every girl dreams of getting from the one they love. My last kiss as a human…
"I love you Natalia, I'll always love you no matter what." I didn't like the way that sounded. Almost like, there was a good chance that he wouldn't stop and I'd end up dying anyways. But, even though this isn't what I wanted, I trusted him with every part of me.
His lips moved from mine, down to my neck and he just remained motionless for a few moments before I suddenly felt a sharp pain on the side of my neck. And at that very moment, I could suddenly somewhat hear Carlisle and Edward screaming at him to stop. But…it was too late. He'd already done it. I know, because the pain suddenly flared up again and I could feel the flames beginning to creep all through my body.
He didn't let go right away. I could feel everything slowly being drained from me. On top of the pain from the accident, I was suddenly feeling lightheaded.
"Jasper…" My voice was barely above a whisper. I tried to lift my hand to try and push him away. He was getting too carried away. I tried to talk again but all that came out was a tiny whimper as the venom started flowing through me.
"Let her go Jasper!" I heard someone, probably Edward, yelling. And not a second later, I felt the pressure leave my neck and that's when it all hit me and I was completely unprepared.
"Make it stop…make it stop!" I moaned in pain. Never in my life could I have imagined that the pain would be this horrendous. There were sounds of yelling all around me but I couldn't distinguish anyone's voices anymore. I barely even registered the fact that someone lifted me up in their arms and began carrying me away.
"I'm so sorry darlin'….I promise it'll be over soon. I love you." I could faintly hear the words in my ear. The last words I heard before I completely succumbed to the darkness. Words full of pain love and promise.
The last words I would ever hear in this life.
Can you feel how cold I am?
Do you cry as I do?
I knew what was happening, even in my deep unconscious state. I knew that the change was coming. The transformation from my life as a human to my new life as an immortal.
Things didn't really make sense to me anymore. I couldn't see anything…I couldn't hear anything. If I didn't know better, I'd venture to say that I was dead. But, I knew I wasn't because I could still feel the fire inside of my body. I wanted to yell, and express the amount of pain I was in but nothing was coming out of my mouth.
Carlisle once told me that when a person is changed, it can take anywhere from three days to a week for it to be complete. I couldn't help but wonder just how long I had been lying here, waiting to wake up. I wanted to cry…because I was angry and confused. I wanted to laugh because Edward was right all along…I wanted to slap someone because this pain wouldn't go away. I wanted to express so many emotions but I knew that I would never be able to…never again. Everything was going to be different from now on.
Are you lonely up there all by yourself?
Like I have felt all my life
The only one to save mine
The pain was starting to subside. I knew this because my thoughts were coming to me clearer and the fire was dwindling down, just leaving behind a feeling of being numb.
All my life, it was just me and my mother. When she died, it was just me…and then I was taken in by the Cullens but I still felt alone…and then Jasper came into my life and I felt something change. A feeling of being complete is what I got from him. I wondered what he was feeling at this very moment. Was he upset that he did this to me? Was he anticipating me waking up? Did Edward hate him even more now? I hoped that he was actually out there waiting for me. Because, I have been alone for such a long time…I'd hate for him to leave me now too.
How are you so strong?
What's it like to feel so free?
Your heart is really something
Your love, a complete mystery to me
Time.
Minutes and hours, I didn't know how much time had passed. Jasper once told me that when you become a vampire, none of that really matters anymore. Things often times just start to blend together. All the days seem the same. And since you can't sleep, there's really no difference between night and day.
I felt a bit frightened. I didn't know what kind of vampire I would be. The people who I love and live with have lived this life for a very long time and it seems that even they haven't come fully to terms with everything. Well, except maybe Carlisle but he's a special case. If anything, I hoped that he would be able to help me.
No, as much as I'd love to know Carlisle's ways, there's really only one person who I'd want to help me.
Just like in my human life, I'm pretty certain that I will need Jasper just as much, if not more, in this life. He's endured so much in his past; surely he will be able to handle me. He spent decades training newborns. He told me that as a newborn, you're completely out of control with very little self control. My only hope was that I wouldn't hurt anyone. I couldn't live an eternity knowing that I took a human life or hurt one of the people I love.
The people I love. My family. I wondered what they were all going through right now. I just wanted to wake up and start this new life. Were Carlisle and Esme distraught, worried? Was Edward furious with me? What about Alice? I knew she was probably feeling an insane amount of guilt because she didn't see the accident sooner.
And then there was Jasper. I couldn't feel him but part of me believed that he was close by. The two of us just had that type of connection. And, even though my heart may never beat again, it'll always belong to him. Whatever happens, he will always be a part of me. He's the one who changed me. We're bound...forever.
Are you there watching me?
As I lie here on this floor
Do you cry, do you cry with me?
Cry with me tonight
Then, as if something in my head snapped, I felt my eyes starting to move slightly. I couldn't see them, but I could distinctly hear some familiar voices. I heard Carlisle and Esme. He was trying to reassure her that things were going to be okay.
I could faintly hear Alice somewhere downstairs. Surely she must've seen that I was about to wake up. I heard Edward mumbling around the room, complaining as usual but it was so nice to hear my brother's voice again. And then I heard it…the voice of my Jasper. He was the closet to me and suddenly I could feel his hand against mine, grasping it tightly.
"Please Natalia, you need to wake up. Please, for me?" I felt a pair of lips touch my hand gently. But, instead of it being cold against warm, the temperature felt just right.
His voice held so much desperation in it as he pleaded for me to wake up. Always giving in, I slowly opened my eyes and stared up at him, taking a few minutes to just take everything in as I sat up, still holding onto Jasper's hand with everything I had. He was staring at me wide eyed as well.
I just stared at them all…like I was seeing them in a whole new light. Like, I knew them but not in the way I was seeing them now. They all looked extremely beautiful to me. More than they were to me previously.
I couldn't put my finger on it but, I felt like…like I was home. Before, I was the one they had to sort of hide some aspects of their life from. But now, it was like we were equal? We could hopefully be around one another without any secrets. I opened my mouth and say something but I instantly shut it…my voice was not my voice at all! It's lighter, almost musical.
Things looked so sharp and clear…I could see every strand of hair, glint of color in Jasper's eyes. I sat up a bit more, taking my other hand to gently touch the side of his face. My eyes immediately noticed the scars that adorned parts of neck. Things I had never been able to see until now. I quickly wondered just how much of him I had never noticed before. With my human eyes, things were hard to see. But, with these new eyes, I could see everything. I made a mental note to explore where when we had the chance.
"I can't tell you how happy I am right now Natalia." He turned his head slightly so he could kiss the inside of my hand. "Shall we?" he stood and offered me his hand, which I quickly took. He helped me stand up and much to my surprise I didn't feel at all tired or tense. I stood with such ease, grace as if it was nothing.
Tearing my eyes away from Jasper for a brief moment, I noticed that my family was standing there, looking at me with wary eyes. At first, I didn't understand. What could they possibly have to fear?
And then I remembered. Newborns are unpredictable and strong. I could, at any moment, unintentionally snap at any of them.
But, as I stared at them, I realized that I could never hurt them.
"You can do it Natalia, I'm right here beside you darlin'….go to them, they've been waiting for this moment just as much as I have." He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.
And with those words of encouragement, I took a few steps towards them. My first steps into this brand new life.
I hope this was as emotional for you as if was for me! I'd really love to see the amazing reviews continue. And also, I'm going to post a new story, like right after I post this chapter. It's called "The Fragile" and I'd really, really love for you to give it a shot!
Reviews=LOVE as always and a preview!
