Disclaimer: Obviously, Twilight is not mine - 1) I wouldn't be writing fanfiction if it were, 2) I couldn't possibly dream of a guy as perfect as Edward Cullen, no matter how hard I tried and I wouldn't want to share him! All honours to Stephenie Meyer, please...
Oh. My. Edward.
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Here you go!
Part III - Oh, I'm far from infallible...
And she did what I had expected her to do the first time I ever met her.
She bolted.
There was a way I could get away from him. All I had to do was close my eyes.
So I did.
EPOV
My feet had a mind of their own. My mind was still back on the sidewalk, still frozen in the moment she had graced my eyes for the first and unexpected time in decades since that…that…horrid? invidious? loathsome? No word was strong enough to describe that day I had broken her and left her in the forest. But it was suddenly like I was hunting—my instincts took complete control, taking off after her as she turned tail and ran.
I was still a predator and she was still my prey.
I was heedless to the calls of my family, heedless of the humans scattered on the sidewalks. They wouldn't see me anyway—maybe feel a slight draft when I passed them but that was something they would put down to nature.
She was weaving in and out of traffic—human and motor—, weaving through the labyrinth of streets and alleyways that was Chicago.
She was fast.
But I was faster.
And her scent—that heady, enticing scent—was only driving me faster as it blew into my face. She ducked into a narrow gap between two town-house buildings and I was only seconds behind her…only to come to a sudden stop.
I snarled, whirling around on my heels, dropping into a crouch, furious.
She was gone.
I stayed in my crouch, my eyes darting up and down the alleyway, glancing up to the top of the eight storey buildings on either side of me. She was gone. She had been so close that another three steps and I would've had my arms around her. But now—now I couldn't even smell her. I snarled again. Why couldn't I smell her? She had been three steps away! This alleyway should be perfumed by her scent, not reeking of human waste.
I threw myself at the wall opposite and scaled it in seconds, swinging myself over the ledge and onto the roof, dropping into another crouch.
If I had hoped to catch her scent up here, I was instantly disappointed. I could only smell the cooling roof-dust, pigeons and more humans.
I stood and went to the ledge at the opposite end of the building. I stared down at the seething mass of black coats and the snake of cars, searching.
Finally, my mind caught up with my feet and I groaned, turning away and curling in on myself, a new gaping hole in my chest. I dropped my head into my hands and if I could have, I would've cried.
Of course she would run from me. Had I given her any reason not to? How could I possibly expect her to spread her arms and smile, to just take me back? I couldn't. I had left her, crying and broken in the forest. I had stayed and watched her stumble after me, falling again and again as she tried to follow me, only leaving when I knew she wasn't going to get back up again. I hadn't been able to bear the pain she had been in, the pain I had been in, knowing she had somehow believed every foul word I had uttered. I had wanted so badly to go back to her, to reveal my lies for what they were, to tell her that I would never leave her.
I had never wished more fervently that I could bend time, that I could go back and never leave her, than I had when Alice told me she was dead.
Alice.
My head snapped up. How had Alice not seen this? How had she not seen what Bella would become? The anger came back in full force then—anger at myself, for ever being stupid enough to leave; anger at Laurent, for daring to sink his teeth into my Bella; anger at Alice, for not seeing something so incredibly important as this.
I knew my anger, at Alice at least, was unjustified. Seeing the future was not infallible. Alice was not infallible. I knew that. She had told us so many times over the decades. But I didn't care—not where Bella was concerned.
I stood. I wouldn't abandon my search. I knew she had run from me and I knew I deserved far worse for what I did to her—both directly and indirectly. But I would do anything, anything, to have her take me back. I had made up my mind. I would not let her go, not again—never again. Even if she told me she never wanted anything to do with me ever again, I would always be waiting in the wings, watching.
But for now, I needed to talk to Alice.
BPOV
I watched him drop down from the rooftop, watched as he glanced once more into the alleyway before he left, heading back in the direction we had come from. I didn't dare move from my position across the road, even after I could no longer hear his footsteps, until his scent had faded and the moon had risen.
I wasn't really sure how my little power worked but I knew it could hide me quite effectively if I needed it to. I could remember, during those days of venom-induced pain, almost bearable in comparison to the pain I had been feeling in the clearing before Laurent had shown up, that the werewolves had come back to look for me after they finished off Laurent. I knew what they would do because I could feel the venom burning through my veins. They would've torn me apart, like they did Laurent, to stop the world from gaining another vampire. I could remember thinking please don't find me, please don't find me. And they hadn't. They had stepped right over me like I was a branch or something. I had felt their wet noses press against my skin, but they hadn't found me.
Somehow I had blocked myself from them.
That was my theory, really. When I was human, I was a closed book to vampires with mind-related powers—I could block them. Now as a vampire, I was thinking that my power had grown so that I could block them physically—my scent, the noises I made…any physical trace I left.
That was just my theory. There was no one else I could really ask about it. And it didn't really make sense when I thought about it too much, particularly when I thought of the werewolves. Surely my power wouldn't have grown until after the transformation was complete? But what did I know? The only person who might have been able to help shed some light on it was probably Carlisle.
But he hadn't been around. No one had been around.
I pulled away from the brick wall and made my way home. It wasn't until I was inside and had thrown my new book onto my couch that it hit me.
Edward. My Edward.
I collapsed onto the floor, gripping my sides, and I was catapulted back into the last months of my human life. It hurt so bad to breathe, so I didn't. Dry sobs tore out of my throat, shaking my entire being…
I don't know how long I layed there for, but eventually the pain subsided. I eased myself onto my back, almost afraid that a wrong movement would bring all the pain rushing back.
Why had I run from him? Why? Wasn't he all I had wanted for the last eighty years? Even though I couldn't have him and even though I refused to think of him, for fear of soul-crippling pain, I had done what I could to help me make sure I wouldn't forget him. I had taken his name when I realised I couldn't keep my own. I had moved to Chicago because that's where he had been born. Why did I deny myself what I wanted? He had been so close—all I had had to do was turn and I would've been able to touch him.
But I wasn't ready to touch him.
I was everything he had been so determined that I would never be. I must revolt him. Sure, he had chased me, but what when he realised that I wasn't just some…some figment of his imagination? I squeezed my eyes shut, the thought bringing back a sharp stab of pain. I wouldn't be able to take the rejection. Once as a human was enough. But now? When the levels between us had finally evened out, even if only a little bit? A little bit because he was still so much more magnificent than I was.
The sun was suddenly shining through my windows. I held up my hand into a golden beam and watched the sunlight break and bounce off my skin in thousands of little rainbows.
I sighed.
His face was etched in my mind, the expression on his face before I had run so very clear. If I didn't know any better I would've sworn his words in the forest had been lies for him to look at me like that. It made my breath quicken just thinking about it.
But it also made me angry. I frowned, processing this new revelation. He had told me he didn't love me, that he didn't want me. And now…now he looks at me like that, like he had never uttered those words. The very same words that had left me alone, that had taken the very reason I had ever wanted this life so that when I finally got it, there was no reason to it all.
Hadn't Alice seen this? I thought suddenly. Hadn't she seen that I would become a vampire? I distinctly remember that day in the hospital when I had asked him a very similar question. His answer had been confirmation enough even as he had insisted she was wrong, that the future changes.
Future and Fate, I thought with a snort. Weren't they one and the same? The Future was Fate and Fate would always run its course. He should have known this would've happened, whether he stayed or not. And if he had stayed…
The resentment boiled up strong inside of me. If he had stayed, things would've been so different, I knew…
But why would he have stayed? He hadn't wanted me then—not as a girlfriend at least. The way he had looked at me earlier—that doesn't mean that he wanted to stay back then. What had I been but a mere human with an appetising smell? There had been nothing substantial about me that could hold him. Now that I was a vampire—perhaps things may have changed…but then again maybe not.
I groaned. The more I thought about it, the more confused I got. Was I angry with him? Was it fair to be angry with him? Did he want me now as he had back in the beginning? I couldn't use my blood as an excuse for the look on his face earlier because I had none. What if he didn't? What if he was just shocked about seeing his ex-girlfriend that should, by rights, be walking around with a metal frame, or a walking stick, or riding about on one of those motorised scooters or one of those new contraptions they've just brought out?
One thing was for sure. I knew I still loved him. That was a certainty that would never changed no matter how long I lived for. It was just the rest that had me so…I don't think I'll ever be able to figure out his thought processes, just like he could never figure mine. But I needed to figure something out. I wanted so bad to see him again, to talk to him, to—
No. I wouldn't let myself think it. It won't happen so why should I tear myself up even more? No. I know that I'll cave, and soon. I know that I'll find some way to find them, now that I knew they were in the city, and I know that I'll end up face-to-face with him. I need to be prepared for that.
All of a sudden, I wanted to talk to Alice. Well, not quite all of a sudden since it was something I had wanted to do so frequently over the years but had never been able to because I didn't know where to find her. I went over to my window, closing my eyes to the warmth. I knew where I could find Alice with the chances of him being there so very slim.
I moved toward my bathroom.
I had a day of shopping to get ready for.
