A/N: MAJOR apologies for not updating sooner. I know, it's been like a month! No excuses other than life and lack of inspiration. It'd be really amazing if I could get 200 reviews with this chapter...that would be fantastic! Anyways, enjoy!!



Chapter 35: All Fall Down

If ever your world starts crashing down
Whenever your world starts crashing down
If ever your world starts crashing down
That's when you'll find (find) me

Lost 'til you're found
Swim 'til you drown
Know that we all fall down
Love 'til you hate
Strong 'til you break
Know that we all fall down

You know the saying 'what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger?' I think that I have heard that same line repeated me about a thousand times over the past six months. Yes, that's right. I, Natalia Cullen, am having what feels like the most difficult time with this whole new lifestyle.

And let me tell you, I haven't been the easiest person to be around either. I'm surprised that my entire family hasn't just left me in the dust because they're sick of all my complaining and antics.

But, like Jasper keeps reminding me, none of them are going anywhere; they aren't deserting me. No matter how difficult I may get. Granted, I have an amazing support system. There's Carlisle and Esme who's unfailing patience has truly astounded me. There's Edward who can read my mind, allowing me to not have to verbally express my feelings and thoughts to him. He just listens to me rant and rave without judging me. I couldn't blame him if he did though. But, he's told me of the things he did in the first few years that he was a vampire so he understands somewhat.

Then there's Jasper. He's probably the one who understands me more than anyone. And not just because he and I are the ones together. No, it goes beyond that. He knows from experience. Almost daily I am hearing different stories of things he did or witnessed during his early years. It went beyond just a few years though, it was decades before he finally changed his lifestyle. A life that he had been forced into; a life that he didn't choose.

In an odd turn of events, it seems as if the same has happened to me. My choice to be changed wasn't really a choice at all. Simply, there was no other option than the one that occurred. Leaving Jasper alone wouldn't have been fair, to either of us. For him to lose his imprint when there was something he could do, that pain would've been inexplicable.

I suppose that the selflessness that my mother possessed was truly passed down to me. Because most people wouldn't have chosen this life if there had been another option. Then again, my other option was death. So, in a way, it's like I've been given a second chance at life. A life that even though may be extremely difficult to understand, I'm still here breathing. Figuratively of course.

And now here I was, six months later and still feeling a bit skeptical about everything. I haven't felt like myself and I don't know if I ever will. However, tonight was Christmas Eve; I had to be on my best behavior as it were.

Because, even though it has been six months since I was changed, there are still a lot of answered questions. Some things are important, others not so much.

Carlisle has spent months trying to figure out all kinds of things about me but so far, he hasn't really come up with any solid answers. The big thing being that I'm not like your typical vampire. I step out into the sun and I don't look like someone threw a million diamonds all over me. I don't think there really is any logical explanation other than the fact that when Jasper bit me, maybe there wasn't enough venom flowing throughout my system. Well, enough to change me but maybe not enough to change me completely? See, that doesn't make any sense what so ever does it?

Besides not sparkling in the sun, there are some other things that are a bit different about me. I've noticed that my body temperature isn't as cold as everyone else's. I am definitely stronger than I once was but I'm still not as strong as the others oddly enough.

And then there is the whole scent thing. I have only encountered a human's scent twice while out hunting and I nearly snapped. Good thing there was someone with me otherwise who knows what would've happened. God help me the day when and if I ever meet my 'singer' as Carlisle called it. If they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, it could only end in disaster. I hope desperately to never find someone who's blood is so appealing to me that I lose all control.

Needless to say, here I am, sitting alone in the house, waiting. I had been a bit upset when I was informed that it'd be best if I didn't venture out to do my own Christmas shopping. So Alice, my small pixie sister and best friend did it for me. She had me tell her exactly what I wanted and she went and got it for me. Funny thing, the longer Alice has been with Jacob, she doesn't get her visions as much. Why? I don't really know. It must be some werewolf, supernatural thing. But, she's completely head over heels for him so I don't think she really minds it.

Alice was a bit skeptical the first few weeks after I was changed. She didn't know if I was mad at her for not seeing the car accident in time. I assured her that I wasn't. And that was the truth. I could never be mad at her. Even when she smelt like Jacob all the time would I want her to stay away.

I spent most of the morning and afternoon trying to wrap presents. It was quite the activity. Newborn strength made it sort of difficult. It took several attempts before I got it under control and just right.

It was just me in the house currently. A few had gone hunting, while the others where who knows where.

I still wasn't used to the whole hunting thing. I didn't feel comfortable doing it but it was at least bearable now. However, I still didn't like going with a group. Even with Jasper I was hesitant. It had gotten to the point where I mostly went with Esme. Her being my mother, I felt much better when I was with her.

Her style was soft and graceful and that reflected in her hunting skills. A style that I wanted to emulate.

We had gone early this morning and now she was off picking up something at the store. Sitting around in the living room, I was beginning to grow a bit impatient. Sometimes when I was all alone, I felt like I was going to go crazy.

So, when the doorbell rang, it was like a godsend. Practically running towards the door, flinging it open thinking it was one of my family members or Jasper.

"Hey doll." a deep voice greeted me and suddenly things started to blur. I heard the door closing behind them, locking me in with both this person and their scent. "It's been awhile…" he didn't even get to finish his sentence before I practically lunged at him, knocking him down to the ground.

Like I said, I may not be as strong as the other vampires, but I'm still fast. Faster and apparently stronger than the man pinned beneath me.

I gripped his shoulders tightly, pushing him further against the ground.

"You know" he whispered "If I would've known that you turning into a vampire was going to allow your true feelings to show for me, maybe I would've…"

"Shut up." I hissed, increasing the pressure against his shoulders. Glaring down at him, I took note of his facial expression. He didn't look scared. He wasn't afraid in the slightest. In some weird, twisted way, he was intrigued by this. He was waiting to see what I was going to do.

And maybe that's why Jacob wasn't doing anything to push me away from him. However, he was seeing it all wrong. I wasn't chasing after his blood. No, everything inside my body was telling me that this was the enemy and he needed to be taken care of immediately.

Every rational thought in my seemed to disappear with each passing second and all I could focus on was finding a way to kill him before someone showed up.

"Natalia?" he must've noticed the change in my eyes before he suddenly looked a bit concerned "Are you…what are you thinking?"

"No, no" I shut my eyes, putting more pressure on him to the point where I actually heard something snap. "I can't, no I won't do this!"

"Natalia! What are you doing?!" my eyes snapped away from him for a split second. Just in time to feel someone's arm wrap around my waist and rip me away from him.

"Get off of me Emmett!" I screamed, turning in his grasp so I could see him.

"No can do sweetheart. You aren't thinking straight and you're not killing someone on my watch. Nope, sorry." As soon as the word 'kill' came out of his mouth, I froze and stopped completely.

"Don't let me go, Emmett. Please." I was suddenly begging him. He quickly nodded before tightening his embrace around me.

Still with my face buried against him, I heard more voices and the door opening. I didn't know what to do so I just stood there, with Emmett's arms still wound around me.

"What's going on? Jake, what happened?" Alice rushed to his side, helping him up.

"It's nothing, Alice. I just…" I heard another snap "I think I might've surprised Natalia. I don't think she's used to me being around her."

"What happened dear?" I felt a hand on my shoulder but I didn't turn. I knew it was Carlisle and I didn't really feel like explaining to him how I almost murdered someone in his living room. Thankfully and unfortunately, my brother heard and saw what had just happened so he was able to fill everyone in, earning some gasps and nods from everyone.

"Ah, it was nothing you guys. I'm perfectly fine. Look, I'm already healed." I heard Jacob's voice, completely back to normal and I peered up from Emmett and looked at him. Sure enough, he looked to be fine and in one piece.

"I'm so sorry Jake, I didn't mean to do it."

"It's no big." he shrugged.

"Actually, Jacob, it is a big deal." Carlisle rejoined the conversation and I cringed internally. I already knew were this was going before he said another word. "I think we should sit down before we continue."

"Carlisle, honey, can't this wait until later?" Esme asked gently, looking at me with concerned eyes.

"Better now than later dear." he assured her and she sighed in defeat. Even she knew there was no changing his mind.

I reluctantly pulled away from the tight grasp of Emmett and followed them and sat across from them. And, almost instantly, there was someone beside me, taking my hand tightly in theirs. I didn't even have to look up to see who it was. It could only be one person.

"I'm here, Natalia." Jasper squeezed my hand in reassurance and I gave him a small smile.

"This is about school isn't it?" I asked before anyone could start talking. What else could it be about?

"I'm afraid it is Natalia. Now, I know that six months clearly isn't enough time for you to get used to everything about this new life but" oh, boy nothing good ever came after the 'but.' "I've, well we've all noticed that you have been having a pretty tough time adjusting to the new lifestyle. Especially when it comes to controlling your thirst."

At that very moment, I felt like a five year old being reprimanded. But, I knew he was right.

"I know Carlisle. I've been trying really hard though. I hope you know that?"

"Of course I know sweetheart. But sometimes, no matter how hard we try, it still takes some of us longer to adjust than others. That's just the truth and it doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you."

In a way, that made me feel a bit better. He wasn't looking down on me, he was just being honest. This could happen to anyone type of thing.

"So, what do you suggest we do?" I pressed, really wanting to know his plan.

"Well, I would suggest that you hold off starting college for at least a year." I didn't flinch at his words. I knew this was coming for awhile now. I wasn't stupid. But, it still hurt a bit when I heard it. "Perhaps even move back to Alaska for that time?" he looked at me and then to Esme who just nodded sympathetically.

"Alaska! I don't want to move to Alaska for a year." that seemed a bit extreme. Before I had been adopted into their family, the Cullens had spent some time in Alaska with another group of vampires.

"It's remote, just what you need Natalia."

"If it's remote then how will I get used to being around people?"

"It's not completely abandoned." he laughed gently "But there, we will be able to take it slower and there's less risk of any accidents."

Everything he said was so true. I mean honestly, how in the world was I going to handle going to school where I'd be surrounded by thousands of people when I couldn't even handle one?

"Fine" I sighed "I'll put of school for a year. I don't want to hurt anyone. And if is the best way, then I'll go." I knew there was no point in trying to argue with him. His mind was already made up. And, this actually was the best thing. I didn't want to be the cause of sudden deaths on a college campus.

"There's my girl." he clapped his hands, pleased at my answer "I'm so glad that you're being so responsible about this."

"But, what about everyone else?" I looked around the room. In the time that we have lived here in Washington, our family had grown a bit.

"Bella and I will come with you." Edward stepped forward, a smile on his face. "You're family Natalia and we're going to help you as much as we can."

"But what about college?"

"We have all of eternity to start college. You only get to train your newborn sister once." he laughed.

"And I'm sure not going anywhere!" Emmett grinned at me, clearly amused at seeing me trying to get a hang of everything in Alaska. I glared at him but he merely winked. Rosalie agreed too, which I knew she would. Wherever Emmett went, she would go as well.

"Alice?" I glanced up at her and she was standing there, a torn look on her face as she stood beside Jacob.

"I think…" she sighed "I think that I belong here, with Jake." she looked up at him lovingly and he smiled back at her. "Natalia, I'm so sorry."

"Alice, no" I stood quickly, walking over to her. I paused for a few seconds, waiting for Jacob to take the hint and back up away from me "I'm not mad at you. Not at all. I wouldn't think of tearing you two apart." I knew that if Alice came with me, Jacob wouldn't follow her and it would kill them both. Because at the moment, his loyalty was to both his pack of brothers as well as Alice. And I didn't want either of them to have to make that decision on my behalf.

She threw her tiny arms around me, hugging me tightly.

"But" she pulled away "Our promise for next year still stands right?" she asked, hope shining in her eyes.

"Yes, of course. I still want you two to come to school with us whenever the time comes." I glanced cautiously at Jacob.

"Well, as long as you don't promise to kill me, there shouldn't be a problem doll." he laughed, letting me know that he was only being half serious.

"Good." I walked away from them, taking my spot back on the couch. I didn't even need to ask Jasper. That would've been a rather silly question. So instead, I grabbed his hand again, holding it tightly in mine and just looked at him. He knew what I was asking him and he nodded.

"Well, now that it's all settled, what do you say to opening up some gifts?" Esme changed the subject entirely which I was extremely grateful for.

Excitement rather than tension soon filled the room as presents were passed around and handed out. I loved every gift I received from everyone.

There was one gift however that I didn't get and I was so sure I was going to.

On our first Christmas, Jasper had given me two rings. A promise ring and an engagement ring with every intention of proposing one day to me. Our second Christmas, he wasn't here and I spent it alone. And after I was changed, I couldn't find that ring anywhere. The engagement one and I knew that I hadn't lost it, meaning he had taken it. Why else would he have taken it if he wasn't going to ask me to marry him?

I caught Edward looking at me oddly for a few moments and I just shrugged as he heard my thoughts. He turned towards Bella who didn't say a word but they were clearly having a conversation between the two of them.

After all the gifts were open, everyone sort of parted ways. Jake and Alice headed back to the reservation to spend some time with his dad and his friends. Friends who, according to Alice, still wanted to meet me. But after today, that might not be a good idea just yet.

Before I knew it, the living room was empty and Jasper was taking my hand so that we could go upstairs, just the two of us.

I changed quickly, pulling on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Sure there was probably something cuter or even sexier in my dresser that I could've put on but I didn't really see any need to tonight. Besides, the two of us never needed to impress the other. No, we just needed one another.

Grabbing a blanket, I joined him where he was already sitting by my window waiting for me. Again, there was really no need for a blanket but it was so soft and pretty that just having it was a nice feeling. Sitting with him, I curled into his side and the two of us just sat there, looking out the window, watching the snow fall from the sky.

"Natalia, can I ask you something?"

I turned to face him better "Anything."

"Do you" he brushed some of my hair out of my face, his hand tracing over the crescent mark on my neck "regret what I did to you?" he looked hesitant when he looked back at me, almost as if he was afraid to hear me answer.

"I don't regret a single moment I have spent with you Jasper. I admit, things haven't been easy for me since I was changed but, one day it's all going to be fine. But, no I don't regret it at all."

"But everything you're going through…"

"Will all be worth it in the end." I finished his sentence.

"Promise?"

"Yes" I leaned in closer "I promise." he grabbed my face with both his hands before pressing his lips gently to mine. After a few seconds though, I pressed myself tighter, closer to him, once again reminding him that I wasn't a fragile little human anymore; something he seemed to forget a lot of the time.

"So quick to remind me." he laughed, wrapping an arm around me, pulling me closer.

"Well" I pushed him back slightly, moving my lips from his to the spot right below his ear "This is one thing I have control over." which, that was completely true. Wrapping my arms around his neck, he kissed me deeper and more fervently. Jasper knew that I couldn't hurt him and that he couldn't hurt me anymore either. He of course was always going to be gentle with me but I was just waiting for the day when he would just let go of all inhibitions and be with me with everything he had. Just the mere thought about it gave me butterflies in my stomach.

I laughed when he took a bit of control of the situation, pushing us so that he was leaning over me, letting his hands roam everywhere.

Though the desire to be intimate had increased as of lately, I wasn't about to sit here and beg him. No, I think the way we both saw it, much like our first time, it was going to be unplanned, spontaneous and absolutely wonderful. Well, I hoped it would be more than wonderful being as we could do so much when the time came.

We stayed like this for who knows how long. Another perk of being a vampire? Time and air didn't really matter anymore. Hours could pass and it could only feel like minutes.

"You know I could kiss you….forever." I admitted shamelessly. I wanted him to know it, even though I'm pretty sure he already did.

"Well good thing we'll be together forever." I leaned in closer to him as he kissed my forehead before we resumed looking out the window again as more snow fell. There was just something calming about watching it fall. Or, it could be that the person I was with at this very moment was someone I was deeply in love with.

"Forever?" I began to expand on the question, hoping to get the courage to ask him about that ring but I couldn't do it.

"Forever darlin'. Just remember, for every rough spot you encounter on this journey, there'll be plenty of good ones. And every time you feel like you're falling, know that we've all had our moments of weakness. We're not perfect. We may not be human, but we're still flawed."

I just nodded, thinking about what he had just said.

"But" he continued "I still think you're perfect."

"Biased."

"I'm serious Natalia" he grabbed my hands in his tighter "I will not let you fall. Or, at least, I won't let you fall alone. I will always be with you….no matter what."

"Promise?" it was my turn to ask.

"For eternity."

And whether he knew it or not, I was going to hold him to that promise. No, more than that. I was going to cling desperately to that promise. If there was one person who understood and who I would rather have at my side, you better believe it was the man sitting right beside me.

With him sticking by me, maybe things would be okay. After all, no one was perfect, we were all flawed in our own ways. But at the end of the day, if you had someone you loved by your side to help you through it, then maybe it would be all worth it.


Thoughts? Next chapter is the last chapter of this story; going to wrap everything up!

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