Diclaimer: Twilight is not mine. I am not Stephenie Meyer...
WOWSERS...I'm so so so sorry! I've been a little hectic lately. I'm still experiencing computer glitches, I have one more test for uni and I'm going through the motions of getting promoted at work--it's all very time consuming. BUT the chapter is finished and ready to go. I have to say though, just so I don't freak you all out, I won't be updating AT LEAST for a week after this because of the afore mentioned problems. However, to make up for it there is a little present to be had for all ye faithful reviewers :D
Thankyou to everyone that reviewed (over 130 of you for that last chapter ALONE! --thud-- (I died right there)) and thankyou to everyone who has added me to alerts and favourites :D Thankyou so much!
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Happy Reading, Loves xoxo
Part VII – It's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant…
"I hate you…I hate you because it shouldn't be happening like this, not eighty years later. Not when it should've been you, Edward. I wanted it to be you. I wanted you to be the one to bite me. I wanted it to be your venom that made me what I am…And I hate you because it wasn't…But I love you. I do—right this second, ever since I met you. I never stopped and I never will..."
EPOV
My entire being was resonating with pain. Knowing I had caused her pain and watching her express it were two very different things. To watch her crumple in on herself, to listen to her words…I took hating myself to a whole new level.
I kept myself away from her, denying myself the beautiful luxury of touching her. I knew she wanted to express herself and my touching her would only distract us both.
I had told myself over and over again that she would hate me. I had known it without a doubt. They were the words I had been waiting for her to say, and yet I don't think I had actually believed that she would say them. It had never been in her nature to admit to such things so blatantly, but the wounds I had caused went deep.
I hate you.
Those three words hit me harder than anything else ever could, and as she continued to explain them I physically found it impossible to breathe. She turned away from me and I had to touch her, I had to look at her. I took her wrist and turned her back to me, lifting her face so I could look her in the eyes. Electricity was shooting through my arm, through my entire body—not the painful, crippling bolts I had felt earlier but the pleasant burning of awareness, of desire. It was jumbling my thoughts in a way that the pain never could. It took my best efforts just to say her name.
She glared at me, the most beautiful expression of anger I'd ever seen. And the words that flowed from her mouth…
She was forgiving me. She was going to stay with me—not because I was willing to beg and plead and do whatever I had to, but because she wanted to.
She wanted me.
I love you.
The electricity made my brain short circuit with those three glorious words. I had some small measure of control—just enough to hold myself back long enough to give her a chance to push me away. But she didn't, and as the last prestiges of my control slipped I deepened the kiss, loosing myself in the feel of her, the smell of her—she opened her mouth to mine—the taste of her. She clutched at me, pulling me closer. Even with my own arm pulling her as close as I could, it wasn't enough. I picked her up, pinning her against the window, and she wrapped her legs around me. The adrenaline running through me didn't need a heart to pump it. I pressed myself closer, my ears hearing the sound of cracking glass but my brain not registering it.
Emmett, however, was as loudly observant as ever. His laughter thundered through the entire house as he said, "Careful Edward. Esme won't appreciate it if you break her windows."
His unexpected presence startled both of us. She gasped and untangled her legs, pushing against my shoulders as I reluctantly stepped back, letting her slide down the window so she could stand on her feet. I wasn't really surprised that I hadn't heard him coming. It was the same when I played the piano—if I immersed myself deep enough, I could effectively block out any thoughts but my own. And immersing myself in Bella was enough to block out even those thoughts.
But I was incredibly frustrated by Emmett's entrance. He couldn't just quietly turn around and pretend he hadn't seen anything instead of bringing the whole house down on us? I growled. Of course not. That's why he was Emmett.
Bracing an arm on the wall beside Bella's head, I glared at Emmett over my shoulder.
"Run, Emmett. Run fast," I snarled.
He laughed, completely unperturbed by my threat. "In a minute, little brother. I just want to say hi to Bella. I think you've hogged her long enough."
"Emmett," I snarled.
He was beside us and had pulled Bella out of my arms in an instant.
"Bella!" he boomed as he spun her around. Her beautiful laughter filled the room as the rest of the family came down the stairs. I watched her return Emmett's giant bear hug with her own, smiling when Emmett grunted and looked at me, saying, "She's a strong one, bro."
I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Why do you think I came home looking like I'd gone 'a round with an alligator'?"
Emmett's eyebrows shot up in surprise and looked back at Bella who was still trapped against his chest, her feet dangling. "That was you?"
Her eyes went wide with indignation. "He was after my Lynx!"
"Your Lynx?" I asked as everyone laughed.
She freed herself from Emmett and stood facing me with her arms crossed, a small lopsided smirk on her face. "Yes, my Lynx. I would've had it if you hadn't interfered."
I gave her a smirk of my own and crossed my arms. "I would've had my Lynx"—I leaned forward slightly as I stressed the words—"if you hadn't interfered. Perhaps if I had known you were there…"
She smiled sweetly. "Edward, it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant." She flashed her teeth at me; amused, I'm sure, by the surprised expression on my face. I remembered those words. I remembered the way she had glared up at me while I leaned against her truck. But I hadn't thought she would remember them.
She glared at me playfully, shaking her head. I smiled at her, revelling in the exchange and her magnificence. Was it wrong of me to be so elated by the knowledge that she had accepted this life and was comfortable enough to joke about it?
Chuckling, Jasper asked from his position on the stairs behind Alice, "So who actually got it?"
Smiling, Bella pointed a finger at me as she turned to look at him. "It's his fault it got away. If he hadn't gone and gotten all distracted…"
"Gee, Edward. I wonder what got you all distracted?" Emmett said with false innocence.
I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face as I kept my eyes on Bella. She moved her head slightly so her hair fell over her shoulder, masking her face. My smile grew. She would be blushing now, if she could.
"I don't know, Emmett. But I think it has something to do with being thrown thirty feet back into the river."
Subjugating myself to endless mockery from Emmett and Jasper was well worth seeing the smile that spread across her face. Emmett laughed as he scooped Bella up in another giant hug.
"Ah, I'm glad you're home, Bella!"
I froze, the smile slipping from my face. Of all the words to use…
It was irrational, really, but the moment he said it, all the insecurities came rushing back. Technically she hadn't said that she was staying. And we definitely hadn't even touched the subject of her living with us. I knew I wanted her to. But did she?
As if she could hear my thoughts, she looked me straight in the eyes as she said, "It's good to be home."
xoXox
"Your CD collection hasn't grown as much as I would have thought, Edward."
Too many hours later, I finally had her all to myself again. Alice had insisted on an extensive tour, showing her virtually every room in the house, from Esme's garden room to Jasper's library. We had lost her completely for an hour or two when Alice opened the doors to the family library. Three stories of books—from hand-painted first editions to modern works. I was happy to let her stay and explore to her heart's content but Alice insisted she would have all the time in the world to read them…when she wasn't busy with me, of course. I tried not to think about the pleasant implications of that statement too much.
Now we were in my room—the only room Alice hadn't shown her. She was running a finger over the plastic spines of the CD cases as she looked at them.
"I think my collection could possibly rival yours now," she said quietly, glancing over her shoulder at me. I sat on the sofa, watching her as she explored my room. I didn't really want to tell her why my CD collection hadn't grown. Because it hadn't. Any CD's added to it over the last eight decades are courtesy of my family. I hadn't bought any. I hadn't been in any state of mind to purchase them.
She came and sat beside me, folding her legs beneath her as she rested her side against the back of the sofa so she could look at me. "Are none of the modern artists to your tastes?" she teased.
I smiled ruefully, not really meeting her eyes. "I wouldn't know," I told her truthfully. "I haven't really listened to anything."
That surprised her.
"You haven't been listening to music?"
I shook my head. "No. I haven't played much, either," I admitted. Her eyes narrowed as I told her, "Tonight was the first I've played in years."
"Why?"
I shrugged. She seemed genuinely angered by this trivial fact, for reasons I couldn't fathom, so I explained, "It didn't help, so I didn't play. Usually playing or listening will calm me down or make me feel better, but…" I shrugged again. "I played once and it made no difference, so I…I didn't play again." It made no difference to me, but it had made everyone in the house miserable. No matter what I played, my emotions, my thoughts, always made themselves present. It had been my family's first glimpse at the inescapable depression I was lost in and I vowed never to let them witness it again. "I haven't felt the need to." Until tonight. I had ended up at my piano without conscious thought, for which I was glad. If I had given it thought, would I have played? Probably not. And if I hadn't, would she have come to the doors? Would she be sitting next to me, frowning at me?
"Are you mad at me?" I asked.
Her expression softened and she sighed. "No." She reached over and took one of my hands, pulling it into her lap where she started tracing patterns onto my palm. "Well, not for your lacking musical activities," she qualified. She looked up at me, her expression pained, her eyes burning with frustration.
"You know they told me you went to Italy."
Ah. Of course. She was just as angry now as she had been when I stupidly brought the subject up on her birthday after watching Romeo and Juliet—probably more so because I had actually attempted it, rather than just considered it as a back-up plan.
"I'm pretty sure I told you never to do that," she continued when I said nothing. "And didn't you promise not to?"
"No. I said it was a moot point," I corrected softly. I stared at our hands. Hers were still small, still delicate-looking, as they toyed with one of mine. But I could feel the strength in them. "I thought you were dead, Bella." It hurt for some reason, saying it aloud and I knew that pain was reflected in my voice. I shook my head slightly as I considered the turmoil I had been in when I had believed it. "I wasn't going to live without you."
Her hands tightened on mine and I looked up at her. She used to cry when she got angry—a trait she had always found embarrassing while I found it endearing. But she had no tears to cry anymore. Her eyes were tight with her anger instead, and yet she didn't let go of my hand.
"Do you realise how unfair that is?" she asked softly, her voice wounded. "You made me promise not to do anything reckless or…or stupid. And yet the minute you think I'm dead, you run off to Italy." I flinched and looked out the windows. "I held true to my promise, Edward—for the most part. I mean…it's not like I was living in the hope that you would come back. I've already told you our relationship didn't make sense to me then. I was just living my promise, even though suicide may have brought…some kind of welcome respite." My head snapped around to look at her. "What?" she asked. "You're the only one allowed to think about it? I may not have thought you were dead, Edward, but it felt like I was. You took everything I was with you when you left…everything.
"Moot point," she muttered, shaking her head. "We both know I made it clear to you what I thought about your little 'contingency' plans. You knew I didn't want you to do anything to yourself, no matter what happened to me. But you went ahead with it anyway. Do you see how unfair that is?"
Yes I did. It was true. Her words from that day while we sat on the sofa had been in my mind from the moment I had decided to go to Italy. They had been circling around my head the whole time I was there, while my family slowly convinced me to come back. I had known she didn't want me to do what I was doing, but I did it anyway. I had made her promise to stay safe and she had done her best to stay true to that promise, despite the pain it—and I—had caused her. I, on the other hand, had gone against her wishes in a situation where I knew what was expected of me. Should I not have honoured those wishes? Despite the knowledge that my existence would be painful and completely devoid of reason if I did?
If only for the fact that I loved her?
I should have.
I reached out with my free hand to brush my knuckles down the same path I had that second day outside the Forks High School gym; down her face, from her temple to her jaw. Two centuries of life and I'm yet to hear words that could accurately describe her magnificence.
"I'm sorry," I whispered as she closed her eyes. They were miserable, weak words but they were all I had to offer. I couldn't make her understand the shame and the guilt that pulsed through my being and I didn't want to. I'd caused her enough pain without weighing her down with my own.
Her eyes were filled with emotion when she opened them and I saw the last thing I deserved.
Forgiveness.
She opened her mouth to speak but her luminous eyes were distracted by something on the low table beside me. I knew without looking what had caught her attention. I turned and pulled her scrapbook out from under the other books on top of it. Without a word, I handed it to her.
She took it but didn't open it. Instead, she looked at me, her beautiful face confused.
"I didn't think you took the book," she muttered. "I thought you only took the pictures."
I shook my head. "I never took anything." My voice was soft, muted. Would she be angry? "I took the photos out of the book, the CD out of the player, the tickets off your desk…but they never left your room. I hid them under your floorboards."
She stared at me for a moment, her expression unreadable. I wanted to ask her what she was thinking, but she dropped her gaze from mine, down to the book. I watched her face carefully as she turned to the first page. It was a picture of me, the first one she had taken with her new camera. Her brows twitched as she gently ran her fingers over the glossy photo.
"When did you take them?" she asked.
"After we couldn't find Laurent. The whole family went to give Charlie our condolences"—she flipped to the next page, the next picture; Charlie and I watching ESPN—"but I came back…" I let my voice trail off. She didn't need to hear of the pitiful night that I spent in her room. But she wasn't listening, anyway—she was looking at her father's profile in the picture.
Again, she caressed the photo, this time whispering Charlie's name. I watched her carefully, hating that her thoughts were blocked from me. When she lifted her eyes, they were filled with pain.
"You know," she whispered, her voice choked and a small, unhappy smile on her lips. "I'd forgotten what he looked like." She pressed her lips together as her brow puckered.
She was trying to hold back tears that would never fall.
"Bella," I whispered. I pulled the book out of her hands and her onto my lap. She curled up against my chest, pressing her face into my neck. Would the pain never end? Just when I think we could move on, that we could write the past down as nothing more than a memory, something like this would happen.
Why were the odds always stacked against us?
We sat there for a while. I held her while she sobbed, knowing she wasn't mourning just one parent. If she hadn't been able to remember Charlie, she wouldn't remember Renee. And that was possibly even more painful because she had no picture of her mother in the scrapbook, thus no means to recall her. I had a perfect recollection of her; I would be able to tell her exactly what her mother had looked like during the brief time I had met her. But it wouldn't be the same.
Esme ducked her head in, concerned.
Is she all right?
I nodded my head at the scrapbook beside me. Esme knew what it was, what it contained and what it didn't. Her face mirrored the sympathy in her thoughts, and she withdrew.
I started humming her lullaby, hoping it would have the same calming effects it used to. I was rewarded with a sigh and she shifted on my lap, twisting around so she could wrap her arms around my waist. A few minutes later she was breathing normally again. She sat back and pressed her forehead to mine, looking me deep in the eyes.
"Don't ever leave me," she whispered.
I closed my eyes against the pain—the pain of knowing I had caused her pain, the pain that her words inflicted. I moved my face so I could skim the tip of my nose against hers and opened my eyes.
"Forever," I vowed.
She raked her fingers through my hair, staring intently at me before gently pressing her lips to mine. When she pulled away, she picked up the scrapbook again and resumed looking through its pages. I watched her as she looked. I knew the order of the pictures, I knew who was doing what in each one. So I watched her instead, wondering if she could remember. She smiled at the ones her friends had taken in the cafeteria; a touch of nostalgia crept into her expression when she looked at the picture of her bedroom at Charlie's. She paused at one of the last ones, frowning.
It was the picture of the two of us that Charlie had taken, two days before I had left her. She had originally had it folded in half and stuck it under the silver clasp so that only I was visible. It wasn't my favourite picture—far from it—but I had smoothed it out and put it in properly. At the time, it was for no reason other than to serve as just another brutal reminder of what I had done. I had captioned it the same way she had captioned the rest: Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen, Charlie's lounge room, Sept. 14th.
"I still don't like that photo," was all she said.
I laughed. I could afford to acknowledge the humour of it now that I had her in my arms.
"I don't like it either," I admitted. "I prefer the next the one." I turned the page. I didn't know when but at some point Esme had taken it upon herself to add another picture. The caption read: Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen, Prom Night, May 2005. Bella and I were both looking at the camera. I had my arms around her waist and was leaning down slightly, pressing my forehead to hers as we both smiled into the camera. She looked glorious in the blue dress; her hair a tumble of curls down her back and her cheeks a delicious shade of pink.
It was by far my favourite. When I first realised Esme had put it in; I had wanted to tear it out. It was a reminder of the life I had lived but had never deserved. To see my angel so beautifully happy was to bring back every time she had told me she loved me, that she wanted to be with me forever, that no place was right for her unless I was with her. They were memories I didn't particularly want to face because they were true—her words had been true. And yet I never did. Well…it's not that I just didn't—more that I couldn't. And now, watching the radiant smile slowly spread across her face, I was immensely grateful that I hadn't.
"I still can't believe you took me to prom," she laughed quietly.
I chuckled and leaned in to press my lips against the smooth column of her throat. "You enjoyed it," I breathed.
"Mmmmmm…" She tilted her head away from me, exposing more of her neck. I readily yielded to the silent demand, leaving a trail of kisses over the lustrous skin as I pushed back her hair. I smiled as her breathing hitched and she sat up straighter in my lap. I put a hand on her ribs, just above her stomach, to keep her still while I kissed her. But she pulled away, twisting against my hand as she turned to face me again. Her eyes were molten gold when she looked at me, taking my face between her hands. It was a heady brew, feeling the strength of her hands on my face, feeling the strength of her body under my hands and I found that, while she looked at me like that, I couldn't find the part of me that mourned the loss of her mortality.
She kissed me softly, moving her lips deliciously slow against mine. The feeling coursing through me was at complete odds with the hunger burning in the pit of my stomach. I wanted so much more than just a beautifully chaste kiss and yet at the same time…I could sit here for the rest of eternity having her kiss me like this.
She pulled away again, tracing her fingers over my bottom lip as she chuckled.
"I used to faint when you would kiss me like that." Her eyes were still smouldering as she looked at me. "Imagine what my reaction would have been if you had ever kissed me like you did in the river."
I smirked at her, pulling her back to me. "I was being exceptionally unobservant," I said, feigning guilty innocence. "How did I kiss you in the river?"
She laughed and put a finger against my lips. "Before I remind you, O Unobservant One, I want to know…" She closed the scrapbook and pulled it back onto her lap from where it had slipped onto the sofa. "You have my scrapbook." She looked at me, her eyes hopeful. "Do you still have my CD?"
I didn't dignify that with a response. Instead, I took the scrapbook from her and flipped it over. I lifted the back cover and reached into the negative pocket attached to it, pulling out the silver CD in its clear jewel case. Her smile was one of pure happiness as she slowly took it from me. Then she bounded over to my stereo and knelt in front of it. She was still for a moment as she looked at it, trying to figure out how to turn it on. I would've turned it on for her but the remote was sitting on top of it and a second later—with a quiet "Ah!"—she figured it out anyway. She slid the CD in and waited for it to load, fiddling with the volume.
When her lullaby started playing, she sighed and sat on the floor in front of the stereo. She reached out to turn it up some more and then she was still. Watching her just sitting there with her eyes closed had my fingers itching to play the piano, to give some form of substance to my…infinite extent of indescribable feelings.
I smiled. It was the first time in years that I was consciously aware of my desire to play the piano. A wave of tranquillity washed over me and I got up off the sofa to join her on the floor. I pulled her into my arms as I lay down.
"What are you thinking?" I asked her as she pressed her nose against my neck and inhaled deeply.
"That I'm glad you kept my stuff." She took another deep breath. "And that you smell different. You still smell really good, just…different. Why do you smell different?"
I chuckled. "Because you're not the baby seal anymore," I teased. She made an amused sound and looked up at me from underneath her lashes, causing the steady burn running through my body to flare. I stroked her hair and pressed my lips to her forehead. "We all smelt pretty much the same to you as a human," I said quietly. "Now you'll be able to detect the differences in the scents of other vampires—our essence, as it were. It's basically just a faint shadow of what we smelt like when we were human." I pressed my face into her hair. "You still smell like freesia," I muttered. "That's how I found you at the bookshop"—I pulled back to look down at her—"Miss Masen."
Her eyes were wide before she hid them in my shirt. "Mmm…" she muttered. "I wonder…If you smell this good now, when it's only a shadow, then perhaps it's possible you might have just been my brand of heroin when you were human."
I smiled. "Are you trying to distract me?" I whispered in her ear.
"Maybe," she muttered, still hiding in my shirt. Then abruptly she sighed and sat up. "What kind of promise was that to make, Edward?" she demanded. I blinked, confused. "'It will be as if I'd never existed'?" She shook her head as the shame lanced through me again. "Silly vampire. Only you"—she prodded me in the chest with a ghost of a smile on her face—"would think of such a stupid and impossible promise to make! And it was broken the moment you made it! Stealing my pictures and reclaiming your gifts—even though now I suppose you didn't really—would not put things back to the way they were before I met you." She shook her head again. "The physical evidence was nothing in comparison, Edward. I was changed. I wasn't the same girl that had walked off a plane six months earlier; I wasn't the same girl that had been asking about you in the school cafeteria. You could leave, you could hide my things, but you couldn't erase the difference you had made in my life."
She sat on her heels as she took my face between her hands again. "I don't say this to make you feel guilty, Edward," she whispered. "I love you. And I don't want you wallowing"—she grimaced—"over something that happened in the past. I have forgiven you and you have promised never to leave me. I only tell you all this so you don't have doubts. You always want to know what's going through my head, so I'm telling you and I'm not editing it. We won't be able to move past this if I don't tell it as it is. I need you to understand. I need you to accept that I'm not human anymore. Please—be selfish, Edward."
I stared at her…then grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto my lap again, crushing her against my chest as she wrapped her arms around my neck. Be selfish—already done. I've already gone a step beyond accepting her damnation—I've embraced it. That's not to say that I no longer mourned the loss of her humanity. There will always be that part of me that will always hate that such a godly creature was damned to such an existence. But that part would not rule me. I needed her—no, I wanted her too much to let it.
"Consider it accepted," was all I muttered into her shoulder.
She pressed her lips to my neck, sending an unexpected shiver down my spine as she raked her fingers through my hair from the nape of my neck. I could hear the smile in her voice as she muttered, "Good."
After a few minutes of comfortable silence, her lullaby playing gently in the background, she said quietly, "It hurt to think about you." I kept my face in her shoulder, breathing her in, while her fingers twirled in my hair. It had hurt to think about her, too. So much I had begun to wonder if vampires could die of a broken heart. "Directly at least," she continued. "But as the years passed, it got easier. Eventually I could think your name without it hurting so much. I took your name for a few reasons, one of the obvious ones being that I couldn't keep my own. But mostly…" She paused and I waited. "Mostly, it was just because it was your name. I mean, being a Cullen is well and all, but being a Masen…" Her shoulders twitched in a tiny shrug and her arms tightened around me. "It was just a way of being close to you when you weren't here."
I moved so I could press my forehead to hers. I never would be able to accurately express to her just how incredible she was, no matter how many years I lived, no matter how many terms of endearment I heard. She had been through so much more than I had, and she had done better than survive. She had set up a life for herself while I had curled in on myself like the miserable creature I was, shunning my family and hating myself.
I didn't deserve any of them, that was painfully obvious. Particularly not my family—who had risked their own lives to save mine only to have me repay their efforts by acting as a zombie rather than a vampire—and definitely not Bella.
But I would make it up to them somehow…even if it were my final act.
That sounds like an excellent idea, Edward, thankyou, Alice called. And it won't be your final act—we all love you too much. But you need to wrap it up—Bella needs to get to work. Her day's going to be hectic enough.
I sighed to stop myself from groaning. Bella had told us on the tour that she had a job as an editor for one of the major publishers in Chicago, but I didn't want to acknowledge that she'd have to leave me for nine hours. I didn't want to acknowledge that she'd have to leave, period. Yet, I don't think her plea for my selfishness was intended to inhibit her life.
"I wish I could tell you what you mean to me, Bella."
Her smile was timid. "So you're not mad?"
It was questions like that that made me so damn curious to know what goes through that beautiful head. How could I possibly be mad at her for taking my name? I shook my head and I could feel the unbelieving smile on my face. "You are absurd, Isabella. Of course I'm not mad." I chuckled at her sheepish grin and took her face in my hands.
"I love you."
Her smile was radiant, even as her eyes turned to molten gold again, feeding the fire in the pit of my stomach. Her voice was a seductive purr as she lent forward and whispered, "Is this the part where I remind you of the river kiss?"
"No!" Alice called from down stairs.
Bella frowned at me. "And why not?"
I smiled, only lifting one corner of my mouth. "Apparently you're going to have a busy day. You need to make up for lost time over the last two days, and it's going to be 'hectic enough'."
"Thanks for the heads up," she muttered dryly as Alice came bounding in. "Want to tell me why it's going to be so hectic?" she asked as Alice grabbed her hand to pull her up.
"Sorry Bella, I don't know the reason. I just see a lot of distressed employees."
Bella huffed. "Great." She bent over the stereo and ejected the disc. "Relaxation music," she said in response to my raised eyebrow. "Apparently I'm going to need it."
I chuckled as I jumped up and followed them out.
"Well, you know—you don't have to work," Alice supplied. "The stock market is pretty good right now. I can get Jasper to buy you some shares and I'll look after them for you."
Bella laughed. "Thanks, Alice, but I do actually enjoy my work."
"What she's trying to tell you, is that she's already bought you some," I told her as we entered the foyer.
"Alice," she sighed.
"Look at it this way, Bella—if I get you shares now, the sooner you can retire and stay with Edward." Alice smiled and reached up to hug her. "Don't take too long to say goodbye—you really do need to be there early if you want to get everything done today. We'll be by later to say hi."
She prodded my arm as she turned to go back inside. I'm serious—not too long.
I nodded as she disappeared. Birds were heralding the rising sun despite that it was hidden behind a thick layer of storm clouds. The air was heavy with the scent of rain and electricity charged the air.
I scooped Bella into my arms, crushing her tight to my chest.
"I must admit, I do like the sound of Alice's idea," I muttered, inhaling her scent.
She laughed. "Don't tempt me." She kissed me quickly, before pulling away with a laugh. "Something to look forward to," she explained, tapping my lips.
I caught her wrist and pulled her back in for one last kiss, cupping her neck with my palm.
"Edward!"
I growled as I reluctantly pulled away.
"I'm going, Alice!" Bella laughed. She kissed my cheek, avoiding temptation. "Level 14," she said, squeezing my hand. Then with one last smile, she turned and ran into the trees.
I contemplated following her, but Alice was in my head.
She needs to get ready for work, Edward. She's behind enough as it is and you don't have the control you used to where she's concerned.
Well, I couldn't argue with that. I turned back to the house where Alice met me at the door, smiling.
I've missed you, Edward. It's good to have you back.
I smiled and pulled her into a hug. "Thankyou."
Her hug was fierce for a minute then she let go. Go see Esme. I need to find something for Bella to personalise her office a bit. Shoo!
Laughing, I did as I was told, bounding up the stairs. I found Esme in one of the numerous empty rooms on the third floor, her thoughts busy trying to figure out what to do with it.
"What do you think, Edward?" she asked as I approached the door. She showed me a visualisation of the room furnished, modest but beautiful, as a den. For Bella.
I smiled, coming into the room and hugging her. "I think it's brilliant, Esme. But she's going to tell you you don't have to do it."
"A mother does not need her child's permission to dote upon them," she said lightly, swatting my arm as we pulled apart. Then she took my face between her hands and studied me. I couldn't keep the crooked smile from my face and her own was lit by a beautiful smile. "There's my son," she whispered, and pulled me back in for another hug, her thoughts consumed with happiness and telling me not to even open my mouth to an apology.
"Okay Mom," I muttered.
She laughed. "Good. Now…Do you think a den is a good idea? Or do you think perhaps she'd prefer a library, like Jasper's," she mused. "She needs a desk, being an editor…" She turned to look at the one of the walls. I smiled. She wanted to knock out the wall to combine the two rooms and make one half a casual study and the other half a den. She turned to look at me. "Well?"
"Perfect."
She clasped her hands together, smiling. "Be a dear, would you, and run down stairs to get my tools? I need to start taking measurements."
I laughed, bending to kiss her cheek before going to do as she asked.
xoXox
Hectic was too mild a word, I thought as we rode up the elevator in silence. Alice and I stood in the back right corner while the humans tried to inconspicuously edge away from us in the limited space. Almost everyone's thoughts were in chaos, due to an unexpected CEO visit. And of course, everything that could go wrong was going wrong. I stared at the floor numbers above the doors as they lit up, focusing on tuning out all the frantic voices.
With a soft chime, the elevator bounced slightly on its taunt wires as we reached our destination. The doors opened as a female recording announced, "Level 14."
As we stepped off, Alice hummed in appreciation.
Nice, she thought to me. Here I was thinking it would be some dreary old office set-up. But I like this.
I smiled at her. We were in the lobby reception area. It was large and open, with a wide curving staircase with steel handrails, and cream tiles. We made our way to the reception desk where a young woman was sifting frantically through a stack of thick envelopes.
It has to be here! Her thoughts were as frantic as her actions. Well, it doesn't have to be here. Maybe I've already put it on Miss Masen's desk. That could be it. I'd have to go check though. Gah! she complained, abandoning the stack. Why today, of all days, do I have to screw up? The poor girl looked like she was about to burst into tears.
She caught sight of us, doing the customary double take, just as the phone started ringing. She glanced at it, terrified.
Can't answer it, she thought. Can't answer it until I find the manuscript. Instead, she turned back to us, forcing a smile to her face.
"Hi, can I help you?" Don't stare; don't stare, she chanted to herself.
Alice and I smiled, careful not to flash our teeth too widely.
"We've come to see Isabella Masen," I supplied.
Wow. Of course. They're here to see Miss Masen. They're gorgeous, just like Miss Masen. I wonder if they're related? I didn't think Miss Masen had any siblings. "She's actually in a meeting at the moment. Did you have an appointment?"
"No," Alice admitted. "But she told us she'd have some free time around now and that we could just wait for her in her office." I suppressed a smile. Of course, Bella had never said such a thing. Bella had no idea we were here.
"Oh." She frowned as she considered it. Miss Masen never lets visitors wait in her office. Then again, I don't think she's ever had visitors. She glanced up at me and I smiled. Her heartbeat went wild and she looked down at the desk in front of her, trying to reassemble her thoughts. Alice frowned at me.
You can check to see if you out it on her desk while you're there, the girl told herself as she gathered some other papers off the desk. Taking extra care, she stepped around the desk, glancing at us. "Um…If you'd…just like to come with me."
We followed her through a set of doors off to the left. I tried to block her thoughts and focus my attention on the décor, but some leaked through. Stop kidding yourself, Lanna…Relax…He's not paying attention to you…Just focus on finding the manuscript or you'll get Miss Masen into trouble and you'll probably loose your job. God, with the CEO here and everything!
Poor girl, Alice thought. Listen to her heart—I think she's going to have a panic attack.
She opened the glass door to one of the larger offices lined along the wall and held it open for us. Her heartbeat stuttered slightly as we passed and for a moment there was no thought in her head at all. Then her brain kicked back into gear and her thoughts were far too chaotic to make any sort of sense of them if I wanted to try. She almost ran to the desk and began leafing through the documents in the in-tray. I glanced at Alice who had perched herself in one of the two chairs facing the desk.
Hectic, she thought with a smile. I hope she doesn't over-work herself, though. She seems like a nice girl.
I nodded subtly as I seated myself. She was genuinely concerned about the fall-out her mistake could cause, particularly for Bella.
It's not here, she thought frantically. She turned to stare at the filing cabinets lined along the wall. Perhaps she's already filed it? No, of course not. It only arrived on Friday afternoon and she wasn't in for the past two days, so she hasn't had time. But she was here early…and if that's the case, she may have logged it in the computer already. She turned back to the desk and stared at the computer screen. I'm not even going to touch that. Okay. Sort out her memos, then go back and double-check all the paperwork out the front…Might help if I could actually remember it. Maybe Christian will know something…
She fiddled around on the desk and asked, "Would you like anything? To—to drink, I mean…or eat?"
"No, thankyou," Alice said with a smile. "Is everything all right? You seem a little flustered."
The girl gave a shaky laugh. "Yes, yes, of course." No! I've lost an eight hundred page manuscript! How does anyone loose an eight hundred page manuscript! And it has an eleven o'clock deadline tomorrow! She smiled bravely at us. "Everything's just a bit…hectic today. We weren't expecting the CEO to visit. Um…If you're sure you're fine, I need to be getting back…" Need to check I haven't given it to the wrong editor. Oh God! What if I have?
Her panicked thoughts accompanied her back down the hall.
What was she looking for? Alice asked, jumping up and moving to the filing cabinets.
"She thinks she's misplaced a manuscript. It's got an eleven o'clock deadline tomorrow and there could be trouble for Bella if it's not ready. She doesn't remember seeing it though."
Well that's helpful. She was finished looking through the cabinets by the time I finished. She stood with her tiny hands on her hips and looked around. Her voice was tinged with pride when it reached me. She has done well for herself, hasn't she?
I smiled as I looked around. Bella was on her way to the top, that much was obvious. Her modernised office was a far leap above the bull pit office cubicles back down the hall. On a shelving unit against the wall was an array of awards, numerous books and an Honours Degree in English Literature in a simple silver frame. Her desk was neat and dominated by the new model touch screen computer.
It's missing something, though.
I raised an eyebrow at her tone.
"Alice, you can't redecorate her office."
"I wasn't thinking of redecorating," she muttered, wounded. "I like her office. No, I was just thinking of adding something…like a picture. I told you it needed to be personalised."
"What picture?" I asked, frowning at her.
She was purposely keeping me out of her head as she reached into her bag, but she smiled as she thought, She liked the one of you two before Prom so I just took another from the ones Esme took and framed it. But you can't see it until she does.
"Why?"
"Because I said so, Grumpy."
I laughed as the young secretary's voice came floating up the hall, far ahead of her.
"…Christian said he took the mail delivery on Friday and he doesn't remember signing for it so I'm inclined to think that we never received it. I've checked with Xander and Tristan and neither of them had the manuscript in their in-trays. But of course, that's not to say that we didn't…"
She doesn't look mad. That's a good thing right? How does she manage to be so calm and collected on a day like today?
Alice stared at me as I stood up and started pacing. I could see Bella through the medium of the girl's thoughts and no, she did not look angry. She looked absolutely gorgeous. I suddenly found myself extremely…uncomfortable. Or perhaps a little too comfortable? Either way, my pacing was an attempted method of distraction. It was failing miserably, of course. I settled for placing myself behind Alice's chair, hoping that her presence in front of me would help me maintain some small measure of control.
I couldn't understand my own reaction, not completely. I mean, I had seen her barely four hours ago—hardly a vast amount of time even by human standards. Was it ridiculous that I should be so eager to see her again so soon?
She glanced at us as she came in, flashing us a quick smile before hurrying at a human pace to sit at her computer, the young secretary following behind her. The vision flashed in my head at the same time it did in Alice's. I had Bella pinned against her desk, kissing her with all the hunger that had been gnawing away at me since our first day in the meadow. Alice's hand slipped under mine before I clenched it down on the fragile metal frame of the chair. I clutched at it like a lifeline.
It appalled and excited me that I had so little self-control. After exercising such strict self-discipline for over a century and a half, you would think I would have plenty to spare. My reaction to her in the river was to be expected, given my attraction to her and that I had already let myself loose. But to react the same way in a civilised setting was something else entirely.
The electricity was racing through me, setting fire to all my nerve endings as she looked up from the computer screen. I smiled, watching her eyes turn to molten gold. Alice squeezed my hand painfully and cleared her throat as she fidgeted in her seat. Bella looked at her then dropped her eyes back to the computer screen, taking a deep, unnecessary breath.
"Check that cabinet there, for me Lanna," she told the girl softly. "If I've filed it, it'll be in there. I'll just be a couple of minutes," she added to us, not meeting my eyes.
I smiled, feeling very much like a lion that had just cornered its meal.
She kept her eyes trained on the screen in front of her while the girl—Lanna—rifled through the cabinet contents. After a minute she turned around.
"Is it in there?" As if she didn't know.
Lanna stood, shaking her head. Oh God, have I really lost it? Her heartbeat picked up and she said shakily, "No."
"That's okay. I don't have it entered either, so we mustn't have received it yet." Her voice was kind as she spoke, turning back to her desk. "What line is she on?" she asked as she picked up the black handset.
"Er…line three." She's going to get into so much trouble. We should have it, but we don't…
"Why don't you take a break, Lanna?" she suggested kindly, holding the phone against her shoulder. "Go get some fresh air and something to eat. Christian can watch the phones for you." Her voice was low and persuasive, and Lanna's thoughts became muddled.
Gee, I wonder who she learnt that from? Alice's voice was dripping with sarcasm.
I smiled as the poor girl nodded and left, pulling the door closed behind her.
"You really shouldn't do that to people," I said softly, turning her own words against her. "It's hardly fair."
She looked up at me, her eyes still smouldering. "I learnt from a master," she said just as quietly, without looking away.
Alice jumped up. "You, mister, are supposed to be behaving. You, missy, have a call to take. Maybe you should go outside and get some fresh air, too," she added, poking me in the chest.
I smiled, never taking me eyes off Bella as I moved around to sit back down. "No, thanks. I'll just sit quietly."
And I did. I watched as Bella took her call, calmly dealing with the angered woman on the other end of the phone, arranging an appointment for later that evening to sort things out—all the while deliberately avoiding my gaze.
When she hung up the phone, Alice pounced on her, thrusting a gift-wrapped rectangle into her hands.
"Don't argue!" Alice said before she could say a word, holding up a finger. "It's a 'Welcome Home' present. Just a little something to personalise your office a bit, is all." She perched herself on the edge of Bella's desk. "So-o," she sang. "Open it already!"
Sighing, and with a resigned smile, Bella tore the paper off in one smooth movement. Her face broke out into a real smile and she ran her fingers over the smooth glass as Alice finally let me see which picture she had chosen. It was one of the more formal ones; Bella standing in front of me as we stood at an angle to the camera. The frame was elegant in its simpleness, fitting the style of the office perfectly.
Still smiling, she set it on the corner of her desk, then stood up to embrace Alice, kissing the top of her spiky hair.
"Thanks, Alice."
"You're welcome. Now." She jumped up and spun around, glaring at me. "If I leave you alone for three minutes, do you promise to behave yourself?"
I smiled at her. "Don't I always?"
She wasn't fooled.
"Three minutes, Edward. And don't disturb her appearance—the CEO wants to see her." She turned to kiss Bella's cheek. "Congratulations, and I promise I won't alter your wardrobe until you get home. Behave," she hissed at me as she left, tweaking the curtains closed as she went.
"My wardrobe?" Bella asked as she came around to the front of the desk. "I didn't know she'd have access to it."
"I don't know," I replied, standing up. "She's not letting me see much at the moment…You look beautiful."
She ducked her head reflexively but her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, so it did nothing more than brush her cheek. She shrugged. "It's just everyday office wear," she muttered, smoothing out the high-waisted pinstriped skirt.
I smiled, stepping closer and letting my hand follow hers down her body. "You still look beautiful," I whispered, leaning into her. She took a deep breath as I wound my arm around her and pulled her body to mine, pressing my lips to the exposed skin of her neck. She clutched at my arms and I pressed her back against her desk. My lips found the hollow of her throat. I traced the shape of if with my tongue and her breathing became ragged. Intoxicated by the taste of her, I closed my lips on her skin and sucked gently. It was something I had never dared to do to her before and I was rewarded with that soft mewling noise she had made in the river. Feeling a growl growing in my chest, I lifted my mouth to kiss her, just as Alice's voice went off in my head.
KNOCK, KNOCK, EDWARD!
Snarling, I quickly sat back down as the knock sounded on the door, pressing my finger tips together in front of my face, trying to get myself back under control. Bella straightened herself on the edge of her desk, calling out to whoever was on the other side of the door.
The door opened and a male voice said politely, "Excuse me, Miss Masen, but they would like to see you upstairs."
"Oh, okay. Thankyou Christian."
I stared at her as she moved around behind her desk, gathering things together. She dug through her handbag and pulled out some keys. With a smile, she took one off the ring, saying, "I guess I know where Alice gets access to my wardrobe." She came back around to the front of the desk holding a black compendium to her chest and a key out to me. "Go to my house and get my CD's," she said as I stood and took it. "Have them arranged by the time I get home, yeah?" She stood on her toes to kiss me, then turned to leave. She paused at the door, turning back to me. "Could you try to keep Alice out of my wardrobe?" she asked.
I laughed, stopping when she raised an eyebrow at me.
Oh. She was serious.
I shrugged as I shook my head, having no doubt that I'd fail. "I'll try."
She smiled, understanding the expression on my face. "That's all I'm asking."
I followed her out of her office, noticing the number of male heads that turned as she passed. It was to be expected, of course, but it still annoyed me. I purposely blocked their thoughts, focusing on the taste of Bella's skin to the seclusion of all else. It was very effective.
Alice was waiting for me in one of the chairs that sat in a circle beside the staircase. She smiled and winked at Bella, who muttered, "You behave."
She laughed. "Don't I always?"
Laughing, Bella shook her head as she started up the staircase. I watched her until Alice yanked on my arm and practically dragged me to the elevators.
You'll have all the time in the world to watch her walk up and down the stairs at home. We have a job to do.
"She said to stay out of her wardrobe," I told her dutifully.
"No she didn't," she countered as we took the lift down to the underground car park. "She just asked you to try to keep me out of it. Relax! I've already said I'm not going to alter it without her being there."
"Don't you like her clothes?" I asked teasingly as we got off.
"I never said I didn't like them. She did look very cute today, all dressed up."
"Cute is not the word I would use," I muttered as we approached my car.
Alice laughed.
Edward Cullen.
Reflex reaction. I looked up at the sound of my name being thought. I frowned as I closed my door, looking out the windshield. There was a group of businessmen walking towards the elevator, but otherwise the car park was empty.
"Edward?" I looked at Alice. "What is it?"
"I just heard my name," I told her as I looked back out the window.
She frowned. "Anyone you recognise?"
I shook my head slowly, opening my mind, trying to hear the voice again. A cacophony of voices bombarded me but I couldn't pick out the voice that had said my name. After a few minutes, I gave up, pushing the voices back into a meaningless drabble in the back of my mind.
I handed Alice Bella's key.
"So where am I going?"
