I hope I don't disappoint you . . .
E I G H T
Have you ever sat somewhere, maybe by a window, watching raindrops fall? Have you ever been curious just how many hit the cold ground? I laid there in my bed, on my back with feet hanging off the edge, just watching each little liquid descend from the heavens onto the white sidewalk in front of my house.
Right now, life seemed a little hopeless. I was confused to what I wanted, what was going on, and how I even got there where I was. I clicked my tongue, letting the popping sound drain the silence of my empty house.
My tired eyes were just pinned against the rain. What gives them their direction? How does the water know just how fast to fall? How does it know where it's going to land? Does it ever question what it's doing?
It all seemed silly. I was interrogating water! But, I had lain in my bed for hours, not closing my eyes for a second in the night. It was now noon that Saturday. Missed calls from Miley, Alex, some of my other friends from school, Jason, and even Nate clogged up my cell phone's screen. I glanced at the phone, letting it slither through my fingers onto the soft material of my bed effortlessly.
Curiosity had been scramming through my veins since Alex's answer was giving. Who was Mandy? What did she do to Shane? Why did I care so damn much? Why did his pain bother me? Questions that crawled through my brain just wouldn't give me a moment to breathe.
The sound of a door slammed against the wall just a few feet away had me look up. There Alex and Miley stood, arms crosses and frowns dominating their lips. They took one peek at me, brown hair tangled and sprawled across my pillows, body covered by an oversized gray T-shirt and black sweats, feet bare and tired, empty eyes.
Miley shook her head, as if the way I looked was a crime. They shut the door, inviting themselves to sit with me on the bed. For a few moments, we watched the rain letting the soft rhythm of water drip onto my window speak for us. I chewed on my bottom lip, turning to face them with disinterest clearly smeared over my features.
"Mitch, you look like crap. Please don't tell me you let that hormonal, idiot excuse of a human take over your sleep!" Alex moaned pushing hair from my eyes.
"I wish I knew what the hell kept me up all night, but I don't have a freakin clue. I lay in my bed just thinking until the sun came up. Now I'm just overtired and can't move."
They gave sympathetic looks. "Don't let Shane do that to you, honey. Even if he's only like a brother, don't let worry take your life away. He's not worth the thoughts." Miley muttered with a somewhat knowing tone. Alex emphatically nodded in agreement.
"You're right, I know." I sighed, pushing myself off the delicate pillows and onto my feet. They were still sore and my head was still spinning from yesterday. I rubbed my eyes, walking over to my closet to change into a pair of black skinny jeans, a green and white striped long sleeve shirt, and black converse. I lazily twisted my hair into a pony tail, not even caring about my make-up and turned around.
"Good, let's hang for a little while before our mini movie date at my place and Mitchie can take a nap." Miley giggled, getting her purse and we headed to the car. Fresh words pushed themselves through my thoughts as we drove, strangely striking me.
He's only like a brother
We went through every clothing store that we could get into at the mall until Alex and I crashed at Starbucks. Miley reluctantly joined us. As we sat with our coffee just watching life roam around the mall, I decided it was time to see what gossip Miley had on my questions.
"Miley," I spoke up, plotting my words carefully. She paused from the turning of her straw to look at me. "What can you tell me about Mandy?"
Both girls' eyes widened as wide as the moon. Miley began choking on her drink before spitting it out and I was drowning in curiosity. I needed to know about this girl! Alex frowned at me, shaking her head but this was necessary.
"Um who?" Miley asked dumbly, her and Alex sharing looks. I could tell Alex wanted me to ask Shane, but he would never give me the truth, at least not when he was so pissed at me.
"Miley Stewart, you know exactly who I'm talking about."
She sighed. "Ok well her name is Mandy Brookes. She has long, dirty blonde hair, dark blue eyes and right now, she's 18 years old. I'm not giving you the full story Mitchie, that's Shane's personal business and even if I hate him, I just can't do that to an old friend."
I nodded, letting the small information work through my brain. "What can you tell me, because Shane never will?"
"She was our old best friend. We meet her in 7th grade when she moved next door to the Grays. Instantly, we all became friends and it was great. Shane . . ." Miley groaned in frustration. "I can't say anything without saying everything!"
"Well, what can you say about her personality and what she likes?"
"She loved to play soccer with the boys; she was very nice and great to hang out with. Mandy was really smart too and always helped Nate with his Math cause he wasn't very good at it."
Miley's eyes were far off and I felt out of the "circle" like this Mandy girl was amazing and everyone loved her, but I never met her. Judging from what I knew, she meant a lot to Shane and for some reason, I didn't like that.
"We were very close Mitch, but she's gone." Alex finished, closing the subject instantly. Even when they hated him, Miley and Alex still respected Shane's privacy and that led me to only one thing I could do.
I had to ask the devil to spill his soul to me.
Don't ask me how I got here, because I have absolutely no idea. I found myself after the mall date with my best friends, at the hospital and walking to Jason's room. Hesitantly, I pushed open the door seeing my old brother watching TV. His hair had grown back now, fully and crazy curly like his mother.
He looked so serene sitting there in the white bed, surrounded by white walls, in his white gown contrasting to his dark hair. His face was soft, swiped of emotion as his eyes were fixed on the screen.
I silently slipped into the tiny, chestnut brown chair beside him, folding my hands into my lap and just watched him. Jason turned his head, reaching over to get some water and smiled at me. Does nothing surprise him?
"Hey," I smiled. He kept his blissful face, opening his arms for a hug. I laughed and hugged him, allowing him to pull me up to lie with him in the stuffy hospital bed. I couldn't imagine myself here all day, with nothing to do but drown in my own thoughts.
"So Mitch, how's the prince doing?"
I chuckled at his words, letting my head rest on his shoulder. "That's what I came here to talk to you about."
Jason nodded, ears completely open to everything I had to say. I spent 3 hours in that bed just spilling every little detail from day one to him. And Jason listened. We talked, I cried, we laughed, he smiled and I let everything just fall from inside me.
=Sunday=
The sound of heels clanked against the driveway. Wind licked over my uncovered skin as I evenly walked to the front doors. It was time to face what I was running away from. I wasn't leaving until it was solved and friendship was recreated between us. I had enough answers to his feelings for right now, and what I concluded is Shane Gray needed me to be there, and I wasn't going to let anyone, even him, stop me from being there.
My red manicured finger pressed the bell, inhaling as its chimes echoed through the house. Only Shane's car was occupying the space in the driveway. He was either alone or alone with Nate and either way, we were talking.
The door opened, Nate standing there in his green boxers and white T-shirt looking like he just emerged from bed to answer the door. I giggled and let myself in, helping him up the stairs so he wouldn't fall over.
I returned to the kitchen, seeing Shane sitting there at the table gazing out the window with a steaming mug of coffee in front of him. I glanced at his thin, blank sleeveless top and admired as his arms were set on the table, it showed his tight, toned muscles against his perfectly tanned arms. He was only in his red, plaid boxers as well, but I didn't care.
He turned his head, taking a sip of coffee and like Miley, began choking when he saw me calmly standing before him. Shane coughed a few times before his eyes narrowed, their color already dark to match his mood more of a burnt yellow color today.
"What are you doing here?" He slightly hissed at me. I rolled my eyes, immune to his cold words by now, and sat down in front of him.
"I came here to talk with you."
Shane glowered. "Maybe I don't want to talk to you."
"Come on Shane, stop being a baby."
Of course he took that comment as if I just punched him. "Just go home, Michelle." He shook his head, normally straightened hair now it's natural mess of black curls. I ignored all things that he said, just staying right where I sat. If he wanted to get pissed, that's fine with me. I wasn't leaving.
"You can be angry all you want or you can be the nice guy I know you are and go along with this. I want to talk about everything and if you want to be in a bad mood during this conversation, fine but I'm not going home."
Shane didn't scowl, roll his eyes, growl, or hiss anything bad at me like I imagined him to. He stood up silently taking his cup to the sink, washing it then turned around. He waved his hand ordering me to follow as he stomped up the steps. I trailed behind him as he led us all the way to the third story of the house that was renovated to the attic. He opened the little door and took us to the roof of the house.
The wind was stronger up here, thrashing against our bodies. Just like he had at the balcony, Shane leaned his torso against the walls of the roof, granting a view to basically all of California. I moved next to him, shoving swirling locks of hair away from my face.
"I'm listening."
That's all I needed to hear. "I want the truth Shane about everything. First, let's start with Mandy."
His reaction was nothing compared to Miley's. Suddenly his hands curled into tight firsts, nails scraping into his palms, his nostrils flared, and jaw clenching so tight I though his teeth would break and I'm pretty sure he was shaking from the anger. I had never seen him so upset before.
"Who the hell told you about her?!!" He screamed snapping his head at me. I wasn't afraid. My face was calmer than a smooth ocean. I walked over so my chest was pressed against his, my hands sliding up to mold my hands over his cheeks and just stood there, keeping our eyes connected.
At first pure horror rumbled in his eyes at the way we were touching. But slowly that melted along with him calming down. I let my left hand fall over his chest feeling his heart flying inside of him. For the second time, Shane blushed in front of me, but I had a feeling things would move differently this time.
"Now," I whispered. We stood so close his cool, skittle scented breath was kissing my lips. "Calmly, tell me about Mandy."
Shane unhooked his eyes from mine, staring off at trees below us. His heart was sailing smoothly again. He sucked in a heavy breath before doing his best to answer without yelling. "Mitchie, please don't make me talk about her."
"Shane, I want us to be friends. How can we do that with a whole part of your life is hidden from me? No one can tell me the truth except for you."
His teeth sunk into his lower lip and various colors sparked in his eyes. "Please it . . . hurts too much to talk about it." Shane was begging but I needed to know everything. I would give every detail of every second I was in Texas to know this.
I slowly moved my fingers, caressing his right cheek and watching him sigh contently. "Ok, but I'm only going to talk about her with you once and you have to promise me after tonight you will never bring her up again, do you understand?"
"I promise, Shane as long as you promise to give me the truth."
He nodded a bit unwillingly. "I promise."
"Her name was Mandy Brookes. She moved her during winter break in 7th grade when I was 13. Honestly, I really liked her. She was one of my first crushes. Mandy became like best friends with my brothers, Miley, Alex and I. After you left . . . I never thought I could ever be friends with any other girl so when I met her . . . I became fucking obsessed. She seemed so perfect, Mitchie. Everything was perfect up until the summer of 8th grade."
Shane squeezed his eyes shut, as if trying to stop thinking about a bad memory. I reconsidered making him tell me. It obviously hurt him to think about it, let alone relive the entire thing. Seeing him in this pain hurt me. Instinctively I jumped up giving him a huge hug, burying my head into his shoulder.
He was, of course, surprised but hugged me back way tighter than I thought he would. I realized I had definitely hit a sensitive spot with making Shane open up about this. Maybe, just maybe, it was a good thing because he was finally letting me in. Even if it only lasted tonight, Shane trusted me.
He breathed roughly against my hair before untangling our bodies and smiling apologetically for his mini break down. I nodded, taking his hands and sat us down with our back against the wall and the entire sky as a vivid painting in front of us. The sun would be setting soon.
"If you want to stop—"
Shane shook his head. "No, you're right; you need to know the truth and I need to talk to someone about this."
I smiled gently, rubbing his hands that were still braided with mine and waited. "Ok, during the summer I-I told Mandy how I felt about her right after school ended. We were best friends and I was sure she felt the same. I was only 14 so I didn't have a clue what love was, but I thought I was in it. So yeah, we got together and for those 3 months of summer we were inseparable. Until she . . . broke my heart."
Shane's voice gave out by then. It was so amazingly different seeing him open up to me again. We use to lie for hours in his bed and just talk but that was years ago. Now with this older, guarded Shane that just about 2 months ago said he basically hated me and I didn't know him, was pouring out something that hurt him so bad that he turned into a jerk. I would never complain about him again.
"It wasn't something horrible, but I guess it was bad. I came home one day, the last day of summer, planning to have an amazing time with my girlfriend. But something so perfect, one of the best things that has ever happened to me, just shattered in 2 seconds!"
He took 3 deep breaths. "Sorry." Shane whispered, apologizing for getting worked up. I pulled him close to me, giving a small hug but didn't pull away. "I just went to my room to call her and there she was, holding Jason against the wall sucking his face off."
I gasped but he only laughed humorlessly. "No wait, it gets better! So when I caught them, I yelled of course, even at Jason though he was trying to fight her off, then she laughed, Mitchie! She laughed in my face! That bitch told me she never cared about me and left, not even caring about what she left behind, just like you!"
Shane pushed himself away from me, towering over me with the same loathing piercing his eyes. "YOU WEREN'T THERE, MITCHIE!"
I was frozen on the ground watching tears break from his eyes and gush down his broken face. "I-I was in so much pain, so fucking alone and where was my best friend? IN TEXAS! You weren't there when I needed you!"
It all clicked in my mind. That's why Shane despised me so much, I was gone when he was in pain and wasn't there to be with him through it. It was like a whole weight removed from my shoulders but something heavier came crashing down. I understood and it was worse. There was nothing I could do to fix it. 6 years of Shane suffering while I wasn't there. It was my fault why he was so angry, my fault he did all these horrible things, hurt Alex, hurt all those girls, everything was my fault.
And I couldn't change that.
I looked up at him seeing all the pain and real anger thrashing at me. "I'm sorry, Shane. So so so sorry but . . . it's not my fault I had to move!" The words spilled from my lips, but I didn't regret them.
Shane growled worse than yesterday. But I stood up confidently, not getting worked up like I stupidly did the day before, but speaking from my heart. "You're putting on this blame on me for no reason. I know it hurts Shane, and I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, but turning the pain into anger and throwing it at the world isn't going to make it go away."
He looked away, my truthful words had touched him, I know they did. He raised his hand, wiping the tears and sighing. "I know." Was his weak whisper in reply.
Now, I smiled, taking small steps and grabbed him in a hug again, pushing his head on my shoulder and for once he let someone take care of him, let me in and didn't push me away.
I would never let him ago.
1 . . 2 . . 3 . . . AWWW!
Thanks so much for the support of this story so far. NO! it is not over, not even close, but maybe we have some friendship staring and all great relationships start by the love of friendship (Demi Lovato agrees with that)
So, there was the truth! I tried to make it as dramatic and open so you could kinda understand why Shane was so angry, cause he was alone and suffering without Mitchie. Being hurt and stupid, he blamed it on her for moving, building up all this anger and hatred for 6 years until he finally broke down in front of her.
Questions:
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