7. Lost


Wondering aimlessly through the woods, I came upon an old mattress that someone had thrown out. Thinking that I just needed a good rest to remember my life, I laid down on it and curled my arms around my knees. Closing my eyes I wished for sleep to engulf me, to take me under, to help me understand how I came to be here.

An hour passed and sleep never came. I was comfortable, and I wasn't cold…still, sleep evaded me. My mind seemed like a vast ocean of knowledge, yet I couldn't access the information. A large wall blocked my mind from my past. What was it that could possibly be stopping me from remembering who I was? Was I a good person? Was I bad? Or…was I ever even a person to begin with?

Again, I tried to feel for a pulse, but there was nothing. When I first awoke to this life, I didn't worry nor fright at my empty memory. Now that I lie here, the minutes ticking away, sleep constantly escaping me, panic was slowly rising up my throat, spreading through my chest. My stomach began to fill with some sort of acid.

I was alone. My memory of this afternoon, of taking the life of that innocent man, started to weigh heavily on my conscious. Was this my new life now? Could I ever be around humans if all I wanted to do was drink their blood? And how did I know that it was going to rain?

Another hour passed as my mind was spinning several directions. The sun was setting over the sky and still, sleep wouldn't come. Looking at the ferns on the ground I could tell that it was extremely cold, small ice crystals were forming on the leaves yet I felt no cold. It wasn't just panic that was racing through my veins now; there was terror, absolute, total terror.

Realizing sleep was out of the question I jumped off the old musky mattress and started to pace back and forth, tapping my chin lightly as I tried to figure this out. It's like putting a puzzle together and missing three pieces from the middle that make the picture complete. No, this was worse; it was like having only the edge pieces of a puzzle, the middle blank, hollow and incomplete.

As if things couldn't get worse all of a sudden I was standing in a different kind of forest, two male's were running – as fast as I can run – and jumped over a river and the two of them ravaged seven deer as they sucked them of their life. They were sucking the blood from the animals. When I tried to walk closer to them to ask who they were I ran right into a tree which shuddered and collapsed, the noise reverberating off of the plants. I shook my head and I was back where I was.

"What was that?" I mumbled.

Again, my voice sang out into the air, lovely and beautiful. It caught me off guard and I actually jumped at the sound.

Thinking about what I just saw, I honestly didn't know how I felt about it. Am I losing my mind? First, I wake up and don't know who I am, my voice is something so magical I'm not sure if it is real and then I bite into a man's neck to drink him dry of life. On top of everything else, I keep seeing things that aren't there.

Throughout the night flashes would constantly burst through my mind's eye. I must be going crazy…I am going crazy. A vampire? Seriously? No, it can't be true. I'm crazy, that's all. Or maybe this is just a sick nightmare. Once again, I tried to pinch myself. Nothing.

I slumped to the ground as I felt tears welling up inside my eyes. Sobbing, the tears never came. No matter how many shaking sobs rocked through my body, not a single tear escaped my eyes. Frustrated at the lack of release I held my eyes open, without blinking, willing them to water up. Two hours later my eyes didn't even sting. My sobs redoubled.

In the midst of my panic, my questions, my ever growing horror of what I am, what I…did, my mind began to grow and expand. There was so much room. The extra space was weird, I could concentrate on many things at once, and slowly, I was starting to put the pieces together.

One, I drank blood. Two, I can move insanely fast. Three, I'm super strong…I knocked a tree down for goodness sake! Four, I keep seeing images. Contemplating on the fourth item on my list, I remembered my knowledge of the rain. Could these images, perhaps, be the future? This was inconclusive because the only thing I would have predicted was the rain…once. What about the blonde boy who I love deeply, yet don't know who he is…or the two men running through the forest diving upon deer and taking their lives?

Maybe it was a sign. Could it be possible to feed upon animals instead of humans? Honestly, the thought never occurred to me. After the warmth of the man's blood rushed through my body I was sure there would never be a sensation like that to quench my ever growing thirst. Thirst…. The need to feed was growing at an intense rate. Then again, my curiosity was burning just as badly.

Before I was able to even sniff out an animal, a white fog obscured my senses. There were forms – blobs of people…figures. Before the images could form coherently, a semi transparent cloud erupted over the now sharpening blobs making them nothing more than shadows.

During this divination I found myself wondering through the dense trees. When the images washed away, I nearly stumbled over a tree that was downed. For some reason this tree being down in the forest was interesting – it held something important. My face screwed up in concentration as I tried to regain even an ounce of what I had forgotten. No matter how hard I tried to bring on the memories, there was still nothing but an astronomical abyss of nothingness. I shook my empty head, wishing I could escape this oblivion.

I walked around the tree, which was slowly dying, the leaves withering, but still green. Anyone else would not find this of much or great significant or consequence, but, to me, there was a considerable interest. Something caught my eye, a hollow place in the very solid ground. The tree branches were protruding into this very circular opening. I had to admit, my curiosity was piqued.

Leaning over, I looked into the blackness. There was nothing but dirt and roots. Without thinking, I dropped down into the hole. It was a low, narrow and earthy passageway. There it was, burning again, my intense curiosity. I began walking through the opening as it twisted and turned until the passage began to rise. Walking up a few steps I ran into the end of it. It was a…door? There was no sound on the other side, it was completely quiet. Pushing against it, my eyes peered over the edge through the small opening I made.

It was a room, furnished with a bed and a set of drawers. There was no one around, just the sounds of the wind against the trees. Pressing upon the door it opened with ease and I stepped into what seemed to be a small cabin. This place felt warm and comfortable, though the weather seems to have no affect on me what so ever. Sitting on my bed, I let the horrible truth sink into me like a stone. In my motionless silence I let my mind wonder aimlessly to the solid and impenetrable wall that my mind has placed as an obstacle. An obstacle I can't seem to get past. I shook my head hopelessly.

The sight of the glorious blonde boy I saw earlier was now in front of me, like I could reach out and touch him. My heart grew, expanded tremendously at the sight of him. Before my mind could turn into the happy abyss I craved, I saw something that broke my heart in half.

This boy…Jasper, was his name, was struggling. I could see it in his face, how he was in agony, his face showing deep resentment. His black eyes glittered while rain was driving down from the sky in sheets. He was in the shadows of a building as he stalked a blonde girl. The dim black outline of the woman showed her beautiful curves as she waved goodbye to her friends.

His time to strike was now, but I saw how he was struggling, his mind completely unmade. Why didn't he want to kill her? Was there something wrong with her blood? Was his conscious weighing as heavily on him as mine did after the death of the fisherman? The solid image soon became permeable and then shimmered away. I laid my head back, wondering who exactly this man was, and why I was so incredibly in love with him.

One day…I'll figure out what is really up with my mind. But maybe, just maybe, I am crazy and am really locked in an asylum, oblivious. If that is so, it's not so bad. I just wish that I wasn't lost anymore, but at the same time I fear to reach any civilization, knowing that their scent will be pulsing through the air.

Tomorrow, once I try my hand at sleeping, I will hunt some deer, like the men that invaded my mind. Tomorrow… I sighed. I only wish I knew what the future held. I sighed again before laying back on the bed, closing my eyes once more.


Author's Note: I am so very sorry it has taken me this long to update. I was without internet due to some peoples idiocy and last week I was working from morning til morning. I will have more time coming up and will be back to updating on a regular basis. Once again, sorry.

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