AN: Thank you for the reviews I'm so pleased with them all. I'm glad a lot of you are interested in seeing what happens next. I'm just as excited to get to it. I don't even know what happens next, but it's always been that way for me when I write from Jared's POV, because he also really doesn't know what's going on himself. As I was writing this I realize how I kept writing all the woman so...bitchy. Eek! I'm gonna try and fix that right away, but it's kinda hard when I'm writing about pregnant hormonal women. Maybe I'm just in a bitchy mood myself? Anyways, this chapter has a LEMON. It's not very explicit if I do say so myself, but it's a warning of caution to those who do not like them. This is rated M, remember, so this kinda business shouldn't be such a shock. I'm not even sure if I should keep this story rated M, sigh, we will see.
READ AND REVIEW!!!!
Chapter 2: The Uneaten Spaghetti
I watch you fast asleep,
All I fear means nothing
In you and I
there's a new land,
Angels in flight
My sanctuary.
- Sanctuary by Utada Hikaru
"I'll see you tomorrow!" I announce to Embry who is still working. He nodded to me and said goodnight. I headed outside at a little bit after six. I was late this morning so I decided to work late. My stomach was growling loudly, I had to beg food off of Quil who had quite a bit stocked up in the fridge we had at the garage. He had reluctantly agreed, but he still wasn't all that generous.
Every step I took closer to home, my heart felt heavier. It was an odd and very unpleasant sensation because all I could feel was this anxious dread. I think that was the only way to describe it. My palms were getting sweaty so I wiped them on my jeans trying to get them dry again. I was whistling, trying to calm myself down, but was finding it impossible. Of course there was the regular feeling of anxiousness about seeing Kim again. I hated being apart from her and hated even more that she was upset with me. But still, I did not feel good about going home.
As I walked down the street, the house was getting closer and closer and it looked very intimidating for reasons unknown to me. What did I have to be scared of? What was so wrong about getting your wife pregnant? Some woman would kill to be with child and Kim was acting as if it was the end of the world. It wasn't it - was only the beginning. I just had to make her see that.
I entered through my front door to find the lights off and music playing softly. I rounded the wall and found candles everywhere that had a flat service. This had to be a safety hazard. Good thing I wasn't a fireman. Kim was at the stove cooking something that smelled wonderful. My stomach lurched at the prospect of food in my belly.
Kim was dressed up in a lovely black dress. That's all I could say to do it justice. She was also wearing black heels that made her legs look amazing. I wasn't good at describing every detail of my wife's attire only that it made me think of sex. With her.
I think if we went straight to that, I would be totally fine without dinner.
She looked beautiful. What made her even sexier was the fact that she was making me dinner. Oh, God.
"What's this?" I ask, walking in carefully, aware of the fact that landmines could be hidden anywhere in this house.
"Dinner," she said, grinning, although, it looked very fake, this made my heart jump slightly. Oh, please, don't cry. Her eyes looked shiny! I hoped that maybe it was just the candles that made her eyes do that flicker thing.
"Yeah?" I ask. I sit down at the table, waiting for the food. She puts the spaghetti pasta onto a plate and pours the tomato sauce on top. Kim sure could cook. She walked over and placed it in front of me. She gets herself a plate and sits down on the other side of the table.
I dive into the food before another word could be said. Halfway through my meal, twenty seconds later, I look up at her to see that she hasn't touched her food at all. I sprinkle more graded cheese onto the spaghetti and give her a curious look.
"You feelin' better?" I ask, putting a forkful in my mouth.
"Yep, you bet," she was staring at her spaghetti, looking rather shy. The candles were bringing a nice ambience and she looked stunning. I couldn't help but forget about my food as I stared at her in wonder. She glanced up and a flush reached her cheeks. "Stop," she muttered, embarrassed by my attention. I found it endearing that she was still taken aback by how much I loved her. I was constantly in awe of her and she just didn't seem to understand it. "I want to apologize for how I was last night. I didn't realize how much of a jerk I was until I found your shirt this morning that was covered in tear stains. I was horrible."
I shrug. "You were emotional. I get it," I amend. But as I see her face, I notice that wasn't the right thing to say. I don't know what had caused her to tick but her face had turned from bashful to irritated.
"No, I wasn't just emotional," her voice took a tone that was so unlike Kim that it caught me off guard. "I was – it was traumatizing. I hadn't expected it! I mean, I'm having a child, Jared! Don't you get how – how, off-putting that is?" she snaps.
"We're having a child," I correct. Again, this comment is not well liked by my wife. "I'd hardly call it traumatic either. You're just being dramatic." I quickly take a bite of my food and decide to focus on that instead of her look of shock that she was directing to me.
"I –I," she struggled to find words.
"This isn't about you anymore, Kim. It's about you and me and that baby. You can't be selfish in this situation. I love you and just want us to be happy. Okay?" I say in between bites.
She was silent for a while and I looked up to see her crying. Oh, fuck. "You don't get it, Jared. You just don't get it," she stood up, leaving her plate of food uneaten and ran up the stairs.
I sat there, staring at the spot where she had just sat and wondered when I had fucked up this night. I guess, I was being a bit insensitive, but I was getting frustrated. I didn't mean to take it out on her and make her feel bad. Shit, that was the last thing I wanted to do. The door slammed upstairs.
Now, what could I do to make this right? What didn't I get? My annoyance was increasing with each passing second. How in the fuck was I supposed to know how she was feeling if she wasn't telling me?
I stood up and raced up the stairs, taking them four at a time. I was marching through our bedroom door before she could stop me. She sat on the bed clutching a pillow close to her chest. Her eyes were red and puffy and she stared at me, still crying away.
"Okay! Listen here...missy." Already starting off badly, Jared. "You can't just say the things you're saying without any explanation whatsoever. No, I don't get it. I don't understand you. I'm a guy; I can't read signs or signals. I need it spelled out to me. Sometimes even yelled at me. I don't get any of this and if you're nervous about having a baby, I am too. Don't go thinking that you're alone in all of this. You're gonna smarten up and tell me what's going on," my lustre started to fade near the end there. "Now." I watch as her face crumples and she begins sobbing into the pillow.
"I'm so sorry," she cried. She gripped the pillow harder and I crawled on the bed beside her. I held her close and she kept saying things like, "I'm such a bitch!" "I'm sorry!" "I love you!" I wasn't expecting this sort of reaction...not that I knew what to expect. Was it hormones that were making her act this way?
I held her close and let her cry until finally she began to sit up and stare at me, the pillow still safely in her lap. She looked so pretty even after all that crying. I lean in and kiss her, unable to help myself. She laughs slightly and sniffs. I hand her a tissue and she wipes at her eyes. She takes off her heels and tosses them on the floor before looking at me seriously.
"I have to tell you something," she said slowly. I nodded, though I felt nervous for what she might say. She was looking pretty solemn and that made me panic internally.
"Yeah, sure. Go ahead, I'm listening," I say nodding along, trying to look supportive and understanding. I hope I was pulling it off.
"This isn't the first time I've been pregnant," she says slowly. In between my nodding and concentration on looking sympathetic, her words didn't settle in for a few minutes.
"Wait...What do you mean?" Does she mean...I think I would know if she was pregnant. Or not. Was I really such an inattentive husband that I couldn't even tell when my imprint was pregnant? Or maybe, it was before me. No, she lost her virginity to me. I remember that day perfectly. Perhaps she lied...My heart falls and I feel like my brain has just been turned to mush. "Was there someone else?" My voice strains over the words. No. No, that can't be true. There has to be some logical explanation to this. I gasp internally as it all crashes around me. What was that stupid boyfriend of hers in high school? Tom? Ted? Theo. THEO!
"NO!" she cries. I relax at her outburst for several reasons: 1. There has only ever been me; 2. I didn't have to kill Theo; 3. Plotting a death is a lot more complicated than I ever thought. In those few seconds where I actually thought there was another guy, I had no idea where to start when it came to killing successfully and secretly. "Absolutely not! But, when we were young...we had only been having sex for about three months," she looks apologetic. "I got pregnant."
I felt like such an idiot for asking this, but I had to, "Did you give it up for adoption?"
"Jared!" she sounds exhausted. She smiles at me and kisses my nose. "I love you. No, honey, I lost the baby. I didn't even know I was pregnant. I just went to the doctors and he told me I lost a baby I had no idea I had. I never told you because I thought there was no point," she caresses my cheek as I absorb all this new information.
"Where was I during all of this?" I ask, perplexed.
"We hadn't been together very long and we had just started this new aspect to our relationship. It was so new to me and the fact that I had been pregnant and didn't know it, freaked me out! I just couldn't handle it. I didn't want to tell you because...I didn't want to see your reaction. I don't know. It was stupid and selfish of me to keep it from you, but I was only sixteen. I had no idea what the hell I was doing with anything. But, it hurt me. I just never wanted to feel that kind of pain again."
She looked at me in such a vulnerable way, that my heart nearly broke that she had gone through so much pain and I was completely unaware. I hated myself.
I reach over and grab her hand. "It'll be different this time, Kim. You gotta see that," I try to say in my nicest tone of voice.
"I don't want kids," she says. I sigh. "But, we're having this baby." And I realized that was something I was unsure of. I look at her feeling more confused. I really didn't understand woman.
I lean in and kiss her, I pull away to see her smiling the sweetest smile. I kiss her once more before pushing her back onto the bed. Her hair is covering the pillow and I smirk evilly as I slide my hand from her knee and up her thigh, where I rest it under her bottom. I crawl over her body and lift up her dress. It comes to a stop just under her breasts. Her flat stomach is showing. I rest my head on it and examine it from a different position. I saw that it was slightly protruding.
"What are you doing?" I hear her curious voice. I smile and kiss her stomach a few times.
"There's a baby in here," I say, dumbfounded. I really don't believe it. "I mean, this little bump can't even be a food baby. You didn't eat your dinner," I kiss her belly button and let my tongue slide out of my mouth. She screams. Her belly button is very sensitive. "Are we okay?" I ask her.
She hesitates and watches me caress her stomach, tracing patterns. "Yeah, I guess we are." I didn't bother to pick at her words. I'll just let them be. "My boobs have gotten bigger," her voice is small. But, man, do I hear those words.
Why hadn't I noticed that? I looked up and pulled off her dress before she could protest. Yes, yes they have gotten bigger. I'm sure I would have noticed that. "Wow," I mutter. I look over her new breasts, wondering if this was all really mine. Well, obviously I had noticed them, but I hadn't really noticed them. I squeeze them and caress them. I lift her body up and undo her bra expertly. I've done this a thousand times before. She touches my cheek and lifts a leg up and wraps it around my waist. Uh, she's giving me permission.
I pull away slightly and rip my shirt off. I can't do this fast enough. God, I hadn't realized how bad I wanted her as I undo my belt buckle and toss it to the ground. She giggles at my eagerness, I smile in return. She rests her leg and waits for me to kick my pants off. Once their gone and it's just me, I slide down her panties and discard them.
I linger over her body and kiss her on the lips before attaching my mouth to her breasts, revelling in these new companions of mine. She grips at my hair and I groan at the jolt it sends through my body. She moans and I continue down the path that I know she loves. I knew how to get her riling in all the right and wrong ways. She wrapped her leg around my waist, once again, moving on to what was to come, urging me to continue and hurry up. Tonight, she was impatient.
She decided to take control as she pushed me to the side and rolled on top of me, straddling my waist. She lowered herself onto me and began to rock. Like every other time I had been with Kim, the amount of love and desire that rose inside of me always left me breathless. I was never quite sure how I could get a grip of myself when we were together, but somehow I always did. I held onto her soft waist tightly and guided her into a rhythm that was just perfect.
I could feel my release threatening to arise before we were done. I held on and groaned out loud as she rode me hard. She kept moaning a mantra that I was familiar with; it made it harder to concentrate on not relieving myself and letting the orgasm take control. I thrust upwards and she squeals. I need her to finish because it was beginning to be too much. Her eyes were focused on me, even when she leans forward and sucks on my neck.
I let my one hand slide down and help me with her orgasm. I put it between our two joining parts, she gasps in shock and pleasure. I teased her with my hand and pretty soon I could feel her beginning to lose control. As she was getting closer, I flipped her over and drove in once more, hard. She let out a loud sigh that went high as she writhed below me and I also let go, shuddering. She was breathing heavily as she began to calm down and I fell on top of her, unable to hold myself up anymore.
I roll off her quicker then I normally would, when I remember that there's a baby in her. I panic, looking down at her. She has a satisfied smile on her face.
"Are you okay?" I ask, quickly. I put a hand to her stomach and rub circles with my palm.
"Yeah," she breathes out.
"Is the baby okay?" I ask. I kiss her stomach.
She gives me a weird look. "Uh, yeah."
"How do you know? Do you feel anything weird? I think I may have gone a bit too rough. What about when I was on top of you?" The questions all come out in a rush as I begin to panic. I'm a big guy and heavy as hell, I could kill our baby. That thought struck me as such mortifying – I would never be the cause of our baby's death. I would never see my baby die. Dammit, I was gonna make sure that I would die first. Just like Kim. I would be the one dying first 'cause I couldn't handle living without her or the baby.
"Jared, I'm fine. Don't worry." She gave me an odd look and kissed my cheek. "Seriously, couples who are expecting have sex all the time. I promise you."
I gave her a doubtful look as all the horrible possibilities of what could be, if I have sex with her, were the only things I could think of right now.
"I don't want you to feel that pain of losing another kid," I say.
Her eyes tighten and she shakes her head. "Let's get some sleep. I'm exhausted." She closes her eyes and I pull up the covers, crawling under them with her. I pull her close to me and I put an arm under her neck. She's asleep almost instantly and I follow suit.
--
A week later, we were sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office. My foot was tapping impatiently as I looked at all the other people sitting, awaiting their appointment. We'd been here for twenty minutes. I glance at the clock above the receptionist's desk. Kim was flipping through some fashion magazine, completely calm and I envied her for that. I couldn't get my heart to slow down. I had no idea why I was so nervous, but I sure as hell was.
"It's your fault for wanting us to be here an hour early for our appointment," Kim tuts, flipping to the next page of her reading material.
"We're not an hour early," I correct. She looks up from reading and gives me an 'are you kidding?' look.
She puts her hand on my knee to stop it from jiggling. "You have got to calm down, Jared. I can't handle you being all spazzy. It's freaking me out and I have no reason to be freaked out. You're so neurotic," she mumbles the last part and diverts her attention to the magazine once again.
"Right. Sorry," I say. But I can't stop the shaking leg. It won't stop. Stop, dammit. How the hell did Sam go through all of this so...cool? I remember Emily as being the nervous one and Sam would have to help her relax all the time. Emily would suddenly burst out how she forgot something for their soon-to-be baby and Sam would just shush her and say he would take care of it. Why couldn't I be like that? Frustrated with myself, I stood up abruptly, knocking the chair back onto the ground. Everyone looked up and glared at me because of the commotion it caused. It was just so quiet in here.
"Jared, what are you doing?" Kim asked. I looked down at her and she gave me a bewildered gaze.
"I gotta get some fresh air," I say, darting out of that God forsaken waiting room. I hated that place. I don't know how I'll be able to make regular visits to this place.
Once I was outside I breathed in deeply letting that fresh air fill my senses. Why was I such a nervous wreck? I rub my face and hold a hand over my eyes as I begin to pace back and forth. Okay, as soon as I walk back into that office I'll have a better hold of myself. I just had to. There was nothing to worry about. Why was I worrying?
I saw a man and woman make their way out of the car that they just pulled up in and walk towards the hospital doors. I saw that she was pregnant. He looked completely smiley, at ease. As they got closer I decided I needed to know what his secret was, or I'd go crazy.
"Hey," I said. The guy nodded and the woman smiled. "Can I ask you a question?" I blurted out before they could enter the building.
The man gave me a wary look and the wife took a step back. Did I look threatening? At six foot four and a half, and mostly made of muscle, yes, Jared, you looked threatening.
"It's just a quick question," I say. "My wife is expecting, as well, and I'm just wondering how you're staying so calm?" I ask the guy.
His wife lets out a delighted laugh and grabs a hold of her husbands hand, smiling up proudly. The man hesitates, but returns a smile.
"Uh, a lot of sleep?" he says. He questions his answer. What? His wife's smile fades. This was not the answer she had hoped. I give the guy a reluctant look. That's a crap answer. Maybe he wasn't as calm as he appeared.
"'A lot of sleep?'" His wife repeated in a dangerous tone. The guy turned to face her gradually.
I wince. I should not have interfered. "You know what, just forget it. I'm good. That's great advice." I really try to smooth things over because the wife looks like she's going to explode. The husband sees this too and mentally I can see him kicking himself...and probably me too.
"'Great advice?'" she turns on me. "I hope you smarten up and treat your wife like a queen while she's going through this! You think this is all pleasant? And with him, lazying about, not interested in me! I know I'm ugly and fat!" She is yelling at the both of us. I take a few steps back and the husband turns to me with a furious glare. I want Kim. I really really want Kim, right now. Not this crazy lady.
"Honey, you're not fat or ugly, you're beautiful," the husband attempts.
"Just, shut up! Let's get this fucking appointment over with!" she storms into the building leaving her husband behind. He gives me a hateful stare before following his wife inside. I hope to God she doesn't have the same doctor as us.
I wait a few more minutes before entering the building once again, heading back to the doctor's office. Once I get there, I realize Kim isn't there anymore. All our stuff is gone. Did they call her in for the appointment? I run to the desk and people stare at me as my feet hit loudly and flatly on the ground.
"Where's my wife?" I snap at the receptionist.
"She went in for her appointment already," she replies. "Right through those doors, sir." I go through the door to the right and go down a hall. There's many other doors to choose from. Which one is it?
I hear Kim's voice and follow it. I open the door and my wife is getting changed into one of those hospital gowns.
"Jared, where were you?"
"Is it over?" I ask, going to her. I decide to pull her pants off for her. "Are you okay? I'm sorry!"
"Stop it, it's fine," she said and I hold out the gown for her to put her arms through the holes. She lets out a shaky breath and sits on the weird chair thingy. She puts her feet in these two holders on the side and her legs are wide open. I glance down.
"That's weird," I say, gazing thoughtfully at her from this angle.
"Get over to my head," she snaps, closing her knees briefly. I stand by her head and we wait for the doctor to enter.
"Are you nervous?" I ask her. She looks up at me and I can see that she is; she nods. I kiss her forehead, pushing her bangs back, petting her hair.
The door opens and the doctor comes in. This is our doctor? He's a man probably in his early thirties, and even I notice that he's good looking. He smiles one of those dazzling teeth-commercial smiles, and holds out his hand to shake my own. I grip it tightly and he winces slightly.
"I'm Dr. Madden, it's nice to finally meet you, Jared. Kim's told me all about you. Now, I understand you believe to be pregnant," his voice is all smooth and doctor-like, as if he's on a TV show or something.
"No, she is pregnant. The pirate was sad and everything." I realize how stupid that is once it leaves my mouth and I can't take it back. Kim smiles weakly and grabs my hand, squeezing it.
"Okay, whatever that means," he laughs and starts his work. He gets out this long thing that reminds me of a dick and squirts jelly on it. Jealousy flares inside of me when I realize that he'll be sticking that up Kim's – she grabs my hand tightly once it's inside and looks at me, I look back as non-neurotic as possible.
"Cold," Kim murmurs. I brush her cheek softly, trying to make her relax.
"Huh, yeah, there it is." He points to the screen, or ultra-sound and I see a weird shape in a black and white patchy-shadow thing. How can thatbe a baby? It felt so...unreal and impersonable. I look down at Kim to see if she is feeling anything at all. She looks just as confused as me, unimpressed.
"You're definitely pregnant. From what I can tell you're probably about nine weeks," he says. "Do you want a picture of that?"
Kim looks up at me, wondering if we should get one.
"Sure," I say. The doctor nods and smiles. He plays around with the machine and stands up saying he'll be right back. He exits the room and it's silent with just me and Kim.
"So, I guess it's official," she says. That was my baby? That's it? I wasn't that impressed.
I nod, the silence continues. "Is that long dicky thing still up your –"
"No!" she protests, laughing lightly.
"Really? I didn't see it come out," I mutter, thinking it over. Nope, I definitely didn't see him pulling it out. I move away from her head and she closes her knees. I look up under her gown and try to pry her legs apart.
"Jared! Stop!" she giggles and tries to push me away with her foot. "Jared!" I pull her legs apart and she's laughing away. I inspect her under the robe when the doctor comes in.
I freeze and turn around. The doctor gives me an odd look, giving me a weak smile. I walk away and stand by my wife's head again, who has a hand to her face and is blushing. I hang my head in shame.
"I don't wanna know," the Dr. Madden says. Good plan there, Doc. "Well, Kim, let's see if we can try and determine your due date."
She sits up, and puts her feet down, legs together. The doctor sits on a swivel chair and I move up closer.
"When was the beginning of your last menstrual cycle?" he asks, looking at a clipboard of papers in his hand, with a pen in the other.
"May 16th," she says. She gives me a nervous smile.
"How long is your menstrual cycle?"
"About twenty-eight days," she replies.
He nods and looks down, writing away. It's silent for a while and finally he speaks. "Okay, I'm going to say that your due date is...February 16th," he looks up and grins. "Congratulations."
"February?" I repeat.
"February," he nods. "Now, here is what you're gonna have to do."
He talked to us for another ten minutes, giving us pamphlets of stuff that we need, like vitamins. Finally when we were given all the information and we had a date for our next appointment, we left the office and the hospital all together. We didn't say anything as we got into the car and I began to drive us home.
"So, February 16th," I said, slowly.
"Yeah," she nodded, looking out at the road straight ahead of us. I kept alternating my gaze from her to the road.
"I'll be twenty-eight by then," I say thoughtfully.
"Yeah and I'll be twenty-seven," she smiles slightly.
"We're born the same year, but we're eleven months apart. I'm a January baby and you're a December baby."
"I know," she says. She finally looks over to me. "It's too soon."
"It's still seven months away," I say.
"That's not enough time, Jared! We have to buy so much and read all those baby-parenting books. We have to get a crib, a stroller, a car-seat, a highchair, a changing table, clothes, toys –"
"We can have one of those party things where people give us baby presents. Hey, if we invite the Cullen's then we can get expensive presents –"
"Why would we invited the Cullens?" she asked.
"Well, we'd invite Jake, who'll bring Nessie, who'll bring us a nice gift."
"We don't need a nice gift," she says. "I'm fine with whatever anyone gets us...and yes, we'll have one of those parties, we need all the gifts we can get. Emily has gotten some sweet presents for her babies over the years." Kim looked at me. "You know, I was just as nervous as you were this morning. I just wasn't jiggling my leg like a mad man."
I nod. "I'm glad you told me that. I thought I was alone."
She leans in toward me. "Never." I kiss her quickly on the head, as I drive us home.
R/R!!
