As Amber walked back to her job her heart raced. It raced because she was angry and felt betrayed the blonde girl read her journal. It raced because of fear of what the very pretty blonde girl now knew about her. Amber knew the girl Lilly did not believe her when she told her the story was not true. Amber was afraid Lilly would expose her and her dark secrets and ruin everything. The last reason her heart raced was because of the kiss. Amber did not know what made her kiss the blonde but she did and it was wonderful…at first. But Amber knew she could not have what her body craved when she kissed Lilly. She did not deserve any sort of happiness or desire. But she felt alive for the first time in almost a year. The blonde girl stirred emotions in her she long ago buried deep inside her soul. Amber knew she had to stay away from Lilly or she would risk experiencing the pain she became numb to over the past several months. A smile escaped her lips as she walked back to the snack shack as she thought of the kiss. Amber giggled and then quickly recovered. No! No! No! You do not deserve it! Leave it buried! She thought and focused on the thoughts she did deserve. The thoughts of the death of the ones she loved, the thoughts of living in the house, and the thoughts of the man who came to visit her at night. Those thoughts brought back her numbness and killed her heart once more and she smiled again, but this time she smiled in hate and loathing for herself.

Her work day was almost over and Amber actually enjoyed her day. She enjoyed it because it got her out of the house and gave her an escape. She smiled as she thought of her two co-workers and their bickering and she smiled when she thought how sweet both Jackson and Rico were to her and the kindness they showed her. Both of the boys treated her with kindness and respect and she was grateful. Amber even smiled at the thought of the boys who flirted with her. A year ago she would have flirted back and flirted back shamelessly but ladylike that she was famous for. Amber was known to be a notorious flirt but that was different life and in her new life she just smiled and acted polite. Amber even smiled when she thought of Lilly. She was angry the girl read her private thoughts but every time she tried to hate the girl she thought of that glorious kiss and her anger left her. Amber tried not to smile, but she could not help it until she looked up at the street and saw the black BMW with dark tented windows. Her smile ended as she walked to the car that was owned by the man. He came to pick her up as he said he would. He would not let Amber go anywhere but school and work and that house and drove her everywhere. He even took her cell phone away from her. Amber opened the door to the passenger side and got in. The man grinned at her and started the car. He did not ask how her day was or what she did or anything. He did not care. All he cared about was his perversions and controlling her. Amber knew what he cared about with her and it became more obvious when the man said not one word, but unzipped his pants and pulled his erection out of the zipper and gave Amber a stare of lust. Amber knew what was expected of her and lowered her head and took him in her mouth. The man then placed the car in gear and drove them to the house. Yes Amber thought as she worked her mouth on his erect penis and heard the man moan as he drove, I did not deserve to be happy. All I deserve is this! To be a whore! I was stupid to think anything else. If I am lucky he will get in an accident and I will die…but I am not lucky that way.

Later that night Amber cooked the man, woman, and Natalie dinner and they all sat at the table eating. Amber thought how ironic it was the man and woman insisted on always eating as a family. Amber was stirring her mashed potatoes with her fork when the woman spoke to her. Amber looked at her and thought at one time the woman must have been beautiful. She had a well defined pretty face with high cheek bones, a figure that was too thin due to her popping pills and drinking more than eating, but Amber saw the older photographs throughout the house and at one time her figure was slim and fuller in the right places. She had the same blonde golden hair of she passed to her daughter. Yes, Amber thought she must have been a beautiful lady at one time, but now all she saw in her was the evil.

"Amber, dear, after you clean the table and wash the dishes I want you to give Natalie her bath. I am not feeling well and need to take my medication." The woman smiled cruelly at the Goth girl as she twirled her wine glass around and then drank the last few sips in one gulp.

Yeah you are always not feeling well and always need your medication that consists of wine, vodka, and pills! Amber thought but said "Yes, ma'm," out loud. The man looked at her and winked. Amber felt a cold shiver down her spine at that wink which held no affection, just perverse lust. After the dinner Natalie went to watch television, the preferred baby sitter her parents had for the eight year old girl, and Amber cleaned the table and the kitchen. When she was done she walked into the living room and saw Natalie watching the twenty four hour cartoon channel, the man reading a newspaper, and the woman sitting in her chair with a spacey look in her eyes as she drank her vodka.

"Ready for your bath, Natalie?" Amber asked the girl. Natalie clapped her hands in glee and stood up and grabbed Amber's hand. Amber felt a sudden rush of love for the girl and no matter how hard she tried she could not bury the emotion. She wanted to desperately but she could not.

"Ammer?" The girl asked. She never could pronounce the "B" in Amber's name.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Can I sleep with you tonight…in your bed with you?" Amber looked at the man who stared at her over the edge of the paper. She sighed sadly.

"Not tonight, baby, maybe another time…I promise." Amber said sadly. The man smiled an evil grin and went back to the paper.

Amber ran the girl's bathwater in the bathroom attached to her bedroom and listened to the girl chatting on as only an eight year old girl can do. Her voice so sweet and full of innocence that Amber knew deep down the girl no longer had and that broke her heart even more. Amber grew to love this little girl quickly and deeply and she hated herself for loving the girl. She wanted to stay dead on the inside. She wanted her heart to remain cold and unable to love, but this girl woke that love in her again. Over the past months Amber prided herself on being emotionally dead and unable to cry over her emotional pain. She had not cried in months before she came to live with the man and woman and then they made her cry again in the physical pain. She was not ashamed with those tears because they were caused by the physical hurt she suffered, but when she started shedding tears over the emotional pain due to this little girl and what she suffered and may have suffered Amber felt disgrace with herself. She hated the fact her heart woke again with love, but she did not deny it like she could not deny the love for this sweet little girl. Natalie was in the tub and as Amber washed her little body the girl started in on the questions of a curious eight year old.

"Ammer, do you not want me to sleep with you because daddy comes and sleeps in your bed?" Amber dropped the soap and cloth in shock.

"I…I…what do you mean, little peep?" The girl giggled at the nick name she was given by her beautiful, nice but sad new "sister". Unknown to Natalie it was the nickname Amber's mom had for her when she was little. Amber never knew why her mom gave her that nick name and soon she did not care. It was something special she shared with her mother and that was enough.

"I see him sometimes sneaking in your room when mom is asleep. When I get up to get something to drink I see him. It makes you sad he comes to sleep with you doesn't it?"

Amber sighed as she picked the soap. She could lie to the girl but Amber thought the small girl needed to understand how cruel the world really is or she would end up cold and dead inside like she was. She did not want that for the girl she grew to love.

"Yes, little peep, it makes me sad."

"I don't like it making you sad, Ammer. Does it hurt?" The girl asked flatly.

Amber stopped washing the girl and looked at her, "Does what hurt?"

"When he sleeps with you, silly Ammer, he said it would not hurt but I think it would."

Amber took the girl gently by her shoulders and looked at her, "Natalie, has…has he ever slept in your room?"

Natalie starred at Amber's eyes, "You have lovely eyes…I wish mine were green like that. No he never slept in my room. He used to come in and touch me at places I did not want him to and he used to make me touch his winky for a little while. I don't like it…its gross! And he used to tell me when I got older he would teach me how to do other things…I don't think I want him to teach me those things, Ammer, I think it would hurt. But he has not done anything since you got here. I…I haven't told anyone else so please don't tell on me. I…I wanted to tell you because he comes and sleeps with you…we have a secret to share now."

Amber grabbed the girl and hugged her tight and felt tears running down her cheeks, "I…he won't come to you anymore. I promise you, little peep, I promise you that! I will make sure of that! I will make sure he gets what he wants from me so he will not come to you anymore." Amber felt the girl stroke her hair with her small wet fingers and then kiss her cheek.

"Ammer, I love you. I am glad you came to live her, but I am also sad…I am sad that it makes you cry that you live here. I love you, Ammer and never want you to leave, but I think you would be happy if you left."

Amber choked back a sob, "I love you too, little peep, I love you too." Amber let the girl go and wiped her eyes and took a deep breath, "Now let's wash your hair…and, little peep…you do have beautiful eyes. My dad and brother had eyes that blue and I always thought they were the prettiest eyes I ever saw."

Natalie smiled, "Am I as pretty as you, Ammer?"

"Prettier…so much prettier…now lets get your hair washed and then I will brush it and maybe even braid it tonight." Natalie clapped her hands happily and let out a squeal of delight. "Do it like yours! With just the part coming down on the sides of your face; I like your hair like that."

Amber laughed, "Yeah…I had a best friend that thought the same thing. She would always braid my hair like that."

"I never had a best friend. What was her name and what was she like?"

"Her name was Ran," Natalie giggled at the name, "And she was so strong, so tall, so beautiful, so caring, so lovely, and so wonderful. She used to protect me from mean people. God, she was so lovely."

"Can she protect you from mommy and daddy?"

"No…she died, little peep, and I miss her so much. But if she was alive she would protect me…and you too. She would love you as much as she loved me…as much as I love you."

Natalie grinned happily, "Tell me about her, Ammer…tell me about her while you wash my hair."

And Amber did. She told this precious little girl she loved all about Ran. From the first time they met, to how Ran protected her, to the silly things they did while growing up, to the love the two girls shared, and to the sadness she felt when Ran died. Amber told it all. When she was done Natalie had tears in her eyes to match the ones on Amber's.

Natalie sniffled, "She sounded wonderful…I wish I had a best friend like her. The lovely Ran…I like her. I wish she was not dead so I could be her friend too."

"Me too, little peep, me too…I wish I had her back. Do you have any friends at school?"

The girl looked sad for a moment, "No. They tease me too much. They tease me because of my clothes and…and when I don't have money for lunch or new things and because I have to always borrow things like pencils or color crayons or paper and stuff. I wish I had friends…I think friends would be so much fun. And…I wish I had a new dress to wear sometimes. I like dresses. I like the ones you have. I wish I was bigger so I could borrow them sometimes."

Amber felt more sadness for the girl and thought it was a shame her parents did not buy her new clothes or things for school. They did have the money to, but they spent it on themselves and not their child. Amber noticed the girl wore pants and shirts that were either too big or too small and they were ragged looking. She assumed the girl liked that style. Her mom brought them at second hand stores or from Good Will.

"One day I will buy you a new dress; I promise. Now we better get you dried off before your skin gets more wrinkly." Amber lifted the girl from the tub as she giggled about being wrinkled and showed Amber her hands.

After Amber dried her off she stood her in front of the mirror and she started combing her long golden blonde hair.

"Ammer…why do you call me little peep?"

"Oh…just a nickname I heard when I was little…I just thought it fit you…do you not like it?"

The girl giggled, "No…I like it…I just wanted to know. Did you have a nickname?"

Amber chuckled, "Yeah I had a lot of them…a few were even nice but most were ones that I am not going to tell you because you are too young to hear. But yes I had one that was my favorite."

"Ouch…that hurt…I hate tangles." Natalie cried out softly as Amber brushed her hair.

"I'm sorry, honey, but that is the price you pay for being beautiful." Amber said with a smile.

Natalie smiled through the mirror, "Am I really beautiful?" Amber nodded, "Yes…very much so."

"Ammer, will you be my best friend? I would like one. Would you be to me like the lovely Ran was to you? Will you protect me like Ran protected you?"

Amber put the brush down and hugged the girl and the Goth girl started crying again, "Oh, little peep, I will be your best friend and I…I will do my best not to let your daddy hurt you like…like he does me…or your mother…but I cannot protect you like Ran protected me. I am so sorry and I wish I could, but…I am not strong enough to protect you. I am not as strong as Ran was. I…I am sorry, little peep, I am so very sorry I do not have the strength for that."

Natalie again reached out and ran her small hands in Amber's thick black hair. "Don't cry, Ammer, its ok...please don't cry. Just be my best friend. We will find someone else to protect us. That's what we will do. We will find someone else to protect us from mean people."

Amber pushed the girl back gently and smiled at her, "Maybe we can, little peep, maybe we can…but right now it's just me and you, ok. We are all we have and do not trust anyone. I mean that! You have to understand that, Natalie. Do not trust anyone!" Amber held the girl's arms tight.

"Ouch…Ammer, you're squeezing me too hard…it hurts."

Amber quickly let go and hugged the girl again, "I'm sorry, honey, I…just please…don't trust anyone. It's me and you and we are all we have…ok?"

"Ok, Ammer, and I will protect you as best as I can…I am no lovely Ran, but I will try…and I will keep looking for someone who can. Ammer, what was the nickname you liked so much?"

Amber started braiding the girl's hair, "Ran used to call me Ams. She was the only one who did. It was special to me and her. I never let anyone else to call me that…even my mom and dad."

"What were they like, Ammer? Your mom and dad? Were they…did your mommy punish you for being bad like my mommy does? Did your daddy make you…touch you where it hurt?"

Amber smiled sadly at the girl who will never know the true love parents can give their children, "Oh no, little peep, my mommy and daddy and brother were wonderful. I loved them a great deal. I wish you could have met them. They would have taken you away from here to live with them…they would have loved you too."

"Do you have a picture of them? I would like to see them."

Amber smiled, "I do have some. I'll get one." Amber went into her room and pulled out or her closet a box she did her best to keep hidden. It was a box of photos and where she kept her journal. She smiled sadly when she choose the picture she would show Natalie. It was a photo inside a handcrafted Christmas ornament Ran made her when she was thirteen, right after he parents died. The photo was a family Christmas photo of Amber, her parents, and her brother. It was the first time her brother had been home for the holidays in two years. Her mom and dad died a few months later. Amber loved the picture and the tacky ornament that was made by a fourteen year old girl with no arts and craft talent. She then saw another picture; this one of her and Ran taken nine months before Ran died. Both girls were smiling happily with their arms wrapped around each other and in the back ground was a large roller coaster. Amber smiled and remembered the day when her and Ran drove to a theme park and the Asian girl made her get on the roller coaster right after this picture was taken. Amber remembered how sick and scared she got and she wanted to kill her best friend afterwards. Amber giggled when she remembered she did not speak to Ran for at least two hours after the event and Ran constantly teased her and then begged her to talk to her as they walked around the park. God, I miss you, baby, she thought and decided to show Natalie the picture of Ran as well.

Natalie looked at the picture of the girl's parents first. "Wow…your mom is beautiful…you look just like her…and father is very handsome. Is this your brother?" Natalie pointed to the young man in a marine uniform. Amber nodded. "He is very handsome…I bet he had a lot of girlfriends?"

Amber chuckled, "Yeah he did…all my girl friends were so in love with him…even Ran. They would come over to hang out with me just to see him. He…he was a wonderful brother. I have a surprise for you…here is a picture of me and Ran." Amber took the picture of her family and handed her the picture of her and Ran.

Natalie smiled gleefully and stared at the picture. The little girl became fascinated with Amber's best friend after listening to the story of her. "You are right, she is lovely. She is very beautiful…and you are to. I bet you had a lot of boyfriends…both of you." Natalie touched the face of Ran on the picture as if in awe.

Amber chuckled, "Well…a lot?…No not really. I was…well…not the most popular person in school and Ran was more into spots than dating. She had one boy she really liked and who loved her. He was a nice boy. But she held a deep and unreturned love for my brother."

"How come he did not love her? She is so beautiful." Natalie said as she continued to stare at the picture of the Asian girl.

Amber giggled, "Well…he loved her but he loved her as a sister…like he loved me. He never saw her the way other people did. I wish he would have loved her that way because she wanted it so bad…but he couldn't. He was kind to her…very kind to her through. God, I used to tease her about him and she would get so mad at me."

Natalie looked up at Amber, "Ammer…can I…can I have this one? I would like it. Unless you need it to remember her."

Amber smiled, "Sure little peep, I don't need a silly picture to remember her," Amber tapped her head and then her heart with her finger, "All my memories are in here and here."

"Ammer…can I call you Ams…I would like that and since we are best friends now."

Amber smiled at the little girl and nodded, "Yes, little peep, you may call me Ams."

Natalie giggled and hugged Amber. The hug was broken when there was a loud knock on the bathroom door.

"What the fuck are you two doing in there? You have been in there for over an hour!" The voice of them man yelled through the door.

Natalie flinched, "I hate that word." She said and hid the picture of Amber and Ran in towel she had wrapped around her body. Amber tossed the photo of her family in the cabinet under the sink. The Goth girl then pulled Natalie close and whispered in her ear, "Natalie, listen to me…don't let them know you love me…promise me that as best friends do…never let them know you love me. They will only use that love to hurt us more…Promise me, Natalie…and if I ever act like I don't love you in front of them I do not mean it…it is only for your protection…Promise me!" Amber demanded and the girl nodded. "I do love you, little peep, I love you so much! Never forget that!" Amber hugged the girl tight.

"I love you too, Ams, and I promise. And I promise I will find someone to protect us and stop daddy from sleeping in your room."

Amber smiled sadly and wished the world was that simple and kind. She opened the door. The man grinned at her and then looked at his daughter, "Comb your hair out and go to bed, you look like a slut!" He then grabbed Amber by her arm and threw her to the bathroom floor. "How dare you make my daughter look like a whore!" He kicked Amber in the stomach.

"Daddy, No…please no!" Natalie yelled and the man turned to her. Natalie looked around her father and saw Amber getting to her feet and then she saw the older girl shake her head quick and hard. "No. Promise me." Amber mouthed and Natalie nodded and looked at her father. It pained the little girl but she kept her promise to her new sister and best friend that she loved, "I am sorry, daddy. I will go comb my hair and go to bed." She gave her father a quick hug and ran to her room. Her father did not see the tears running down her cheeks.

The man grabbed Amber by her hair and pulled her to her room and locked the door. Her threw her on the bed and then ripped her skirt and panties off her. Amber lay on the bed on her stomach and looked over her shoulder. She saw the man take off his wide leather belt. "You have some nerve, bitch, making my daughter look like a whore like you! What other shit have you been teaching her? Tell me, cunt!" Amber held her pillow tight to her mouth to try and muffle her scream as the belt connected with the back of her upper inner thighs and her buttocks. After the man beat her he used her brutally over and over again. Amber's cries excited him. After he left Amber took her nightly shower and painfully scrubbed then man off of her and from inside her. The water hurt the welts on her buttocks and thighs but she did not care, she deserved the pain for being his whore. She recovered the photo from its hiding place and did not even look at it. She could not look at her parents and brother after what happened to her or what she had just done. Amber pulled her journal from its hiding place and started to write… "Oh, Ran…I love her and I can't help it. I told her all about you and she is now obsessed with you like I am. I wish you could meet her! She is so charming and pretty and sweet…and so innocent…" Amber wrote what had happened to her that day, including when she kissed Lilly…and she asked Ran to forgive her for that kiss and the desire she felt but did not deserve.

Natalie lay in her bed and cried as she listened to the cries of pain from her best friend/sister's room. Amber could not muffle them all. Natalie got off her bed and got to her knees and folded her hands under her chin. "God, please, God, please send us a lovely Ran to protect us…to protect her. I love her don't want her to be hurt anymore." Natalie got back in her bed and cried herself to sleep.