Lilly, Amber, and Natalie spent the rest of the afternoon on the beach while Oliver left to go see if he could meet some girls. When Natalie's time out was over she begged to go back in the water and Lilly took her as Amber watched the girls surf. While Amber did not know much about surfing…actually she knew nothing about surfing except it was done on the ocean and with a board…she thought Natalie was actually pretty good. But it was Lilly who amazed her the most. Her blonde girlfriend was incredible and Amber would appreciate the way Lilly moved as if one with the board. Watching Lilly, Amber felt herself getting aroused. She liked watching her girlfriend doing sport things and used to feel the same when she would watch Samantha ride her skate board. Amber smiled at the thought of her lost love and the incredible sex the two girls had after Amber would go with Sam to the skate park and just sit and watch her for hours. Her smile turned to a frown as she saw Lilly wave at her when the blonde and Natalie were walking toward her. She wanted to make love with Lilly desperately, but her girl friend still could not bring herself to have sex with her. Amber was being patient, but she was also getting very frustrated and a little worried…a lot worried. She knew why Lilly did not want her and she knew Lilly loved her, but the voices told her something different and the voices controlled her now more than her own feelings and thoughts did. The voices were getting cruel in their words. They told her Lilly did not love her and she was going to lose her girlfriend to Miley like Carly stole Sam away and told her Lilly did not desire Amber sexually but wanted Miley. They told her they were ashamed of her and that she was nothing but a whore to allow her uncle to use her like her does. They told her she was breaking a promise she made to be with them again. Amber tired to explain to them she had to protect Natalie, but they did not care and they were cruel in their words. The only voice who was calming and loving was her mother. Her mother told her she was a good girl and understood why she did what she did and loved her still. But her mother came to her less and less and the voice she heard the most was Samantha laughing at her and telling her she was going to lose Lilly to Miley. Amber was not going to let that happen. She knew what to do. Amber was very thankful the voices only came to her once today briefly and left her alone. She smiled at Lilly and waved back to her…Damn! I am so horny! Amber thought as she admired Lilly's body in her wet bikini.
Amber knew Lilly could not get passed what her uncle did to her, and she did not blame her blonde girlfriend for that. But she started to believe the voices when they told her Lilly did not want her because the blonde believed Amber enjoyed and got pleasure from her uncle's rape. Amber would scream at them in her head and tell them it was not true but they would laugh and call her a whore as she write in her journal every night after her uncle left her room. Amber would cry at the cruel words and begged them not to believe she enjoyed what the man did to her, but they would laugh. She would then beg to talk to her mother, but she rarely came to her anymore. The others would not let her. As Lilly stood over her, Amber hoped the girl did not think she got pleasure from being raped. She didn't. When the man raped her, her mind left her body and she felt nothing anymore but the pain and humiliation.
"Hey…you ok, baby?" Lilly asked as she sat on the towel and looked at her girlfriend
Amber smiled, "Yeah…I'm fine…don't give me that look, Lilly…I'm fine, love. The good Amber is still here." Her smile turned to a grin, "And you dripped all over me!"
Lilly laughed and took Amber's hand, "Aww…poor baby, you won't melt, but sorry for getting you wet."
Amber giggled, "You always get me wet…and I just might melt." She glanced at Natalie and saw the girl was building a sand castle. She looked exhausted and Amber knew she was going to sleep well tonight. She turned back to Lilly, "Damn I want to kiss you so bad right now." Lilly smiled and nodded looking at Natalie as well. The two girls were very careful not to show anything but friendship affection around the girl as not to confuse her.
"Do you ever think of the future, Lilly? I mean way in the future. Like marriage, kids, and stuff like that?"
Lilly turned to her with a grin, "Why, Amber, are you proposing to me?" Amber playfully slapped her shoulder.
"No, silly, I am serious…do you?"
Lilly sighed, "Yeah I guess…sometimes I do. But…I love kids, don't get me wrong…but I don't know if I could handle being pregnant. Hell I am only seventeen and worried right now about what college to go to. My mom is pushing it hard."
Amber raised her eyebrow, "Which one?"
Lilly shrugged, "I don't know…anyone I guess. I mean…I have decent grades and a good SAT score to get into a number of schools. I was thinking something close to home…like Moorpark or Santa Monica. I…I don't want to go to far from home."
"Why?"
Lilly looked at her bare feet, "Well…I'm…well I'm scared, Amber. I'm afraid to leave things I know behind and to move somewhere new. I have a life here I am comfortable with and it scares me to have to meet new friends and get used to something different. Plus I love the beach to much to go anywhere more inland." Lilly added with a grin.
Amber nodded, "You should go where you want, Lilly, if it makes you happy go there. But don't be afraid of change and new things, baby. Hell…you were not too scared when you met me. You were rather pushy if I recall." Amber smiled and Lilly chuckled
"Yeah…well I knew from the first time I met you that you wanted me." Amber rolled her eyes, "Seriously…I was just drawn to you and I was kind of scared…but I wanted to get to know you."
"Do you regret it…getting to know me?"
Lilly lay back and rolled to her side to face Amber and caressed her arm. "God no…I do not regret it."
Amber sighed, "You should, love, you really should." She muttered but Lilly heard her and decided to ignore the comment.
"So what about you…do you think of the future…marriage, kids, or college?"
Amber lay back and rolled over to face her girlfriend, "I used to…now I just try to get through the day. But yeah, I used to have dreams…now I just have nightmares." Lilly frowned but decided to continue the conversation. It was not often Amber opened up like this.
"What were your dreams, baby."
"College for one…did you know I was smart at one time, love? I was so smart." Amber said sadly.
"You'll still smart, baby."
Amber chuckled and Lilly knew it was not a humorous one, "No, Lilly, I mean I was fucking brilliant!" Lilly raised her eyebrows at the rare curse word from Amber, but Amber ignored it, "I was so smart and could have gotten into any college in the country. Did you know I had a four point oh in Seattle? Did you know I scored almost a perfect on my SAT's? Hell I missed only two questions. One on verbal and one on math…I even retook the damn think to see which ones I may have missed. I was obsessed with my grades…but that seems like a long time ago when I wanted to go to Berkeley."
Lilly smiled, "You still can, baby." Amber shook her head.
"No, love…that dream is gone. My grades went to hell after Ra…Ran died and I missed so much school…and here I get nothing but incompletes or zeroes in class." Amber said sadly.
Lilly wanted to take the girl in her arms and hold her, but she settled for just touching the girl's arms. "You and Ran were close weren't you? You never talk about her like I do about Miley, but you were close like her and I are. Natalie…well…I swear I never asked her…but she told me some of the stories you told her about Ran." Amber chuckled and reached up and bushed Lilly's still wet hair from her face.
"Well I did exaggerate some on those stories and I know you would never ask her…and I think you for that. I trust you with her now. Yeah…we were very close. I loved her so much. When she was in the hospital for the last time and dying I…I freaked out and begged her priest to kill me instead. I would have died so she would live." Amber rolled over on her back and grinned, "God she was so mad at me for that. She would never have let me die and she would have given her life for me. I…I loved her so much and we were very close." Lilly looked at Amber's face and saw a tear roll down her cheek under her sunglasses. Amber turned her head, "Would you die for Miley, Lilly? And would she die for you? I mean really die for her. If someone had a gun to her head would you beg that person to shoot you so she could live? That is how I felt about Ran and how she felt about me. Neither one of us would have hesitated a second to take the bullet…do you love Miley that much?"
Lilly looked at Amber and wished she could see the girl's eyes. She was starting to get a little frightened at the questions and words Amber was telling her. "I…I never thought about it. I love her and she is my best friend but…yeah…I would put myself in harms way to help her…maybe even die for her. I hope I never have to find out."
Amber smiled, "Me too, love, me too. I know you love her…I think one day you will know you love her more than you and her know right now. I…I don't have a lot of good qualities anymore…I lost the few I had. I have always been weak and very needy and very prissy and girlie. I know how to manipulate others to get something I want…for good or bad, but I had good qualities as well at one time." Amber paused and stared at Natalie playing. She smiled at the girl who was focused on building her sand castle, "I used to be classy and such a lady, love, can you believe that?" Lilly nodded. She thought Amber still was. "I got that from my mother. She taught me that. I…I just wish I had more time with her so she could have taught me more." Amber looked back at Lilly, "God, Lilly, I wish you could have seen her…not just the picture I showed you, but her. The way she just lit up any room she entered was amazing. And she could charm people like no one else I ever saw. She could hypnotize both men and women with her eyes and movements and voice. She was amazing. I used to just sit and watch her and prayed her grace and beauty would rub off on me. She was a truly beautiful woman." Amber paused and Lilly smiled at her to continue. She knew very little of Amber before she moved and she wanted to hear more. Amber continued after a moment, "People tell me all the time when they see her picture that I look like her…even you told me that. Maybe I do, but I could never match her grace and charm and class. I just did not have enough time with her to soak it all in." Amber rolled back over to face Lilly. "Anyway…I used to have some good things about me people liked…but they are gone now." Amber looked over Lilly's shoulder to Natalie playing, "But one thing I have not lost is that I will die for people I love…and kill for them to protect them if need be." Lilly looked at Natalie and the girl looked up and saw the two older girls looking at her and she waved. Lilly waved back while Amber blew her a kiss. Natalie giggled and went back to her sand castle. Lilly turned back to Amber and the girl removed her sunglasses and Lilly smiled weakly at the brilliant green eyes full of life. Amber brushed Lilly's hair back, which was beginning to dry and the wind was blowing it in her face.
"God, I want to kiss you so much…I love you, Lilly Truscott…and for that I am sorry. Thank you for the day you gave me. I will treasure it and thank you for being so kind to me and Natalie. She loves you." Amber put her sunglasses on and rolled on her back.
"I love you to Amber…and I love Natalie as well. I…I…don't be sorry you love me…I have truly never met anyone like you in my life." Lilly did not know what else to say. She was stunned and scared at Amber's words. She did not know what the girl meant completely and that worried her.
Amber giggled, "Yeah…let's hope you never do again, love." She said cheerfully and Lilly chuckled.
"Lilly…I need for you to promise me something…don't worry it is nothing too serious…well not to you but to me it is." Amber turned her head and Lilly saw she was grinning.
"Sure."
"Tomorrow when we go shopping…if…if the good Amber does not show up, make sure you pick out dresses…nice ones…and not any surf clothes I am sure she is going to ask you to get her." Amber giggled, "Or that you would want to pick out for her. I want her to have dresses." Lilly laughed.
"Sure, baby, I will make sure of that…but I am confident…the good Amber will be there." Amber just smiled at her and looked at her watch and sighed, "We only have a few more precious moments left, love, before we have to go. I want to kiss you and make love to you, baby…I know we can't and you won't…I just want you to know that." Amber suddenly jumped to her feet and ran over to Natalie and pushed the girl to the sand and both were giggling and Amber tickled the girl. After a short moment Amber stopped and whispered something to Natalie and the girl grinned and they both looked at Lilly.
"Oh no…no you don't!" Lilly screamed and rolled over on the towel laughing as Natalie jumped on her soon followed by Amber and the two girls tickled Lilly until she begged them to stop.
Soon, too soon Lilly thought, they made their way back to Rico's where they rinsed the sand off them in the beach showers and Amber changed from her swim suit back to the clothes she wore to work that day. Amber's uncle would be there soon to pick the girls up and Lilly gave Natalie a loving long hug.
"Thanks, Lilly…I had a wonderful time." Natalie said sadly.
"No problem, dude." Lilly said and Natalie giggled. Amber rolled her eyes, but smiled. Lilly looked at Amber and mouthed 'I love you" and Amber winked back at her. As the blonde turned and picked up her beach gear she heard Amber call to her.
"God Lilly, don't I get a hug too?" Amber pouted and Lilly smiled. The two girls embraced, "I love you, Amber…never forget that. No matter what I do…I love you." Lilly whispered and Amber kissed her cheek. The Goth girl broke the hug and her and Natalie walked hand in hand to the roadside to wait for the man to arrive. Lilly watched until she saw the black BMW pull up and she sighed. After the car pulled away, Lilly grabbed her cell phone from her bag and called Miley. It picked up after seven rings and Lilly knew her friend was waiting for the last moment to answer the phone.
"And who is this who has Lilly Truscott's phone? I know my former best friend is not calling me since she is spending time with her Punk Princess."
"Miley…please don't." Lilly said
"Why it is Lilly!" Miley said in mock surprise, "What's the matter? Did Miss. Priss get some sand under her finger nails and have to run home and take a shower?"
"Miles…please…come on. I just wondered if I was still spending the night."
"Well I don't know…does Snow White have other plans and can't go out with you?"
Lilly was getting angry now but held her temper in check. "No…Amber cannot really go out and date…it's complicated."
"Awww…poor little Goth Girl has a curfew and not allowed to go out on dates. That is a shame."
"Enough, Miley…you don't understand. Am I spending the night or not?" Lilly said angrily.
"Ummm…let me think…nope! Not! I…I…I'm going out with Jake tonight. B...b…bye, Lilly." Miley hung up. Lilly could tell Miley had been or just started crying
Lilly did not realize until then how mad and upset Miley was at her. She let out a string of curses as she walked up to Miley's house. The Stewarts lived close and on the beach. It took her only ten minutes before she got to the door and she rang the bell. It was soon answered by Miley's dad.
"Hey, Lilly…long time since I saw you." Mr. Stewart answered. Lilly frowned. At one time she got along great with Miley's dad but ever since she and Miley had their relationship the man did not like Lilly. They were very careful to hide it from the man who while did not dislike gay people but sure as hell did not want his daughter being gay. Robbie Ray was very conservative where Miley was concerned. The girls knew he had suspected something besides friendship was going on between them at the time.
"Umm…hey, Mr. Stewart, is ummm…Miley home?"
The man grinned, "Yeah, she's getting ready for her date. Jake is picking her up soon." He said proudly. He liked Jake but of course did not know what the boy made Miley do in the name of love. Or other things about him that Lilly knew.
"Well…may I go see her?"
Robbie Ray opened the door, "Sure…she's in her room. Tell her to leave the door open…so she can hear me when Jake gets here."
"Yes, sir." Lilly found it sad she did not get along with the man anymore. She used to like him a lot. Lilly walked upstairs and knocked on Miley's door.
"Go away…whoever you are…I…I don't feel good and…if Jake is downstairs tell him he is way to early and…and I am not going…I'm sick." Miley called out. Lilly knew all of Miley's moods and voices and she knew Miley was crying and felt a rush of guilt.
"Miles…it's me…please let me in." She asked kindly.
"No…go away! I…I am not talking to you!"
"Miles, open the damn door! I swear I will camp out here all night even if you dad decides to try and kick me out. Now open the fucking door!"
A few seconds later Lilly heard the door unlock but not open. She turned the handle and walked in the room. Miley was laying on her bed a fetal position cuddling with one of her stuffed animals. Her eyes were red and puffy as she looked at Lilly and there were tissues scattered on her bed and floor. She walked into the room closing the door harder than required as if to tell Miley's dad "fuck you".
"What do you want? I'm trying to get ready for Jake."
Lilly laughed, "And five seconds ago you were too sick to go. You heal well…maybe we should give some scientist your blood and they could make a miracle drug or something."
Miley tried not to smile, "Lilly…I'm mad at you so you can't use humor…that's not fair."
Lilly giggled and sat on the edge of the bed and started caressing Miley's back. "Miles, I sorry honey, I really am…I am so glad your back. I missed you so damn much."
Miley turned over and grabbed Lilly's hand, "Really…you did not act like it. That hurt, Lilly…that hurt bad. I…I tried to like her bit she kept getting on my nerves with all that whining and worrying over that little girl. A…and when you ignored me to be with her I got jealous." Miley stuck her lower lip out.
Lilly laughed, "Miley you always get jealous of who I date. I don't understand why…I mean…I don't get jealous over Jake…I just hate him…and I would not be jealous over anyone you would date."
"Lilly…we had something at one time even if it did not work out. Hell…we had sex…a lot of sex…it is just natural to be jealous of an ex lover. Maybe something is wrong with you. Maybe…maybe you didn't care about me like I did you."
"Don't be silly, girl, I loved you then and I love you now…we just aren't built to date one another. We had too many things against us from you being afraid someone would find out to your dad and then you wanting to date Jake. And then there was me…I was crushing on Oliver then and wanted to date him and we just lost that part of each other. I am just very happy we stayed friends. I…I think what we had between us was something very special and made our friendship stronger."
Miley smiled, "Until you started dating prissy bitch Goth chic. What is her deal anyway…she is kind of strange and not your type."
Lilly shrugged, "I know…I never thought she would be my type either. I was intrigued by her for some reason and just wanted to be her friend and then it…well…damn, Miley, she is so hot and so damn sexy…I mean very sexy. Everything she does is sexy to me. And when we kissed…well…I knew then I wanted her and I fell in love with her." Lilly and Miley never felt uncomfortable discussing boys or girls they date with one another.
Miley nodded, "Yeah she is very pretty…I saw that right off…but, Lilly, she is so…well…weird. I mean she worries over that girl Natalie like a mother hen and…ohhh…she is just strange."
Lilly sighed and knew it was time to tell Miley some things…not everything, she promised she would not do that…but some things. "Scoot over, Miles, and I'll tell you."
Miley smiled, "No…you are all sandy and covered in tanning oil…go take a shower first and then you can treat me like your best friend and do whatever I ask you to do to make up for your earlier neglect of me. I'll go fix us some snacks."
Lilly grinned, "Ok…and I did miss you, silly redneck girl."
Miley got off the bed and laughed, "Of course you did…you can't live without me." She was at the door and stopped when she heard Lilly call her.
"Miley…if someone held a gun to my head and told you they would shoot me or you could take the bullet for me to live…would you…would you sacrifice yourself for me?"
Miley smiled and answered without a second thought, "Of course I would, silly…as long as you kicked the shit out of the person who killed me." Miley walked out the door and Lilly smiled.
Later, Lilly was showered and wearing a pair of Miley's pajamas laying next to her best friend in bed. She liked the feel of the silk pajamas on her skin and decided she would keep them. Miley would not care since they were some gift that Hannah Montana got in a gift bag at some event she attended. Miley had a closet full of stuff like that. Both girls were eating popcorn while Lilly told Miley some things about Amber.
"Miley, you know that bandage Amber had on her hand today?"
Miley nodded as she took a swallow of diet coke.
"She got that when she broke a glass pitcher her aunt got as a wedding gift." Miley looked at Lilly.
"So…she cut her hand…what does that have to do…" Lilly held up her hand to stop her.
"Wait…she did not cut her hand. Her aunt was so mad Amber broke that pitcher she place Amber's hand in a pot of boiling water teasing her if the skin would peel off or melt off." Lilly heard the story first hand from Amber the day they were in bed talking. Amber cried as she told her.
Miley's eyes grew wide, "Oh my God…she…fuck…I fell like shit now…does…does that happen a lot? Oliver mentioned something about the home not being pleasant…I thought he meant they were strict or something…damn."
Lilly smiled weakly, "It gets better…well worse. The reason why Amber is such a worrier when it comes to Natalie is because well…when Amber broke that pitcher she did it on purpose. She did it because she walked into the kitchen and saw her aunt was going to put Natalie's hand in the boiling water for spilling a glass of juice. I fucking glass of juice, Miley…that is what she suffers in that house…and that is not even the worse part. That is why she is protective of Natalie. She…she does things to…to make them abuse her so Natalie will not get hurt." Miley hugged Lilly as the blonde started crying.
"Lilly…oh God…Lils…I…I am so sorry…for you and her and that sweet little girl. I…damn I feel like shit. Thanks, a lot…it was better being clueless so I could just dislike the girl with a clear conscience. Why…why doesn't she go to the police or somebody? Hell the school as people just for this."
Lilly shrugged, "Oh I asked that a hundred times until she finally asked me not to bring it up again. She thinks if she does to the police or tells anyone then Natalie would end up in some foster home that would be like her home now or even worse. She may be right…Amber's almost eighteen and she would be on her own soon and of course she could not keep Natalie…so she just tells me she will protect Natalie unto she can think of something better for the girl."
"Damn…I…fuck, Lils, that is awful…you have to make her go to the police. I mean…most of the foster homes are not as bad as that…that can't be…can they?" Lilly shrugged.
"I don't know…I mean…even if they have room for her in one…she could end up in some orphanage or some group home. That could be worse. Remember that benefit concert you did in L.A. to raise money for the state orphanages and foster families? Remember some of the things we saw and what that lady told us about the abuse and rape a lot of those kids suffer in the homes? Remember when she told us it was not just the staff at the homes, but the other children who rape the younger boys and girls because the state does not separate the kids with issues from the other kids because of funding? I mean…I could not stand to see Natalie in one of those homes and something like that happening to her. She is a beautiful girl and they would prey on her. I guess Amber sees that as well…so she…well…Miley, I think she would let them kill her to protect Natalie…hell, sometimes I think they try. I see the bruises on her and…it hurts to think about what she goes through."
Miley put her arm around Lilly, "I'm sorry, baby. You like her a lot huh? I mean you really love her?"
Lilly nodded, "Yeah I do…I did not mean to fall in love with her. At first I just wanted to be her friend and did not even know she was into girls. I kind of hoped she was…she is pretty and sexy…but I just figured I would be a friend because she looked so sad. You know me…I feel sorry for people to much. Then…well she kissed me first and I decided I wanted her…bad. Then I fell in love with her. You are wrong about her not being my type…maybe they Goth look is not, but you know I like the girlie vulnerable type. And she is that…needy, girlie, venerable and stuff. But sometimes she shows strength and she is not a push over. And…well…I like her being girlie and needy. She…well in a lot of ways she reminds me of you."
Miley let go of Lilly, "Me? Please…I am not that bad."
Lilly chucked, "Yes you are…you are very girlie and Miss. Fashion queen. That bathing suit you wore today is new and I know you will never wear it again because you will get new one. Hell, you have clothes in your closet that you have never even worn yet. I would steal a bunch of them, but they are too small for me up top."
"Oh…rub it in that you have bigger and more perfect boobs than me." Miley pouted, "And…just because I like to look nice does not mean I am girlie."
Lilly hugged her, "Yeah you are…it was one of the things I was attracted to about you."
Miley blushed but decided not to probe any further. Miley knew Lilly was right, they had tried and it did not work between them. Miley always wished it did but she had a lot of issues with her dad and the whole Hannah thing and struggled with her own conscience while she and Lilly dated. "Lilly, I promise I will be nice to her and try to get to know her. Hell…I may even like her. I would do anything for you and if she means that much to you…I'll be good."
Lilly pulled back and smiled, "Thanks, Miles…and…well there is one more thing I need to tell you…about Jake."
Miley nodded. "Ok."
