Jack felt absolutely numb as he laid in his bed and stared up at the ceiling. Randy had come home a few hours ago and had given him and Sid the bad news. Maggie had leukemia. That had been the last thing in the world that Jack had been expecting to hear. They had gone to see her for a little bit. She had already been admitted to the cancer ward of the hospital. She was supposed to start chemotherapy tomorrow. Jeff and Randy were both at the hospital right now with her. Matt and Katie were taking turns coming over to check on things here at home. Sid needed them more than Jack did. The kid was taking his sister's illness really hard. Not that Jack wasn't of course. He didn't want Maggie to be sick. But he had his own way of dealing with the pain he was feeling at the moment.

He ran his fingertip over the blade of the knife. He had stolen it from the kitchen a couple of hours ago when Matt hadn't been looking. This was the first real chance he had gotten to even risk using it. This was already becoming an addiction for him. It made him feel good and it gave him an escape from his problems. It wasn't like he could really talk to anybody at the moment. The focus needed to be on Maggie and helping her get better. Nobody needed to be worrying about his stupid problems at the moment.

Holding his breath so he could listen really carefully for anyone who could possibly be coming, he made a long cut on the bottom of his arm. He hissed in pain as the blood began to come out. It fucking stung. He made a second cut next to the first one. It also stung really badly, but it felt so damn good. It made him feel so much better. Maybe it didn't solve anything, but it helped clear his head and made him feel like he could breathe.

Suddenly there was a knock on his door. "Jack?" Sid called out. "Can I come in?"

Shit! Jack thought to himself. He put the knife under the bed and rolled down his sleeves so his cuts would be covered. "What do you want Sid?"

"I want to come in."

Jack sighed. He knew his little brother wasn't going to go away until he got what he wanted. "Okay. Come on in."

Sid came in slowly. He looked like he had been crying. "Is Maggie going to die?" he asked quietly as he shut the door.

This caught Jack off guard. "What?"

"Is Maggie going to die? People die when they have cancer you know."

"Maggie's not going to die," Jack told him. "Maggie's going to be okay. Dad and Daddy are going to make sure she gets better."

"People die all the time you know." Sid was not going to let this subject go without a fight.

Jack sighed. "Come here Sid."

Sid slowly walked over and got on the bed. "I love Maggie. I don't want her to die Jack."

"I don't either." Jack pulled Sid into his arms and hugged him tightly. "That's why everyone's going to make sure she gets better."

"Is that why you took the knife out of the kitchen earlier?"

Jack froze. Oh shit. Sid had seen him take the knife. That was not good. "What do you mean?"

"Did you take the knife so you could stab the cancer?"

"Uh…yeah, let's say that." Jack rubbed Sid's back gently. Shit, this was bad. If Sid said anything about the knife, then he was screwed. "But let's not tell anyone that. Let's keep that a secret between you and me."

"Why?"

"Because we just need to, okay?"

Sid still looked confused, but he nodded along anyway. "Okay. I won't say anything."

XXXXXXX

Jeff couldn't sleep. His body was telling him he needed, to, but he couldn't bring himself to even try. This was officially the worst day of his life, and considering everything he had been through over his life, that was saying something. He just stared at Maggie, who had finally fallen asleep. She didn't seem to fully grasp the situation that she was in. She just knew that she was sick, but the doctors were going to going to make it better. There was little doubt in Jeff's mind that she really didn't even understand how serious cancer was.

"Honey," Randy said softly. He wrapped his arms around Jeff gently. "You need to try to get some sleep. Maggie needs you at full strength tomorrow."

"I can't do it," Jeff whispered. He rested his head against Randy's cheek. "I'm afraid to take my eyes off of her. I'm afraid she's going to go away if I even try to work."

"Hush now," Randy scolded. He kissed Jeff gently. "Don't talk like that. You're only going to upset yourself even more. Maggie is going to be okay. We'll get her through this, somehow, some way. Okay?"

Jeff nodded slowly. He still had his doubts of course, but those just came naturally to him. After everything he had been through, how couldn't they? But still, he wanted to try to think positively, even if it was just for everyone else's sake. "Okay."