Disclaimer : I don't own it. Hummergrey owns the idea of a mech decepticon turned femme, and a 'close kiss'. I don't even own that. :)

Note : Wheeljack decides to discard the chip. Unfortunately, Starscream is following him, sees this, takes the chip back to the 'Con base, and decides to use it on Megatron. Also this is a Decepticon-centric chapter, but the Autobots might appear at the end. I don't know much about some of the 'Cons, so I'm just winging it.

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(Normal POV)

As Wheeljack drove through the empty streets of the warehouse district in Tranquility Nevada, he cycled his vents. It was an actual success, too. I can't understand why Prime- An image of femme Optimus being groped by his brother came to mind, and Wheeljack shuddered so violently, his alternate mode swerved. Oh, wait. Never mind. Still, even though he understood, it was a sad prospect all the same.

He'd been ordered to destroy the chip, so something like that never happened again.

He was driving out to a single warehouse large enough for him to stand in, where he'd set up a few things necessary to dismantle the chip. The only things he needed were the chip itself and the data pad containing all the directions. Those were what he was carrying now.

Changing back into his bipedal form, 'Jack cycled his vents again and took the chip and pad out of a holding compartment. "Two little mistakes. That's all it was." He trudged into the warehouse. "Having Sunstreaker try it at all, and then not leaving it guarded afterwards." Setting the things down on a table, he froze when Prowl's voice came over the internal communications.

'Decepticons are attacking!' A set of coordinates were sent via a datalink, and the attack was uncomfortably close to the base, where the humans were currently staying. 'All available Autobots are ordered to return at once!'

Turning, Wheeljack transformed and was off like a bat out of hell. He flew out of the building, clearly missing the figure that ducked around a corner, and sped down the street towards the highway that would lead him directly back to the base. Not once did he think of the chip, or the fact that he hadn't been alone.

Back at the warehouse, Starscream smirked as he entered the hastily abandoned building. 'Autobot scum has evacuated, as planned. Commencing search.' There wasn't anything really specific he was looking for. This was simply a recon mission, to find out what the Autobots were up to, and if possible, put a stop to it.

Coming across the chip, Screamer's optic ridges rose. He picked up the data pad next to it and read the information. After getting a snort and chuckle out of the incidents with Sunstreaker and Optimus Prime, an evil smirk crossed his features. He's never see it coming and never be able to pinpoint it was me who did it. He quickly snatched up the chip and ran out of the warehouse. If he does, I'd be so offlined, it wouldn't be funny.

He re-read over the contents of the data pad and smirked again. It'd be worth it, though.

Wheeljack never suspected a thing. When he returned to the warehouse and found the chip and data pad gone, he assumed he'd already destroyed them and forgotten about it. Though it was suspicious that he had no memory of doing it, he shrugged it off. Either way, the chip was out of his hands, and far away from the pranking twins.

(Later)

Megatron was recharging on his 'throne', while all available Decepticons were running scans, spying on Autobots, or recharging themselves. Starscream had been ordered to clean up the base, and instead of arguing, did it faster than ever. He was finished with plenty of time to spare, and mentally ran over the chip instructions again as he casually strolled down the hall towards the main room with a data pad in his hands.

Skywarp and the others never even questioned why he wasn't as moody as usual and simply let him by to leave his report with the boss.

So no one was around or even suspicious when Starscream approached the recharging Megatron. No one suspected a thing when, after leaving his report on the pile, Starscream then pulled the chip out of a hold and very gently attached it to the back of Megatron's neck.

Finally, no one was around when the seeker stumbled out of the room, almost running away, while laughing his aft off as silently as possible.

It was later, when a rather feminine voice was heard snarling, and a pretty banged up Skywarp ran out of the main room, that people began to notice.

Barricade, having been stalking down the hall froze at the sound and raised his weapons at the ready as he ran towards it. Megatron was in there last! He thought furiously, struck with the instinctive urge to protect his leader, as he dashed into the room. Abruptly, he froze again.

There, standing in the center of the room was a dark brown femme. She wore barely any armor, and seemed to be glaring around at anyone who snickered or whistled. She was tall and shapely, and Barricade felt his spark flutter as he watched her burning crimson eyes scan the room.

"Who dared do this to me?!" She snarled, her voice low, seductive and dangerous. "I want whoever did this brought forth!" She clapped her hands, one changing back and from a gun to a hand.

Barricade looked around the room at all the Decepticons staring in shock and lust at her before cycling his vents. Then he noticed something. Where's Megatron? Frowning a little, he shook his head. A bothersom, delusional femme isn't worthy of the attention of the great leader. Turning to the others, he snarled. "Return to your stations!"

The other 'Cons all looked shocked to be ordered by Barricade. Or maybe they were just shocked he was there, as clearly none of them had noticed his arrival, due to ogling the gorgeous femme.

Funnily enough, poor Starscream looked both disgusted and turned on. He was the first one to leave, almost running out of the room.

The said femme narrowed her eyes at Barricade. "Who said you could give the orders?!" She snapped, stalking over. Neither of them seemed to notice as the room quickly emptied, leaving them alone. "Who's the leader here?!"

With a smirk, Barricade stepped forward, getting into the personal space of the femme and watching as she quickly backstepped, looking a little uncomfortable for a moment before the glare returned. "Not you." When her eyes flashed furiously, his smirk grew. "Why don't you come with me? I'm certain we can find...accomodating quarters for you until Master Megatron requests you be brought to him." Like perhaps...handcuffed to my berth? Or better yet, tied to the far wall. Hmmm...

A low growl reached his audio sensors and he returned his attention to the fuming femme. "I am Megatron, you fool!" She screeched angrily, throwing up her hands in frustration.

For a long moment, Barricade stared at the femme. While he was absolutely certain this wasn't Megatron, what being a femme and all, he couldn't deny the similarities. The only problem was that everyone knew, the only known sibling to Megatron was Optimus Prime, and both were mechs. He narrowed his optics a little. Sad. It's clear her logistics routines are malfunctioning. Clearly delusional. Perhaps one of the others can be bothered to fix it.

"What are you staring at?" She quietened down a little, looking wary as she took another step back.

Unconsciously, Barricade was drawn to the way her hips swayed with the movement and he took a step forward. That doesn't mean I can't still... Taking another step forward, he approached her slowly, chasing her against a wall before bracing himself over her, one arm on either side of her head. With a smirk, he watched as her optics widened and her expression became horrified. Oh yes, little one. I do believe you've caught on to my train of thought.

Without even waiting to hear what she undoubtedly wanted to say, he lurched forward and crashed his lips against hers, catching her off guard. He kissed her savagely, not even realizing she wasn't kissing back.

Then the screaming started. The femme began thrashing against his chest, causing him to chuckle and press more firmly against her to make her realize she was stuck. Then he felt his optics widen as a sharp, excruciating pain shot up from just left of his groin. Pulling back sharply, he glared at the femme, who pushed herself away from him, and limped back holding the dagger that was jutting from his upper thigh.

"You slagging-"

"Fool!" She screamed interrupting him, the air around her charged with rage. Her eyes were almost black, they had darkened so much, and every weapon on her body was raised and aimed at him. "You stupid, slagging fool!" She let loose a volley of shots before transforming and taking flight.

Barricade was left behind, a pile of smoking scrap metal, groaning in the corner of the room.

(Near the Warehouse District)

Wheeljack was working on the table, dismantling yet another project, when Optimus rolled in.

"Hello, old friend." Optimus seemed much more like his old self, when he transformed and walked over to Wheeljack. It was also a relief to find the larger 'bot held no grudges against the scientist, as Wheeljack had no way of knowing Sunstreaker was apparently suicidal.

Speaking of the yellow mech, Wheeljack was currently working on rerouting the power to one of his cannons, which had been damaged when Optimus hit him a little too hard in retaliation.

"Optimus, sir." Wheeljack nodded.

"I've come to warn you, we've picked up a Decepticon presence approaching quickly. It's just the one, but the others are waiting at the perimeter, in case it's a trap." Cycling his vents, Optimus pinched the bridge of his nose. "Come on."

Wheeljack followed his leader silently, wondering what was going on, and together they exited the building. It wasn't a moment too soon, either, as a plane, clearly not an earth vehicle, came rushing out of the clouds. Loud screams were heard as it decended to the ground and transformed into a clearly enraged Decepticon femme.

"What the slag is going on?!" She screeched angrily. Glaring at Optimus, she almost ran up to him, getting into his face. "You! You had something to do with this, didn't you?! Fragging Autobot scum!" She punched him in the face. "How dare you?!"

Wheeljack's weapons were at the ready, but he only with held his fire when Optimus raised a hand.

The great leader stared down the femme. "I don't believe we've met." He watched her without a glare, even as he rubbed the nose she'd hit. Still, he took a step back, unable to keep his optics from scanning the slender form. "I'm not certain what's going on, but let's talk about this." Ever the patient leader, Optimus would rather not have to fight a femme, especially seeing as how there were so few left.

Her optics narrowed dangerously. "Try it and you'll be a femme yourself by the end of the day." She watched him wince and smirked. "Or rather, you'll be a femme permanently."

"You know about that?" 'Jack groaned a little.

"I should. I was there." Turning on the scientist, her optics flashed and one of her hands turned into a gun. "And I believe it was your technology that did this to me. Now, fix it and I might just let you live to see another day."

Blinking a moment, 'Jack frowed. "It couldn't have been our technology. I destroyed the chip." Then he paused. "Or...I think I did. I don't remember. There was an attack and when I got back it was gone."

It was the femme's turn to blink. "The attack?" She lowered her weapons, perplexed. "But that was just a distraction. I sent a few Decepticons to keep you away from here while..." Abruptly her optics began to twitch. "While... While Starscream was to do recon on the area, checking to see what you were up to." Her body jerked violently. "That little slagging worm told me he didn't find anything!"

Optimus' battle mask slid over his face as he quickly backstepped and stared at the femme. However, it wasn't a sign of battle, so much as he was trying very hard to hide his laughter.

"You ordered..." Wheeljack's optics widened.

"Of course I did!" She glared at him again and stepped closer. "Don't tell me you don't recognize me. Oh, that's right, you don't." Raising her gun, she aimed it at Optimus, all the while glaring at Wheeljack. "Find the technology and remove it, or he dies."

"Megatron." I should have known. He shuddered a little, in disgust. Cycling his vents, Optimus nodded at Wheeljack and remained steady, even as one of his swords appeared. He would be ready to defend himself.

Moving slowly, Wheeljack went around behind her back and began looking. 'Funny how both Optimus and his brother make attractive femmes.' Wheeljack didn't seem to realize his internal communications was on an open channel.

There was silence for a moment, as everyone seemed to process this. In that time, he'd found and quickly removed the chip, before tossing it aside and blasting it. Then there was a chorus of snorts, several engines were heard rushing into the area, and everyone began talking at once.

"You fool!" Megatron screamed, jumping back as the other Autobots rolled into the area.

'Megatron?!'Ironhide was on full defense, transforming as he ran and powering up his cannons.

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were heard snorting and laughing as they followed behind. 'Oh, man! That's priceless! Megatronia!'

Optimus shuttered his eyes and groaned, trying not to laugh.

'Miss Cybertron pagent, anyone?' Jazz laughed, standing behind Optimus. Taking a look at Megatron, he seemed to think. 'First place would be a tie between Optimus and Sunstreaker, though.'

There was a chorus of laughs, and Megatron glared at him. "Didn't I tear you in half?!"

With a shrug, Jazz gestured to a smirking Ratchet. "He fixed me, with a little help."

Bumblebee was shaking in laughter, and began playing music from beauty pagents.

With a low growl, Megatron stepped back again. "This isn't over, Autobot scum! I will have my revenge!" But first things first. I need to deal with Barricade and Starscream. Transforming, he took to the air and fled back to the base, where he began stalking the area.

He failed to notice the police cruiser just a little distance away from them, who was shaking in horrified disgust, before taking off. And he also failed to notice the shaking jet that was flying as far away as possible.

...Megatronia. Starscream snorted a laugh as he flew through the clouds. Oh, so worth it!

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Hope you like it.

R+R please.

Thank you.

Tenshi