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Chapter 5: St. Patrick's Day
I need to talk to Alice. This isn't going to work. I tried to sleep with someone else but I couldn't even do it without thinking about Bella the whole time. So the getting over her part really isn't work. Which means I'm going to listen to Alice and just tell her. The thing is though, I'm selfish enough that if I do tell her I want there to be a chance that she'll pick me over Emmett. That's why I need Alice's help. I know she probably won't help me, considering the fact that Emmett is one of our closest friends and I'm trying to steal his girlfriend. However I've to go behind stated that I'm a very selfish being.
And for precisely this reason, I now find my self sitting in Alice and Rosalie's living room. Rosalie sat on the couch beside me, while Alice sat on the chair in front of us, leaning forward and staring at me quizzically.
"So what you're saying is you want to go behind your best friend's back and lure Bella into your clutches with your bedroom eyes? And you want my help? I'm not going to help you sleep with Bella," she said frankly.
"I don't want to sleep with Bella!" She raised her eyebrows at me. "Well, okay, I do. But that's not what I'm taking about!" She idn' seem to believe me so I went on, "I want to go behind my best friend's back and have a relationship with Bella," I said hurriedly, not realizing how bad that just sounded.
"An affair! You want to have an affair with Bella!?! Oh, how sweet," she scoffed.
"No, no that came out wrong. What I meant to say is I think I'm in love with her!" I declared.
"You've only just met her!" Rosalie exclaimed
"Yes, I realize that. But But it doesn't matter."
"Yes it does. You can't just meet someone and be all 'oh, I'm in love' and all that gooey bullshit."
"Who put your knickers in a twist?"
"Nobody!" she yelled. "I just don't think you should be trying to sabotage Emmett's relationship with Bella. You know planning on proposing, don't you?" she asked smugly
"What?" I was absolutely bewildered. Why hadn't lice told me yesterday when I told her I liked Bella. "And I would think you'd be happy! Considering you're in love with Emmett and all!" I snapped at Rosalie.
"I am not!"
"Alright. Everybody settle down," Alice interrupted.
"No! You are too! You're just too scared to tell him! Why is that, do you think?"
"Shut up Edward!" She screamed at me
"Enough Edward. You're going to far." Alice was trying really hard to calm us down, but I wasn't going to put up with people judging me. So I continued. "Well I know what I think. think it's because you did ell him once. In tenth grade, if I remember correctly. And what did he do, Rose? Hmm? Oh, that's right, he laughed in your face. Then the next day we all come over to your house. Him with some blond bimbo on his arm. How did that feel, Rose? Tell me, cause I really want to know."
"That girl turned out to be a dyke!"
"Well she wasn't when she was with Emmett I'll tell you that. Emmett said she was one of the best lays he's ever had." Tears were rolling down her face and her hands were balled up into fists, but I didn't care. She had hurt me. Now I wanted to hurt her. "Besides he didn't want you then and he doesn't want you now. Seeing as how he's getting engaged and all," I said, devoid of all emotion. I refused to acknowledge exactly who he was getting engaged to.
"It doesn't matter anyways," she screamed at me. "She doesn't want you either!" Suddenly her fists flattened out as she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her lags. She cried harder, sobbing. "Nobody wants you," she said barely above a whisper. She was the picture of a broken woman.
The room had gone completely silent, except for Rosalie's crying. And I felt tremendously awful for what I had said. I wish I could take it back because i don't think she was talking about me when she spoke last. Alice walked over to Rose and wrapped her arms around her as she continued to sob and rock back and forth. I didn't know what to do or say. I'm such an idiot. But I knew I had to at least say something, so I said what I knew I would be saying a lot in the near future.
"I'm sorry," I told her. I waited until she raised her head from her knees to look up at me before I continued. "A lot of people want to be you, Rose." I told her as soothingly as I could.
She laughed shook her head furiously as more tears slide down her face. "That's not what I want, Edward! I don't want everybody to want to be me. I just want somebody to want to be with me," she cried.
I moved closer to her but hesitated before I spoke again. I wanted what I was going to say next to come out perfectly. "Rose, we all love you. And somebody out there wants to be with you. You just haven't found him yet. You're a very good person, Rose. You're selfless and strong enough to let your love, love somebody else. Unlike me. I'm about to go stab my best friend in the back." I frowned
She ignored that last part and sat up to hug me. "I'm sorry too," she said into my shoulder. "A lot of women want you too. And I'm sure if you started playing for the other team, the whole gay community would rejoice." She snickered and we all laughed.
"Okay you guys," Alice said. "back to business. Edward, when do you plan on speaking with Bella?"
"Probably in two or three days, since Emmett is leaving tomorrow for his business trip," I said as I pulled away from Rosalie.
I sighed as I went to answer the door. I was really not looking forward to tonight. Emmett was throwing his annual St. Patrick's Day party. Nobody I knew went all out when we celebrated fourth of July or Easter. But Emmett threw the biggest party of the year on St. Patrick's day. He always hired these midgets to run around dressed like lepercons. There was always booze and pussy galore. And normally I couldn't wait to for this day to come. But this year was different because it was also his going away party. Tomorrow morning Emmett was getting on a plane for Japan. He wouldn't be back for two weeks.
But right now I was not looking forward to three things. The first of which was having to endure watching Bella all night in the arms of another man. The second was knowing that as soon as Emmett was gone I was going to be trying to get into his girlfriend's pants. The last, was my date for the evening.
"Hello Tanya," I said as I stepped away from the door so she could enter.
"Hey," she smiled flirtatiously. "What do you say we just skip the party and stay here tonight. I'll make it worth your while," she continued as her eyes roamed over my body. Usually this would have turned me on and I would have eagerly agreed. But despite the fact that Bella belonged to someone else, I still wanted her to be the only one to look at me like that. I almost gagged when her hand tried to grope my limp dick through my jeans. I quickly came up with an excuse to deny her advances. "We can't," I told her lamely. "It's Emmett's going away party as well."
"But he'll only be gone two weeks!" Emmett would come up with any excuse to have a party. But I didn't say that. Instead I just decided ignore her and pulled her out to my car. Absolutely no good would come of tonight. I was certain.
When we pulled up to Emmett and Bella's Place the party was already in full swing. We made our way haphazardly through the mass of people. I saw Bella almost immediately. She was standing by a keg, pouring drinks for people. She was stunning in a short black cocktail dress that hugged her in all the right places. I was instantly hard and cursing Emmett to Dante's Inferno. I asked Tanya if she wanted a beer and when she nodded I made my way over to my beautiful Bella.
"Hey," she said when she saw me.
"Hi," I replied completely forgetting why I came over here.
"How many do you want?"
"What?"
"How may beers do you want? Would your date like one?" her voice held a bit of an hedge. I knew it was wistful thinking, but I couldn't help but hope she had noticed I brought someone else because she was jealous.
"Um, yeah. So, two I guess." She poured the drinks and handed them to me. When she spoke next, her voice was friendly and her smile genuine.
"I hope you two have a good night. She looks like she is," she nodded over to where Tanya was sitting next to Tyler. Her hands were running up and down his leg and she was whispering something in his ear that I probably didn't want to ever hear. I didn't really care though. I'd never cared about Tanya. She was just a good lay when I was stressed and needed a distraction. Well, I take that back. She wasn't even very good. Come to think of it- I don't know why I ever did decide to have a relationship with her, even if it was casual. I hadn't planned on sleeping with her tonight but now I knew that I wouldn't sleep with her tonight or any other night. If I couldn't have Bella, then I wouldn't have anyone.
I'd play along while we were still here because I didn't want to deal with any drama tonight. And she would most definitely cause a scene when I told her I didn't want to see her anymore. I decided I'd ignore this for now and bring my attention back to Bella.
"I'm not that into blonds anyway. I prefer brunettes," I told her. She stared at me quizically for the longest time as I sipped on a beer. Then she did the most unexpected thing, which I was beginning to expect from her. She laughed.
"Why did you bring her here then? If you don't even like her? I didn't take you for the type that needs arm candy."
"I don't know," I replied honestly. "She's a good substitute." Not really, she just knew the routine. You make an appearance. I take you to my place and fuck you senseless to get off a little steam. Then you leave the same night, and I don't call you for another week or two when I need you to do it again.
"substitute for what?" Bella inquired.
"The one I really want."
"Why do you need a substitute? I'm sure any girl you were interested in pursuing would drop to her knees and praise God for giving her such good luck."
"I like the part with her on her knees the best."
She hit my arm but laughed and then told me to be serious and answer her question.
"She's forbidden," I told her.
"Why's that? Oh God, she's not underage is she?"
I laughed at her appalled expression and shook my head. "No, she isn't illegal. She's taken," I explained.
"Oh, like married?"
"No, though I think she might be getting engaged soon."
"Oh. That must really suck for you. But I'm sort of in shock. Don't take this the wrong way but, you don't seem like the type of person that would care about your conquest being otherwise involved."
"Normally, I wouldn't," I admitted.
"So what's different? You must really care about this girl if you're going to let her be with some other guy, even though you want her."
"Well, actually I was kind of planning on trying to get her to run away with me, so to speak. I'm in love with her," she looked shocked at my admission but I carried on. "However, I'm way too selfish to give her up with out a fight."
"Well then you you should be with her not some blond-haired, big-boobed, skank."
"It's not that simple," I said, agitated.
"Why?"
"Because she's with my best friend." I heard Bella gasp as I turned away and I knew she understood. I welked back over to Tayna, pulling her off Tyler's lap and handing her her drink.
"So, who is she?" One good thing about Tanya was if I needed to just talk, I could talk freely with her.
"She's the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with." She stared at me as if I'd grown a second head but then grabbed my hand and pulled me down a hall.
"Where are we going?"
"Somewhere quiet."
I knew I should have but I didn't protest when she pulled me into a bathroom and then shoved her tongue down my throat. Maybe I shouldn't end things with Tanya. I knew that I was just using her as a substitute, and I knew taht she knew that. But let's face it, I'd never get the real thing. At least now I could imagine that it was Bella kissing my neck. That it was Bella scrapping her nails down my back and up my arms. That it was Bellapulling down my pants and engulding my cock in her sweet mouth. I was never going to have Bella. I don't deserve her. So I was goign to have to settle for second best.
Though I'd made this decision, it did not lessen my horror when the door slammed open and I saw Bella standing in the door way. I pushed Tanya away and quickly pulled my pants back up, shoving my cock into my jeans.
"Bella," I started, but she didn't let me explain. She just rutned and ran.
"Hurry, Edward. Before she gets away." Tanya said. She held my cheek in the palm of her hand and leant forward to kiss me lightly. "Don't give up. Call me if you need anything."
As soon as she left I quickly followed. I stood on my tip toes to try to find Bella in the swarm of bodies. I heard the door slam and ran outside. She was storming away from the house. Completely ignoring the fact that it was raining. I ran after her and quickly caught up.
"Bella, wait," I pleaded.
"Why should i?"
"Because I would like to explain."
"Explain what? There's nothing to explain, so you where about to fuck some girl in my house? So what? Its none of my business." For some reason, I felt like she was trying to convince herself more than me.
"Then why are you are out here in the rain?"
"I can take a walk when ever I want, Edward."
"Okay fair enough. But why did you storm off after seeing that?"
"Excuse me for not wanting to watch someone fuck, especially under my roof."
"If it had been anyone else, you would have quietly left after telling them to politely lock the door next time."
"I can not believe you!" she screamed at me suddenly. "You think everybody just revolves around you, don't you? Well I've got a news flash for you, Edward- it doesn't!" I just stood there and let her yell, knowing I deserved much worse. "First, you practically tell me you're in love with me-"
"I am!" I interjected before she could continue. But she ignored me.
"Then, not two minutes later, you let some whore suck you off! That's not love Edward. Far from it really."
I knew I'd really fucked up. Before this, I'd had a point-five percent chance of ever having Bella. Now I had zero, if it wasn't already well into the negatives by now. But of course, being the fuck-up that I am, I continued, not wanting Bella to have the last word.
"What do you care? I'm an adult. I can fuck who ever I want. And you sure are the little hypocrite. It's not like you're the virgin Mary!"
"That's different! Emmett's my boyfriend! You don't even like that girl!"
"You're avoiding my question," I said harshly. "You have no right to yell at me because I want to sleep with someone. So why are you so upset?"
"I already told you! I don't really find it pleasant to know someone is fucking in my bathroom!"
"Or is it because you wanted it to be you!" Oh God, I'm such a prick. I really hadn't meant to say that. And now she was silent but her eyes glistened with unshed tears.
"I don't know what you're talking about," she denied weakly.
I was in complete shock. I'd read enough books and watched enough television to know what that really meant. Okay, maybe she really meant it because nothing in those movies or romance novels are ever really true. But why not take a shot.
"I think you know full well what I'm talking about. When you walked into that room did you, even for a split second, wish it had been you? That it had been you I had up against the wall and sucking my cock?" I heard her gasp of surprise but I kept talking, stepping closer closer to her. "Because I know I did."
She looked up at me in shock and slight embarrassment. But I could see the lust in her eyes. I stepped even closer, until our bodies were pressed together and our mouths were inches apart. I ran my hands up her arms then wound one tightly through her hair and the other gripped her hip.
"I want to kiss you Bella," I told her quietly.
"Please."
"Please, what?" I moved closer still, until out lips brushed against each other when she spoke.
"Kiss me," she whispered.
And with that I filled the gap between us, kissing her with all the emotion I'd held in for the past week. Our lips moved in sync with each others and I forgot all about the fact that she belonged to someone else. And that that someone else was my best frine. All I could think about was this beautiful woman in my arms. God, she was so beautiful. She would be the death of me, I swear. Everything about her was perfect. She was loving and compassionate. She was selfless and independent. And she was the sexiest woman I'd ever seen.
As I pulled away slightly to catch my breath, her hand gripped my arm while the other rested on my chest. Her gaze pierced through my entire being as she whispered, "I want it to be me."
