short chapter...forgive me. thanks so much for all ur reviews everyone. im glad u are all enjoying this story. this is sadly coming to a close though, but im still accepting all ideas. ill need it if u want this story to go on a little while longer. for those of u who dont know...Michael will not die in my story, so no worries. thanks for the continued support. God knows i need it right now
Two Hearts. One Dream Ch. 27
"Hey, Lola...can I come in?" I heard a knock at the bedroom door. I had just gotten Neveah to fall asleep and she was in her crib next to me.
"Yea, sure Reb. Come on in," I answered quietly. She walked in and cooed over Neveah. I sat in my rocking chair and stared out the window. Michael was on another tour and he'd been gone for two weeks.
After Neveah was born, I spent two days in the hospital with my new family. Michael was able to come back home a few days later, and of course he argued with me constantly because I wanted to take care of him.
"Sweetheart, I'm fine. I can handle myself. It's you that needs taken care of, not me," he argued with me the first night he came home. Neveah was resting under the care of mother and when someone else took Neveah, I was at my husband's side, trying to take care of him.
"I'm not the one who broke my back, Mike. You can't get rid of me so easily," I grunted. I waddled over to him and tried to fluff his pillows and he grabbed my wrists.
"Stop...you're trying too hard and I don't want you to hurt yourself. You need to heal and so do I," he pulled me down and kissed me gently and I sighed in defeat. What's the sense in arguing with him anyway? I didn't have the energy at the time, but when I did, he was gonna get it.
Rebbie watched me lose myself in my thoughts and she sat next to me. "Are you okay?"
"Sure..." I mumbled, still staring out the window. I wasn't fine and she knew it. Neveah was about three months old now, and I was feeling oddly depressed.
"You look so pale, Lolz. Maybe you should go take a walk?" Rebbie suggested. "I think being in the sun would do you some good."
I lazily looked over at her and then back at my sleeping daughter. Rebbie got up and offered her hand to me and I hesitantly took it and got to my feet. "Let me know if you need anything, Reb. And thank you."
"No problem, you need it," she hugged me and I slowly walked out. I walked passed Latoya and she gave me a sad look and walked by me.
"She looks so sad, Reb. Isn't there something we can do?" she asked.
"It's just postpartum depression, she will be okay in time," Rebbie sat in the rocking chair next to the crib and pulled out a book to read.
"Yea, I know. I just wish we could call Michael or something..."
"No. Mike is keeping his focus on what he needs to do. Calling him with this news will cause him to make mistakes. You know how much of a perfectionist our brother is," she stared at Latoya over the top of her book.
"Yea...I guess you're right," she sighed.
I walked around outside, enjoying the nice spring weather. Atleast I was trying to. Spring weather usually meant stormy nights. Of course, it was only the beginning of Spring. Neveah hadn't even seen her first storm. What if she's afraid and Mike isn't around. What kind of mother would I be if I'm cowering from a power outage?
I wracked my brain and mentally tortured myself. I had no idea why I was doing this to myself. I missed Mike, I knew that much, but there was something else. I felt like something was gonna happen. Something bad.
I finished walking after about an hour and came back. Joe was holding Neveah in his chair by the back patio and I smiled sweetly at him.
"Hey girl, you look a little less pale. You should sun bathe more often..." he joked.
"Yea...I'll do that father. Thanks. How is she?" I asked, nodding towards my daughter.
"She's the sweetest little angel, naturally," he winked and I smiled.
"Come on in here Lola. You need to eat something," Kai called from the dining room. I walked by Joe and kissed Neveah on the head and walked into the dining room. I eyed Kai when I saw no food anywhere. "Sorry...you have an urgent call," she handed me the phone and I looked at it.
"Michael...?" I whispered. Kai shook her head.
"No, not this time thank goodness."
I nodded and walked out the back door. I spoke with a doctor who was Emily's cancer treatment doctor. Emily was the girl I had spoken to when I first started living here with Michael. She was the one who wanted nothing but the truth, and she wanted her mother to be strong after she went. Her doctor asked me to come in and see her.
"Of course I will. I'll be down as soon as I can," I smiled weakly. I knew what he was asking of me. He didn't need me for my expertise. Emily needed someone that wasn't already crying over her condition. I thought for a minute and walked to the studio and grabbed Jackie's guitar and gently packed it into the case.
"Where are you going?" mother asked.
"Emily's doctor requested my presence," I spoke quietly. "Can you...?"
"Yea, we got Neveah. Go do what you need to do," Latoya smiled at me and I nodded and grabbed my keys. Jermaine met me in the driveway and helped me put the guitar into my backseat.
"Mike's on his way back, you know."
"Good to know. I'm sure I'll definitely need him once I get back," I whispered.
I explained to him where I was going and he hugged me. "Don't drive if you get too worked up. Call me if you need to and I'll come with Mike to pick you up. Just don't overstress yourself."
I kissed his cheek and smiled. "I won't. Thanks bro. Love you lots," I winked and he grinned.
"Love you more." I rolled my eyes and he shrugged. "What? You should be used to that by now."
"Sure, sure," I got into my car and drove to the cancer hospital. I dragged my guitar to her room and set it on the floor near the door and sanitized my hands. Emily looked at me weakly and smiled.
"You're here," she whispered. I winced a little on the inside. I remembered seeing my brother like this when he spent so long in the hospital. It was different seeing Emily though. She was so little as it was, and she had so many needles and tubes hooked into her. It was hard to see her like this. I wanted to remember her as the giggling little girl I met before. Not like this.
"Of course I'm here," I walked over and sat by her bed, holding her hand. Her doctor was standing there when I walked in and he nodded at me and left us alone. "How you feeling angel?"
"Tired...Lola, I'm scared," she shivered a little and I squeezed her hand.
"That's okay, you can be scared. You don't have to be though. You're gonna be just fine very soon, you know," I clenched my teeth and forced myself to smile. I didn't wanna cry.
"I hope so. I said goodbye to mommy...but she was so hurt. I feel like I'm failing her if I..." she paused and I shook my head.
"No, none of this is your fault Emmy. Don't ever tell yourself otherwise. I know your mommy is in pain now, but deep inside, she feels comfort in knowing where you will be going. It might take her some time to realize it, but she will heal in time, as will everyone else."
"Do you hurt, Lola?" she asked.
"I hurt for many reasons, but l too will heal in time. I'm just sorry I'm not going with you."
She smiled and looked away. We sat in silence for a few minutes and then she sighed. "I'm ready..." my heart skipped a beat. I wasn't expecting her to decide to go right then. I watched her closely and then looked away, trying to fight back tears. "Ms. Lola?" I looked back at her. "Would you...sing for me?"
I nodded and grabbed my guitar. I had a tune playing in my head for a long time since Michael had gone on tour. I never put words with it and I decided to make this song about her. I pulled up a chair next to her bed and strummed the guitar.
"I wrote this song, but forgive me if I pause a few times. I'm just making this up as I go."
"A song for me?" she asked.
"Yes...this will be your song..." I whispered and let a tear slip as I started to play. I felt an aching in my heart and I hummed a little. I opened my eyes and paused as I heard her let out a long breath...and then she quit breathing after that. I knew she had gone, but she had a smile on her face. More tears fell and I forced myself to continue. I played again and hummed before words started to form. Every word came from my heart...
Hey Emmy, I remember your name
I left a dozen roses on your grave today
I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away
I just came to talk for a while
I got some things I need to say
Now that it's over
I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see that little piece of heaven looking back at me
Now that it's over
I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices i made
And I can't live with myself today
Hey Emmy, I remembered your birthday
They said it'd bring some closure to say your name
I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance
But all I got are these roses to give
And they can't help me make amends
At that moment, I pictured Emily and I walking together in heaven and I smiled to myself as I continued to sing to her...
Here we are
Now you're in my arms
I never wanted anything so bad
Here we are
For a brand new start
Living the life that we could've had
Me and Emmy walking hand in hand
Me and Emmy never wanna end
Just another moment in your eyes
I'll see you in another life
In heaven where we never say goodbye
Here we are, now you're in my arms
Here we are for a brand new start
Got to live with the choices I've made
And I can't live with myself today
Me and Emmy walking hand in hand
Me and Emmy never wanna end
Got to live with the choices I've made
And I can't live with myself today
Hey Emmy, I remember your name
I took a deep breath and stood up. I kissed her forehead and bit my tongue. I packed up my guitar and stepped outside the room and looked at the doctor just down the hall. I gave him a look and he nodded and looked away. I slowly walked towards the door and ran into Emily's mother just outside the hospital doors.
"How is she Lola? Is she sleeping now?" she asked. I looked away and took a deep breath.
"Yea...Emily is...sleeping," I muttered through clenched teeth. She knew what I meant and she nearly collapsed on me in tears. I slammed my eyes shut and held her, trying not to let myself break. I felt like I needed to be strong for her. Eventually, her husband came and pulled her away from me and I headed back to my car.
I drove home as quickly as I could and pulled in, slamming on the breaks and squealing the tires. I was about to lose it and I wanted someone to come outside. Anyone. I stepped out slowly and put my forehead against the side of my car. I was feeling dizzy.
"Hey..." I looked up and saw Michael walking towards me with sad eyes. I knew he already knew what had happened. I took a step to him and then ran into his arms and let myself break. "Shh...I know sweetheart...I know," his voice cracked a little and I knew he was crying to.
After a while, I was calm enough to speak. "I'm sorry you had to come home to this," I mumbled.
"Hey, I'm home. That's all that matters to me, love," he kissed my forehead and hauled the guitar back into the house. When we walked in, Neveah was crying in her little swing Janet had bought for her. I started to walk to her and Michael beat me to it. He scooped her up and kissed her head. "It's okay my little angel. Daddy's here, now."
I smiled as I watched her react to his voice. Her crying immediately stopped and her eyes opened and studied his face. He rocked her back and forth and hummed to her and she reached up and touched his face. I walked over and stood next to him and he wrapped one arm around me and kissed my head.
"My two girls...my everything..."
