Disclaimer : I don't own it. I also don't own 'Shoes'. It's an actual vid on Youtube. Just look it up. It's disturbing and has foul language, though, so beware. -.-'
Note : Requested by Darklight8121. Well, sort of. Jazz kind of pisses off a mentruating Mikaela. Big mistake. -.-'
Also, I am now the proud owner of an Autobot belt buckle. LOL! Ok, so I don't normally update so quickly, but I HAD to get another chapter out. XD
Also, BIG NOTE ::: If anyone has ideas, I'd love to hear them. I can't guarantee I'll be able to write them, but you never know. :)
Topkicker - I notice how you added in the extra 'poor' for Sideswip. LOL.
Wolf Mystic - My favorite part will always be Sunny the talking horse. LOL!
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(Mikaela's POV)
Walking down the hall, I glared at the floor and tried to ignore the cramps running through my system. Damn advil, kick in already. I mentally cursed, rounding a corner and promptly ducking out of the way of a massive foot. "God, Jazz!" I glared up at the mech angrily. A small part of me knew I was taking out frustrations on him and he didn't deserve it, but right now I was in too much pain to care. "Watch where you're putting those massive hooves of yours!" I tried not to clutch at my side and show that I was hurting.
Last thing I needed was an embarrassing trip to Ratchet. Oh yeah. No. Thanks.
He blinked at me, and then frowned. "Are ya ok, 'Kaela?"
"Fine, when I'm not almost getting turned into squishy jam." I shot back, cringing inside from my tone. Yeah, so not on my best behaviour today. A loud laugh behind Jazz caught my attention, and I felt my eyes narrow as I saw Sideswipe leaning against the wall. "Something funny, sparkles?" Why in God's name Sideswipe felt his armor had to be that shiny, I'll never know.
Maybe it was a self defense thing. After all, if the Decepticons were blind, they couldn't see where they were shooting, right?
Catching my tone, he looked at me a moment, but something crossed his eyes. He shook his head, wiped at an optic and turned, walking off, still laughing a little as he went.
Apparently he was smart enough to know not to get on my bad side. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for Jazz.
"Hmm..." Looking up, I saw Jazz watching me thoughtfully. "Scans show yer on tha human cycle known as 'mentruation'." One optic ridge rose slowly. "I've 'eard gals get ta be quite evil lil glitches at this time, but neva thought I'd see it."
He did not just... My eyes narrowed even more. I knew that, at times, 'glitches' was used in place of 'bitches'. At least for Autobots. Then I remembered first meeting him, and him calling Sam and I 'lil bitches'. "Are you calling me a bitch?" I felt my hackles rise, so to speak. Come on, just give me a reason. Please.
His optics seemed to narrow and dim, as I guessed he was searching my meaning. "I don' know what yer gettin' at, girlie." Shaking his head, he cycled his vents. "But I ain't got time ta sit an' chat. I got work ta do. Come find me lata, when yer not so..." He trailed off with a slightly pointed look, before walking off.
Oh, he so asked for it.
(Later)
Thinking up the perfect revenge took a little time. First of all my conscience kept screaming at me, that it really was my fault for being short with him. A few coils of rope and a gag later, and my plans resumed unhindered.
Besides, I wasn't planning on ripping him a new one, I just wanted to mess with him a little.
The actual idea itself was totally random. I was checking my email when one of my friends sent me a link to a Youtube video, called 'Shoes'. The video itself was weird, but remembering Jazz was very into Earth music, I smirked to myself.
Now, all I needed was a little help. Where to turn...?
Ratchet wouldn't help. He already had his plate full with scheming twins, and a very upset Prowl. He really didn't need another enemy right now. Not to mention, this wasn't a medical emergency, and as Jazz had never really participated in any of the pranks on him, he wouldn't see fit for revenge.
On the other hand, I needed a bot with at least enough medical knowledge to help me with the reprogramming.
My cramps had finally faded, and I walked down the halls of the base. I spotted several mechs, and dismissed them either for their lack of knowledge, or because I knew they'd refuse or screw it up in one way or another.
Then I saw Jolt.
A smirk found its way onto my face.
"Hey, Jolt!" He turned around and raised and optic ridge. "Can I talk to you a moment?" I stood by the wall, out of the way and pasted the biggest, most innocent smile on my face, that I could.
He nodded and made his way over. "Mikaela Banes, sparkmate of Samuel Witwicky, correct?"
Well, sparkmates was a little more serious than what Sam and I had going on, but hey, po-tae-to, po-tah-to. Besides, maybe one day... "Yup, that's me. I was wondering if you could help me with something?"
Lowering his hand to the floor, he waited until I was on to stand up straight. I asked him to find a private place we could talk, and a few moments later, we were standing in a large, empty room, which seemed to serve no purpose but to take up space, at the moment.
"Ok, so I need a favor. How would you like to help me pull a prank?" I smirked, remembering the twins telling me that he did like to join them on occasion. When I saw his optics light up, I let my smirk grow. "Ok, so I found this video in my email today..." I went on to explain the basic video, waited as he found and watched it, and then explained my plan. I had to actually explain it a few times over for him to really get it, but eventually he nodded, his own smirk forming.
"Should I ask what Jazz did to make you angry?"
Raising an eyebrow, I shrugged. "He said something he shouldn't have. That's all." I wasn't really angry, either. I was doing this, with the full plan on videotaping it, just to teach him never to mess with a human femme. Not to mention, I don't know if I've ever really pulled my own prank, and this was the perfect opportunity.
That night we headed to Jazz's quarters after everyone had gone to sleep, or in the mechs' case, recharge, and Jolt flipped a hidden switch in Jazz's neck, temporarily offlining him. We got down to work, and I went to bed, eager to see my work the next day.
(The Next Day)
Looking to Jolt, I giggled. "You set the key phrase and words, and modified the lyrics?"
He nodded and smirked.
We were sitting on the couch in the rec room, relaxing. Sam had some meeting to go to, along with Optimus, and Bumblebee was with Ratchet for one of his voice processor checkups. Several of the other Autobots were simply milling around, either watching t.v. or chatting amongst themselves in their native language.
I was feeling a lot better today, unfortunately, my conscience somehow managed to get free. I had to shut it in the darkest corners of my mind in order not to back out. I just had to keep telling myself, this would be good.
Then, Jazz walked in.
He looked around, like something was bothering him, and then walked over to us. "'Kaela. Jolt. Feelin' betta 'Kaela?" He tilted his head a little.
Biting my lip, I nodded.
He nodded back. "Tha's good." Turning, he began to walk over to Ironhide and Sunstreaker when I called to him.
"Hey, Jazz... Where ya goin'?" I couldn't help the smirk as he went rigid. I'd spoken the key phrase to initiate the new program, and as I watched, he turned around. His optics were glazed over and he stared straight ahead.
Shoes.
The voice that came out of his mouth wasn't Jazz's. I almost died laughing when I realized just how perfectly Jolt configured Jazz's voice to sound like that of the actual singer.
Shoes.
Shoes.
Oh, my Primus.
Shoes.
By this point, several mechs were staring at Jazz like he'd grown a second head. I'd whipped out my camera, and watched as our basically zombified Jazzie began singing.
Let's get some shoes
Let's get some shoes
Let's get some shoes
Let's get some shoes
"Uh, Jazz?" Ironhide approached him warily.
Jazz didn't even seem to notice he was there, as he placed one claw on his hip.
Shoes
Shoes
Shoes
Oh, my Primus, shoes
Shoes
"You can't even wear shoes." Ironhide pushed Jazz's shoulders slightly, optics narrowing. Shooting me a look, he cycled his vents, even as I laughed and wiped tears from my eyes.
These shoes rule. Jazz pointed to his own feet.
These shoes suck. He pointed to Ironhide's, getting a growl.
These shoes rule. He pointed back to his own feet.
These shoes SUCK!
He suddenly pushed Ironhide. Not hard enough to hurt the mech, just to jostle him a little.
"What did you do?" Ironhide was glaring at me, but I could see his lips twitching, even as several other mechs began laughing and clicking to each other.
Shoes
Shoes
Shoes
Oh, my Primus, shoes
Shoes
I laughed even harder, leaning against the edge of the couch to try and steady myself as I kept filming. "N...N..." I laughed again and shook my head. I gave up even trying to answer him.
These shoes rule. Jazz was once again pointing at his feet, like they were the most fabulous things on this planet.
These shoes suck. He pointed down at Ironhide's feet, a look of disgust crossing his face.
These shoes suck. Jabbing his fingers down, he mock gagged.
These shoes SUCK! Again he lightly pushed Ironhide.
Growling, Ironhide's cannons powered up, only to power back down again when he realized blowing Jazz to kingdom come was probably a bad idea. Especially after Ratchet worked so hard to get the saboteur back.
Suddenly, Jazz stopped singing. He shook his head, before placing a hand to his metallic equivalent of a temple and groaning. "Man, wha' happened ta meh? I feel like I got hit by a seeka." His voice was back to normal, and he didn't seem to have any recollection of what just happened.
I grinned widely. "Jazz?" I kept my tone as sweet as possible, although I was dying of laughter on the inside. "I think you have too many shoes."
Shut up!
Everyone blinked as Jazz popped a hand over his mouth and his optics widened. The voice hadn't been his, nor had the reaction.
Jolt snickered behind me. "I think you have too many shoes."
Shut up!
Everyone must have wondered what glitches Jazz was experiencing, as he looked about ready to murder someone, and run screaming in horror at the same time. "Aw, man. I didn' mean tha'!"
"I think you have too many shoes." I repeated, shaking my head.
Shut up!
He was glaring at me by now, and I couldn't help it. I cracked up laughing again.
Finally, Ironhide smirked. "I think you have too many shoes."
SHUT UP!
Jazz whirled on Ironhide, and in a twist of amazingly graceful moves, had the larger weapons specialist on his back, with Jazz's foot pressed down on his chest.
Stupid mech.
Stupid mech.
Shaking his head, Jazz turned away. Ironhide just lay there, looking stunned and pissed at the same time.
Let's get some shoes!
Let's party!
Unfamiliar music began playing, and he began dancing around, much to the entertainment of the other mechs. Most laughed, but some, like Skids and Mudflap, got in on the dancing. Even little Wheelie popped up and began rolling around, careful not to get stepped on.
These shoes are three hundred dollars. Jazz pointed to his feet, lifting one to the edge of the couch in the process to show them off.
These shoes are three hundred dollars.
"Someone call Ratchet, already." Ironhide grumbled, getting up.
"You do it, you're not mute. Obviously." Sideswipe snickered, rolling his optics.
These shoes are three hundred fragging dollars
Let's get 'em!
Jazz stopped, a look of growing horror dominating his face plates as he looked at me. "Wha...? 'Kaela, wha'cha do to meh?"
Everyone calmed down a moment, as I remained suspiciously quiet, a smirk stuck glued to my face. Moments later, and Jazz was about ready to run for his spark, when Optimus, along with Sam and Bumblebee, came walking into the room, followed closely by a grumbling Ratchet.
"Alright. What's the fuss about? All I got was Jazz was singing, and it wasn't Jazz." Ratchet looked pissed and confused.
My face felt ready to split in half. Perfect timing. "Um, this style runs small. I don't think you're gonna fit."
Jolt piped up behind me, before I could finish. "I mean, your feet are kinda big."
Going rigid again, everyone's attention returned to Jazz.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Optimus raised an optic ridge, even as Sam's jaw dropped. Ratchet paused, and then cycled his vents in slight annoyance.
Oh, by the way, glitch.
FRAG YOU!
FRAG YOU!
FRAG YOU!!!
He began dancing around again, wildly as more music played loudly from his internal speaker system.
I couldn't help but laugh hysterically, even as the sanity came back to Jazz's optics, and he glared at me. He was, however, unable to stop dancing, and everyone began laughing when a small whimper escaped.
Even Ratchet couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculous image before him.
I turned the camera off, and hid it again, before getting a lift from Bee to join Sam on the little scout's shoulders. With a smirk, I gave my boyfriend a peck on the lips, then turned to Bee. "That's not gonna last much longer. We'd better make a run for it." I informed him.
With a nod and squeak, Bumblebee took off out of the room.
"MIKAELAAAA!!!" The yell chased us down the hall, and sent us all into fresh laughter.
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Hope you like it.
R+R please.
Thank you.
Tenshi
