She knew that this was going to be a rocky uphill climb but she knew that they had to do this together. She knew from the moment she met him that he would be the one to capture her, to make her feel safe, to make her feel beautiful when no one else could, reminding her that she had people that loved her and wanted to protect her. If there was one thing that drove Calleigh crazy, it was Eric's attempts to always protect her no matter how many times she's tried to push him away. He was always there, there was also the fact that Eric always finds a way to get himself in trouble, somehow they always seem to be for the right reasons. She couldn't count the amount of times she worried for him, every time that something happen to him, she could barely get him out of her mind, she could only go through the motions of her job, visions of Eric always in her sight. The man seemed like he would be the one thing that would unravel everything that she worked so hard to build. Her walls, built up so brilliantly, he always found a way to slip through them, wrapping himself around her being so much that she can't function properly without him. She slowly climbed out the bed, careful not to wake, she knew that ever since the shooting where she nearly lost him, he finds it hard to get a full night's rest. She pulled on his shirt around her naked body, and headed into the bathroom.
She looked into her reflection and smiled warily. She looked more rested than she's been in a long time. She sighed and washed her face. She reached into the cabinet and pulled put both hers and Eric's toothbrush. She couldn't bring herself to remove it from the bathroom. It was like she was telling herself that he wasn't coming back. She brushed her teeth and walked out the bathroom. She peaked back into the bedroom to see that Eric was still asleep. She smiled again and walked away to head into the kitchen and make coffee. She stood there, leaning against the counter waiting for the coffee maker to stop. She knew they were going to talk, she was scared, if she was being honest with herself, she just wanted to avoid the talk and pretend that everything that happened didn't happen. She knew however that they would never survived if they pushed it aside. She was broken from her thoughts when the coffee machine beeped.
She poured herself a large cup and headed into the living room. She sat down in the love seat that was facing the large window that overlooked Miami. She loved sitting in this seat when she wanted to think. However this time, Calleigh was steeling herself for the conversation that was inevitable.
Eric groaned as the light from the bedroom window shined in his face. He turned over to avoid the light and reached out for Calleigh. His eyes shot open when he felt nothing but air. Was it a dream? His heart began to race when he took in his surroundings and realized that he was in Calleigh's bedroom. Where was Calleigh though? He groaned again and slowly pulled his body out of the bedroom and walked sloppily into the bathroom. He grinned when he saw that his toothbrush was already out waiting for him. She kept his toothbrush, he wasn't sure why but it filled him with hope that he and her could still have future together. He quickly brushed his teeth and washed his face before he headed down the hallway to the kitchen, following the smell of coffee. He reached into the cabinet and pulled out a large cup, pouring himself some coffee.
He took a sip and sighed in relief, as rested as he felt from the previous nights activities he still needed a pick me up. He knew that today was going to be hard and ling, if anything he was afraid that this day could end everything for them. He was tempted to go to Calleigh and ask her that they pretend that the previous couple of months never happened. He knew that if they were to make it, they had to talk about what happened and see if it was worth continuing this relationship.
He walked out of the kitchen and walked into the living room. He paused when he saw Calleigh sitting serenely on the love seat staring outside. He remembered many times when they used to sit there together and watch the lights in the many windows of the high rises light up the sky. He grinned ruefully when his thoughts turned to the other things they did in that seat. He sighed, it seemed so long ago that they were just happily talking about baby names.
"What about Tulane?"
"We are not naming her after a university." She rolled her eyes again as Eric pouted from her refusal. "Plus you don't even know is he or she is a she."
"That's why I chose Tulane, it could be a boy's name, a slightly feminine one, but a boy's name nonetheless." Eric nodded, proud of his argument,
"No. He or she will not be named Tulane. Unbelievable. Why can't he or she have a normal name? Like Sarah or Michael, or Eric or Emily?"
"No those names are boring. I want her to have a normal name like, like, umm, Eugena. How about that, Eugena?"
"Oh dear God. You got that from America's Next Top Model. I remember that one, I still couldn't believe when you told me that you watch that show. But then again I wouldn't be surprised that a lot of men watch that show, The opportunity to watch hot girls taking half naked photos would be too good to pass up. Your hopeless." She chuckled to herself as Eric turned away from her and put on an angry pout, crossing his arms in the process.
"Your so mean. And first of all I don't watch it to see pretty girls take photos half naked, I watch it because the drama is good and I'm glad to see pretty girls have the opportunity to show their faces to the world. Don't be jealous Calleigh; if you were a couple inches taller, maybe you would have had a chance to make it on the show." Calleigh glared at Eric warningly. He decided to push his luck anyway. "Plus to watch those hot girls take photos half naked happens to be a bonus." He grinned cheekily, not prepared for the pillow that smacked him in the face. "Ow! What was that for?"
"If you don't know, then I am not going to explain it to you."
"Your being mean. I make a little joke and you go all she-hulk on me."
"Keep pushing it Eric and you'll sleep out on the couch tonight."
"Please like you could kick me out. You'd miss me too much."
"Fine. Have fun on the couch tonight Eric."
"Wait no Calleigh, I'm sorry. Please, no don't make me sleep out on the couch. I am really really sorry." He put on his puppy dog face and Calleigh could've slapped herself. She was so weak. That look got her every time. She prayed that their child didn't have that face or they would get away with everything. It was too cute.
"Alright, alright. You're forgiven." She grumbled. 'Pathetic, can't even stand a little puppy dogface. You are really pathetic.'
"Yes." He grinned cheekily again before leaning down to kiss her. But before he fully touched her lips he whispered against her lips, "So about Eugena?" Calleigh groaned again before knocking him over the head with a pillow again.
Eric smiled at the memory. He was sure that they were going to have a daughter. It was not like he would love the baby any less if the baby was a boy, but he just had a feeling that the baby was a girl. He wanted to have their baby so bad.He wondered what they would be doing right now. Maybe Calleigh would be in the nursery singing to their child. Or maybe he would be rocking her or him gently. Or they could be heading into the lab so that the baby could get use to his or her aunts and uncles. His mom would probably be over her, festering over another grandchild. She was so excited when she heard that Calleigh was pregnant.
He sighed silently. He walked to Calleigh, not wanting to break her out of her thoughts, but needed as much time as possible to work through this. He reached out tentatively to her shoulder. He chuckled a bit when she jumped as he touched her. She looked at him, still blinking her eyes, as if she was trying to figure out if he was really standing in front of her. She smiled at him gently and he smiled at her to. He sat down at the bottom of the chair in front of her and moaned softly as her hand reached down and stroked his hair softly. He had let it grow, it was messy of course but it was long enough that there were defined curls in his hair. They remained that way for some time before Eric sighed.
Eric rose and reached for Calleigh's hand. He gently pulled her up and led her into the center of the living room and sat her down at one end of the couch, taking a seat himself at the other end. Calleigh knew what was coming and she wasn't actually sure she was ready to go through it now. It was like they just found each other again. Why would they want to risk this peace again? She looked down again. She did not want to do this.
Eric sighed as he could see Calleigh start to withdraw in herself. She was trying to hide from this, but Eric knew that Calleigh had to open up if they were to move past this together. "Calleigh, please baby, don't. Don't hide from this baby."
"Eric, I tried to get ready but I can't do this, I can't handle this. Please don't make me do this."
"Calleigh we have to baby. If we really want this to work we have to try. Please for me, give this a shot."
"What do you want me to say Eric? What do you want me to do? What could possibly talk about that could make this better?"
"Calleigh listen to me. I know you're hurting baby, and I am too. However, we've got to be on the same page. We went through hell and we almost ended this. But I am right here Calleigh and I am willing to wait as long as you need me to wait, but I refuse, dammit Calleigh I refuse to let this end. I waited to long to have this chance to be with you and there isn't anything that will get me to walk away from this. I need you baby."
"Eric, don't you get it. This is always how it's going to be." She stood immediately and walked to the window, wrapping her arms around herself as fending off a biting cold. "Every time I find happiness, there's always something bad that happens that ruins it all. If it isn't my father, or my mother, there's always something else. How can you sit there and pretend that you okay with this?"
Eric rose in anger, "You think that I don't know what you've been through, seen what you've lost. Oh Calleigh I have seen it, I have seen you at your lows and your highs, and regardless of your many attempts to push me away I am still here!" He was breathing heavy and his fists were balled up tight. "You ask me how I can sit here and pretend I am okay with this, I'm not! I am tired of seeing you hurt, I am tired of seeing every little glimpse of happiness being taken away from you. I hurt every time I see pain flash across your eyes because I know that it is always there, always waiting to come back and rip your happiness away. I wanted and still want to be the reason you smile. I want to protect you from all the pain and the hardship. I realized, however, that I cannot do that because you are unwilling to let go the pain that has been haunting you for years. And now you're going to add the pain of what happened with Peter add to that. I won't let that be a ghost over our future." He wanted to reach out to her, but his emotions were so raw he wasn't exactly sure how touching her would help.
"You know what Eric, you're right. I do love to keep in my pain, because it is just that, my pain. I don't need to share it or explain it or express it. That's the problem, everyone says they want to understand, that they want to help me, but as soon as they get a glimpse of the ugly monster that is my life, they run and leave me alone again to pick up the pieces of my shattered trust." She shook as tremors passed through her body.
"Calleigh," Eric sighed before continuing, "I'm still here."
"You could've died Eric. It wasn't the first time that you nearly left me too. After you promised me would be by my side always. You nearly left me!" Calleigh turned to Eric, her eyes flashing with so much rage that it nearly made Eric cower. He tried to think of a time when he nearly left Calleigh, when the shooting popped into his mind. He took a bullet to the head and had died. The doctors were, luckily, able to bring him back.
Eric sighed and closed his eyes, "You nearly died that day Eric. I was never so scared in my whole life. You nearly died and I never got the chance to tell you how I feel." She couldn't stop the tears that were escaping her eyes now. Eric reached for her but she pulled away from him sharply. "No, don't comfort me, you said you wanted me to talk, well here I am, I am talking. I am tired of waking up in the mornings remembering the death of my, our child. I am tired of closing my eyes, listening to my voice screaming Peter's name as he raped me. I am tired of seeing the defeated look in your eyes when you watched us, I am so tired of seeing him hold a gun to your head. Every time I look at you, it is like a reminder of what we went through, a reminder that this was my fault."
"Dammit Calleigh, don't you understand that this is not your fault, no you being raped by Peter is not your fault, you losing our child is not your fault, Peter being a psychopath is not your fault. None of this was your fault." He shouted to her. The urge to reach over and shake her was overwhelming.
"Don't fucking lie to me! Don't stand there and tell me that this is not my fault, Peter wouldn't have come after us if I didn't lead him on, if I had for once just followed my rules from the beginning and not mixed business with pleasure. I should've stayed in control." Calleigh was breathing heavily.
"What are you saying Cal, that you shouldn't have been with me? That we should have never been with each other? I get it now, I was just a good fuck so you could get me out of your system, but you being pregnant ruined that plan didn't it. How long did you know you were pregnant? Just couldn't figure out to tell Eric he was going to be a father to the child of a woman who just wanted to fuck him, I'll just pretend that I love him and maybe this will make it easier."
"No Eric that is not what I meant, it's just everything got complicated and now this, look at this, look at us. I feared that if we would get together and broke up, we couldn't be around each other. I did not want to just sleep with you. Am I that much of a whore in your eyes?"
"No, Calleigh, I am sorry, I was just angry. I just, I don't know what to do. Cal, I can't go back to a life without you. I can't live life without you in it. Don't you understand babe, I need you." He was crying no as he reached out to Calleigh and pulled her into his waiting arms.
"I'm so scared Eric. I want to be with you so bad, but I'm afraid all my baggage and the bad luck I seem to bring to all of my relationships will push you away." Calleigh cried into his chest.
"Calleigh nothing could ever push me away from you." Eric said soothingly into her ear. He continued to hold her in his arms and rocked her as the sobs slowly began to subside. Eric held Calleigh in his arms as she fell asleep against him. For today they had talked just enough to know that they we're going to fight for this. He wouldn't call it progress as they still had a long way to go before they reached a place of pure happiness, but Eric was willing to do anything to ensure that they got there. Not just for his sake, but for Calleigh's and hopefully in the future the children that they might have. Eric sighed again and lifted Calleigh into his arms, carrying her into the bedroom. He tucked her in after her placing her on the bed and climbed in behind her, wrapping his arms around her before drifting off to sleep himself.
Wow, its been a while since I've updated and I apologized, school mixed with track and the holidays and writer's block got to me. But I am back and the ideas are flowing again, so I will hopefully have my new chapters coming more frequently. Thanks again for all the reviews, especially some of my recent ones, I hope that I have shown improvement in my work and anymore suggestions/constructive criticism is appreciated.
P.S. calleighsthebest, this chapter is dedicated to you, for sticking with my story to the beginning, and because I know I promised you a new chapter to be posted some time ago. I hope you forgive me.
And to everyone else thanks for sticking with me and my story and I promise I will do better to keep this story going. It has not been abandoned, I promise.
YAY! Please R/R!!
