Chapter 2 – 3 Days Later

"Good morning, Master."

"mmmph…..five more minutes, Mommy…."

"Lucien…."

"ghasszzt….can we get ice-cream at the zoo…."

"Is that the Night Mother over there?"

"Oh FUC…! Where? Oh….really Ocheeva, there are better ways of waking me up!"

"Master, he's back."

"Fantastic, my Silencer has returned at long last. Tell him I want a full de-brief as soo…."

"No Master, HE'S back!"

"Ocheeva, my child. As you know I take a bottle of mead with me to bed most nights and this has the knock on effect of leaving me a little groggy the next morning so…."

"No Master, you remember the poisoned apple you gave to that Bosmer three days ago…"

"Of course, and then we let Vicente fill up on him…"

"…and then we used his corpse for target practise in the training room…"

"Yes, I remember Ocheeva, and didn't Mraaj-Dar crush him up for some potion of sorts…."

"…and then we dumped what was left in the Niben River….."

"Didn't Grogon keep his head as a present for his niece?"

"Well, Master. HE'S BACK!"

"Ocheeva."

"Lucien."

"You're telling me…..and I must stress dear child that I'm putting this in the category of questions that I'm better off not asking that the chewed, lacerated, crushed, drowned, headless remains of my Silencer's adoring fan have shown up at our sanctuary's front door…..again?"

"Well not quite, er….he's whole again."

"Ocheeva, what does your Master hate more than anything else in this whole wide world?"

"Real estate agents."

"Besides them!"

"Liars!"

"Indeed."

"Master, I am not lying! The adoring fan is back, if you don't believe me go check for yourself."

FIVE MINUTES LATER

"What is the colour of night?"

"Gosh, a quiz! This is all cheerfully exciting, is the answer pink?"

"Mmm Ocheeva, I think we may have a problem here."

"Yes Master, he seems very determined to get back in here."

"What!?! No, no not that! I seem to have run out of mead."

"Maybe you could ask him if he has any?"

"…"

"Sorry Master."

"You would be wise my child to not test my patience on such matters."

"What should we do?"

"You can deal with this, I'm going back to bed!"

10 MINUTES LATER

"Good morning Master."

"mmmph….just five more minutes Mom…oh suffering Sithis-on-a-sweetie."

"Hello Master."

"Ocheeva, who is that in the dining area?"

"I don't know!"

"Ocheeva…"

"I haven't been in the kitchen in hours! How would I know who's in there?"

"The boy dressed in black!"

"That doesn't narrow the list down that much, Master. There are a lot of people dressed in black around here after all."

"Young, collared, with a wisp of blonde hair sticking up…."

"Still no help."

"…..and on his knees."

"Master, are you being serious or what?"

"Eating out of my pet rat's dish!"

"Oh, him?"

"Yes, him!"

"He volunteered."

"SITHIS-DAMNIT, OCHEEVA!"

"HE VOLUNTEERED, MASTER."

"I told you to take care of him….erm…..again!"

"I know master but he wanted to be collared."

"Nice. This one I would like to hear, please my child, enlighten me!"

"You haven't even noticed that I've been crying or that I'm carrying a shovel and my clothes are covered in muck, Master."

"What in Oblivion has that got…..Oh! Has someone expired, my child?"

"Not exactly someone but I've found a replacement for her…"

"Her?……Schemer?"

"Yes, Schemer Master, your five-thousand septim pure-bred Blackmarsh fighting rat is dead."

"Schemer?"

"I'm sorry Master, I could have broken the news to you better."

"No, its fine my child. All things expire in the end!"

"For what its worth Master, I think she died in her sleep."

"That is comforting to know, child. Uh, she was a little young to die in her sleep though."

"Not if she took a nap directly under where your adoring fan decided to sit down, Master."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry for your loss Master, I know you loved the way she kept herself 'squeaky' clean…."

"That's about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and finding a bill for a house in Skingrad attached."

"Har, har."

"Coming back to my original question?"

"Which is?"

"Why is there a young Bosmer wearing Schemer's collar and eating out of Schemer's dish?"

"Oh that, actually Master we've been discussing that all along!"

"Have we?"

"Well this morning after you told me to take care of him, I opened the door to confront our visitor."

"Indeed."

"After all the other methods of assassination had failed last time I thought I should try something new."

"A wise move, my child."

"As we hadn't tried arrows on him last time I told him to take a seat in the library and I went off to the armoury to get a bow and well…..when I came back…"

"…he had sat…"

"…on your rat…."

"That couldn't of been good!"

"Well Master, I didn't believe him at first but when I asked him to show me Schemer he sat up and there she was all squished and mushy and all…"

"Oh sweet Sithis, Ocheeva."

"Sorry, Master. But anyway, I started to cry a lot and then he felt really, really bad and apologised a hundred times and finally he said he wanted to replace Schemer".

"Right…."

"So, I said 'really' and he said 'gosh, I really do', so I told him to go into the kitchen and help himself to some milk while I went off to get some command humanoid spells…"

"Wait, my child. I missed something here."

"What's that Master?"

"You said he volunteered?"

"Right"

"So, when did he do that?"

"I told you Master, he wanted to replace SCHEMER!"

"Yes, I caught that part but……Oh, come child! That one's so old its got wisp stalks growing out of it."

"He may prove useful yet Master! Can we keep him?"

"Mmmm….perhaps you're right my child, I may have overlooked how useful someone who can not die is. He may prove to be an interesting addition to our little family."

"YAY!"

"No promises, Ocheeva. Get him over here, I want a word with him."

"Oh golly, its you again. Wow, I never thought to be helping you for real…."

"Yes, my chil…."

"…and I'm sorry for sitting on your pet…."

"Yes, my….."

"…..I even got you a sympathy card with a note in it….."

"Well, that's very thoughtful but can we plea…."

"….I could sing you a song to cheer you up…."

"Thoughtful my child, but members of the Black Hand don't need cheering….."

"I've done a wicked thing, when I sat down I felt a sting…."

"…where's my bottle of mead…."

"….your pet is why I sing, eh….erm…."

"…ding-a-ling-a-ling!"

"Oh gosh! That's even better than what I wrote, I could sing it again to you with the better words…."

"Not with a short sword through your throat you couldn't!"

"Golly, I can't believe its really you, here next to me….."

"….not this again…."

"….esteemed Black Hand, would you care for a back-rub?"

"My child, there may be a place for you within this sanctuary however you must realise that we inhabit a cold, lonely, hostile world that is constantly watched by the all-seeing Dread Father…."

"Gosh, you have to laugh I suspose…"

"No….no, my child you don't. The point I'm trying to make is that our biggest enemy as assassins is going insane through loneliness…."

"Well……it's a good thing I bring my friends everywhere I go, I have quite a collection of singing potatoes…."

"Mmmm….perhaps I spoke too soon earlier on. Tell me my child, have you ever been to Dive Rock Mountain?"