Chapter 5 – Out of the frying pan and in to the Oblivion gate
"Well, this is most satisfactory. Big open areas, sleeping quarters and kitchen….wouldn't you say, Sister?"
"Yes, Master. It's ample for our needs but if we could discuss…"
"Underground dungeon with an unconscious magician, garden area with enough crops to feed a battalion."
"Yes Master, but if I could just inter…"
"Temple to the all-seeing dread Father Sithis, grove for praying, poisons room, storage area."
"Yes Master, but…"
"There's just one problem!"
"Yes Mast…"
"WE'RE THE ONLY BLOODY PEOPLE HERE!"
"Please Master, I've been trying to explain to you about that."
"This is about your Brother again…isn't it?"
"Yes Master."
"I never should have left him in charge of following us here, he's been at the skooma again…hasn't he?"
"Yes Master."
"Where's the group, Ocheeva?"
"They're in Leyawiin looking for him Master, apparently he's fallen foul of some marauders and they're holding him for ransom."
"Ocheeva, that Brother of yours is about as useful as a minotaur-horn flavoured lolly-pop!"
"Yes Master."
"How does a fully trained assassin get kidnapped?"
"From what I've gathered from the report Vicente sent, after taking some skooma he just sort of…'wandered off'!"
"Wonderful, my child."
"Please Master, I beg off you to help me pay the ransom."
"Well as you know, dear child. I've had some experience of these kinds of situations, why only last year my closest advisor and Listener was kidnapped."
"Well, then, you know something of the dreadful pain involved."
"Indeed I do, and I can suggest no better answer than the one I gave to the kidnapper when he came looking for ransom."
"Which was?"
"Get stuffed!"
"Master, you would jest over my Brother's life?"
"Ocheeva, anyone who allows some mead swilling Nord to come up to them, say, 'Hail stranger' and then hit them over the head with a club deserves everything they get."
"Well Master, he wasn't in full control of his faculties…."
"No matter how stoned they are Ocheeva!"
"Please Master, please help him."
"Fine, child. Fine, whatever it takes to stop you pouting. What else does the report say?"
"Most of the information gathered came from an old Khajiit beggar called…um…"
"Rancid Ra'dirsha."
"Yes, that's her. She usually hangs around the east entrance. Apparently she saw the whole thing, should we go interrogate her?"
"I'll deal with this personally Ocheeva, you stay here! And Ocheeva?"
"Yes Master?"
"No more sugar for you until I get back!"
SOME FAST TRAVELLING LATER
"Good evening, old crone. I'm looking for Rancid Ra'dirsha, are you her?"
"That I be."
"Yes I am, not 'that I be'. You don't have to talk in that stupid voice to me, child, I'm not a tourist."
"Ah, two things you must know about me, my Lord. The first is that my name is indeed Ra'dirscha and the second…."
"Is that you're rancid?"
"You know of me then!"
"Not really, child. Just a wild stab in the dark, which is incidentally what you will be getting if you don't start being more helpful!"
"Ah, you must seek the kidnapped Argonian."
"Yes, yes I would very much like to get my hands on him. I'm looking in to make a new pair of boots, you understand."
"Aye, my Lord. My colleague behind you will be able to lead you to him."
"Thank you child, thank you. Here is a purse of moneys….which, I'm not going to give you."
"Hail stranger."
"Yes, yes, hail, child. My, my, why is it that all Nords smell of mead?…..Wait a minute….
THUMP
"Oh sweet-suffering-Sithis-sucking-a-sausage. What on Nirn was I drinking last night? My head feels like there's a crazed imp living in it."
"Oooohhhhh…."
"Who's there?"
"It is I, Master. Teineeva."
"Teineeva, it appears your wandering has introduced you to a pair of shackles and a dungeon."
"Master, how long have you been in this dungeon?"
"I have no idea, child, but Teineeva, I hope you appreciate the degree of trouble you're in?"
"Yes Master, the Nord that took me in here said he would be coming back with his boss."
"Not with them, child. You're 'wandering' days are going to be over for a very long time when we get out of here."
"But what of the threat here, Master. We've been kidnapped!"
"Thankfully your Sister Ocheeva is fully versed in the report of your disappearance, she won't accept that we simply vanished. If I know her…."
"Like an old oak table?"
"What?"
"Like an old oak table!"
"Vanished, my child. Not varnished."
"Forgive me Master, but my Uncle Geel's old oak table completely vanished. It was the night of the Black Wood Company hist-sap fire and on that same terrible night, his guild house and all his other things vanished too."
"Teineeva."
"So did he in fact!"
"TEINEEVA!"
"Yes, Master?"
"Its up to you, child but either you can shut up, or you can have your head cut off!"
"Em……………………………………………….I'll shut up."
MEANWHILE – BACK AT DEEPSCORN HOLLOW
"Hello Vicente."
"SISHTER."
"Yes, em, have you been drinking garlic mayonnaise again? Anyway, I can't find Master Lucien either now!"
"…hic….KIDNAPSHUSHED?"
"Oh no, I don't think so. Master Lucien just told me that only real idiots get kidnapped."
"IDIOTSH?"
"Yes, idiots…oh right, now I understand! Lets all stay alert tonight, dear Brother. Perhaps we should double the guard."
