When Derek was trying to digest the news he had heard, Meredith and Cristina were walking to the apartment across the street.

"So," started Cristina. "What are you going to do with the house?'"

"Huh, the what?"

"The house, are you going to move into your old house?"

"What?" She still hadn't recovered from her encounter with Derek and as such had great difficulty following Cristina's trail of thought.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "I'm just curious. It'll be no problem to upkeep a house with your salary. On the other hand, it's a bit big for you and Bess."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Meredith lost her patience. "Why would I move into my old house? I don't live in Seattle; I'm leaving in a few days."

"No, you're not," countered Cristina. "I've heard nurses talking that you ditched Boston and Webber didn't waste time to make you an offer."

"So? How did you figure out I'm staying in Seattle?" Meredith was livid.

"You didn't sign the contract?" Cristina was puzzled. "According to the nurses Webber kept you in his office nearly an hour."

"He did. He made an offer. He put a lot of effort in his arguments. But I didn't say "yes"."

"You didn't," repeated Cristina. "But I thought you wanted to stay. What about McDreamy?"

"What about him?" barked Meredith.

"You looked all cosy in that elevator."

"You think I don't have any dignity at all, Cristina? That I'm going to jump him as soon as he gives me the smile? The new Meredith isn't that stupid. And for your information, I didn't reject the offer from Hoffman because I wanted to work here. I knew all along that he was going to call me sooner or later; Warren told me several weeks ago. He has his contacts, he knew.

"I didn't accept headship in Boston because it would mean spending more time at hospital, a whole lot more; and less time with Bessie. I don't want to be my mother, is that so hard to understand? When I was making my decision, I didn't think about anyone about Bessie, and certainly not about Derek! If Hoffman had offered me a post of a regular surgeon, I would have agreed. Unfortunately, he's so pissed off that I dared to tell him "no" that it's not going to happen!" at this point Meredith's voice became hoarse.

"Let's hurry. I want to get to Bessie; I haven't seen her for ages." She quickened her pace without another look at her friend.

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It was late morning. Meredith was lying beside her sleeping daughter; she couldn't get enough of looking at her beautiful angel. She felt calmer, but her mind was still working at full speed.

Meredith heard silent footsteps; Cristina walked inside the room and stepped beside the bed.

"Meredith," she whispered. "I'm- I'm sorry, I guess. I'm sorry for being such an egoistic ass."

"Egoistic?" Mer whispered back. Cristina's apologies were unexpected. To tell the truth, it was Meredith herself who felt bad for her outburst. She rose from the bed and both women trotted to the kitchen.

"I don't see how egoistic you were," said Meredith. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I was freaking out but that's no justification." She crossed her arms at her chest.

"Don't apologize, Mer," replied Cristina. "I deserved that. And yes, I was egoistic. In fact, I wanted you to stay here; I do want you to stay. I feel… less alone with you and Bess here."

"Cristina?" such spontaneity and sincerity were uncharacteristic for Cristina Yang.

"No, please, let me finish. I… I play tough, but sometimes it gets me. Sometimes, I feel… empty. And you two feel like family; it feels good."

Meredith walked over to Cristina and rested her head on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry," repeated Cristina. "I shouldn't have assumed you'd jump… at the occasion, I mean," she finished lamely.

"Why not?" asked Meredith, amused. "It would totally be in my style. And you were right; he's- He's still my… McDreamy. But that's not enough."

She walked over to the sink and poured herself a glass of water just do something with her hands.

"Look, I… I haven't planned any of this, any. I wouldn't even be here if Warren hadn't decided on that. I wouldn't have come. The idea of returning to Seattle has never crossed my mind."

"So, you're leaving, for good."

"I… don't know anymore," sighed Meredith with resignation. "I simply don't know. There are things I tried not to think about over the years. Well, it was easy. I was constantly occupied, and when I wasn't I took care of Bessie. And that was all."

She took a deep breath. "Coming here got me thinking about all those things; it made them real. And now, they just won't go away." Tears started to sting in the corners of her eyes.

"I'm… I'm such a bitch," she brought a hand to her face. The salty drops ran down her cheeks on their own accord. "I'm hurting my own daughter…" her voice broke down completely.

Cristina hurried to her and hugged her just like Meredith did for her when Burke left.

"Don't be ridiculous; you're a wonderful mother, Meredith."

"No, no, no!" she shook her head vehemently. "I'm making her grow up without a father. She's gonna end up dark and twisty, getting drunk with tequila every night, sleeping with random men, getting pregnant-"

"Enough, enough!" said Cristina blocking Meredith's verbal diarrhea. "Are you drunk? Or is this McDreamy's fault again? I'm gonna kick his ass, it's high time. What did he tell you in that damn elevator?"

"It's not because of Derek. Well, it is because of Derek. Bessie's my whole life, and she's Derek's daughter, so…" she hiccupped, "so, everything in my life's because of Derek!"

"You're rambling," said Cristina splashing cold water on Meredith's face.

"I'm not! It's just that now, Bessie's small; and I can take care of her. But I'm afraid, I'm so afraid that one day it won't be enough. Hell, how could I ever think I was able to raise a child on my own?"

"Meredith! Meredith, hear me out. When you told me you were pregnant, I thought "God and all his saints help this baby". I admit; I did. But now I see you two and I couldn't imagine a better mother. Bessie's lucky to have you."

Meredith's breathing eased out.

"Look, you don't have to make any decisions right now. You don't have to fly to Boston; you don't have to work at Seattle Grace either. Take your time."

"Mummy?" a little scared voice sounded through the kitchen. Bessie was standing in the doorstep, barefoot in her blue pajamas, her big eyes staring with anxiousness. "Mummy, what's wrong?"

Meredith quickly rubbed the traces of tears off of her face and hurried to scoop her daughter in her arms.

"Did we wake you up? Nothing's wrong, sweetheart, everything's ok."

"Why you're crying?" asked Bess, unconvinced.

"Auntie Cristina told me a very funny joke," lied Meredith. "I laughed so hard that I cried.

"And now Elizabeth Grey, why did you march out of bed without your slipper on, huh? The floor is cold and now your feet are freezing! Since you're wide awake, we will get you dressed, my kady, and prepare yourself for a lot of tickling!"

Bessie squeaked and giggled delightedly."If you ask nicely, Auntie Cristina might make you breakfast."

"Pleaaase, Auntie Cristina!"

"No problem, girl," she felt she couldn't deny her goddaughter anything while she blinked at her with those great bluish eyes. At least here McDreamy did a good job. Not that he did that on purpose, though, and that explains everything.

Cristina watched the mother and daughter leave the kitchen, both laughing wildly. One look at Bessie did miracles for Meredith's spirits. That fool, she didn't realize how exceptional mother she was.

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Around midday, Cristina was getting ready to go to hospital for her shift.

"Thanks again, Cristina," said Meredith, not taking her eyes off of Bessie who was watching television in the living room. "Thanks for taking care of her when I was on the shift and again tonight, when I'll go to the party."

"Don't mention it," dismissed her Cristina. "It was easy. I didn't have to listen to her talking about men problems or to hold her hair while she was throwing up after drinking gallons of alcohol. She just eats, sleeps and laughs. It was fun."

Meredith punched her arm. "Don't you mention Bessie, men and alcohol in one sentence."

"Protective, huh?"

"There's something I want to ask you," Meredith changed the subject. She had meant to pose that particular question since the incident in the elevator but she kept pushing it fir later; for fear that she might not like the answer. "So, who was that girl, yesterday?"

"What girl?" Cristina was evidently clueless.

"That girl, brown hair, nice smile. You said she was your intern."

"Ah, her. She is my intern," Cristina said casually.

"And beside that? I saw the looks between you and Derek. Is- Is she another slutty intern he's sleeping with?"

"What?" choked Cristina. "Have you lost your mind? You're jealous!"

"I'm not!" said Meredith fiercely. "I just… want to know. It was weird."

"Meredith," she sighed. There was no point in hiding it any longer. "There's nothing of that sort between her and Shepherd. It's that… She's Lexie."

"Lexie? Oh, as in Lexie Grey?"

"That would be the one."

"That sucks. She seems nice; it will make so much harder to hate her."

"Where is the real Meredith Grey and what did you do with her?"

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At the same time, Miranda Bailey was on her way to check up on her transplant patient. She was already late as her son chose that very morning to throw a little tantrum not to let her go to hospital. She groaned as she heard someone's voice calling her. She slowed down her pace to let Derek Shepherd catch up with. One look at his face was enough to notice that he had a rough night; and probably not because of the reason that the whole hospital thought.

"Doctor Bailey," he started.

"Doctor Shepherd, do you need anything?"

"Actually, I just want, I mean-"

"Stop right here. Let me guess, it's about Meredith Grey," she decided not to beat around the bush.

"Yes," confessed Derek. "I've heard rumours that she refused to become the chief of neurosurgery at Boston Providence."

Bailey just continued to gaze at him, impassive.

"And… Since I've also heard that you were present I wanted to ask you if the rumours are true."

Miranda sighed, "She did refuse. I don't know what was she thinking about or if she was thinking at all but she refused. Anything else?" she eyed him.

"Yes," Derek plodded through the conversation. "Another rumour has it that the Chief asked her to stay."

Bailey nodded.

"And- And what did she say?" he was waiting in tension.

"She said-" Bailey broke off. What she said was no, as in a big blatant no. Bailey raised her head to look at Derek and tell him just that but she couldn't bring herself to do it. It was like telling a critically ill patient's family that no chance of recovery was possible. In such situations, all that was left was praying for a miracle.

Well, that could happen, thought Bailey. If she knew anything about Meredith Grey, it was that the girl was unpredictable. Miranda decided she could let Derek shepherd hope a bit more. After all, the Chief left the back door open for Grey, told her to think everything through before giving a decisive answer.

"She said she would think about it."

I've gone soft, Miranda shook her head. I've gone soft. I can't believe I couldn't pluck up the courage to tell Derek Shepherd his ex-girlfriend didn't want anything to do with Seattle Grace.

**********************************************************************************

Later that evening, Meredith went to answer the door to Cristina's apartment. She put hands on her hips when she saw James and Stacy standing in the staircase. They popped in to take her to the farewell party.

"Can we come in?" asked Stacy. "Or do you prefer to murder us right here?"

Meredith face softened, "Come in, but I am angry with you."

"In the kitchen with Cristina, she's going to look after her while I'm at the party."

"Have you made up your mind?" asked James.

"What about?" Meredith was stubborn. James simply looked at her.

"About Seattle Grace? It's unbelievable how you set everything up. It feels like an arranged marriage!" she made a disgusted face.

"I confess I pulled some strings," said James. "But not to manipulate you! We're just thinking about what's best for you and our granddaughter."

"The best doesn't have to mean Seattle!"

"You didn't accept to work with us-"

"Bessie needs a home, I can't drag her all over the world with me. She's growing up, she needs friends!"

"And we wholeheartedly agree with you," explained Stacy patiently. "But we don't want you to be a single mother in a city full of strangers. If Seattle isn't your home now, it certainly was. You have friends here, people you can't count on-"

"Like Dr. Webber, I'm almost jealous!" cut in James.

"Not to mention Bessie's father," added Stacy. "He seems a good man-"

"You know?" groaned Meredith.

"Well, it was easy to put two and two together. Everyone calls him McDreamy, and the McHair is unmistakable." Stacy smiled.

"Another reason why I shouldn't return here."

"I think you're arguing just for the sake of the fight; you've already made your decision, haven't you?" James gave her a piercing look.

"And I think we're wasting our time here. Let's go." Meredith's tone was categorical.

Deep down, though, she knew James was partly right. All day, she had been weighing pros and cons of staying at Seattle in her head. Even at the farewell party her mind was wandering away from the joyful faces of their friends

She returned late into the night to find Cristina poring over a book.

"I've made the decision," she told her.

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A.N. Hello, as usual thank you for the reviews, I'm waiting for more after this chapter.

The chapter 8 serves mainly the purpose of giving some necessary explanations for Mer's decisions and showing how one confused a woman she's at the moment.

Now, I have bad news. My posts are going to appear regularly bet less frequently. My exams at university are approaching and I have lots of work to do; which really is a shame, as I've become addicted to writing fanfic. I have another AU MerDer story planned out (completely different plot though) and I don't have time to jot it down. Now that I've complained a bit, I feel better. :) I'm waiting for your reviews. Cheers!