A.N. LauraDrazen – you !almost! guessed what was going to happen in this chapter! :) I hope the story isn't getting very predictable! Read, enjoy & review!
Important note: Cutting Denny's LVAD wire happened while Meredith was away.
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The afternoon sun was slowly heading to set, making the autumn air slightly chilly. Bessie was happily running among the heaps of colourful fallen leaves, watched carefully by her mother. Meredith was beating the dust of the carpets in front of her house; no, it was their house.
Meredith had been a bit apprehensive before entering the house. It brought so many memories – the cohabitation with her friends, the wild party, lying under the Christmas tree, passionate nights with Derek…
But she was just fine. Apparently, Bessie brought fresh air to the old walls; and the little girl loved her new home. It was so spacious in comparison to all the apartments and hotel rooms they had stayed at that she christened it "castle".
"Mummy, look! Kitty!" exclaimed Bessie and stuck her tiny index finger at the black cat squeezing its body under the fence.
"Don't come near it, sweetie," warned Meredith, pausing her activities. "It might be ill and it might scratch you."
"And I have ambulation of limp!" Bessie was elated.
Meredith laughed cheerfully at her daughter's mispronunciation, "Amputation of a limb!"
"Wow, have you already sentenced my goddaughter to medicine?" joked Cristina, coming out of the house, carrying three glasses of juice. "She shows more enthusiasm for surgery than my interns."
"Bessie, come back here! Don't get so close to the street!" Meredith shouted after her daughter, who ran in the direction of the sidewalk, following the black cat.
"So, what's with the trauma guy?" she shot unexpectedly, sipping her drink.
"Nothing!" replied quickly Cristina, sitting heavily on the swing. "We should better talk about your strained relationships; with McDreamy, for example, or Izzie."
Meredith's good humour fell. "We've already talked about me; all that we do is talking about me, me and only me. Everyone is talking about me. I deserve a break, don't you think? We might psychoanalyze you for a change. You have your dark and twisty moments, too, may I remind you?"
Bessie came running at Meredith and wrapped herself around her leg.
"I caught you, caught you, caught you!" she chanted. Mer's bad mood vanished instantly; she reached for Bess and murmured tenderly in her ear, "And I caught you!"
"You're hot from all the running, sit beside Auntie Cris for a while to cool off, ok?" She placed her disgruntled daughter on the swing.
"Don't sing!" she said discontentedly.
"Huh? I wasn't going to!" defended herself Cristina.
Meredith laughed, "No, doesn't swing! The swing, it isn't working."
"Oh," she gazed at Bessie's golden locks. "She's… adorable."
"Don't try to butter me up," said Meredith. "You still have to tell me about Dr. Hunt."
"I wasn't trying to butter you up," bit back Cristina. "I was flattering McDreamy."
She breathed out and said, "About Hunt, the thing is that I don't know much myself. I mean… we ki-" She reflected herself in time and covered Bessie's ears. "We kissed-"
"What?" shrieked Mer. "You're dating somebody and you didn't tell me?!"
"I'm not dating him," she put her hands in Bessie's head again. "We just kissed, well , twice… and then one day I came back from work, and he was sitting on the door of my building. And we sat together, for hours, not doing much talking. And that's… pretty everything."
"Do you want to date him?"
"I don't know. I mean… I spent so much time being secretly heartbroken after Burke left and… What was it that I had with him?
"Besides, Hunt could certainly join the club of the dark and twisty. He's just as messed up as me."
"It's good to have something in common at the beginning," remarked Meredith lightly.
She felt raindrops on her face and surveyed the sky.
"Where have these clouds come from? Seriously! Can you take Bessie inside? I'll get the carpets. Looks like we're having a very rainy night ahead."
She picked up the cleaned carpets and disappeared into the house seconds after Bess and Cristina.
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It would just be a little detour on the route to the trailer…
No! It's official now that you're a pathetic looser without any sense of dignity, just to be thinking about it!
Two Derek Shepherds were waging a battle of wills inside his car on the hospital parking lot.
Screw it! He started the engine and followed the still familiar way to Meredith's house. He just wanted to see that she was home, wanted to see the lights in her house.
Before he reached his destination the sky turned leaden. It was going to rain. He took a narrow street as the first droplets crashed against his windscreen.
Only two houses left, one… And there he was passing by her house. He caught the glimpse of Cristina Yang walking inside, carrying something in her arms. Meredith hastily collected a carpet from the rack and followed suit.
He drove away but the image of Meredith was engraved in his mind. Her blond her flying everywhere in the wind, her lean silhouette…
He wanted her, longed for her so much. He promised to himself that he was not going to screw up the second chance he got from life. She could yell at him as much as she wanted to, he just needed her back.
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"Toss the salad in the bowl, sweetie," Meredith leaned to kiss Bessie's head. "Not all around the kitchen."
"With scalpel!" She raised her little hand gripping a large wooden spoon.
"A spoon, love, spoon."
Cristina's mouth went agape, "Seriously, she's hooked on it. You didn't joke with her first word, did you?"
Meredith rolled her eyes and smiled. The three of them were making dinner.
"It's your turn to confess, you know. What set you off this morning?"
Meredith tired to get the right words. That morning's anger evaporated and she felt a tad ashamed at her childish outburst.
"I… I kinda… yelled at Derek," she grimaced.
"You yelled at Derek," repeated calmly Cristina.
"I just… got mad."
"You got mad-"
"Can you stop repeating everything I say?" Meredith's voice turned high-pitched.
"I'm just trying to warp my mind around it. You wanted to improve your relations with him, what has happened with that resolution? Was it something he said that made you angry?"
"Yes… and no. He was being himself, I guess. McDreamy and all that. And being around him while he's behaving like that is so dam-, I mean so hard." Just perfect, she almost swore in front of her daughter.
"What I'm trying to say is that my whole life changed, I'm not the same person I was. And for him, it's the same."
"I don't think so, Mer, not really," replied silently Cristina. "I'm not a fan of his, you know that. But if you think that his absence didn't affect him at all, you're wrong. I kept an eye on him for you and I know well enough those dramatic looks and- Not important, my point is that you have to look past your anger if you want Bess and him ever to work."
"When did you get so smart?"
"When you weren't looking," smiled Cristina.
Meredith sighed, "I have to fix it, I'll apologise to him. I'll apologise and we'll go back to being friendly and professional."
"Yeah, right," muttered Cristina under her nose.
"What?"
"Er, I said that you're absolutely right."
"Right. Cristina, what is going on with Izzie?"inquired Meredith. "Alex is fine with me, George is fine with me, only Izzie is piss- is somehow unhappy."
Cristina took her moment and said, "It's because you didn't lie with her on the bathroom floor."
Meredith turned abruptly to face her friend, "I'm sorry?"
"Remember when I told you about that cardio patient Izzie had a crush on?"
Meredith nodded, "He died, didn't he?"
"Yes, and it was more than a crush, actually. It was like head-over-heels, sweep-me-of-my-feet great romantic love." Cristina's words were harsh but she wasn't ironic. "He proposed to her, soon before he died."
"Oh my God! Why didn't you tell me?"
"You had your own problems at the time, your own life to deal with," Cristina shrugged her shoulders.
"What's with the bathroom floor?"
"It's a long and complicated story which we can short by saying that Izzie spent the whole night after Denny died lying on the bathroom floor in a pink prom dress."
"What?"
"Whatever, it all comes down to the fact that Izzie is… much like you, at the moment."
Meredith simply looked at her with puzzled eyes.
"You said that you're life is changed and Derek stayed the same. That's exactly what Izzie feels. Her life changed, her fiancé died, she was almost kicked out of the program and you're life seems close to perfection."
Meredith sighed, "I have to fix it with her, too. Is there something else that I should know before I go to work?"
Like hell, there is. You've got McNicknamed, babe. "Not really," replied Cristina instead. She decided it would be better if someone else took the impact of Meredith's wrath rather than her and Bessie.
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Meredith was twirling her hands nervously as she made her way to the hospital, the following morning. She just left Bessie in the nursery. She was lucky she found it, it was close to the hospital, which meant she could see Bessie whenever she had a free moment.
Right now, she kept rehearsing her little speech she intended to give to Derek. As she was nearing the entrance, she saw Derek getting out of his car on the parking lot. She halted to wait for him.
Fate, again. At least, this time karma wasn't a bitch; in fact, the timing couldn't be better. She watched as Derek made his way towards the entrance and noticed her, evidently surprised that she didn't make a move to escape from him.
"Derek," she greeted him with a small smile.
"Meredith," his tone was inquiring.
"I… wanted to talk to you, please, "she said softly.
"Do you… do you want to go somewhere more private?" he gazed around them. It was already past the morning rush hour. "You said you didn't want us to be seen together," he added hastily not to scare her away. He resolved to regain her trust step by step.
"It's fine," assured Meredith. "We're just… I mean, we're just talking." She laughed nervously.
"I'm sorry if I pressured you in any way, yesterday-"
"Shut up!" silenced him Meredith. Why the hell he had to apologise at the exact moment when she wanted to apologise to him? "I want to apologise!"
Derek chuckled and made a few steps forward, "You want to apologise by telling me to shut up?"
"Listen, Derek," Please don't ramble, please don't ramble, please don't ramble! "I know I acted ridiculously yesterday, it was… just a… a stressful day. I shouldn't have yelled at you and… spilled all my anger at you."
"We… we have, you know, a… a history but we're working together now and it really… it really shouldn't get in the way of us… working together."
Derek opened his mouth to say something but was interjected by Meredith.
"I know we can't be just colleagues because… because of that history. But I don't want us to be… awkward with each other… or angry with each other. And what I'm trying to suggest… is that we… huh… we… should be…
He was dangerously close, so close she could feel his scent, his manly Derek scent… She was looking directly at his stubble, remembering very vividly how it grazed the skin on the crook of her neck so many nights, and mornings, ok, afternoons as well, and, fine, evenings…
Whatever, don't think about him that way! He knocked you up and left for a nurse, a nurse! Remember?
No, no! Don't get angry at him, you can't do that! He didn't know he had knocked you up. Anyway, remember about Bessie, Bessie is the most important here! Don't look at him, look at the ceiling!
Oh, God, the hair! Meredith had to fight the sudden urge to rake his dark mane with her hands. Another steamy memory popped in her head, the memory of her lying on the cool sheets underneath Derek's warm body; her fingers in his curls pressing his head to her chest…
"Meredith?" Derek interrupted her in the midstream of her wanderings, he was grinning gently. "You said you wanted us to be-"
"Huh, right! I… I want us to be… friends. Friends! We could be friends." Meredith glanced nervously at him but to her astonishment he was all smiles.
"Ok."
"Ok?" Just like that? Ok?
"Ok." He reached a hand and said with a knowing smile, "Hello, friend."
As his fingers clasped hers she felt as though her hand was the only living part of her body. She looked deep into his eyes.
Of course, she could be friends with him. She could be just friends with him, she could, right?
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P.S. Many of you ask in your reviews when Meredith is going to tell Derek about Bess. Well, I can't exactly tell you, can I? But I'll just say that I intend to keep poor McDreamy in the dark for a little while; there is a bit of romance and fluff and drama that I want to throw in before the big moment. So, stay tuned! And review! :)
