A.N. Promised to update soonish and here it is! R&R! Thanks a lot for the reviews I've got so far, they make my day! :)

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If the forty-five minutes spent with Bessie In the park didn't disperse all the dark thoughts from Meredith's head, they certainly dissipated her anger. Meredith thought that Bessie was the best thing that ever happened to her. She was her balance, her grounding and that little something that made her more humane. In other words, without Bessie, Meredith would be a lonely bitter hag.

Her way back to the hospital was full of remorse for her irrational outburst on Lexie. Her crushed face kept haunting her. None of Meredith's misfortunes was her fault, neither her twisted love life nor her dysfunctional childhood.

And Derek… Did she have any right to reproach him his relationships? After all, they were just… She didn't know herself what they were. All she knew was that he didn't belong to her and was free to act as he pleased.

Meredith went to her office to leave her things and grab her lab coat.

"Meredith?" Derek was currently in his office and given the close neighborhood of their work stations he couldn't not notice her return. "Where have you been?"

"I…" she turned to face him, "went for lunch."

Derek looked concerned as he took in her hollow face, "You went out?"

"Yeah, did something happen? Didn't Dr. Grey pass you my message?"

"Dr. Grey?" he sighed as though he had understood something. "Yes, she informed me of Mr. Robinson's condition."

God, he thinks I'm upset because of Lexie and my daddy issues.

"Meredith, d'you want to talk about it? Your conversation with Lexie didn't go very well, did it?"

"No, please, I don't want to think about it right now."

"Mer-"

"Who's McFoxy?" she shot unexpectedly. The need to know the truth proved stronger than her uncertainties and her pride.

"Who?" Derek furrowed his brows.

Meredith was perplexed. He seemed genuinely surprised with her query. Either he was really clueless on what she was talking about or he did some good acting.

"Never mind. I must check up on my patient. Another patient. She has a tumor and she's refusing to have an operation because she's waiting for her fiancé who might be imaginary."

Meredith readjusted her lab coat and scurried away. Derek stared after her with unease. They were making so much headway that morning and now she distanced herself again.

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"What are you doing here?" Meredith asked her friends coming into a patient's room. Cristina was poring over a book, while Alex, George and Izzie were eating their lunch.

"Having our well-earned lunch break," replied Cristina.

"In a patient's room?" she looked over a sleeping form of an elderly man.

"It's quiet here," explained George.

"Yeah, we've sorta moved into the really old guy's room," supplied Alex and added seeing Mer's indignant expression. "Relax, Mer. He's in coma. Has been for years."

"That doesn't mean he's an element of décor! He's a patient," huffed Meredith.

"Wow, you've really gotten into the role of attending," commented Izzie sarcastically.

"Wasn't it you who ranted not to call the really old guy the really old guy?" asked Cristina, not tearing her eyes from the textbook.

"I'm not hungry anymore," Izzie shrugged her shoulders and left the room, not giving Meredith a chance to speak.

Cristina finally looked up at Meredith, "You look terrible. What's wrong?"

Mer gave her a meaningful not-now look, "Nothing. I'm just having a crappy day," she sat heavily on the chair Izzie had just vacated. "Have you been monitoring Ms. Rodriguez?"

"Yes, she's stable."

"And the boyfriend?"

"Hasn't showed up," answered George reluctantly. "Are we still waiting?"

Meredith sighed, "Yes. She still has got hope. I really don't want to kill it for her."

She was already waiting in limbo when it came to her patient. Hanging in the unknown in her personal life would be unbearable. It would take just one question. Her friends knew the hospital gossip for sure.

"Who's Dr. McFoxy?" she fixed her gaze on the floor waiting for the answer as though for a jury's verdict.

George nearly suffocated as he choked on his food.

"You've got to be kidding!" Alex burst out laughing.

Meredith looked up just in time to catch Cristina sending him a death glare.

Alex cleared his throat and muttered, "I forgot I need to get lab results for Bailey or she's gonna kill me."

George followed suit, "It's time I check up on Ms. Rodriguez."

"Cristina?" Mer turned to her best friend. "Would you care to explain?"

"Of course. Well, you see… The lunch break is over!" Cristina grabbed her book and scarpered off.

Meredith sat with her mouth open, lost for words. Where they afraid to give away the identity of the mysterious Dr. McFoxy?

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"Are you suicidal, Karev?" Cristina snapped at Alex joining him and George in the ER. "Fine by me, just don't take us with you!"

"Drop it, Yang," Alex snarled back. "I didn't know she didn't know- Whatever."

"Someone should tell her," said George looking between Alex and Cristina.

"I agree," replied lightly Cristina. "Good luck, George. You're on your way to give her the update on your patient, right?"

"I am not going to tell her," said George through gritted teeth. "I want to scrub in on craniotomy."

"Oh my God," complained Izzie, bolting past them to the supply closet. "I'm being punished for bitching around!"

She snatched bandages from the shelf and ran back to her patients, two teenage girls yelling at each other like mad.

The girls' shouting match echoed across the room.

"It's all your fault!"

"Shut up!"

"I'm so telling mum and dad everything!"

"Girls, we need you to calm down," said Dr. Hunt, filling in a chart. "And we need your names."

"Don't tell them anything!" shouted the slightly older girl.

"She's Holly Andrews and I'm Katie," fired her sister immediately.

"You suck up!" screamed Holly.

Izzie leaned over her and inspected her face; it was pallid and there were red rings around her bloodshot eyes.

"There's a possibility of skull fracture," diagnosed Izzie.

"Take her for CT," ordered Owen. "And page someone from neuro."

"Where is she going?" shouted Katie.

"Just to run a few tests," answered George with a calming voice.

"Good! Get her out of here! Take her away! I hope you'll die!"

Izzie took the older sister to the CT room. It turned out that Shepherd was busy which meant she had to work with Meredith. Izzie sighed as she realized how stupid her behaviour towards Mer must look like. It might be acceptable for teenage girls but for her it was just pathetic.

It was true that letting her steam out brought some short-term release. However, it was unfair towards her friend. And despite all her harsh words, Izzie still saw Meredith as her friend. It also meant she hadn't yet come to terms with Denny's passing.

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"Meredith!"

She heard Derek's voice behind her and groaned painfully. He's everywhere!

"Do you have a minute?" he caught up with her. "My patient has just woken up. I'm sure she would like to hear about the condition of her fiancé and since you operated on-"

"That's fine, lead the way," she cut short Derek's verbal diarrhea.

"You're bossy again," smiled Derek.

"And you love that," the flirty answer rolled of her tongue before she could stop herself.

Damn it, girl! You go all putty in his hands! Remember that he has his slutty McFoxy somewhere around!

"Hello, Ms. Lewis," Derek softly greeted his patient. "I'm Dr. Derek Shepherd. I performed your surgery. How are you feeling?"

"I… sore, I guess… It feels like my head weighs a ton."

"That is to be expected for a while. You've had a complicated brain surgery. I'm surprised you've woken up so early."

The young woman paled considerably and asked, "What about… what about Luke? We were together on the bike and then I… I don't really remember!"

"Don't worry, Ms. Lewis. Mr. Robinson is just fine." Derek pointed at Meredith who stayed near the door, "This is Dr. Grey, she operated on you fiancé. She'll give you the details."

"Just tell me truth! Where is he?" pleaded Ms. Lewis.

Meredith came closer and explained with a reassuring voice, "Ms. Lewis, as Dr. Shepherd already said, I expect Mr. Robinson to make a full recovery. He suffered a slight intracranial hemorrhage but his operation went without any complications and to tell the truth, he has woken up much earlier than you."

Ms. Lewis visibly relaxed, "Thank God!" She brought a hand to wipe the tears that escaped from her eyes.

"We can arrange so that you two could stay in the same room," proposed Derek.

"What? No! Please, no! I don't want to see him!"

Derek and Meredith looked at each other astonished by their patients reaction.

"I'm sorry," said Derek. "Isn't Mr. Robinson your fiancé? We were given such information by your parents."

"He is," replied the woman through tears. "Or… Not anymore. I can't be engaged to him anymore. You can tell him that."

"Ms. Lewis, you need to lie back," started Meredith. "You're clearly in the posttraumatic shock-"

"No, we're just not meant to be together."

"If this is about the accident-"

"It's not about the accident, it's about the accidents. So far, we've kept laughing at everything that happened to us. We've kept saying that we're the pair of the most unlucky people in the world. But this… this is just too much."

"Ms. Lewis, don't make any rush decisions. What you need is a long nap. It always helps," encouraged Derek.

"You don't get it," sobbed the woman. "Me and Luke, we're not meant to be together… I can't ignore the signs any longer. You know how we met? We got stuck in an elevator for ten hours, ten hours! We thought it was romantic at the time. Then, on our first date, there was a massive fire in the restaurant. I can also tell you about going on holidays to Hawaii and getting two weeks of rain and wind, having our newly furnished apartment flooded and… and thousand other tiny things!" she tried to catch her breath. "But that, it really tops everything! We could die, oh my God, we could die!" she broke down in uncontrollable sobs. "Oh God, I regret ever meeting him, I regret every damn second!"

Derek ushered Meredith out of the room and ordered a nurse to give his patient sedatives.

Meredith watched through a window the woman becoming still and falling into the drug induced slumber.

"Wow," Meredith shook her head, her arms crossed on her chest. "They have quite a record."

"Quite a history, huh?" Derek shot her a piercing look. "It's sad… for two people with such a long and rich history to part…"

Meredith carefully avoided his eyes, "It… it is sad. But… maybe, sometimes, it's for the better…"

"Do you think it could be for the better if two people who love each other separate?"

Meredith's voice became hoarse, her throat suddenly blocked with emotion, "

"Meredith, do you…" he hesitated. "Do you regret-"

Derek didn't have a chance to finish his question as his pager went off.

"Damn it, 911."

Seconds later, Meredith's pager started to buzz as well. "I need to go to the CT room. Fate," she tried to smile as they parted.

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"Izzie," Meredith was surprised to see the person who paged her. "What have we got?"

"A 16-year-old girl, might have a basilar skull fracture. I've just brought her for CT."

They stood together waiting for results and Meredith, encouraged by lack of Izzie's snide remarks, decided to break the silence.

"Izzie," she took a deep breath. "I am really truly sorry I couldn't be for you and for others when you needed me. I know you-"

"Meredith," interrupted Izzie. "It's me-"

Izzie was interrupted halfway through her sentence as well, this time by the alarm.

"She's crashing!" yelled Meredith, pushed the red button on the wall and ran to the girl, Izzie at her heels.

The teenager lay unconscious, blood was trickling from her nostrils and her ears. Meredith took out a little flashlight to look closer, "There's brain matter in her blood. Let the OR know we're coming right away!"

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You can't save all patients. Meredith had heard that phrase so many times form the lips of various doctors. She was aware of the reality of that statement but she couldn't help feeling helpless, especially if that patient was a young girl with all her life before her.

Holly Andrews was the first patient she lost while being a fully qualified surgeon. And it hurt like hell. She managed to "fix" the hole in her brain that allowed the tissue to run through her nose, but the blood supply to her brain was cut off and couldn't be restored. Holly went brain-dead.

Meredith pulled herself together and went to the room where Holly's younger sister and parents were waiting, all tear strained. Izzie had already passed them the news.

Meredith gave them the details of the surgery, trying like hell not to think what she could do if Bessie ever got hurt.

"No! No! She can't die, she can't die!" Katie Andrews was crying her eyes out as she turned towards her sister who still breathed supported by machines. "She can't die when the last thing I told her was that I wanted her to die! Holly, I love you, I love you!"

"She loved you, too," said Izzie to the young girl but was looking directly at Meredith. "She loved you, she loves you. No matter what you said, no matter what happened between you too."

"I'm so sorry, Holly! I'm so sorry!" Katie continued to hold Holly's hand as her parents encircled her in their arms.

"Let's give them a moment alone," mouthed Meredith to Izzie and both of them went outside.

"Meredith, I'm sorry, so sorry," Izzie started to apologise. "I know I was a bitch and I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel guilty for anything because I don't blame you for anything." She gave Meredith a warm hug, "Welcome back to Seattle, Mer," she said smiling. "You have been missed."

They laughed together glad to smoothen out their misunderstandings. They were taken over by Lexie who shot past them giving Meredith a surreptitious scared look.

"Meredith," said Izzie seriously. "Don't wait until Lexie's brain-dead to tell her you're sorry."

"How do you-"

"Mer," Izzie wore a pitying expression on her face. "The whole hospital's talking about the intern scare."

Meredith grimaced and replied emotionlessly, "I don't know her."

"Which means you can't hate her," prodded Izzie.

"I guess I don't…"

Izzie beamed and started to go to the locker room but remembered something, "And Mer, I'm really sorry about the nickname."

"Huh?" Meredith was taken aback. What nickname?

"You know, it wasn't our job. The interns took over the tradition," Izzie's face displayed compassion. "But I think I might have accidentally encouraged them." She cautiously took a few steps away from Meredith.

"Although, I think you still got off lightly. There were several versions circulating, you know, like McSmexy or McLusty. So, I'll see you later. We should get for a drink for old times' sake," she retreated hastily seeing Meredith's thunderstruck expression.

Meredith finally felt the comprehension slowly dawning on her…

All rights reserved by McFoxy! A woman that's so good with a scalpel!

"Who's Dr. McFoxy?"

"You've got to be kidding!"

I'm really sorry about the nickname…

OH MY GOD! I've become a slutty-bitchy Dr. McFoxy… this can't be happening, right?

She plopped on the chair in the lobby and stared in the space before not really seeing anything, except… red.

They want nicknames? I'll give them nicknames! The New Nazi, that will be my nickname, she thought with evil satisfaction.

Deep in her thoughts, she didn't notice the empty lobby filling up with people. She didn't notice Mark and Derek arriving with the chart of the patient they had just operated on together.

"Did you and Meredith fall out again? She looks weird," whispered Mark, frowning his forehead.

"What?" Derek followed his gaze. "No! Not as far as I'm aware of."

Another person Meredith didn't notice was George who came to give her the latest update on Ms. Rodriguez.

"Meredith! Meredith!" called her George, waving a hand in front of her face which seemed to bring her back from her trance.

"Meredith, you're okay? I've got the update on our patient. The situation hasn't changed, on both ends. Are we…"

"Dr. O'Malley!" she yelled making George wince.

Mark discreetly elbowed Derek, "This will be interesting."

"What did I tell about operating when her condition's not going worse?" she asked shrilly, standing up, her back straight.

"Huh, that we're going to wait-"

"That's right, so what's your conclusion?"

"That we're going to wait?"

"Correct, Dr. O'Malley!"

"But, the shift's endin-"

"Wrong, Dr. O'Malley," spat Meredith. "My shift's ending, yours is just beginning. You're going to monitor her all night and don't you dare fall asleep!"

George was in shock, "Meredith, what has happened to you? Since when have you been so…hard-ass?"

"Since I became Dr. McFoxy, George!"

"What?" Derek couldn't resist letting out his astonishment.

"You haven't heard?" asked Mark. "Meredith has just joined our cliquey club of sexy McDoctors."

Just great, groaned Meredith and turned her head to see Mark and Derek smirking at her.

"You know?" said George looking everywhere but not at her.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks for telling me, by the way."

"I swear we didn't made it up, Mer," George tried desperately to explain themselves.

"Then who did?"

George was stomping with his feet looking uneasy, "Some intern."

"Which intern?" Meredith was relentless. "I might forgive you if you tell me," she smiled widely, fluttering her eyelids.

"Okay, just.. just don't kill him," sighed George.

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, thought Meredith devilishly.

"It's Spaulding, he's Cristina's intern."

"Spaulding," said Mark. "He's rising in my eyes. I thought his destiny was to bring me coffee every morning."

"His destiny is to suffer," bit back Mer irritably. "Thank you George. Now get back to Ms. Rodriguez."

George clearly wanted to say something in protest but thought better of it.

Meredith started marching off in the direction of her office. Her first day has ended or crashed, rather spectacularly, and she really needed Bessie-therapy not to go nuts.

"So, how does it feel to join the ranks of the hot and talented?" started Mark as she was passing by them.

"Shut up, McSteamy!"

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Meredith was just closing the door to her office, ready to go, when Derek appeared right behind her.

Of course, friendly neighborhood…

She wasn't mad at him anymore. Come to think of it, she found the whole situation rather amusing. She was suspecting him of a romance with someone that turned out to be her…

"You're finished for today?" he asked gently.

"Yeah," she nodded awkwardly and saw the relief on his face that she wasn't rounding on him.

"So, Dr. McFo-"

"Don't! Don't say anything about the nickname," she warned him, not succeeding at suppressing her smile.

He chuckled, "Okay, you're going to Joe's with the guys?"

"Actually, no. Not today," she shook her head. "I've got to, huh," she wanted to be spared giving detailed explanations.

"You've got to go," he finished for her silently.

"Yeah," she made to leave but stopped abruptly and faced him again. She had to tell him; she hated that sad look on his face when they talked outside their patient's room.

"Derek," she said determinately. "I… don't regret…" How could she ever regret? He made her feel loved for a certain period of time, he made her feel love and he gave her the most precious thing in the world – her perfect daughter, little Elizabeth Grey.

Meredith saw him swallow quickly as his blue eyes filled with tenderness.

She repeated, "I don't regret, I've never regretted…"

She confessed him a lot, but she kept to herself even more. This has to enough for now. I'm so sorry, Derek, I can't tell you more at the moment. I can't tell you everything, yet. Not yet. But I will, I will tell you when I'm ready… and when I'm no longer a coward…

"I'll see you tomorrow," said Meredith and hurried away.

She didn't know that with her words, she gave something precious to Derek as well, she gave him hope.

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A.N. So, how did you like this chapter? Let me now, pretty please, because I really really enjoyed writing it.

BTW, the chapters just keep getting longer, don't they?

And I guess it's finally the time for DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from Grey's Anatomy, unfortunately.

Cheers!

P.S. I re-watched "Made of Honor" yesterday and I just realized that the role of the fiancé is played by none other than Kevin McKidd aka Owen Hunt. So funny! He looks so different! :)