Meredith strode confidently into Molly's room, a look of professional optimism on her face.
"Hello," she greeted everyone. Just as she suspected, her father's new loving family was all there. He was gripping tightly Molly's hand. A woman, presumably his wife, was on the other side of her bed. Lexie was present as well, extremely worried but trying to appear reassuring.
"This is the neurosurgical consult I told you about," Arizona explained to the Greys. "It's Dr.-"
"Meredith," she cut Arizona halfway through her sentence, remembering that Molly didn't know about her existence. "I'm Dr. Meredith."
She felt her father's gaze on her but she didn't grace him with one look.
"Dr… Meredith," said Arizona. "That's our patient Molly Thompson, her parents Thatcher and Susan and her sister, I'm sure you've met her, Lexie… Grey." Arizona seemed to catch on the connection between Meredith and the family of her patient. She hadn't worked at Seattle Grace for long but she heard stories thanks to hospital gossip and Meredith Grey was a legend.
"It's nice to meet you," said Meredith politely.
That's bizarre, thought Arizona before her pager went off. "I need to go for a second-"
"I'll be fine here," assured her Meredith. "I'll explain everything to Molly."
"Are you absolutely sure, Meredith?" Arizona's eyes bored into her forcefully.
"Absolutely, I've got it covered."
Dr. Robbins sighed and took off.
"Dr. Meredith, what's wrong with my baby?" Molly's voice was shaking. "Dr. Robbins didn't want to tell us without you. It's something serious, isn't it?"
Meredith observed her sister's face. She was much like Lexie. Only her hair was shorter and lighter.
"I won't lie to you, Molly," Meredith began seriously. "You and the baby are in a bit of a trouble."
Molly tightened her grip on her father's hand and started breathing deeply.
"Molly, I know it's not easy for you and that you're scared but you need to remain as calm as possible. You're going to be mom, you already are a mom and you have to be strong for the baby. Can you promise me that?"
Molly nodded slowly, determination painting on her face.
"The ultrasound today showed that your baby's spine is not fully formed, which means that the spinal cord is uncovered."
Lexie gave a little cry and said, "It's… It's spina bifida, isn't it? The split spine?"
"Yes, Dr. Grey," Meredith squinted at her, wordlessly telling her to be quiet.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Dr. Gr- Dr. Meredith," she almost slipped.
"What does it mean exactly?" inquired Susan. She had a warm and pleasant voice, just like a mother should.
"It virtually means that the spinal cord and the nerves are exposed both to mechanical damage and the influence of acids."
"How… how… Can we treat it?" asked Molly.
"Yes, we can," replied Meredith peacefully. "The treatment involves surgery."
"But… I'm just halfway through my pregnancy. What if something happens during those 4 months?"
"We can't wait that long, we have to operate as soon as possible."
"Now?" exclaimed Molly, frightened. "But… but… my baby's still…"
"Is still in the uterus, yes."
"Is that even possible?" asked Susan. "What's the risk?"
"Intrauterine surgery has been practiced for years now with growing success. But it's true; the procedure still poses a considerable risk for the mother and for the baby."
"I'll be strong," said Molly. "I'll have this operation for my little girl and for Eric."
"It's her husband," explained Susan. "He's in the army, stationed in Iraq at the moment."
"I'll get one of the residents to prep you for surgery, Molly. Do you have any more questions for me?" asked Meredith.
Molly shook her head. It was Thatcher who asked the question, uttering his first words since Meredith's arrival.
"Dr… Meredith? Are you going to perform the surgery?" he asked quietly, visibly surprised.
"Yes, along with Dr. Robbins," she finally looked at him. He was shaken up, clearly concerned for his favorite daughter.
"Are... are… you an attending?" he pursued.
"Yes." And if you stuck around, you would know that, too.
"She's… she's the best, dad!" said Lexie.
"Molly, I'll see you in the OR, promptly. Dr. Karev," Meredith addressed Alex who just appeared in the doorway.
"I'm assigned to Dr. Robbins. She sent me here," he explained.
"Are you familiar with Mrs. Thompson's case? Good. You'll prep her for surgery."
She walked out followed closely by Lexie.
"Dr. Grey," she called after Meredith.
"Yes?"
"Can I… Could I possibly… be with Molly in the OR?" she pleaded.
Thatcher and Susan had just joined them in the corridor.
"Are you asking me to let you scrub in?" clarified Meredith. "No, it's out of the question. We don't treat out own family members."
"But…" argued Lexie. "I thought… You're operating on Molly… I thought-"
"Dr. Grey," Meredith said coldly. "I assure you that the rule of not operating on family members is still in full force."
Meredith made her point crystal clear. Harshness was the only way to remain detached; and she had to be detached for her own and Molly's sake.
"You're wasting my time here." She turned and left for the scrub room without another word.
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Thatcher Grey was having a day he could only dream in one of his nightmares. His youngest daughter and his unborn child were in a grave danger and in need of surgery, while his oldest daughter, his lost daughter, he barely knew…
Seeing Meredith entering Molly's room was one of the most shocking moments of his life. He had been laboring under the delusion that she had left Seattle almost three years ago. That was what Lexie said when he asked her about Meredith at the beginning of her internship. Why hadn't Lexie told the truth?
And what was Meredith doing at Seattle Grace? Working, obviously… She was an attending? How was that even possible? Thatcher took in Meredith's figure while she was explaining the procedure. She was a beautiful woman; she had Ellis's hair but was more slender. And she was self-confident, so decisive. Throughout the entire time, she was steadily avoiding his gaze, not that he was blaming her…
All too soon, they had to leave Molly so she could be prepped for surgery. He and Susan heard Lexie ask Meredith to scrub in which the latter blatantly refused. She reminded harshly that they were not allowed to operate on family members. Well, she couldn't express plainer that she didn't regard him as her family.
"Mom, dad?" said Lexie. "Don't worry, Dr. Robbins and Dr…" she trailed off.
"Meredith," supplied Thatcher.
"Yeah, they're… they're both good doctors." She gave Susan a quick hug. "I need to find my resident. I'll be back with you as soon as I can."
Thatcher sat heavily on a plastic chair in the corridor, burying his face in his hands.
Susan stroked his back tenderly.
"Everything will be ok, everything will work out somehow."
Thatcher nodded doubtfully.
"With Molly and with Meredith, too," she added sincerely.
Thatcher's head snapped at her.
"How… How do you know?"
"Honey, I saw how you were looking at her. And her name was Meredith. So… I put two and two together."
"I… I didn't know… she was in Seattle."
"She's a magnificent woman," praised her Susan. "She and our girls are much alike."
"She's a lot…" Thatcher went on hesitantly. "She's a lot like Ellis."
"I think she's a lot like you."
"She's… She's a lot like Ellis. I left Meredith with her and she took a lot from her. She seems… so cold."
"I don't think so," disagreed Susan. "She was very nice to Molly."
"It's… it's a bedside manner. They teach doctors how to talk to patients. You saw how she snapped at Lexie? She hates us, she hates me."
"You're exaggerating," stated firmly his wife. "Lexie was out of line; I'm sure she'd admit it herself. As for hatred, I don't know what this girl feels, I don't know her."
Thatcher kept shaking his head.
"I think," started Susan delicately, "that you keep searching for arguments not to talk to her, not to even try to get closer to her." Susan looked at him lovingly, "And you know what, sweetie? I think you're a bit selfish. You're afraid of her and you keep finding excuses to stay away from her. You're not doing her justice making judgments about her not really knowing her."
Thatcher sighed, "You're right, as always. I'm sorry. It's just… really difficult. One of my daughter's sick and another's going to operate on her… and… I guess… I should stop running away."
"You should," nodded Susan.
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"Grey," said Miranda Bailey. "Are you ok?"
For the least few days, Miranda was taking care of a difficult case that drained her physically and mentally. The only distraction from her patient, an eight-year-old boy fading a little bit more every day, was solving the puzzle of Meredith Grey.
Miranda kept a close watch on her former intern. She had changed in a lot of ways. She seemed to be more focused on her work, mind you, she was an attending. She seemed more optimistic, more balanced, more mature… she also kept something form others. Miranda had a nagging feeling that she knew what the secret was but every time she considered it she chided herself. There were no proofs to back her suspicion, only a quick glimpse at woman with a child. But if her theory was correct… Miranda shook her head; if that was the case, all hell would break loose at this hospital, especially when Grey and Shepherd went back to their routine of smelling each other in elevators. He was his old cocky McDreamy self making Grey go weak in her knees.
But right now, Miranda was concerned with something else. The hospital news sure spread fast; the novelty of Meredith's sister had already reached her.
"Grey, are you ok?"
"I'm fine," replied Meredith. "I'm good."
"You sure are," said Miranda disbelievingly.
"I am…" Meredith dropped her voice. "Are you? You don't look that good yourself."
Miranda let out a deep sigh, "I have a dying child who needs a liver and intestines transplant." Her voice quivered, "He's been moved to the top of the waiting list but… we're losing the race."
"I'm sorry," said Meredith sympathetically.
"I don't know what is going on with me." It seemed like the dam was broken. Bailey was tough; she didn't complain, she didn't whine and didn't open up to other people. However right now, she was on the edge.
"I've always been focused, detached and I…"
"That's normal," assured Meredith with empathy. "I think when you have your own child, it gets more difficult. You keep picturing your own kid at the place of your patient, wondering what you would do if it was…" she broke off. "I'm sorry; I'm talking nonsense. I'm not good at comforting, you know."
Miranda regarded her with new eyes; she picked up another element of the puzzle.
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Meredith entered the OR making her ritual lucky gesture. Today, it acquired a special meaning. She was about to operate on an unborn child, still in her mother's womb. What was more; the baby was her niece, now matter how hard she denied it.
She walked up to Molly who was already on the operating table.
"Hi, Molly, how are you doing?"
"Scared to death but… I'm holding on." She still had the strong look on her face.
Meredith smiled, "Have you already picked a name?" Like always, Meredith wanted to know on whom she would be operating, even if it was a 5-months-old fetus.
"Laura," whispered Molly. "It was Eric's idea, my husband's.
"It's a cute name. We'll do everything for Laura." She squeezed Molly's arm reassuringly.
Meredith stepped away waiting for her turn. It was Arizona's task to open the uterus and expose the fetus for the main procedure. Meredith glanced at the gallery and saw Derek, smiling at her slightly. She felt warmth around her heart. He was with her; he came to watch over her. It felt so safe now!
When Arizona made a place for her, there wasn't a trace of doubt in her mind. She took hold of the surgical instruments and began her meticulous work, one steady move after another.
The surgery went well. It ran smoother than the one in which Meredith took part while in the program. Molly kept her promise and stayed strong for her little daughter.
"It was pleasure to work with you," said Arizona while they were scrubbing out. "I'm actually happy you were paged instead of Shepherd. I was a bit preoccupied at the beginning but your support turned out to be crucial for the success of this surgery."
"I… I did everything I could for the wellbeing of our patients."
"Not just any patients," said Arizona.
"Just any," sighed Meredith.
Arizona didn't have time to reply as her pager went off, "Oh no, the day's going to kill me! You'll inform the family? Thanks!" she ran out of the room not even waiting for Meredith's answer.
Great, just great, she thought.
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Even if it was the last thing Meredith wanted to do, she forced herself to stand before Thatcher, Susan and Lexie.
"How did it go?" asked her father frantically.
"Meredith… Dr…" he stammered not knowing how to address her.
"Dr. Grey will do," she replied. "The operation ran without complications. Molly and Laura are stable."
"Oh, really?" exclaimed Susan with tears in her eyes.
"Yes, I managed to cover the exposed fragment of the spinal cord."
"Does that mean Laura will be fine?"
"In all likelihood, yes," confirmed Meredith. "I can't guarantee there hadn't been any damage until now but I don't think so. For now, there's no need to worry."
"Oh, that's so good news!"
"Yes, it's… it's our first grandchild," said Thatcher emotionally.
That simple statement cut through Meredith's heart like the sharpest blade. First grandchild… your first grandchild is an almost two-year-old beautiful girl with a mane of perfect locks and blue eyes, named Elizabeth…
"We will never be able to thank enough, Meredith," said warmly Susan stepping forward to Meredith with the clear intention of giving her a thank-you-doctor hug. However, with her current state of mind, she didn't feel like sharing hugs with her stepmother. She backed a little and hastened with an excuse, "I… I'm glad everything's ok but I need… to go now. I have work… If you have any questions… make… make the nurse page me… or page Dr. Robbins. She's Molly's doctor; I'm not Molly's doctor."
She controlled her emotions all the way to her office. Once she closed the door behind her and pulled down the blinds, she slumped to the floor and let the tears fall down freely. She wasn't anguished with the fact that she kept Bessie's existence from Thatcher. She didn't owe him anything.
Only the simple phrase he uttered made her realize how deep in lie she lived. There was no word to describe it better – a lie.
She felt like the worst scum of the universe. She deprived Bessie of her father, a wonderful man who would love and take care of her. Derek wasn't Thatcher; he wasn't capable of ever abandoning his child. But he abandoned her, Meredith…
Meredith was also aware that she deprived her daughter of the love of her family. Surely, there was Thatcher. She knew he was a loving paternal figure for his two youngest girls – Molly and Lexie. And there was Derek's family, his big close-knit family, full of aunties and cousins Bessie could play with.
"Meredith?" she heard a knocking and Derek's voice sounded through the door. He was probably bothered by the shut blinds in the middle of the day, in the middle of her shift.
"I'm…" she cleared her throat trying her tear-strained voice to sound normal. "I'm busy, Derek; I'm working."
Apparently, he didn't buy the story, as he entered the office, his forehead creased in concern.
"Oh my God," he whispered at the sight of her, broken and sobbing on the floor. "Meredith!" Derek crossed the room in one stride and tried to gently make her look at him.
She resisted, "Derek, please, leave… leave me alone…"
He wrapped his arms tightly around her, ignoring her protests and her clenched fists that fruitlessly attempted to push him away and whispered, "No, I'm not walking away… Never."
"Meredith," he breathed into her hair. "If you tell me what's wrong, I might help you."
"I… I…" she stammered. "It's just that… he said…" Meredith desperately raked her brain what to say. Maybe it is the right moment?
"Is his presence affecting you so much?"
"Yes!" Meredith replied quickly. Maybe it isn't…
Derek had been sure the panic attack was connected to Meredith's father but… He knew Meredith inside out; he could read from her reaction like from open book. Her hastened reply, her eyes travelling all around the room, except him… Her father was just an excuse he offered himself and which she gladly adopted to cover up whatever she was hiding.
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A.N. So, as you see Meredith still struggles with the abandonment issues… I hope you don't mind this bit of Shondaland, the plot thickens very very much in the upcoming chapters. Thanks a lot for all the reviews and waiting for more!
