A.N. Hello everyone, sorry for the less frequent updates but I've just started the new semester at my uni and I'm snowed under with work. I hope you'll enjor the chapter 19 in which… the secret starts to leak big time. Review, please! BTW, thanks for sharing your opinions as to Slexie!

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"What are you waiting for?" asked quietly Cristina sipping her coffee.

Meredith opened her mouth to speak but no sound escaped her lips. The two of them sere sitting on a bed, covered in semi-darkness. Meredith had dragged Cristina to an empty on-call room, desperate to have someone to freak out to about the Mark incident the previous day.

"I mean, seriously, what are you waiting for?" repeated Cristina "McDreamy's wrapped around your little finger. People get suspicious; they're talking, wondering why you turned into a teetotaller. I told you it was going to be like that. And now Sloan's on the verge of blowing it."

"I know," spoke Meredith louder than she intended. "I know."

"Trust me, you don't want him to learn form someone else. You should tell him… or he'll go nuts."

"I know. It's just… "It's not easy." Meredith twirled her fingers nervously.

"Life's not easy, Meredith," whispered Cristina. "And no one said it was going to be."

"I'll… I'll do it. I can do it," Mer kept assuring herself more rather than Cristina.

"Good. The sooner you tell him, the sooner you're going to sign out from the recyclable virgins' club. Looks like I'm throwing my membership card away."

"You're having dirty sex with Owen Hunt?" asked Meredith curiously.

"It's not dirty and it's not sex. I don't know what it is," Cristina shrugged her shoulders but there was a slight smile on her lips. "It will probably lead to sex, though."

She got up from the bed, "Are you coming?"

"I'll take a short nap," said Meredith. "I've got to recharge my batteries before going to the nursery."

"Right, you have the first trial procedure this afternoon."

"Yeah."

"Good luck," wished Cristina. "And with… everything."

"Thanks," breathed out Meredith. "I'll need it… in both cases."

"You know where to find me if you… yeah," she gave her friend the last encouraging nod and left the on-call room.

Meredith leaned back on the bed, set her alarm clock and drifted off to an uneasy slumber. Yet, she woke up before the alarm went off, immediately sensing someone's presence. She opened her eyes to see Derek lying on the opposite bed, propping his head with one hand and staring at her.

"What are you, some weirdo who watches women sleep?" she repeated with a smile the question she had asked him all those years ago in her bedroom.

He chuckled with the specific Derekish laughter that made her warm around the heart.

"It's just that you… don't snore," he confessed sheepishly.

"I don't," admitted Meredith. Shortly after Bessie was born, she decided to have the minor procedure and fix the snoring problem. She kept her daughter awake and she couldn't pluck ear plugs in an infant's ears. Infant, her daughter… Meredith's pulse quickened. She couldn't hope for better circumstances.

"Derek," she rose from the bed and he did the same. The narrow room made the distance between them incredibly small. "I… I've got something to tell you…"

She looked into his eyes knowing it was the moment that would affect all their lives and the life of her daughter… their daughter…

"Do you have someone?" fired Derek.

"What?" his question took her completely by surprise.

"Like a… boyfriend."

"What? No! I'm not in any relationship," she assured him frantically. This wasn't going according to her plan.

She went to the door and turned the key making sure they wouldn't be interrupted. She was determined to finally make a clean breast of it.

Apparently, Derek misread her intentions since as soon as she reclaimed her place, his lips descended quickly on hers and his arms encircled her waist. His tongue was easily granted permission to her mouth. Meredith couldn't resist the urge to touch him; she had been sitting on the hot coals far too long. She brought her hands to the dark mane of his hair and followed the trail of his spine stopping well below the waistline.

Derek moaned into her mouth and lowered them on the bed, pinning Meredith to the mattress. Their hands started roaming desperately over each other's bodies, their hips shifting in impatience. He lifted her upwards pulling her scrub top over her head, his lips falling into the parting between her breasts.

Undoubtedly, Meredith would lost her membership card faster than Cristina if it wasn't for the sound of the alarm that brought her back to reality.

"Turn it off… turn it off…" muttered Derek blindly groping for the source of the noise. To his dismay, Meredith unsteadily crawled out of bed breathing hard.

"Meredith."

She quickly picked up the abandoned garment of her clothing and pulled it on.

"Meredith," Derek stood up beside her and cupped her face.

"Look, we'll… we'll talk about it later," she said looking back into his eyes. "I… I've gotta go."

She broke away from him and headed to unlock the door.

"Meredith," he addressed her once more with a hint of amusement in his voice. "Your scrub top's inside out."

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Meredith was holding Bessie tightly on her arm and pointing at branch of a nearby tree. "Look, sweetie, what's that? It has a beak and two wings and it likes flying."

"A birdie!" exclaimed the little girl.

"Good girl! It is a birdie, do you like the birdie?"

"It's nice birdie."

Meredith kissed Bessie's pinky cheek. She was her own private world. Just an hour ago she was a step from sharing this wonderful world with Derek but he chose the moment to sex her up… He spoiled her chance and she couldn't even blame him.

Meredith's attention was brought to a small family strolling down the alleyway. A few-year-old boy was laughing merrily trying to stomp his feet in the middle of every puddle of water on his way. His mom and dad were on his sides clutching his hands. Meredith felt envy on behalf of her daughter, she deserved both parents' love.

"Figuring why we're not like them?"

At this point, Meredith found Miranda Bailey's voice far more frightening than the most bloodcurdling scream from a horror movie.

Bailey carried on, "We're surgeons, we're emotionally defective, we screw up our relationships and we feel guilty towards our children for making them grow up in dysfunctional families."

Meredith turned slowly to face Bailey, her heart beating so fast as if to escape from her chest. Her former boss was looking at her gently, though, her own child tugging at her hand.

"Dr. Bailey," muttered Meredith. "What… are you doing here?"

"Same thing you are," replied Bailey. "Now, what's the beauty princess's name?"

"Oh," Meredith shifted her daughter so she could see Bailey. "Sweetie, it's Dr. Bailey. Dr. Bailey is a very nice lady. Say your name to Dr. Bailey."

Bessie smiled widely and waved her hand at Miranda. "Elizabeth."

"That's a very old and beautiful name," said Miranda squeezing lightly the girl's outstretched hand and appraising her features. "And this little gentleman is called Tucker. Tucker, say hello."

Meredith put Bessie down and she immediately ran up to Tucker, hugged him tightly and kissed him on the cheek.

"Ew!" Miranda's son yelped in disgust and hid himself behind his mother's legs.

"She wouldn't be your daughter if she didn't chase men," remarked Bailey humorously.

"She's just… cuddly!" said Meredith indignantly, making the other woman snicker.

"So," started Bailey as they slowly walked down the alley, "Derek doesn't know about her, I presume?"

Meredith looked at her with pure panic, "He's… and she's not…"

"Grey, who are you trying to fool? She's got McDreamy written all over her face.

Meredith stared at her shoes. "I… I wanted to tell him today," she confessed weakly.

"Let me guess, you got distracted."

"He distracted me."

"The man's going to have a fit when he finds out."

"Don't I know it…" sighed Meredith. "Why does it have to be so damn difficult? I wasn't supposed to go back here. I didn't plan to go back here."

"But you did," pointed out Bailey. "And you stayed, and now you've got to do what's best for your kid."

Meredith nodded, "Dr. Bailey, you can't…" her eyes bored into Miranda's in silent request.

"It's not my problem to solve," Miranda calmed her down. "I just hope you know what you're doing."

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"I swear, you've got mood swings," said Mark approaching Derek in the cafeteria.

"I'm just having a good day," grinned Derek.

"Does your good day have anything to do with an on-call room and two neurosurgeons with sex hair?" asked Mark. "Nurse Debbie told me and everyone else in the hospital. You should take it easy, man."

"Look who's talking," Derek rolled his eyes. "Just to clarify, we didn't have sex hair; nurse Debbie's losing her touch. To get sex hair, you need to actually have sex. We're not at that level yet."

"What level are you at?" inquired Mark. "Holding hands? Exchanging shy smiles?"

"Talking," Derek cut him across. "She told me she wasn't in any relationship."

"Yeah, she told me that, too," agreed Mark. "Just be careful; you've got burnt with her… several times."

"Mark, what are you getting at?" Derek was losing his patience with Mark's half words.

"I'm just telling you," he paused, unsure if to continue. "Look, yesterday, when she fell down… I think… It just really looked like a stretch mark."

Derek stared at him speechlessly for a while and then burst out laughing.

"What are you suggesting, Mark?" Derek was laughing so hard he brought a hand to his stomach.

Mark frowned at him with concern, "I'm serious, Derek, it all fits."

"Please, Mark. Nothing fits. You took a glimpse of her abdomen and you say there's a stretch mark. She had appendectomy, Mark, appendectomy. Seriously, it's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in my life." Derek wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Fine," shrugged Mark. "Just don't run crying to Markie when she pulls you up short."

Derek shook his head in hilarity. "You know, Mark, it might be all in your head. Your subconscious may be giving you signals to settle down… get married, have a kid… hence the stretch marks."

"Shut up, Dr. Psychoanalyst."

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Meredith approached with exhilaration the operating table at which rested her first trial patient, forty-year-old Thomas with a malignant glioma impossible to remove surgically. She stepped upon the path of immortalizing her name in the medical history. Obviously, her elation reached beyond such earthly pleasures. She felt what she called herself the majesty of lifesaving. She was pushing boundaries, opening up a dead-end street.

Meredith registered with disappointment Derek's absence in the gallery. He had probably been called for a surgery. She took a deep breath and went ahead with the procedure she had been rehearsing so many times in her head. She cut the skin, drilled a hole in the skull and inserted a catheter.

"The main part of the procedure," she explained to her resident, "is injecting the virus into the tumor." She watched with fascination the liquid flowing inside the transparent tube into the brain. Everything was running smoothly until line indicating patient's life functions went flat.

"Complete heart block," alarmed her resident.

"Damn it!" Meredith looked closely at the monitors. "The injection went into the intra-arteria. Push one of atrophine!" she ordered.

"No change."

"Push another one! Come on, come on…"she muttered frantically. The line continued to indicate nothing than death. Meredith let out a deep sigh and lowered her hands.

"Patient number one – treatment failed. Time of death – 4:27."

"Do you want me to close up?" asked her resident.

"I'll do it myself," she replied. It was all she could do for Thomas.

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Meredith was sitting lifelessly behind her desk, feeling oddly numb. The dull sound of her patient passing away was still droning in her ears. She saw the office door open and Derek stuck his head inside.

"Hi," he gave her a piercing look.

"Hi," Meredith managed to breath out.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make it to your procedure, I had an urgent trauma case in the need of craniotomy," he explained closing the door behind him.

"That's fine," assured him Meredith expressionlessly. "You sure didn't miss much."

Derek angled his head and studied the stillness of her form.

"I… I heard about your patient. I'm sorry."

"It's not that surprising," she said, her voice becoming high-pitched. It was… only the first patient. Experimental procedures rarely work during the first try."

Derek continued to look at her unrelenting, seeing right through her assurances.

"Fine… I… I got my hopes up," she admitted heavily. "Which I know I shouldn't have done but… I did, anyway," she gave a nervous laugh.

He nodded reaching across the desk to meet her hand. "You'll make it right, you just can't give up."

"I won't," she said firmly, tightly intertwining her fingers with his. "My second patient is already here."

"Are you free this evening? We can… go somewhere… to Joe's…"

Meredith's body went rigid and her hand slipped from his palm as the reality along with the meanders of her twisted personal life hit her with the momentum of an avalanche.

"I… I can't," stammered Meredith. "I'm dreaming of taking a long hot bath and going to bed," the lie easily rolled off her tongue. She was exhausted, completely worn out and unable to brace herself to tell him the truth.

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A.N. I hope you're not fed up with the trial, it serves the higher purpose of bringing Mer and Der closer (literally and metaphorically) to each other. Just to tease you a little bit more, in the next chappie Derek will probably lay his eyes on his daughter for the very first time… Cheers!