Chapter 2 - Before It's Too Late
Ron woke the next morning to an empty cold space where Hermione had once been. He instantly remembered very clearly falling asleep next to her. He felt a little foolish for not setting an alarm or doing anything at all to prevent his mother from walking in on them in bed together. But now that Hermione was gone, he felt a combination of relief and disappointment that she hadn't stayed or at least woken him up when she left the room.
Breakfast was quiet, and Ron was surprised to not find Hermione at the table. So he ate quickly and headed back upstairs to find her. But the shower was running and he caught a glimpse of Ginny through her cracked bedroom door, so he assumed Hermione must be in the shower. He felt his cheeks flush thinking about that, then turned and headed up to his room. After all, his mother had threatened his life if his room wasn't clean by the time Harry arrived in a few weeks...
Hermione stepped out of the shower, dried quickly, and dressed. As she crossed the hallway into Ginny's room, she glanced up the stairs towards the next landing, thinking of Ron all the way up in the highest room. She had left his room the moment she had woken, terrified that his mother would find her there, but also equally afraid that something was happening, something was changing that might never be able to be reversed.
She entered Ginny's room now very distracted, and didn't even notice Ginny smirking at her as she busied herself with unpacking her trunk.
"So," Ginny said after a moment. "Sleep well?"
But Hermione did not answer. She hadn't even really heard what Ginny was saying. She was biting her lip, her forehead creased with worry, and as Ginny moved closer to her friend, the smirk fell from her face and was replaced by a concerned frown.
"What is it, Hermione?" Ginny asked as she sat on the edge of the camp bed that had been set up several days ago in her room for Hermione. "Hey, Hermione," Ginny tried again when Hermione did not answer.
"Mmm," Hemione mumbled as she turned and sat on the edge of the mattress next to Ginny, her eyes fixed forward on a random bit of wall opposite the bed.
"Are you okay?" Ginny asked seriously. There was a long pause during which Hermione simply continued to stare forward, her lip between her teeth. Then finally, with a sigh that came out as almost a moan, Hermione closed her eyes and began to speak.
"Ginny, I don't know what to do! What am I going to do?"
Ginny stared at her for a moment, completely confused.
"What are you going to do about what?"
Hermione groaned and fell sideways onto the camp bed, her head resting against the edge of the mattress.
"Hermione, what happened?" Ginny tried again.
"I don't know," Hermione said through a grimace. "But now I might have totally ruined everything." Ginny paused, waiting for Hermione to elaborate. But when she didn't, Ginny moved a bit closer to Hermione and rested her hand on Hermione's back.
"Did something happen with Ron?"
Hermione shut her eyes tightly and Ginny nodded.
"I thought so. Is that where you were last night?"
Hermione said nothing, but Ginny knew the answer from her silence.
"You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Whatever it is. Whatever..." Ginny paused for a moment, searching for the right word... "happened."
Hermione's eyes opened, but her forehead remained creased, not out of worry at the moment, but out of confusion.
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.
"Well," Ginny started again. "I'm assuming you slept together?"
Hermione blushed bright red.
"Ginny!" she said quickly, sitting up in the bed.
Ginny's cheeks began to flush too as she realized what she had just implied.
"Oh! I didn't mean, you know... that way," Ginny corrected. "I meant actual sleep. I know you got here last night but you never came in here. So I figured you just fell asleep in Ron's room. But I don't really know what happened so... if you did, you know, do something else..."
Hermione's eyes widened.
"Ginny! Of course not!"
"Sorry," Ginny said, giggling slightly. "Just thought I'd get that out there in case..."
"Well, you can forget about that. I fell asleep in his bed, that's all." Hermione's cheeks were crimson by this point. Ginny smiled at Hermione reassuringly.
"Okay," she said, scooting back against the wall behind the camp bed. "So what's the problem then?"
"Oh, Ginny!" Hermione wailed, covering her face with her hands. "This wasn't what I planned! I didn't want this!"
"Didn't want what? To sleep in Ron's bed?" Ginny asked slightly sarcastically, trying to lighten the mood, but it didn't seem to work. Hermione just shook her head and sighed.
"I don't know what to do now. I'm sorry for bothering you with this, Ginny."
"I asked, didn't I?" Ginny said logically. "And besides, everybody needs someone to talk to now and again. You know you've gotten to be a pretty close friend to me over the years, and I would share just about anything with you. I want you to know you can do the same... you know, if you need to. It can get tiring being around all these boys all the time. Believe me, I know." Ginny smiled and Hermione uncovered her face to return it.
"You're right," Hermione said, nodding, though her tone was one of completion, as if she had said all that she was planning to say. "Thanks for listening."
Then Hermione stood from the bed and returned to her unpacking.
"No problem," Ginny said, unsure if Hermione was planning to continue with their conversation. But a few moments passed in silence and Ginny decided that it was best not to say anything else. After all, Hermione would talk when she was ready...
A week passed by, and Ron was having a very difficult time getting Hermione on her own to talk to her. Every time he got close to her, she came up with some reason not to be in the room with him. She'd think of a chore or something she'd just thought of from a book... and Ron wasn't very good at coming up with reasons to be close to her that didn't require him telling her how he really felt... He wanted to be near her, to talk to her, to know what she was thinking. She had left his room after what had to have been the closest conversation they had ever had... and certainly after the closest proximity they had ever shared. Ron had begun to wonder over the past year if Hermione could possibly feel something for him that went outside the realm of friendship, but now he wasn't sure what he had seen before.
He honestly didn't know what he'd even be able to say to her if they managed to end up alone together long enough to talk. He couldn't very well just tell her he fancied her, especially after the last week. She had been avoiding him after all, he was sure of that. And whatever reason she had, Ron doubted that it had anything to do with her fancying him back...
So finally, on the tenth day, Ron decided that he had to talk to Ginny. He knew that if Hermione had talked to anyone about what she was feeling, about why she was avoiding him, it would have been Ginny. He also knew that Ginny was not very likely to divulge Hermione's secrets, and Ron didn't particularly love the idea of having to hint to Ginny about his feelings for Hermione, so he spent most of the day trying to come up with a legitimate reason that he could have to need to know why Hermione was avoiding him.
But his perfect moment to speak to his sister came while he was still unprepared. She happened into the kitchen while Ron was attempting to clean the windows with a spell from one of his mother's books, a task that she had set him early that morning. Ron noticed almost immediately that he was alone in the room with the person he had intended to end up alone in a room with, and he found his mouth opening without really thinking about what he was saying.
"Ginny, where's Hermione?"
"Dunno," Ginny said as she rifled through a pile of what looked like cloth streamers, something Ron was sure was for the upcoming wedding. They had all been quite busy with preparations.
"I haven't seen her today," Ron contined, trying not to sound too serious.
"Well," Ginny continued in a distracted sort of way, "Mum's probably got her helping with a chore for the wedding." And then Ginny was standing up straight again and heading for the door. Ron saw his chance at figuring out why Hermione didn't seem to want to be near him slipping away, and he dropped the dirty rag he was holding in his left hand as he lunged for the door.
"Wait!" he called as his sister started to turn into the hallway. She stopped and turned back, looking slightly annoyed but slightly amused as well.
"What is it, Ron?" she asked, raising her eyebrows at him.
"She's been avoiding me, hasn't she," Ron blurted before he knew what he was saying.
"What makes you think that?" Ginny asked innocently. A bit too innocently, Ron thought.
"She's said something to you, yeah?" Ron asked, but it was more of a statement. Ginny shrugged. "Please," Ron begged, and Ginny's expression actually turned softer at his plea.
"Look, you just need to talk to her," Ginny said reasonably.
"But that's the problem, isn't it!" Ron shouted. "She won't let me! Whenever she realizes that weren't alone, she leaves the room, comes up with some stupid excuse not to have to be near me. And it's frustrating and I want to know why!"
Ginny stared at her brother for a moment, a mixture of pity and apology in her eyes. Ron knew instantly that she was not planning on telling him a thing.
"Ron, next time she starts to leave, just tell her you need to have a word. I'm sure she'll listen."
"But it's not that easy," Ron said, looking away from his sister as his ears reddened.
"I know you can do it," Ginny said, smiling reassuringly. "Just ask her what's wrong. Tell her you're worried, which you clearly are."
Ron's blush rushed up his cheeks.
"If she still doesn't talk to you, I'll have a word with her and see if I can persuade her to talk to you herself."
"Thanks," Ron breathed, his eyes fixed on the carpet.
"Sure," Ginny said, and then she was gone.
Two days later, Ron got his opportunity. For the first time in several days, he entered a room to find Hermione alone. His heart nearly stopped when he realized where he was and what he had to do. He stood in the doorway, blocking Hermione's escape from the room. He watched as she met eyes with him for a brief second, then looked away quickly. Ron could almost see her brain working to come up with an excuse for her to make a quick exit.
"I... I, uh," she started as she moved towards the door that Ron was still blocking. "I need to help Ginny fold the sheets."
"Didn't you already do that yesterday?" Ron asked, raising his eyebrows at her.
"I..." Hermione looked down at her feet. "There are more of them. We didn't get... finished."
"Hermione," Ron started, his voice cracking a bit. This was it. He was going to have to say something to make her stay in this room with him. "What's going on with you? You have been avoiding me I think and-" but he stopped abruptly as a thick tear dripped from Hermione's eye. "Hermione," he said in a much softer voice.
"I need to go upstairs, Ron..." she whispered.
"Yeah," Ron said, distracted from his goal by her tears. He stepped aside to allow her to pass through the door and out of sight. He closed his eyes defeatedly as she disappeared up the stairs.
The next morning, Ginny approached Ron where he was denoming the garden.
"Ron," she said as he hurled a particularly large gnome through the air. "Did you, you know, take my advice?"
"Yeah," Ron said bitterly. "Lot of good that did me."
"I'll talk to her," Ginny said firmly.
"Something's really bothering her, Gin," Ron said, allowing his arms to fall limply to his sides. "And she doesn't want to tell me about it. Just try to find out what's wrong and cheer her up, even if she doesn't want you to tell me about it."
Ginny stared at her brother, her eyes softening.
"Okay, Ron," she said gently with a nod. "I'll talk to her tonight."
That night, Ginny waited in her bedroom for Hermione to come in from her shower. Ginny was not going to let Hermione go to sleep until she explained exactly what was going on between her and Ron, or at least until she agreed to talk to him about it. Though Ginny didn't always get along with her brothers, she couldn't stand to see them so upset, especially now with Ron. Ginny didn't think she had ever seen Ron so depressed about anything before. Even Ron and Hermione's worst rows had not left him in quite this state, or at least he hadn't shown this side to Ginny.
As Hermione entered the room moments later, it was clear that she sensed something was up. She stared at Ginny suspiciously as she approached her camp bed.
"What?" Hermione finally asked.
"What's going on between you and Ron?" Ginny asked directly. Hermione looked away from Ginny instantly.
"Nothing. What do you mean-" but Ginny cut her off.
"I know something's up. Ron is so damn worried about you, Hermione. He's so worried that he wants me to figure out what's bothering you and to not even report back to him if you don't want him to know. Does that sound like Ron to you? He's usually quite a nosey little bugger, isn't he? So when he told me that he only wanted to make sure you were okay, even if you wouldn't talk to him, I knew this was serious."
Hermione looked back over at Ginny now, her eyes widening in disbelief.
"He... he said that?" Hermione choked.
"Yes," Ginny said with a nod.
"Oh," Hermione mouthed as she sat heavily on her camp bed. After a long pause, she looked down at her hands where they were folded in her lap. "I'll talk to him," she said. "Somehow."
"Okay," Ginny said, smiling at Hermione. "I think you'll be glad you did."
"I sure hope so..." Hermione whispered.
Ron awoke to what he assumed would be just another day. Hermione would avoid him, he'd do an ungodly number of chores, then he'd retire to his room to think about what was coming in the next few months for them. He'd replay all the things Harry had told them, the things that would help them to find the Horcruxes and destroy You-Know-Who. He'd try as hard as he could not to think about Hermione. His planning was a distraction that he had become accustomed to ever since the morning after Hermione had arrived at the Burrow.
But today was not destined to be like every other day. Ron entered the kitchen to find Hermione folding napkins in front of the counter. His shock at finding himself in the same room as her, and alone to top it off, was a bit overwhelming, especially when she glanced very briefly in his direction and continued to fold the napkins on the counter, showing no signs that she was working out a way to leave the room.
Ron couldn't move for a few moments, unable to believe that this opportunity to be in the same vacinity as Hermione had actually just fallen into his lap. He realized after a long moment that he was staring at Hermione's back as she worked, and suddenly, terrified that he'd scare her into leaving, he bustled over to the table and began to tidy things randomly, not really focusing on a single thing his hands were doing. And then out of nowhere she was turning towards him, her face set and determined. Her voice broke through the silence, and Ron nearly dropped the mug he was holding from surprise.
"Ron... can I... ask you something?" Hermione's cheeks were flushed, her hands twisting the napkin she was holding.
"Uh, yeah," Ron said, somewhat apprehensively, his heartbeat quickening. "Sure."
"Well..." Hermione swallowed hard and looked down at her hands as she spoke. "I've just been thinking."
Ron was terribly tempted to make a joke about this to lighten the mood, but he didn't think he'd be able to speak yet. His heart was racing now as he stared at Hermione. Whatever it was that she was about to ask him, he had a very strong feeling that it wasn't anything good.
Hermione sighed heavily and shakily, then began to pace as she continued to speak.
"I just don't think it's fair for a really big decision, a really important one, to not be made by everyone involved, wouldn't you agree?"
Ron opened his mouth to reply, but Hermione continued before he had the chance.
"And with everything that's been happening, it's just got me thinking, and I don't really know what to do now."
Ron stared as she stopped in front of the fireplace, facing away from him.
"Ron..." she said in a tiny voice. "Would you want to know, if there was something someone might feel for you that could change your... relationship... probably for good... considering the war and everything that it means, the person could die, you could die..."
Ron stood stunned, waiting for her to continue, practically holding his breath. Hermione turned away from the fireplace to face Ron, but she did not look at him. Her eyes remained turned down to where her hands were still twisting her napkin as she continued to speak in a scared sort of voice.
"And what if this person told you how they felt and then... then you couldn't return those feelings? How would you be able to go back to just being the way you were before? It would be... too awkward. And what if you did feel the same way and... and something happened to the other person? Maybe... I just don't know if it would be better to know everything, or not to have to deal with knowing that they didn't return your feelings... or that they did and now you can never have what you want because... because they've died..."
Ron could see the tears forming in Hermione's eyes even though she wasn't looking at him. He felt a knot in his throat bigger than he had ever felt before. What did all of this mean? What could he possibly say? Was this what had been bothering Hermione for the past two weeks?
"I just... I don't want to ruin the time I have left with this person... I want things to be okay between us... and if I tell him... and he doesn't... feel the way I do..." Hermione trailed off, her voice wavering. It almost seemed as if Hermione had forgotten that Ron was in the room with her.
And suddenly, Ron felt his stomach drop. Who was Hermione talking about? He had hoped, dreamed that she could have maybe... just maybe... been referring to her relationship with him... but now... "if I tell him," "don't want to ruin the time I have left with this person..." She couldn't mean what Ron had hoped she meant... She wouldn't have said it that way with him right there in the room if she had meant what he had hoped...
And then it hit him like a Bludger to the stomach. Harry.
"Harry," Ron muttered, hardly aware that he was speaking out loud. But Hermione didn't move at the sound of Harry's name, and even though Ron hadn't spoken very clearly, she must have heard him, right?
He stood staring forward at Hermione, so sick he thought he might throw up... but he was saved from having to reply when his mother walked into the kitchen looking flustered, hardly aware of Ron and Hermione standing there in awkward silence.
"Oh, dear," she said as she rummaged through a pile of frilly looking papers. "Ron, dear, have you seen the box marked tablecloths? Ginny swore that she left them down here in the kitchen last night after..."
But Mrs. Weasley looked up finally and noticed her son staring at his feet now, his forehead creased, and Hermione standing opposite him, a torn and very twisted napkin in her hands, her cheeks covered in tear tracks.
"Oh!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. "I'm sorry. I'm interrupting."
"No, it's alright," Hermione sniffed, and she moved towards the door, ducking to hide her face from Mrs. Weasley. "I think I saw the box you're looking for upstairs this morning, on the second landing. I'll go and check."
"Oh," Mrs. Weasley said, still looking at Ron. "Alright. Thank you," and she turned away finally and headed back into the hallway.
Hermione, her head still down, moved to follow Mrs. Weasley, but Ron finally found his voice. He couldn't leave her this way. He cared way too much about her to let her suffer, even if she did fancy Harry. And he wanted nothing more than for her to be happy. What if Harry returned her feelings? What if he fancied her too? After all, Ron had never talked to Harry about his own feelings for Hermione. She wasn't off limits. Harry could fancy her if he wanted to, even if he had just broken it off with Ginny... They'd be spending the next year together, possibly completely alone, plenty of time for Harry and Hermione to start a relationship... Ron felt that in some ways he'd rather die than have to suffer being with them if they were together. He knew he just would not be able to handle it. It would kill him. But if she really felt what he suspected she might... Ron had to do this. He had to say something, as her friend. He had to make sure that she was happy, that even if he would die inside, she would be able to go on living... at least for the time that they had left, however long that might be.
"I'd want to know," he said quietly, but he knew that Hermione had heard him when she stopped walking and stood with her back to him. He brushed past her and headed out the front door into the yard without another word.
