A/N Hi, thanks everyone for reading and commenting. Enjoy the update!
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"Dr. Yang?"
Cristina looked up from the plate with her lunch to scan the form of a young woman with blond curly hair in pale rosy scrubs.
"Dr. Peppman?" said Cristina deciphering from her pass.
Dr. Daisy Peppman's eyes swept discreetly over Alex, George and Izzie sitting with Cristina and the rest of the cafeteria. She lowered her voice conspiratorially, "So, I'm here for the winnings," she grinned from ear to ear.
"What winnings?" asked Cristina disinterestedly, picking up her fork.
"I'm on behalf of dermatology residents," she explained nodding at a group of identically clothed people standing near the coffee cart. "We bet on two weeks since the Big Bang."
"Then you lost, sorry," shrugged Cristina.
Dr. Peppman's smooth forehead creased suspiciously, "But they made up."
"Who told you that?" inquired Izzie.
Daisy opened her mouth and wiggled her eyebrows taking a sideways glance at a table occupied by three people, three seemingly very happy people. "That says it all."
The four friends followed Dr. Peppman's regard. Derek Shepherd was laughing loudly at something his daughter said. Bessie was stomping on his lap with one hand hooked tightly around his neck, the other playing with his penlight, apparently trying to conduct an eye movement exam. Meredith was sitting across the little table, gaping at them both with adoration.
"Nope," Cristina shook her head. "The bet is still open."
"Because you staked on three weeks?" Daisy folded her arms.
Cristina leaned back in her chair feigning hurt, "I'm her best friend. No one wants them to be fondling each other all over the place again as much as I do-"
"I'm… sorry," Daisy scrunched her nose and scurried away.
"-because then I won't have to listen to Meredith's vagina monologues hours on end."
"It's not that bad," chuckled Izzie.
"It is; Derek this, Derek that…" ranted Cristina.
"What else you'd rather be doing?" smirked Alex "You're off cardio again. You should let your hair down around Hahn."
Cristina knew exactly what she'd be doing instead of lending an ear to Meredith's heartaches. She would be dealing with the attempts at relationship with Owen which was developing at a snail's pace. She wasn't complaining, there was no need to rush into things. They had different problems, though. The closer they got, the more she realized the depth of his issues, of the severity of the post traumatic stress disorder he was suffering from ever since he got back from Iraq. But she didn't intend to back out on him, she wanted to take care of him, heal his wounds.
He would be coming over tonight, just to sleep, lay beside her. For the time being, it was enough. Now, though, she needed to keep an eye on her person. As much as she enjoyed grumbling about Meredith's issues, she didn't really mind looking out for her. She was her family; she appeared in her life long before Owen. And she was in need of support, irrelevant how perfect the McFamily looked. Cristina was probably the only person to know how imperfect it was in reality.
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Meredith was all smiles. She watched Bessie's antics and Derek's happiness at the contact with his daughter and she couldn't help feeling happy too. In times like this, both she and Derek could forget about anyone and anything, the past and the future. There existed nothing but the present filled with Bessie's giggles.
However, more often than not, Meredith's smile didn't reach her eyes for Derek was acting on his word. Their contacts rarely involved spheres different than taking care of their child or work. Surprisingly, there wasn't even any more verbal abuse from his part. After the initial insinuation that ripped her heart two weeks ago, he kept his mouth shut. Meredith wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. She was partly glad and partly anxious. He either turned indifferent towards her or he was bottling up his anger. In both cases, the prognosis wasn't uplifting.
Today, Meredith was even more fidgety than ever. They were going to take the next step on their bumpy road. After two weeks of convalescence, Bessie was being discharged. They were taking her home. They were taking her home this afternoon, disrupting the fragile rhythm they established during Bessie's hospitalization.
Soon after Bessie's operation, Meredith got back to work. Mainly because she refused to leave hospital and unfortunately Bailey put her foot down on sleepovers in Bessie's room as well as on-call rooms when she wasn't acing as a doctor. Cristina, Izzie and Lexie had to literally drag her to the car and force her into the bed at the house. But this way, she was able to take a couple of days off again to spend at home with her daughter before taking her to Grace again, this time to the daycare.
Derek was moving his surgeries, thus allowing himself to drop them off and that meant he would be at her house again. She would have him at her house and she already knew it would be increasingly frustrating. Having him physically present in the place so wrapped up in their history would be frustrating. Especially so because Derek apparently put behind him the passionate night they spent in the trailer two weeks previously. She experienced much more difficult time forgetting it. He awoke a beast that was asleep since she left the Rain City.
The penlight Bessie was poking at Derek's face fell to the floor with a clatter stirring Meredith up from her stupor. She reprimanded herself sternly as she picked up the fallen object. She felt like a whore. Bessie was playing joyfully beside her and Meredith… really wanted to jump her daddy.
"Light!" demanded Bessie reaching across the table for the pen. "Mommy! Light!"
"Sorry, sweetie, it doesn't work anymore," said Meredith examining the pen.
"Light!" repeated Bessie. Derek put her on the ground and she wriggled out of his grip running to Meredith.
"I want light!" she said stubbornly.
"Daddy's penlight is broken, Cherry-pie," explained patiently Meredith, placing Bessie on her knees. "Besides, you dropped it on the floor, it's all dirty. Mommy can bring you her own penlight from her office after lunch, ok?"
"Ok!" agreed the little girl grabbing Meredith's spoon.
"Ok, what do you say when you politely ask a person to do something?" asked Meredith.
"Hurry!" answered Bessie resolutely.
"Elizabeth Charisma!" scolded Meredith sending a glare at Derek. He was silently watching their banter eating his lunch and he looked as he was about to burst out laughing at Bessie's reply. Apparently, two weeks were enough for certain Derek's qualities to rub off on Bessie, including cockiness. She would have to talk to him about discipline. There was a thin line between teaching a child self-confidence and spoiling them, especially at such a tender age.
Meredith scooped Bessie to turn her to look at her and said seriously, "Look at me, Bessie. No, young lady, look at me. You're being naughty."
Bessie blinked at her with her big blue orbs, another trait that was inherently Derek's and shook her head, "Am good girl."
"You are a good girl." Nodded Meredith. "But you were being naughty.
"Sorry, mommy," said quietly Bessie and cuddled into her chest.
"It's okay, Cherry-pie," Meredith kissed her forehead. "Now, what are the three magical words?"
"Sorry… Please… Thank you," Bessie counted on her fingers.
"Good girl!"
"Ice cream?" Bessie looked at her pleadingly, an angelic smile on her lips. "Mommy, please!"
"Fine," Meredith felt herself giving in. She wanted to give Bessie some treat anyway. She was being discharged which called for a little celebration. "Go and ask Auntie Cris, she's sitting right there with Auntie Izzie, Uncle George and Uncle Alex."
"Ok!" Bessie slid off her knees.
"I'll take her," offered quickly Derek putting down his fork.
"It's okay, finish your lunch. Cristina will be good."
Derek looked a bit disgruntled but didn't argue.
"What do you say to Auntie Cris?"
"Please!"
"Good girl, go!"
She followed Bessie with her eyes as she trotted off two tables away to harass Cristina.
"Derek," she braced herself addressing him. "We can't allow her anything, you know."
"What do you mean?" he frowned chewing slowly his steak.
"You almost laughed at her retort," reminded Meredith. "I know it wasn't anything big but it was arrogant. Two years is too early for arrogance. When she crosses the line, we must show we don't accept it, both of us."
Derek nodded and looked over in the direction where Bessie was jumping eagerly waiting for Cristina to hand over her delicious dessert.
"It's easier said than done. It's so…"
"Hard to be strict with her? Say no to her?" Meredith finished knowingly. "Yeah, I know, she took that over from you."
She sighed as Derek cast his eyes down. Another upsetting symptom of his, unresponsiveness to flirting.
"I have a lot to learn," he sighed.
"That's true but you're doing great," she assured him. "So…" she tried to probe a different subject, "I'm going dress hunting with Jenny on Monday."
Derek registered the information with a nod.
"I'm planning to take Bessie if she feels up to it," she earned another nod.
"Jenny wants her to be a flower girl."
"Bessie'll love it, she'll be the most beautiful flower girl ever," said Derek proudly.
"She will be," admitted Meredith. "How Luke's going with his part of preparations?"
"Good," replied Derek, enthusiasm gone from his voice.
"Has he planned the honeymoon yet?"
"No."
"Has he bought the rings?"
"Yes."
So much for an interesting conversation.
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Meredith left her office with a pile of documents in her hands and the promised penlight in her pocket, noticing Susan wander from door to door. She could easily run for it… only what was the point. Running almost ruined her life, and Bessie's. She was on the way to ensure her daughter a life free from family feuds. She remained a bit apprehensive at getting close with Thatcher's new family but she promised herself to act maturely about it.
"Susan?" she called approaching her stepmother. "Do you need help?"
"Meredith," the older woman smiled enthusiastically. "I was just looking for you; I was told I'd find you in your office."
"Yeah, I needed… to take some stuff," explained Meredith shifting the load in her hands, "uhm, because I won't be back for a few days."
"You're taking a leave?" asked Susan curiously.
"I… just a couple of days, yeah."
"Oh, so… maybe you'll have the time to pop in at our place tomorrow?" Susan looked at her hopefully. "Eric, Molly's husband, is back. That calls for a family dinner."
"Oh, uhm…" Meredith tucked stray hair behind her ear nervously.
"I cut you some slack, you know, because Lexie told me you weren't in the best of shapes and you could do without additional pressure," confessed Susan good-naturedly.
So, Lexie probably told her about Bessie. Meredith couldn't help feeling a bit embarrassed. Susan was such a mother hen who wouldn't ever conceal a child from their father. There was no judgment in her eyes, though.
"I hear now you're back on your feet," continued Susan. "I can start hovering again," she chuckled lightly and Meredith joined her.
"So, tomorrow evening, our place?" Susan waited expectantly. "You've still got that card with the address?"
"Yeah, I… I do," Meredith kept nodding her head. "What… er… what about Molly? How would we explain her?"
"Don't you worry about her." Susan waved her hand. "She knows already; we told her."
"You did?" Meredith lifted her eyebrows in surprise.
"She overheard some bits and pieces while I was talking with your dad."
"And… what did she say?"
"She wasn't expecting that, of course, but she's not upset," Susan hurried with explanation. "She understands and she wants to meet you, this time as your sister, not a patient."
"She's… really okay with that?"
"Yes," assured Susan. "Up to the point of considering changing her choice of godmother for Laura."
"Wha… what?" stammered out Meredith; the last piece of news was a tad overwhelming.
"I thought I'd give you a heads up," Susan smiled apologetically.
"Wow, it's like… epidemics," blurted out Meredith. "Oh, I didn't mean it bad," she added hastily seeing Susan's bewildered expression. "I've just been asked to be a maid of honor fairly recently."
"You're really popular!" laughed Susan. "Listen, we'll all understand if it's too much for you. But it would be nice if you at least came over tomorrow."
"I… I'll think about it," replied Meredith sincerely. "I'm not promising anything but I'll really think about it."
"Ok."
"If I come…" she said hesitantly. "I won't come alone. Is it okay if I'll take-" It would be awkward to take Derek, he probably wouldn't want to come anyway but there was no way she was doing that without Bessie. She was the main reason for trying, after all.
"Of course!" Susan cut her in. "That's not a problem!"
"Ok, so… I'll just go. We're… taking her home just about now. So… see you… I think. Bye."
Susan frowned at her retreating form in incomprehension.
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Derek followed Meredith and Bessie into the house carrying their bags with her clothes and the gifts she received at the hospital. He was a little, no, actually, a lot, preoccupied with coming back to this place. There were just so many memories, good and bad. The last time he set his foot here, he was clinging to the house plans in the hope of starting a family with Meredith. Almost three years later, they were back in the frat house, with a child, but still far from being a family. They always did everything in the wrong order.
Derek put the bags on the floor in the hall and looked around, feeling as though he had walked into a parallel universe. The furnishings were just as he remembered, with the exception of countless plastic locks on drawers and doorknobs, plastic sockets, corner pads and baby gates making him feel like a giant in the kingdom of dwarves. Derek couldn't put his finger if it was childproofing or something else that made Meredith's house… homey, like it was never before.
"Derek?" asked Meredith, coming from the kitchen, Bessie in her arms.
"It's… very clean in here," he commented. Meredith was always kind of a slob and he couldn't pin a thing laying out of place.
"Of course, it's clean," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I have a toddler in the house who likes to put literally everything into her mouth. I spent five hours yesterday polishing off every possible surface."
Derek's eyes scanned his surroundings once more and this time stopped at the, famous or infamous depending on the point of view, coach in the living room. He felt heat rising up his neck. Neither his daughter's presence in the same room nor her toys scattered here and there could block the steamy memories flashing in his mind. He could almost feel Meredith's supple body under his hands, her lavender conditioner mixed with the scent of tequila and their lovemaking, her delicious screams filling his ears.
Damn it, after his initial anger at discovering he had a secret love child subsided, his never-ending attraction to Meredith returned with full force. Apparently, his traitorous body had no dignity. He tried like hell to keep his distance, and what an incredibly strenuous task it was. Especially with Meredith's touch fresh on his body from the night at the trailer, the subject of which became almost a taboo between them.
And there was also something more this time, stronger than lust. It was some caveman primal instinct. He had made her pregnant, she had birthed his wonderful child. She was branded his, forever. If he ever saw another man trying to approach her, he would go for blood from all the jealousy. Still, he didn't know if he could give in to her, if he could be with her after everything. Then again, they had a daughter, so maybe it was worth to try. All Derek knew was that his head was one big mess and he shouldn't rush into anything. He could lose control and say something inappropriate and thus risk the possibility of Meredith's hormonal minions fulfilling their threats.
"Derek?" Meredith's concerned voice brought him down to earth. "Can you take the bags upstairs? Cherry-pie's drowsy. It's time for a nap."
"Sure," said Derek and climbed the stairs behind Meredith, her jean clad backside swaying in front of him. He raised his eyes to the ceiling. It was going to be a whole lot harder than he expected.
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Meredith was sleeping like a log. The day proved exhausting both to her nerves and body. All the time, she observed with tension the oddly jittery Derek. Then, she did everything in her power to make a successful dinner while he was sitting beside napping Bessie. Thankfully, the meal wasn't a disaster and Derek appeared genuinely impressed. They talked a little, then Derek assisted for the first time in Bessie's bath and after they tucked her in to bed for the second time that day, he left for the hospital as he had a late surgery.
Going to bed, Meredith thanked God for the leave of absence. She needed rest desperately to face a new day and… Derek. However, not so long afterwards, she opened her eyes incredulously as the shrill ringing of the telephone broke her slumber. She reached for the receiver with a groan squinting at the screen.
"Cristina, it's 11 p.m., it's like a childless person's three in the morning. This better be good…" she grumbled. However, she didn't hear Cristina's voice, it was Callie's. "What? He what?"
Meredith couldn't believe in what she just heard, it was absurd, unimaginable. She quickly switched on the lamp on her nightstand and got out of bed. She had to get to Cristina's, her friend needed her badly; she couldn't leave Bessie though. If there was an emergency of any kind, she would ask Cristina. Tonight, Cristina was the emergency. Without much thinking, she dialed Derek's number.
"Meredith?" sounded his tired voice.
"Derek, are you still in the city?" she asked hoping he didn't yet set off to the trailer.
"Yeah, I'm just about to leave the hospital. Has something happened?"
"No, I mean it has," breathed out Meredith. "Can you come over?"
"Now?"
"Yes, now."
"Yeah, sure, just tell me what's wrong," he insisted with concern. "Is it something with Bessie? Is she sick?"
"No, don't worry," she calmed him down. "She's sleeping, she's good. I just need your help, I'll explain when you're here."
She quickly got dressed and waited for him at the door to quietly let him in.
"What's going on?" he demanded with a frown.
"I… I need you to stay with Bessie, please."
"What?" he breathed, incredulity painting on his face, noticing the jacket she was wearing. "Are you going out?"
"I need to go to Cristina's," Meredith explained quickly. "There's kind of situation."
"What kind of situation?" Derek put his hands on his hips.
"A situation involving screaming Callie, strangled Cristina, Owen and PTSD episodes," she recited taking her car keys. "I really don't have time now-"
"Wait! Wait!" Derek put his hands up in confusion. "You're serious. You're leaving Bessie with me?"
Meredith nodded.
"I…" he ran his fingers through his hair. "You never have!"
"Derek," she looked straight into his eyes. "You'll be fine! I wouldn't be doing that if I didn't know you were ready."
"Do you… Is it necessary?" Derek was panicking at the thought of being the only adult around responsible for his daughter.
"It's an emergency, Derek," sighed Meredith. "Now, listen carefully. Don't leave any gates unlocked, okay? Especially not the ones blocking the stairs."
Derek nodded attentively.
"Don't turn off the light in the hall upstairs," continued Meredith. "If Bessie wanders off her bed, she won't crash into something in the dark."
"Wanders off? Where would she wander off?" asked Derek, his anxiety rising.
"To my bedroom, for example," she shifted uncomfortably. "Which is why you should go there."
"Where? Your bedroom?" She's got to be kidding me.
"Yes, we're into the potty training, Derek. Bessie might come to ask me to take her to the bathroom."
"And what if she comes?"
"Then you'll take her to the bathroom," Meredith rolled her eyes. "But don't worry, you can go to sleep. You don't have to stay up. Er, you can change the sheets if you want to, there's a fresh set in the drawer."
No, she's not kidding me, she's killing me!
"How am I supposed to sleep knowing she might be walking around the house?"
"That's what the gates are for," reminded Meredith patiently.
"Don't worry Derek. You'll be good, both of you. I trust you." With that she ran out of the house and jumped into her car.
Derek marched heavily upstairs. He was afraid, he was afraid of staying alone with a two-year-old. He often took care of his nieces and nephews back in New York but never on such a scale. It was incomparably more demanding and nerve-wracking. He double checked the baby gates on his way and peered into Bessie's room, which previously was inhabited by Izzie. She was sleeping peacefully in her toddler bed. Hopefully, she'd continue to do that throughout the night. He loved his tiny girl with all his heart but sometimes he felt woefully inadequate.
Derek took a deep breath and proceeded to Meredith's bedroom. The room was virtually unchanged but for the baby monitor on the nightstand. He halted insecurely in the middle, in two minds about what to do. He stared at Meredith's bed. Judging by the state of the sheets, she had been sleeping in there minutes ago. If he passed a hand over the soft material, he'd maybe still be able to feel her warmth lingering on the covers that hugged her body.
Even without her in it, her bed was so inviting, tempting . He stripped to his boxers and slid under the comforter. Changing the sheets? It wouldn't ever crossed his mind. Being wrapped up in her bed linen gave a semblance of intimate proximity to her. He lay on his stomach inhaling the overwhelming scent of her. He wished he could stay there forever, preferably with Meredith at his side.
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Derek had trouble falling asleep between the porny thoughts that increased tenfold as he rested in her bed and the fear that Bessie might come in the middle of the night demanding his inexperienced assistance. Finally, he drifted off into a light jumpy kind of sleep that the smallest noise could easily brush off.
As the door clicked, his eyes instantly popped open and he reached to turn on the light.
"Oh, I thought you were asleep," whispered Meredith.
"I was… I dozed off, I think."
"You survived I see," she giggled slightly.
"Yeah, wasn't that difficult given the fact that she stayed in bed," answered Derek, stifling a yawn. "You?" he asked scrutinizing her face that screamed exhaustion.
"I did, too," she breathed out unceremoniously throwing herself over the covers. "But it was… horrible."
"What happened?" frowned Derek.
Meredith rolled to her side to face him. She didn't feel as she was betraying Cristina's trust talking with Derek. She really needed to let it out and her person seemed to be in denial. Besides, Cristina started a betting pool on her and Derek so she was in no position to raise any objections.
"I got to Cristina's place and…" she rubbed her forehead. "Callie was worried sick, Owen crying on the floor."
"Owen? Like in Hunt?"
"They're kind of together," explained Meredith. "Anyway, Cristina locked herself up in the bathroom but she let me in. There were… red… awful red marks around her neck. He… he almost strangled her! They were sleeping… and he almost strangled her!"
"You said he was suffering from PTSD?" said Derek remembering her earlier words. He propped himself up on one elbow letting the comforter slide down exposing a part of his chest.
"Yeah," groaned Meredith. "Ever since he got back from Iraq. And… it's not the first time. He hurt her before, she only told me tonight."
"Is she okay?"
"She says she is. You know her, she always puts a brave face," complained Meredith with annoyance. "She… genuinely cares about him. She let him in and she hugged him. She hugged him! I was afraid to leave her with him. Fortunately, he decided to get back to his place."
"I'm really worried about her," she admitted. "That Burke thing hit her really hard and now Owen… he's a good guy but… You know, I've been thinking maybe I could help…"
"You mean MRI? He should definitely start with that; PTSD can be healed," agreed Derek.
"It may be hard to persuade him to do this," sighed Meredith. "He's such a GI Joe sometimes."
At that point Meredith realized she and Derek were talking, they were communicating. Her eyes sank lower to discover he was shirtless, in her bed…
He followed the movement of her eyes and gathered all the willpower he possessed. His heart and body were telling him to stay here, with her but his mind knew better.
He cleared his throat and breathed out, "I… I should go."
"Oh, okay. Uhm, thank you, thank you for coming," she stammered watching him get up, the only piece of clothing being his boxers. He picked up his clothes from the floor and started to get dressed.
"Derek?" She sat up. "You could… stay for the night."
"I don't think I should," he replied, his face expressionless.
"I… in Alex's old room," said Meredith hurriedly. "It's… it's free and it's clean. You're obviously tired, I kept you up all night and not in a good way-"
"Meredith-" he tried to cut in, shaking his head.
"You're tired and you shouldn't really drive to the trailer this late. What would I tell Bessie if you crashed somewhere and died?" she sighed, twirling her fingers. "Besides, you have work tomorrow, well, today already."
"Okay," sighed Derek giving in.
"Okay," smiled Meredith with relief. "I'll get you clean covers."
Still partly undressed, Derek left for the room previously occupied by George and Alex while Meredith hopped to the wardrobe to pull out the linen. Her vision was glued to one of the drawers. She wondered… would it be too bold of her or… too pathetic? Or would it show, in fact, that she could never move on from him?
She pulled out the content of the drawer and took it along with the bed clothes to Alex's room where Derek was waiting leaning against the window, his shirt unbuttoned.
"So.. here you are," said Meredith unfolding the sheets.
"Thanks," he nodded, starting to do the bed.
Meredith had to fight the urge to stand and ogle with mesmerized eyes his flexing muscles.
"And… I…" she stuttered disconcertedly holding out a little pile of clothes in her hand, a grey t-shirt and a pair of striped pajama bottoms. "I thought… you might be more comfortable in these. They… they've been stacked in my dresser all the time, probably since before the whole sex and mockery thing. They're clean… they're… I washed them just couldn't throw them away and… I guessed it was too late to give it back to you."
She felt her face heat up as she put his pajamas on the bed. He was standing still with a comforter in his hands, his face inscrutable.
"Uhm, so… I'll leave a towel for you in the bathroom in case you'd like to have a shower," Meredith slowly backed out of the room. "Thank you again… for staying with Bessie. Uhm, goodnight, Derek."
She hurried to her own bedroom not even waiting for his response, afraid that she might have pushed him too hard. However, when she woke up hours later with Derek already gone, she found the clothes folded neatly on the bed. He didn't take them. Yet, as she picked them up, she knew he wore them. His masculine scent that had washed out was back on the material.
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A/N Don't know why this chapter turned out so long! I hope you're not bored even if it was mainly filled with MerDer smelling each other ;)) Derek was more tame than in the last few updates but I'm afraid we didn't see the last of his pissy alter ego. Reviews highly appreciated,
Em
