Monday morning again. Board room, again. Meeting, again.

Fortunately, no Derek this time. And my skirt was definitely on the right way round.

I nearly always wore a skirt and jacket to work. I would pull my long hair up into a pleat and dab on a bit of make-up. I knew I looked a little like the stuck up librarian Derek often accused me of being. I preferred "young professional".

Young. I pondered the word as Archie rattled on through the agenda, discussing issues and inviting opinion. I wasn't in the mood.

On paper, I suppose I was still young; the right side of thirty five at least. But, I felt old at times. The disadvantage of being in the literary world is that most of the people you deal with are the people who have time for books, which means they are an older demographic. Our office environment didn't help. It was all wood panelling and old leather.

And my lifestyle outside of work was hardly young. There were no visits to night clubs, no girls' weekends or beach trips. About the most youthful thing I did was taking a dance class twice a week. It had been several months since I had gone on a date and three years since I had had a relationship of any description.

I wasn't sure that I had wanted a family at some point, but the thought of time running out on that front was occurring more frequently these days. My dating drought didn't help.

It wasn't that I didn't get invitations, because I did, and not all of them were from men old enough to be my father / step-father. It was just the guy had to be extra special to even tempt me. I had a complex measure to gauge them with.

They were, unknowingly, always fighting Derek.

So I led a rather quiet existence in my little two-bedroom apartment. The second room a nod towards the family I had back in Canada and the occasional visit from Lizzie or Mom. I'd invited Marti several times, and once she had even bought a ticket. Then Polly had developed chicken pox and the whole trip had to be cancelled.

I wondered if the loneliness of my life was obvious to Derek that day he had come to my apartment.

I had met with him twice more since then, but in my office this time. We now had five neutral chapters behind us. He said he was working on a new beginning for the book, but he wouldn't tell me anything about the new chapters and we still argued our way through our meetings. The first time we had met in my office, we had gotten into a heated debate about grammar and Ruthie, bless her, had strategically arrived with coffee in an effort to limit the chances of homicide. Her parting, "Let me know if I need to bash your heads together" had made even Derek smile.

It was uncomfortable working with him. We were required to sit close to each other to see my laptop screen or the papers in front of me. I was aware of everything about him, his smell, even his body warmth. It was like being back in school sitting next to a boy you had a crush on.

Derek was tense too. I could tell. He was trying to be a wiseass and it irritated the hell out of me; which was where most of the arguments had come from. Evidently, sitting next to the person you hate most in the world is as difficult as sitting next to the person you love.

"Casey?" Archie's voice broke through my thoughts. Damn! Caught in the act of non-attention.

"Sorry Mr Etheridge, I was miles away."

Archie looked sternly at me, but I could see an amused twinkle in his eye, he was acting for our subordinates' benefit.

"I was asking for a progress update on the Venturi book."

I shook myself awake and straightened in the chair.

"It's progressing. We've covered about 20% of the book, mainly the hockey stuff. I've requested some additional chapters from him which he informs me he is working on. I could do with blocking a series of meetings with him as he is difficult to get hold of, but other than that…yeah. It's going okay. Considering…"

Archie would understand that last word. I didn't care if the others did.

"Great!" He smiled encouragingly at me and moved on to the next topic.


He gave me the benefit of his full opinion at lunch time as we grabbed some food in my office.

"So…not a complete disaster." He said, and then bit into his tuna melt.

I snorted. "That's easy for you to say. You try sitting next to your ex-boyfriend while the hated oozes off him."

Archie scratched his nose and spoke with his mouthful. "That would be hard, I don't have any ex-boyfriends." He beamed a food-filled grin at me.

"You know, Archie, I think you and Derek went to the same school of table manners."

He waved a hand dismissively. "This is my big act of rebellion. I had manners rammed down my throat at my god-awful prep school and dad insisted on formal dining whenever I was home. Eating like a pig is a comfort to me."

I rolled my eyes at him and spiked a prawn from my salad. "Why do I do this to myself? Why do I make friends with people who are so…"

"Gorgeous?" Archie was on a roll today.

"I was going to say adolescent."

He chuckled.

"Anyway, I think I've solved your problem with Derek being un-contactable."

"Oh?"

"My father is having a weekend party in two weeks time and he's invited Derek to stay. Elisabeth and I are going, and so are the girls. Why don't you join us? We can provide somewhere for you and Derek to work and it will give you chance to let your hair down."

Oh great! A house party with Roswell. I sighed. It would be a good opportunity to corner Derek and get some work done though.

"Okay. But you need to make it clear to Derek that I will want to work on the book."

"Actually, it was his suggestion."


The whirlwind that was my youngest sister attacked me in arrivals with a squeal.

"I can't believe I made it!!!! After all the failed attempts, I'm finally here!"

I laughed. "I know. I have the bruises to prove it."

She dropped her bags onto the airport trolley I had picked up and we made our way out to the taxi rank.

"How's Polly and Simon?" I enquired.

She smiled. "Adorable."

"Polly or Simon?"

"Both." We laughed and she filled me in on all the happenings at home as the yellow cab drove us into the city.

"What have you got planned for me, this weekend?" she asked.

"Well. There's a new musical opened which I thought you might like to see, and I've managed to get tickets through work. There's a fair in central park and I thought a big shopping trip."

"Are we after anything in particular?" Marti had developed a fashion sense as a teenager, which was a relief. She was best placed to shop with me these days. Lizzie was still lukewarm about the whole style thing, even now.

"My big boss, Roswell has invited me to a weekend party at his grotesquely extravagant mansion, and I have nothing to wear."

"Nothing?"

I shifted in my seat. "It's a working weekend, and there are some big types going. These people have money. Also, Archie and his family will be there and he has two daughters in their mid twenties. When I opened my wardrobe I realised I dress like I'm forty already."

"You dress really nicely, Casey."

"I just don't want to feel old."

"You aren't old."

"I feel it."

Marti had always been more perceptive than the rest of our family.

"Trying to impress someone?"

"Impress…no. Trying to stop some inevitable teasing…yes."

She frowned. "Teasing?"

"Derek's going."

My sister's mouth made an 'O' shape.

"If Derek's going then we need to get you a whole new wardrobe." She announced.

"I'm not trying to impress Derek, Marti. Just trying not to look like the poor relation."

She grinned. "I know. But it wouldn't hurt if it knocked his socks off along the way."

"Stop it, Marti! It's over between Derek and me, remember?

"Whatever, Casey. But I'm really in the mood for this shopping trip."


Marti was a mom. It was true. She was still young though, with young friends and she had a young sense of style; or rather younger than mine. With her help we pulled my serious wardrobe into something lighter and much nearer my own age. She managed to pick out a variety of casual and more formal outfits in the latest colours and styles and even I had to admit the combinations, which I would never have picked for myself, were flattering. And the new clothes made me feel better about myself.

She didn't stop at the clothes, persuading me to have my hair trimmed, for the first time in a long while, and getting me to restock my make-up on a trip into Macy's.

"That's much better!" was the verdict as we had dinner before the show. "You look every bit of twenty eight. You've aged well Casey. You should show it off."

Even I could see when we stood beside each other in front of my bedroom mirror, that I looked closer in age to Marti than the reality.

"Are you going to say yes to Simon now?" I asked her later on the way home from Broadway. "Derek and I managed to be in the same room together again. You could probably persuade him to come to your wedding."

Marti shook her head. "I'm not marrying Simon until this stupid business between you and my brother is sorted out once and for all."

"Marti…" I turned to reprimand her and stopped. She was crying.

"Casey. I love you both so very much, and this conflict between you pulls me apart. I hoped when you saw each other again that you would realise you've been such fools. I saw the love between you two long before you acted on it, and I don't believe that love has gone. So forgive me if I say I still hope."

"I'm sorry Smarts." And I was close to tears myself. "I've hurt so many people."

She rounded on me. "No. You didn't. Not initially. You made a decision. Fine. Derek reacted to it. Fine. But for you both to continue this way after fifteen fucking years." She wiped her nose inelegantly on her sleeve.

"I've tried talking to Ed about it. But he's so wrapped up in his own sorrow. He's being every bit as much of a martyr as you are. If he would just suck it up and make a move on Lizzie maybe you and Derek would snap out of it. He says I don't understand. I hate that! I'm not six anymore."

Her last statement would have had more weight had she not stamped her foot on the word "hate".

"Marti. We have to deal with what life throws at us. I'm resigned to the life I have. God. I envy you what you and Simon have together, which is why it is just so insane for you not to marry him."

"Simon understands."

"Yeah. Don't hurt him Martha. Yours is the one functional relationship amongst the McDonald-Venturi kids. Don't screw it up."

"I'm not marrying him." She said bluntly. "Not until."


We walked and talked that weekend. Marti asked me a lot about my meetings with Derek. She said he had been characteristically reticent about keeping her up to date. When I asked what he had said she shrugged.

"He said. "Casey's Casey. She hasn't changed. And neither have I." Which left me completely in the dark."

I smiled. And we switched topics to something more comfortable.

Watching her pass through the barrier to join her flight home was hard. It was always hard to say goodbye to my family, but just lately I had felt closer to Marti.

The journey back from the airport was uneventful, but the elevator in my apartment block was out so I was forced to climb five flights of stairs. As I let myself into my apartment I could hear the phone ringing. I slammed the door shut behind me and made a dash for the phone.

I was breathless when I got there.

"What's up with you?" Derek said on the line.

"Ran for the phone." I panted. I took deep breaths and tried to get my breathing under control.

"You haven't sounded like that on the phone to me for a while." He said amused.

For some reason that made me angry.

"Is there a point to this call?"

There was silence and I wondered if I had overdone the irritation.

I heard him take a breath.

"Yeah actually there is. I've finished the early chapters that you asked for. Do you want me to fed-ex them or wait until next weekend."

I sat down heavily on the sofa.

"I've got a manic week this week so I won't get chance to look at them. Let's leave it till the weekend."

"Okay. Fine." I could tell he was ready to hang up."
"Derek?"
"Casey?"

"What line did you decide to go down with the book? Career or life?"

He chuckled. "Choose Life, Babe."