I've screamed in my life – mainly at Derek when he threw water at me, changed my shampoo for honey or sprained my ankle - and I've had moments where I have been truly scared.
The weird thing was this wasn't one of them. When the lights went out shortly after that panicked cry all I did was stand still and wait.
Unfortunately, Henrietta didn't. She screamed, hard, loud and right in my ear.
"Someone shut her up." I heard Derek's voice say in the dark. "Casey are you okay?"
"Fine."
"Benny?" Derek asked next.
"What? I'm a girl now?" Benwick sounded offended at Derek's concern.
"Asshole." Derek was amused. "Let's get out of here. Matthew, can you take Edvard Munch? Benny, I guess I had better take Louisa, because you'll never manage the stairs with her and your leg. Will you take Casey?"
"I'm fine Derek." I objected.
"Yeah and you'll be even better with Benny." He replied in a tone that brooked no dissent. "Matthew, Benny, you go first and I'll bring up the rear with Louisa. Try and clear me a path. Hold hands if you can so that we don't get separated. I can't smell smoke yet, so the biggest danger is people panicking."
Someone, I guessed Benny, stepped close to me and fumbled for my hand. I took theirs and we edged our way in the direction of the stairs. Fortunately before we got there, emergency floor lighting kicked in and the first step became illuminated. It was still dicey though and I had no idea whether Derek was following.
"Derek?" I called.
"I'm here. Just keep going." His voice sounded laboured as though he was carrying something heavy. He was - Louisa.
Nightclubs are dark places with no windows to shed light from outside. I thought back to the journey from the car and decided that it wasn't far until we got out of the confines of the building; inching along though would be painfully slow. Benny led me down the steps and at the bottom tightened his grip on my hand.
Several hundred people were fighting to get out.
We paused.
"This is stupid." Benny announced. "Why are they all panicking so much?" Then as if in answer to his question, a draught brought the smell of burning into the air. Even above the noise of the club-goers I heard Derek swear.
"Shit!" he said in awe. He was higher up than us and had a better "view" in the darkness.
"What?" Benny replied.
"I can see the flames." His voice changed. "Benny just go! Get her out of here! Now! Please!"
"What about you?"
"I'm right behind you."
So Benny pulled me forward into the milling crowd.
Almost immediately, he lost his grip on my hand.
I was being elbowed and pushed and shoved. People were above me, people were below me, the pressure of the crowd against me knocked the air from my lungs and I found myself gasping for breath. And gasping wasn't a good idea because now all the air around me was tainted with that acrid taste and smell. The smoke was running faster than the crowd, like fog rolling over the ocean. In the confusion, I lost my sense of direction, not knowing whether I was moving away from the fire or towards it. I decided to just let the crowd carry me and stopped fighting.
I wasn't panicking; or at least, not about my own situation. I was worrying about Derek. If a fit and healthy woman had got knocked about so badly, how would a man carrying a dead weight fair?
The endless push and pull of the Massive battered and bruised me. My hair was pulled and I felt fingernails digging into me. I couldn't remember the last time I had taken a breath and my lungs felt like they would burst.
.
And then, I saw light.
Not bright light, but overwhelming enough for my smoke-logged eyes. I was confused. Was it the fire or the outside?
And then I smelled clean air, and I too pushed my way forward.
The sidewalk was full of people milling about, crying, screaming and searching for friends and lovers. If the crush inside had been a raging torrent like a river in flood, the sidewalk outside was the ocean it poured into.
I must have been inside for quite a while, because there were fire trucks pulling up. I had started to behave like everyone else, wandering looking for the people I had come with; looking for Derek.
.
Derek.
.
Derek.
After what seemed like an eternity but was probably closer to fifteen minutes, I was still no closer to finding him. My instinct wanted to carry me back into the building, but the fire crew had quickly cordoned off the doorway, and after a while, my common sense returned.
And when it did I realised I was never going to find him in the crowd.
I had my bag slung across my body. It was a miracle it was still there and I thanked everything under the sun that I had that bag and not last night's clutch. Inside, I knew was my cell, but there was no point in calling him. The noise level here was too great. No one would hear the ring, and Derek might have dropped his phone in his haste to get Louisa out.
I needed to concentrate on the hope that he had made it out.
So instead of milling, I walked calmly over to what appeared to be the co-ordination centre, and up to a guy with a clipboard. I waited calmly while the guy dealt with a hoard of scared people, and then eventually he looked at me.
"Were you in there?"
I nodded.
"What's your name?"
"Casey McDonald." I also gave my address.
"Were you with anyone?"
"Yes. My…brother, and four friends." I gave everyone's details.
He nodded.
"There's a warehouse across the street where there will be someone giving out a drink and you can shelter. We're sending everyone there, so when your friends check in they'll get sent there too."
"Okay."
"You're calm." He commented.
"It won't last."
It didn't. After half an hour I found myself back out on the sidewalk, searching.
The good news was the ocean was now more like a lake; calm, pooling, but still immense.
The large building which had held the night club was well ablaze, and the scene was lit like daylight. People were silhouetted against the scene, their arms around each other watching as the building disintegrated. It was mesmerising. You could do nothing but stare.
I overheard the clipboard guy say there were four fatalities and numerous injuries. Did that make me lucky? Until I found Derek, I couldn't answer that. It wasn't that I didn't care about the others in our party, it was just that…
I couldn't find the words.
"I can forgive you dumping me, and a fifteen year blood feud is nothing. But if you ever put me through another hour like that again, Casey McDonald, I will NEVER forgive you."
The words came from behind me, but they settled close to my heart.
"Where's Louisa?" I asked, as he loosened the hug and finally let me breathe.
"I'd imagine by now she's at the hospital. Benwick went with her, and Henrietta and Matthew followed in a cab."
"Was she okay?"
He rubbed at the soot on my face. "When I pulled her off my shoulders she was unconscious. They aren't sure if it was the smoke or the alcohol."
"You're still here? Why aren't you at the hospital?"
"Oh come on, Case. Like Dad and Nora would forgive me if I abandoned you."
Reality hit. Of course. Filial duty.
But in the meantime he was holding me and whatever his inducement for doing so, I couldn't let go.
"Have you been checked out?" he asked.
"I'm fine, Derek."
"Like fuck you are, you're covered in soot." So was Derek but not as much.
"I must have been pushed closer to the fire than you." That would explain why it took me longer to get out. It would only have been minutes, but with the crowding outside it had separated us completely.
"Come on. I'll get my car and take you to the hospital." And then he was propelling me along towards the parking lot, dragging his keys from his pocket.
He settled me in the passenger seat and moved round to the driver's door. Getting in he paused and stared at me.
"Where were you?"
"I think I was inside for a while, and then when I came out I realised that I wouldn't find you easily so I just reported to the co-ordinator and tried to wait in the warehouse. But I couldn't last, I had to come looking for you…all."
Derek was quiet. "Let's go." He said finally.
.
At the hospital, I got a clean bill of health from the doctors and told to go home and rest, but I had more important things to do. I needed to know how Louisa was, and so did Derek. Dismissed by the emergency room staff, we made our way up to the place where they had taken Louisa.
Derek was holding my hand.
In the elevator, he pulled me close and pressed a kiss in my hair.
"Ew! You stink."
"So do you."
"Hmm. He muttered as thought that hadn't occurred to him, and I laughed wearily.
"Has anyone called Archie?" I said when the amusement passed.
Derek nodded. "Yeah, Benwick, as soon as we saw Louisa was going to need the hospital. He and Elisabeth are on their way." The doors to the elevator opened and we emerged into a brightly lit hallway and almost immediately I spotted our friends.
Benwick was the first on his feet.
"Casey! Oh thank fuck! I'm so sorry I let go of you!"
I smiled. "It's fine. Don't worry about it. There was no way you could have held onto me in that crowd. I'm just glad everyone made it out okay. How's Louisa?"
"She's breathing again and is stable so they brought her up here. They are fairly sure it was the alcohol rather than the smoke, so they are treating her for alcohol poisoning."
I looked beyond him at the other two figures sitting on the plastic chairs. Henrietta was sobbing into Matthew's shoulder while he rubbed her back. It occurred to be that in all the confusion of this evening, I hadn't met Henrietta's fiancé. He was good-looking. From what I saw he also looked devoted to her. I was glad. Henrietta had been polite to me and the only evidence I had of any failing in common sense was over her blind faith in her own sister's common sense. She looked up at me.
"Oh Casey! I'm so glad you're okay. What happened to you?"
"Swept along in the heat of the moment." I said, and for some reason, we all smiled.
"How's Louisa?" I asked her, pulling away from Derek's grip and moving to sit next to the younger girl, as Benwick resumed his former seat.
"Lucky to be alive. If you guys hadn't been here…if it had just been the two of us..." her voice trailed away.
"But it wasn't, Hen." Matthew said. "She did something silly, and she was lucky. We just need to concentrate on that not the whatifs."
"Matthew's right." I said. "Let's just hope that Louisa is okay and be glad we all came out of there."
Derek had followed me over to the chairs and taken the seat next to me. When he put an arm around my shoulder and rubbed it, I leaned against him, suddenly exhausted and he pulled me closer.
"We should ring home. Those photos might make it onto the news." He said murmuring in my ear. I nodded.
"Will you do it? I'll cry and mom will be more upset."
"Sure. I'll be back in a minute." He let go of me and stood up.
In a quiet corner, he took out his cell and made the call.
From what I could hear, this far away, George was groggy so had probably been asleep. Derek apologised for waking him and explained what had happened and that the news would be full of it in the morning.
"Are they okay?" I asked, when he returned.
"Yeah. A bit surprised that you and I were at a nightclub together, but otherwise fine."
He grinned at me. "Tomorrow might be an interesting chat with Nora."
"Didn't you tell her about the autobiography?"
He shook his head. "Didn't you?"
"No. Oh fuck!"
He laughed. "They have to be told we've buried the hatchet at some point."
"Yeah but mom and George would have assumed it was in each other's skulls."
It took Archie and Elisabeth a further hour to get to the hospital. We waited for them, but tiredness was pulling at me. Derek noticed, removed his coat and made a pillow on his lap for me. Gratefully, I twisted myself on the uncomfortable, plastic seats and laid my head on his coat.
I felt his fingers rest on my shoulder and then tiredness overcame fear and I went to sleep.
An: Dear All... I'm on a jolly for the next couple of days, so chapters probably won't happen until Saturday. Good job I got this chapter written first, eh?
