I was nervous when the time came to go home for Christmas, so Derek made fun of me. But when I watched him closely, his hands were shaking too.
We drove back to London, taking a couple of days to do it because we had the time to. It continued our "honeymoon" a little longer, although he had promised me a proper honeymoon, after our "proper" wedding. We both knew that we would only be forgiven by our family if we gave them the opportunity to watch us take our vows - and then party.
Married life must have given Derek a little more faith in my driving ability…actually it was the threat of separate beds that might have done it…because he let me drive his car some of the way. I pointed out that he had stated we shared everything now and as I told him, that also meant the car.
I behaved. I drove sedately, and let him choose the music.
Even driving slowly though, we did eventually arrive in London.
"Are you okay?" He asked me as we passed through the outskirts and travelled towards home.
"I'll let you know in an hour."
Derek smiled.
"Sweetheart. This is actually none of their business. We don't ever need to tell them."
I stared at him in disbelief.
"Oh yeah. That's going to look great in a year or so when I announce I'm pregnant."
We'd had the "children" talk.
Okay, we'd done more than that. We'd ditched the contraceptives already. Nice though it would be to have some time as a couple, what we both really wanted was a family. I had been worried that the longer we left it the harder it would be to have children. Thirty four wasn't old, but we agreed we didn't want to take any chances. So my comment about it taking a year was my pessimism kicking in. Derek already thought I was pregnant. He said there was no other explanation for my "mood swings".
He was kidding…I think.
I was the one driving when we got to the house. I parked in front of the house and climbed out. George was clearing the drive of snow.
"Nice car, Casey." He said with a smile.
I grinned. "Thanks."
"When did you get that?"
"Two weeks ago."
"It looks expensive."
"Not really, it was part of a package deal." I said, giving my step-father a hug.
That's when Derek got out.
"It's not hers." He said.
"Derek! You did come!" George didn't bother to hide his surprise or his delight.
"Hey. I wouldn't miss Nora's cooking for the world. And someone said some thing about Aunt Madge."
George rolled his eyes. "She's upstairs lying down in her room. Sorry. That would be your room. You'll have to bunk with Ed."
"Or something." Derek muttered.
Mom appeared at the front door.
"Casey!" Then there was a pause. "…and Derek?!" She narrowed her eyes at me. "So the rumours of a co-operation between you were true. Are we signing the Armistice this holiday?"
"Ha ha. Nora." Derek said, giving his step-mom a hug. They each grabbed a bag from the car and we all walked up to the house. Derek and George went back for more luggage.
"You look good, Casey." Mom said, pulling me into her arms. "Better than I've seen you look in a while. And I'm so pleased you and Derek are talking again."
"Mom. About that, I…"
"Casey?"
It was Aunt Madge. Derek's great aunt, seventy five by now, and still sprightly.
I had seen her a couple of times since the famous Derekus. That Christmas she had been a ready source of Derek stories, giving me ammunition whenever he reminded me of some embarrassing moment I had endured.
I liked her.
And then the never to be forgotten Christmas where Derek and I had arrived as a couple and parted the next day…
Aunt Madge had been there too.
She was the person who got me through the first forty eight hours. All she did was sit with me for ten minutes, but the words of wisdom she gave me then kept me going for months.
"Casey. Only you can decide what is best for you. You have to listen to the opinions of the people you trust, but at the end of the day, it is your choice."
And when Derek left suddenly and she found me crying, I had asked what if I had made the wrong choice, she had smiled.
"You are young. That is the best time to make mistakes, because you have your life ahead of you to rectify them."
"I know I'm young, and I've loved people before, but this was different. This felt different. This felt like every door in the world opening up for me. It felt like I could climb over every obstacle laid in front of me because Derek would be there, pulling me up, or knowing him booting me up the backside. Not having that anymore, feels like I'm free-falling. I lost more than just a boyfriend. I lost my best friend. Does he not want even my friendship anymore? Do I matter so little?
Madge had been silent for a while and in hindsight, I guess she was probably wondering whether to say something or not. In the end she did speak.
"I know Derek. I've known him since he was born. His first smile was a cheeky one. His first word was a rude one, and he learned to stand up so he could steal cookies from the kitchen counter. But he has a good heart. The couldn't-care-less attitude is an act. He is careful not to over step things and he only pushes people when he thinks it will do them good. You know how he is with Edwin. He wants Ed to stand up to him, and one day, Ed will. They are very close, but you'd never know it. And Marti. Forgive me if I say that his behaviour to you is similar to the way he behaves towards Marti. It's not a brother-sister relationship with you, but as he is devoted to her so he is devoted to you. He loves you Casey. To me that is obvious."
"So why did he leave?"
"Because it hurts too much to be around you." She had stood up from my bed then and stepped towards the door. "You are in love with each other. Only time will tell if it is the forever kind. If it is, at some point, months down the line, you'll find each other again, and this time it will be with the benefit of hindsight. You will know what you are doing. And you'll be older. No one will be able to say you are too young, or that it is puppy love. I can't tell if that will happen, Casey, no one can. My advice would be, live your life as fully as you can, and above all remember how you feel today."
I had lived by that. I had dated, but I had never married. Because there always came a point when I realised what I felt for the guy was nothing to what I felt for Derek. And as that door was still ajar, I could not give up hope.
Thank God!
She came down the stairs slowly, but there was nothing doddering about her. Her arms were opened wide for me and I stepped into them.
"Nora's right you look good. Better." She said smiling.
"You look fantastic, yourself." I grinned back.
"Did I hear Nora say that Derek is here?" she asked, quietly. I nodded.
"Did you come here together?" Madge asked again. I blushed and nodded.
"Casey?" She said and her voice held suppressed excitement.
My smile grew wider.
Mom looked confused, but before I could say anything, George and Derek were back in the room.
"Nora. Where do you want me to put Derek?" George asked, loaded up with bags.
"I…" my mom started.
I interrupted. "Mom. George. If it's okay with you, Derek can stay in my room."
As I spoke, there was a black fog around the edge of my vision and if I wasn't careful I was going to pass out.
"Breathe, Casey." Derek hissed, suddenly beside me, his hand finding mine.
At his touch and with my deep breath, the fog disappeared.
George looked at Mom. Mom looked at George.
Derek took pity on me. "I'm afraid we have a confession to make."
"You're together?" Mom said. There was a tiny upturn to her mouth which I took as a sign of amusement.
"Yes. Although, it's a bit more serious than..." Derek said.
"We got married!" I blurted.
Silence.
"It's not a prank." Derek said quietly. His thumb was rubbing the back of my hand so hard, he was almost through to the bone.
Madge, bless her, was across the distance between us faster than a jack rabbit down a hole. She had both of us in her arms, and when she kissed my cheek her own was wet.
"Oh! What a fantastic Christmas present!" She announced. "When?"
"Two weeks ago. It wasn't planned, it just happened. We're going to do it again, properly." I said, my eyes pleading with my mother to understand.
Derek was detaching himself from his great aunt and turning towards his father.
"Dad?"
"You two never do things by halves do you?" George said. And then he laughed.
"What is it about you two and Christmas?"
And then I was in my father-in-law's arms and he was kissing the top of my head.
"I'd say welcome to the family Casey, but…" his voice trailed away. When he released me, I looked at my mom. She held her arms out to me. I walked to her.
"I'm sorry mom."
"No. Casey. I am. This should have happened years ago." She hugged me, and then Derek. "I guess the sleeping problem is fixed." She joked. "At least you won't have to sleep with Ed."
Derek laughed. "Somehow that might have been a bit crowded."
"Oh?"
"I think Liz and Edwin might have some news when they get here."
The look on the elders' faces was a picture.
Mom turned to George.
"Well, Georgie. You wanted a truly blended family. I guess you got one!"
Madge winked at Derek. "Good job Marti and Robbie are half-siblings."
That night we took Mom, George, Robbie and Madge out to dinner. It was lovely. I felt as though a large weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Derek was openly affectionate towards me and I never noticed any reaction from the family. Later as we made coffee in the kitchen, I asked my mom about it, and she said she hadn't even noticed.
"Your relationship with Derek has always been tactile. And he still teases you. But now, when I look at you both I wonder how I ever missed it, the love between you. You are the same as you have ever been, and yet so completely different. I'm sorry."
"Mom. Maybe the reason it works now is because we are older. If we had stayed together, life might have got in our way. So don't blame yourself. I regret the fifteen years of not talking, but I can't be upset about the breakup anymore."
"Good. I'm glad. Now get on with the grandchildren!"
We chuckled.
I got my way. Derek joined me in my room. I suspected that from now on it would be our room. Funny. He had had his room since birth, and only relinquished it when we went to college. And now marriage would rob him of it completely.
I chuckled against his bare shoulder.
"Do you remember our first proper argument? About you giving up your room."
"Yes…" Derek said cautiously.
"I won." I said gleefully.
He raised an eyebrow. "It's a battle, Case. Not the war."
"Oh?"
And then he pounced, tickling me into submission to the point where I seriously hoped Aunt Madge slept soundly because otherwise her imagination must be running riot.
"Last time I was here," I said, when things calmed down. "I found our picture under your bed." I rested my head on his shoulder again.
"That's where it got to!" he exclaimed. "I found it when we cleared this room so George could paint it. I thought you had thrown it away. I had planned to post it to you, anonymously, but then it fell off the bed in my room and I couldn't find it."
"Post it to me, why?"
He sighed. "I don't know. It riled me that you could discard it so easily. I wanted to send it to you, to make you remember."
"I didn't discard it. I lost it when I moved. I turned the house upside down looking for it." I paused. "What happened to your copy?"
"It's in my wallet. It's always been there."
"We need some new photos."
"Definitely." He smiled at me.
I glanced across at the air vent to his room. It was firmly closed, I knew because we had checked it earlier when we came to bed.
"Derek?" I murmured suggestively.
"Casey."
"Do you think we could…" I took a deep breath. Derek, however, was on the same page as me.
"That depends on whether you can stay quiet enough." He smirked, and his hands were already finding familiar places.
