Cascore's Note: Writer's Block continues to haunt me. And now school's started, so that doesn't help very much. But, tonight, I was feeling silly, and decided to belt out this little chapter in about twenty or thirty minutes. It was rushed, but hey, I never claimed to take this fanfiction seriously in the first place. I think it turned out pretty well though. Hope you enjoy.
"Today's Headline"
At 2:00 P.M. in the town of Petalburg, a very odd occurrence has taken place. What appeared to be four members from two rival gangs arrived on the scene today and, spontaneously, engaged each other in a thirty-minute long rap battle, which was soon followed by a furious dance-off that has left some blind and others hysterical.
One gang consisted of two Koopas, who locals have confirmed to be named Koops, 21, and Korey, 19. Their rivals were unknown, but it was apparent that they were X-Nauts, whom I'm sure we all remember from several years ago. Their eventual showdown was preceded by a small exchange, according to locals.
"Everyone knows about the X-Nauts," Koopie Koo, 23, commented. "They were those losers my sweetie helped Mario defeat five years ago. Why they ever showed their faces around here, I'll never know, but Korey confronted them immediately."
According to eye witness accounts, Korey approached the X-Nauts as soon as he spied them walking by outside of his home. At the time, Koops was visiting him, and was reportedly sucked into the whole situation unwillingly.
"I mean, sure, I don't have great memories of the X-Nauts, but I didn't want to go and fight them or anything. They haven't done a thing in years," Koops informed us. "But Korey basically dragged me into the whole situation..."
"Yeah, I made Koops back me up. And I'd do it again too!" Korey reported energetically. "There are two things that aren't allowed into this town by any means: X-Nauts, and wasps."
When asked about the reasoning behind banning wasps, Korey refused to answer. He claimed it was too traumatizing to recall.
Nobody really knew what the two Koopas said to the X-Nauts, but it was evident to onlookers that the X-Nauts were dazed and confused about what was going on.
"I don't think the X-Nauts were up to anything very bad," Toadster, 7, commented.
"I'm pretty sure they didn't even know where they were to be honest," Koopook, 22, imparted.
"HOO!? WHAT NOW!!?? ECKS-SNOTS!!?? GESUNDHEIT!!" Mayor Kroop, 174, shouted.
Yes, it was quite evident that the X-Nauts were not looking for trouble, but reports show that Korey challenged them to a rap battle. And, as is law in the town of Petalburg, rap battles must be accepted, or else you are automatically considered "Punked", which is among the most shameful titles one can be given. The X-Nauts would not be able to show face for quite some time had they stepped down from the challenge.
"When Korey challenged them to a rap battle...God, I was so nervous," Koops told us. "I haven't been in one of those since I was thirteen... That was a long time ago."
And so, the red curtain dropped and soon, the entire town was filling up the available seats at the foot of the stage, ready to see the first rap battle to occur in Petalburg in over six years. Both sides held microphones in their hands, and the battle began.
"They were spittin' mad rhymes yo!" KP Pete, 25, commented. "Yeah dawg, when I heard there was gonna be a rap battle in my hometown, I hopped in a pipe and got here as fast as I could. And I'm glad I did. It was epic!"
"I can't believe you X-Nauts ever even got as far as you did, I've seen better plans thought up by a six year old kid!" and "You guys hide yo faces to try and look fly, but the truth is yo mugs are so ugly, if anyone saw them they would die!" were only a few of the mad rhymes thrown out by the highlight of the show, Korey. His partner, Koops, didn't fare so well.
"Mario and I kicked your butts five years ago, by now I thought you'd be too ashamed to even show one of your...toes..." and "You guys should just go back where you came from, because you aren't welcome here and you never...will be... Wait, that didn't rhyme..." were a few of his examples.
But the crowd was surprised with the X-Nauts' ability to belt out insults just as quickly and wittily as the better of the two Koopa contestants.
"You guys are just mad 'cause you ain't nothin' without yo shells. You wanna attack a flying enemy? Oh well!" "Your plus one defense is all you got to brag about. And even then, all we gotta do is jump on yo head and we can take you out!"
By the end of the long, grueling battle, both sides found themselves equally as served, as judged by the audience members.
"I've gotta admit, the X-Nauts were pretty impressive!" Koopley, 45, commented. "But Korey truly shined out there! I hate to say this considering my own son was a part of his team, but Korey really carried the both of them through this one."
"OMG!! Dude, that was intense!" Bub-ulber, 4 days, remarked. "I thought both sides did awesome! I really couldn't decide a clear winner if I tried! Well, maybe if one of them gave me a hot dog..."
Yes, the crowd was evenly split. Neither side got the higher approval. And so, according to Petalburg customs, there was only one option. They had to enter a dance-off.
"'Dance-off'? Why in the world would you want to 'dance off'? I'd think it'd be much safer and more logical to dance on something," Mayor Kroop commented when asked.
And so, once the crowd settled down and the microphones were removed from the stage, the two sides limbered up and prepared themselves. Soon, the designated DJ for the event laid down some phat beats. And, as expected, Korey of the Koopa Team made the first move.
"I'm gonna be honest, it was probably the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life," Toce T., 20, admitted with a blush when asked about Korey's dancing. "He did a mix of popping and locking and just flowing with the beat of the music, he pulled off a moonwalk flawlessly, and that perfect backflip... I just melted, I swear."
Again, Korey had proven himself to be the star of the show, receiving massive cheers of support from the entire crowd as he stepped back and let the X-Nauts take their turn.
"They both came up and did some weird crazy stuff," Koopook told us. "It was...enthralling. Very interesting. It made me think..."
"And then they did something nobody expected dawg," KP Pete further commented. "One of them grabbed the other, tossed him high up into the air, and, somehow, the one in the air split himself into seven different X-Nauts that formed a circle! The one that was on the ground did a backflip right through the middle of it, landed with the splits, spun around and laid on his side as the seven other X-Nauts landed right behind him and all melded back into one again! Nobody could believe that dawg! I was floored!"
Even though they were the technical enemies, everyone raved over the impressive final move by the X-Nauts. And now, it was Koops's turn.
"I've gotta admit...I was really nervous for my Koops," Koopie Koo said. "If there's one thing he's worse at than rapping, it's dancing. He's a total klutz..."
Nobody in the crowd expected the Koopas to win at this point. Koops himself didn't even look that confident as he entered the center of the stage. Soon, he started his routine.
"...It was embarrassing, to say the least," Koopook told us with a sigh.
"Yo...I just wasn't feelin' it when K-Dawg got up there," KP Pete informed.
"It hurt my eyes..." Toadster rang in.
"It induced vomiting within the crowd. Several people had to be rushed out, it was that bad," Bud, 5, commented.
Koops's routine began with what is commonly know as the Koopa Boy; he grabbed the shin of his right leg and began to pump it back and forth as he held the back of his head with his left hand. He followed it up with "The Sprinkler", dropping his leg and holding his right arm straight out, jerking it from left to right as he slowly rotated his body. He continued with "The Monkey", "The Electric Slide", and, finally, "The Macarena". It was possibly the worst medley of dance moves to be seen by the unsuspecting eyes of the crowd, the X-Nauts, and his own partner. By the time he was finished, only two people had managed to remain sane and didn't need emergency assistance: Koops himself, and Mayor Kroop.
"...Was it really that bad?" Koops asked us sheepishly.
"I dunno what everyone else was doing. I liked it!" Kroop informed us.
An entire hospital of medical professionals from Rogueport had to be rushed in to assist the victims of Koops's dance routine. Everyone is fine, and, at the end of the day, the winner was unanimously decided. Because their team had at least one conscious member remaining at the end of the dance-off, Team Koopa was declared the winner. An accomplishment of pride their entire town should cherish for many years to come.
